chapter 124: depression
zayn menghidupkan laptopnya dan langsung membuka artikel yang sedang trending dan hangat diperkatakan.
"belle? apa yang dia cakap sampai jadi trending?" ucap zayn mengerutkan dahinya lalu membuka video dimana crystiana sedang diinterview untuk episode terakhir 'the queen diary'
[ "okay next question is, 'a lot of artist are having many health problem. are you experiencing it too?' "
"yes. im dealing with mental health for a long time. this is my first time actually saying it on public. im dealing with insomnia, anxiey and depression. but jangan risau, ive taken good care of it" ]
"sekejap. depression? biar betul. jadi video yang abang zack dengar tu ... tapi takkanlah dia nak bunuh diri. aku tengok belle okay je sihat. aku tak pernah tengok muka dia tak senyum." gumam zayn seorang diri lalu membaca komen yang berada di ruangan komen.
: aku dah agak lama dah lepas dia keluarkan lagu you dont own me . sejak dari tu lagu dia semua macam depress.
" lagu you down own me?" ucap zayn perlahan
: kesiannya belle~~ fighthing my beautiful angel .
: hahaha. bagus . lepas ni bunuh diri terus . hidup pun tak berguna
: mati! mati! mati!
: ramai dah syak dari dulu tapi belle hanya diam je.
: jadi bila berita dia bunuh diri nak keluar?
: so ? its a grown up woman who dont know how to sing . boring . next please .
: next time . please be dead.
: kenapa baru sekarang ni nak keluar berita? semua dah tahu lama. berita lain please.
"kenapa ada banyak sangat komen hater ni? memang patut semua ni kena saman. memang depression ni benda main main ke? tch." ujar zack lalu mencari dan membuka lagu crystiana yang sedang trending
song: you dont own me
am i out of my head or out of my mind
if you only knew the bad things i wanna do in my head
no matter what you said or what you do
the voice is mine , never be apart (together n always)
don't think i can explain it
what can i say its complicated
you dont own me so
don't tell me what to do
Don't tell me what to say
And please, when I go out with you
Don't put you on display 'cause
You don't own me
Don't try to change me in any way
You don't own me
Don't tie me down 'cause I'd never stay
I don't tell you what to say
I don't tell you what to do
So just let me be myself
That's all I ask of you
I'm young and I love to be young
I'm free and I love to be free
To live my life the way I want
To say and do whatever I please
are you out of your head or out of your mind
i'm a pretty little vixen
if you don't run , you might be like me
i'm wreak havoc mess miserable person
scars on my body like exhibit so i can appreciate like a painting
call it classic fashion.
You don't own me
I'm not just one of your many toys
You don't own me
Don't say I can't go with other people
And don't tell me what to do
Don't tell me what to say
And please, when I go out with you
Don't put you on display
I don't tell you what to say
I don't tell you what to do
So just let me be myself
That's all I ask of you
I'm young and I love to be young
I'm free and I love to be free
To live my life the way I want
To say and do whatever I please
im just a dead women
walking along the street without soul
Have a drink on me cheers to the failing.
"apa dia nak cakap yang dia kena kawal dari suara dalam kepala dia ke?" soalnya lalu dia membuka lagu yang seterusnya untuk mendapatkan kepastian sambil membaca komen di telefonnya
song: head above water
I gotta keep the calm before the storm
I don't want less, I don't want more
Must bar the windows and the doors
To keep me safe, to keep me warm
Yeah, my life is what I'm fighting for
Can't part the sea, can't reach the shore
And my voice becomes the driving force
I won't let this pull me overboard
God, keep my head above water
Don't let me drown, it gets harder
I'll meet you there at the altar
As I fall down to my knees
Don't let me drown, drown, drown
Don't let me, don't let me, don't let me drown
So pull me up from down below
'Cause I'm underneath the undertow
Come dry me off and hold me close
I need you now, I need you most
God, keep my head above water
Don't let me drown, it gets harder
I'll meet you there at the altar
As I fall down to my knees
Don't let me drown, drown, drown
Don't let me, don't let me, don't let me drown
Don't let me drown, drown, drown
Don't let me, don't let me, don't let me drown
And I can't see in the stormy weather
I can't seem to keep it all together
And I, I can't swim the ocean like this forever
And I can't breathe
God, keep my head above water
I lose my breath at the bottom
Come rescue me, I'll be waiting
I'm too young to fall asleep
God, keep my head above water
Don't let me drown, it gets harder
I'll meet you there at the altar
As I fall down to my knees
"right lagu dia semua macam minta pertolongan. s-sEKEJAPP!" ucap zayn sebelum suara menjadi tinggi
[ " ' why do you want to be an artist?' " ]
" firstly, its because of my family. my parents are very close with many directors and one day i shoot iklan is the day when one of the direktor finally pujuk my dad untuk benarkan saya shoot. so, until saya membesar, saya jadi trainee and come here to be an a singer."
"kenapa datang sini jauh jauh untuk jadi seorang penyanyi?" soal interview itu sekali lagi
"erm let just say ,its because the industry are not very much to my liking."
"iklan . yes iklan dia yang pertama" ucap zayn sambil menyelak laju helaian kertas siasatannya selama ini
[ 'why dont you show your family before?' ]
"okay. firstly, hubungan kami agak tak berapa baik atas beberapa faktor dan sejak beberapa kebelakangan ni hubungan kami sedkit demi sedikit bertambah baik. its a baby step. so saya memang tak akan tunjuk family saya. selain itu, ianya adalah privacy mereka. saya tak akan ganggu privacy mereka."
"boleh awak bercerita tentang situasi dimana awak melarikan diri? dan sebabnya?"
" saya lari dari rumah disebabkan beberapa pergaduhan yang besar dan semua ahli keluarga besar kami turut masuk campur. at that time, semua masalah timbul dan sangat sangat terseksa untuk duduk di dalam satu rumah even for a minute. i cried a lot at that time. what are you gonna expect from a teenager to do at that kind situation? nobody gonna hear from 17 years old 'kid'. saya buat keputusan untuk larikan diri dan berjumpa dengan manager saya ketika berada di satu station dan dialah yang membantu saya sehingga kini. 8 years later, they find me and want us to improve our relationship as a family. im only good with my family "
zayn mengangkat kepalanya setelah mendengar keterangannya bersama senyuman yang sinis.
" aku dah jumpa kau. akhirnya." ucap zayn bersama helaian kertasnya terbuka di maklumat dimana dia menjumpai data tiket crystiana di stesen bas dan kapal terbang sementara crystiana menghabiskan masanya di rumah dan pejabat tanpa mengetahui perkara yang sedang hangat diperkatakan tentangnya di internet. crystiana mengosok perlahan matanya yang seperti sedang bengkak akibat hanya tidur untuk 2 jam pada setiap hari kemudian mulutnya mula menguap tanpa henti. pintu pejabatnya diketuk dari luar sebelum dibuka oleh sekretarinya
"pihak representive dari syarikat stones telah sampai dan berada di dalam bilik mesyuarat"
"baiklah" ucap crystiana lalu melihat pintu biliknya ditutup. kemudian dia menutup fail yang sedang dipegangnya dan mengeluarkan fail lain yang diletakkan di laci mejanya sebelum bangun dari kerusinya dan memerhati setiap penjuru ruangan tersebut.
"sudah sampai masanya untuk kau jatuh ditangan orang lain. akhirnya impian aku tercapai setelah sekian lama menderita. selamat tinggal" ujar crystiana sambil memandang logo syarikat tersebut sebelum keluar dari ruangannya itu.