Emotions are voiceless

The weather had finally had enough with it's dry cold show and had released a heavy downpour . The sky was immersed in a dark shadow of grey clouds and the drops falling hit the windows like stones flung by a band of madmen .

Due to the putrid weather , lessons had been put on hold . But chores were still expected to be completed . This week Henric's duty assigned him to the kitchen to help the cook , Mrs Elma . 

The kitchen was large , with two tables in it's center and a stove stand in the back . A blazing fire cast the room in glow , shining on the faces of the boys who worked inside . Above the first table were a set of knives , spoons , ladels and pans all on a ruck . This was where food was chopped and then flung into the pot by the stove . The next table was clear and was where food was set after it was cooked . 

" Come on , you holy sods . We have souls to feed . " Elma yelled to the boys around her as she cut the head of a fish with a sharp slash . 

She was a hard woman , more tougher than all the nuns in Pearl orphanage . She had a lined face , with oily skin and a round nose . Her hair was tied in a tight grey bun and her arms were as hard as iron from cooking half her life and rumours had it that the first thing she had cooked was a piece of her finger . So most brothers who came to the kitchen , couldn't help but look at her left hand with it's missing index finger . Until Elma gave them a glare like poison and they never looked at her hand funny again . 

" Stir the pot , before the stew tips you fool ! " Elma yelled at the small boy who was by the stove . The boy shook nervously but stirred harder at the pot . 

" Why are those carrots still whole ? " She asked Henric and the boy next to him . 

" You said for us to wait till - " Henric started but she spat on the floor . 

" I said , I said . Right now , I say - chop them , now ! " She yelled at them and the boys grabbed the knives and quickly started chopping . Elma turned to find another victim to yell at . 

Henric chopped the carrots methodically not too fast lest he cut a finger but not too slow to incur Elma's wrath . 

But his mind wasn't on the task infront of him , it was on other matters . For earlier that day , Henric had received what could only be termed as a shock . If not an outright shattering of his world view .

Henric had finished cutting the logs for the day and was returning to the orphanage when he heard voices coming ahead in the road . He had quickly identified the voices as belonging to his friends , Stuart and Link.

" Link , not here . Henric is close by . " Stuart was saying . 

Henric walked up a bit , curious on what was going on ... only to find Link and Stuart in the most unimaginable position . 

Link was holding Stuart's waist and leaning his head towards him . Stuart was looking at him with a hesitant smile , and then he leaned forward and joined their lips together. 

" Lord of All saints ! " Henric's cry quickly snapped the two boys from each other . 

" Henric - I - wait , wait ! " Stuart cried as Henric turned around and ran away from there . 

After that , Henric had been keeping away from them . He had no thought , no idea of what to think of what he had seen . His two friends were ... He couldn't even complete the thought . He didn't even know what he felt about what he had seen . 

.....

Stuart wiped the stairs slowly , his heart not into the task at hand . He was too worried about Henric to even think about anything else . 

What was he going to do ? If Henric told a Sister or Reverend father , he and Link would be kicked out or worse . He knew how bad the orphanage was and them being thrown out would be a kindness . 

He felt ashamed and guilty , feelings he knew well . This was how he had felt when he first kissed Link and only his lovers return of affection had given him resolve to overcome it . But now ... Henric had turned around and ran from him like he was an abomination . 

It had stung and he'd left that place with a heavy heart . Link had tried to reassure him that Henric wouldn't say anything , a miracle that Link was trusting Henric . Why couldn't Stuart ? Why was he still so afraid ? He wanted to hope that Henric would atleast come and hear him out . 

But Henric didn't want to see him , he hadn't glanced his way in the halls and they barely saw each other that day . Would he lose his friend ? He wondered . Would he be punished ... even killed ? 

" Please ... help me explain . " He prayed to the highest power . 

" You , boy ! " A Sister pointed to him and he quickly stood up . 

" Yes , Sister ? " He answered with his eyes downcast . 

" Report to the kitchen , they are short handed . One of the boys cut his finger with a knife whilst cutting carrots . " She said and he nodded his head ," Well , be off with you . Another will complete this task ." 

Stuart readily left the stairway and went towards the kitchen . 

....

" And make sure not a drop is spilt of that soup or you'll jump into the pot yourselves ." Elma yelled at Stuart and Henric as they stood holding the platers of food . 

" Go , on . The Reverend is hungry . " Elma pointed them out and the boys readily left the kitchen to give the Reverend father his food . 

They walked two floors in silence , neither daring to speak first . Finally it was Henric who broke the silence and cut the tension . 

