Pako has quite the mouth doesn't he? he might lose another life with attitude like that! By the by, when you want to use double dashes or em dashes, you can paste them from another document that supports it like Google docs
It's a pretty good read. The environment and story telling is done quite well and gives a good scope of the power Indra has. Despite a few errors in grammar, I was held by the plot you obviously wanted to tell. I hope to see you expand your field of writing.