" Why did you do it ? " He asked Stuart and the other boy frowned slightly confused on his meaning . 

" Link was pulling you and I saw you hesitate . But then you gave in and ... kissed him . Why did you ? " Henric asked and Stuart bit his lip trying to think of a reasonable answer . 

" Stuart , I'm asking you because I don't understand what I saw . " Henric said with a frown on his face ," It is beyond me to understand , but I think you might wish to explain to me . " 

" I want to . I truly do but i am not sure of how you will take it . " Stuart said and Henric nodded his head . 

" I understand that - I do not even know how to take what I saw with my own eyes . " He said ," But I just want to understand . Why ? " 

" Why did I kiss him ? Or why are we ... doing such things ? " Stuart said treading carefully with his words . 

" Both , I want to know why . " Henric said in a voice close to desperation . He was struggling to comprehend the situation and the emotions swirling inside him . 

" I can explain later but you have to give me your word you will not speak of what you saw . " Stuart said softly . 

" But ... I don't understand still . " Henric said ," It's too much to take ." 

" It wasn't for Sister Cali ." Stuart said and Henric looked at him sharply . But before he could ask Stuart what he meant they had arrived at Reverend Agner's office. 

The door was dark oak with gold carvings of plants and water in it's frame . Beautifuly carved , it represented master and superiority . Henric and Stuart knocked twice before a loud voice called them to enter and they did . 

The Reverend father's office was not that large . A small fire place sat in the right corner next to the door . Three seats for visitors were on the opposite wall . A desk of dark oak sat by a large window staring into the dark expanse of rain and thunder outside . The Reverend father's frame could be seen with the help of the flickering candle on his desk , it was the only light source in the room. The hearth was empty and the bulb above was off . 

Stuart and Henric walked into the room and waited until the Reverend acknowledged their presence . It took nearly half a minute before the Reverend turned around and waved a hand for then to come closer . Their arms shaking from strain, the two boys did as they were bid and placed the platers of food onto his desk . 

Reverend father sat down and lifted his left finger . Stuart lifted the left platter lid and the aroma of sliced grilled salmon filled the room . Next the Reverend lifted his right finger and Henric lifted the right platter lid , revealing a lovely shade of various fruits in a salad.

" Begone . " The Reverend said and the boys left the room walking backwards as they had been taught . 

" Will you explain now ? " Henric asked ," And that final remark of Sister Cali , what does it mean ? " 

" I can't explain now Henric but I will later . I promise. " Stuart said to him ," Meet me at the gardens tonight and then I'll explain . " 

Henric frowned but Stuart gave him such a desperate look that he sighed and nodded his head . He would just accept their decisions aslong it would lead to an explanation . But how was he going to sneak past the night nuns who walked the halls ? 

....

" Come on ." The voice was soft , so soft that Henric almost didn't hear it . He turned to his door and then heard the voice again , this time he moved from his bed and placed his hand on it . 

" Is anyone there ? " He asked softly .

" Yes , you twat . Come on out ." The voice said and Henric instantly recognized Link . 

He turned around and put on his shirt and then opened the door a crack . Sure enough , there stood Link , barechest shown and glaring at him . 

" Come on . Stuart's all alone in the garden . I have to get back to him." Link said impatiently and Henric opened the door wide . 

" What about the - " Henric started but Link grabbed his hand and pulled him into the corridor . 

" She already finished her round . We've another hour at most before she comes this way . " Link said moving ahead ," Come on then . And be bloody quiet about it too ."

Henric was not surprised that Link didn't show a bit of the shyness or anxiety that had been on Stuart . It would have been odd if he had . Link was too stubborn and to self-imposed to regret things easily . 

They moved down the corridors quietly but Link moved a bit faster than Henric . He clearly wanted to get back to Stuart . Henric followed as best as he could , silencing the voice that told him to get back in his room and not break the rules . 

They were not allowed to wander halls at such late an hour . If a Sister did find them , they would be in alot of trouble . Yet even with that fact , Henric walked on until they reached the doors to the garden . 

The moon sat alone tonight in the sky like a lone stranger . The stars were bright and distant , treasures of creation not meant for mortal hands . There was enough light for Henric had Link to see Stuart sitting , or rather , huddled infront of the fountain .

Link instantly rushed to his lover and when Stuart heard a sound he almost panicked but when he felt strong hands around him , strong familiar hands , he calmed instantly . Link helped him up and they both faced Henric , who watched them with a certain look . 

" Thank you Henric . For coming , when you know you could have chosen not to ." Stuart said and Henric gave a nod . Stuart knew he wasn't in a mood for small talk , so instead he reached into his pocket and gave Henric a very special object . 

" Is this ... a ... dry flower ? " Henric asked . 

" It's a hybiscus . Sister Cali gave it to me a long time ago ." Stuart said ," The flower had two stalks , two flower heads . " 

" The other one is in my room ." Link put in . 

" What does this have to do with an explanation ? " Henric asked and Stuart swallowed before answering.

" Henric , I am going to tell you something and you have to swear you will hear me until the end . " Stuart said and Henric nodded his head but a frown settled on his face . 

" Alright . You know that I came to the orphanage when I was eight years ? " Stuart said ," Well , before coming here ... there were things that happened to me . When I was six , I was living in a shack , with an old lady . One night ,an old man came to pay the lady a visit . He may have overstayed his welcome because next thing , I heard yelling and them cursing like hell had come. I wanted to see more and came out into the yard . That was when the old lady shut the door and the man turned around . He saw me and I felt afraid . I didn't know why , I just did . The man came down and asked who I was and what I was doing there. I told him the truth . 

I had nowhere to go . He laughed and asked to see where I was sleeping . Foolish child that I was , I showed him . The moment he entered the shack he changed. One moment he's smiling kindly and the next he has this wild look in his eyes . 

He grabbed me , roughed me up and then he ... he ... ," Stuart was slightly shaking by now. Link was holding his shoulders and rubbing them gently. Henric watched all of this , waiting for Stuart to continue . 

" He did things you ain't supposed to do to a child . Then he left and I never saw him come back but I was afraid by then. So I packed some wild fruits and decided to leave ," Stuart said ," I had no idea how quickly I'd get lost . Eventually , by luck I stumbled onto a road . I followed it , hoping it would take me to a place far way from my fears . 

But instead I ended up in Charleston , where I met an old woman dressed in a funny dress of black . I'd thought she was going to a funeral . But no , she was a nun , a Sister and when I asked her name , she said Cali . It was Sister Cali . Younger , healthier and I'd say happier." 

Stuart paused and looked at Henric who was still listening . He scratched his shoulder before continuing . 

" She took a look at me and offered an orange. I took it , I was practically starved . Then she asked me about my family ." Stuart said ," I told her I was an orphan . She told me about this orphanage that keeps and cares for boys and asked if I wanted to come . How could I refuse ? What other choice did I have ? I said I'd be happy to . She told me to go to the sheriff , he'd been rounding up boys you see . Juveniles and street kids . She said she'd come get us in the morning and then she left , climbed into a carriage that took her to an inn I think . I followed her directions and went to the sheriff's office . "

Stuart gave a sad smile ," It was hell come true, if you forgive my blasphemy . Boys were inside a prison , right behind bars . And when I came up , they threw me with them . Didn't even ask me anything about Sister Cali . I felt glum and low , and none of the boys seemed friendly . I was also a bit scared of them , they brought back memories of the old man . I huddled by a corner , trying to be by myself but - " 

" I came up and sat next to him ." Link put in , " He was a dirty mess . Hair ruffled like a stack of hay , grime and dust on his clothes and so bony like he'd blow away with one breath . But I had seen worse , street kid that I was . I thought he was too but when I sat next to him he looked up at me with the most scared blue eyes I'd ever seen . I didn't say anything though , just sat and looked back at him . " 

" Is that when you ... began to ...umm ... ," Henric struggled to form the words but Stuart shook his head and then he paused . 

" Well , I'm not sure when I began feeling things for Link . But I know when it happened . " Stuart said ," We were with Sister Cali . She'd asked us to join her to collect some erbs in town . She'd given us a list with things to buy and she had her own list too . It was a game , we'd be racing to see who could fill their lists first . " 

Henric smiled knowingly , he had also been part of many little games that Sister Cali had devised . These had usually been to complete chores or fulfill assignments at school .

" We found almost everything with in a few minutes . Barely half an hour ." Stuart said softly ," There was only one item left . A hybiscus and after asking around we found that there was only one in the town . At the local tavern . We naturally couldn't go in but as luck would have it we didn't need to . The hybiscus was actually in a room above the tavern and inside a paper cup filled with sand . I wanted to ask someone to get the owner of the room but Link wouldn't wait.

He grabbed a rock and threw it , although to say rock would be generous , it was more two thirds of a brick . It smashed the cup , along with the window . The cup and glass plummeted to the ground and I'd never been more horrified .We ran away before anyone could catch us . We ran so long our bodies were almost going to faint . Then we stopped and I reprimanded Link until he drew out the hybiscus from his pocket . "

" I'd snatched it in , before anyone started trying to catch us . " Link said ," We were hiding between two buildings . A cramped space and when Stuart saw I had the plant he jumped up and - "

" We don't have to say that part . " Stuart said but Link have him a look .

" You started this . " Link said and turned to Stuart ," I am okay saying this . I don't feel bad , i told you . Either you'll say it or I will , love ." 

Henric's brows raised a fraction as he heard Link call Stuart ' love ' . Is this how they were when they were together ? He wondered . 

" I got over excited . I jumped up and ... kissed Link ." Stuart said blushing heavily , " I was so startled by what I did . I'd never done anything like that before . Link looked at me with wide eyes and I turned around and ran like a chicken . I ran to the bus , Sister Cali was already waiting for us . I told her we'd lost m our way and Link was coming soon . Link came , carrying the flower and acting like I hadn't committed a grave sin . Sister Cali took the flower and looked at us. I wouldn't meet her eyes though and later she said she saw a twinkle in Link's eyes ." 

" I still disagree with last bit . " Link said with a frown . 

" Well , she knew . She knew something happened . I don't know how she did but she did know. " Stuart said shaking his head ," She smiled and broke the plant in two , handing us a piece each . She said she had already found everything . We'd lost the game but found something else . She knew , everyday afterwards , she'd give us a look. " 

" What kind of look? " Henric asked them . 

" Not one of malice or disgust . She would give a smile , sometimes happy and sometimes I think sad . She'd never say anything but just give a knowing look ." Stuart said softly remembering the nun who had kept such a precious secret . 

" What of you two ? After the kiss , how did you become what you are now ? " Henric said and Stuart fidgeted with his fingers . 

" Well , I avoided Link as best as I could but he kept trying to talk to me . I thought he wanted to insult , curse or humiliate me . I was so afraid I could hardly sleep . " Stuart said ," That's when one night , Link snuck in to my room . I was so deep in thought I didn't notice until he was beside me . I almost screamed , thinking it was a poltergeist . " 

" I covered his mouth just in time ." Link said with a mischievous smile ," I'd found him barely clothed and he'd raised his hands to cover - " 

" He doesn't want to hear that . " Stuart gave Link a look ," Well , what happened after was that Link spoke to me . He told me he hadn't been angry , disgusted or planning to oust me infront of the superiors . He'd wanted to say - " 

" I've been waiting since the day we met for you to do that ." Link said looking at Stuart lovingly ," You have always been so shy ,I was afraid to frighten you . I didn't know how to say I loved you without making you flee in panic or such . I'm glad you made the first act , it saves alot of work for me . Now the only thing left to decide is ... how long can you stand me . " 

" I couldn't believe it . " Stuart said with the brightest smile Henric had ever seen ," After the pain of my early years , I couldn't believe I'd met someone who would want to love me . After that , Link and I became more than friends , more than lovers ... Henric I don't know if you'll believe me but I want you to understand . Link has filled a hole in me , I didn't know I had . I have never known such happiness . Maybe that's why Sister Cali smiled happily at us and, yes I understand the remorse of our love , which maybe why she smiled sadly too. But I love Link , he loves me. If you can't understand , then we'll understand . We'll keep away from you and never make you uncomfortable . I'd hope we could still be friends though. " 

A silence fell then and Henric realized he was meant to break it . But what could he say ? What words could be said after such a tale ? Should he rush to the Father's office ? Report this to a Sister ? Yell right then and have the whole orphanage know ? 

He looked at his friends and saw them in a new light . Stuart was fidgeting with his fingers and Link had his arm around him. Link also had a warm smile on his face , with a touch of concern . Henric was astounded . Link was arrogant , temperamental and not easily happy. To see that looking his face was a miracle . He was probably a good partner . 

Good ? Henric remembered then his promise to Sister Cali . " I'll be good , I promise ." 

What was good ? Getting his friends in trouble because they held feelings for each other ? No , Henric thought , love is good . They love each other and I love them , he concluded , I must be daft . 

" Well , I see no problem anymore , I have an explanation . Shall we go back to bed ? " Henric said with a small smile and Stuart looked at him confused . 

" What is with that look ? Did you think I would not be so quick to respond ? " He chided ," Atleast now I know where you got the answers to assist me that day with my assignment . Now , come on , to bed with us . Tommorow we must work in the kitchen again , remember ." 

Stuart gave a nod of his head understanding him completely . Henric had no need to say anything , his smile was all the answer Stuart needed . They then went to bed , each one content with the emotions felt but not spoken .