Chapter 4

Jacob's P.O.V.

I was so not ready for school.

Ugh, Jacob. Stop it already. Stop whining. 

But how could I stop whining? 

"Jacob? What's wrong? You've been spacing out a lot, today. Anything the matter?" My mom asked, worry chatting her voice.

"I'm… fine, mom." I said, sighing.

"Okay, what's up?" She added, taking the chair in front of me on the dining table.

"Mom, I told you its nothing. I'm fine." I said again.

"That means you're not okay. Jacob, I'm your mother. You don't need to hide anything from me. Just tell me, what's bothering you?" She said.

I sighed.

How was I supposed to tell mom about this?

I looked at her. Her eyes held love and sincerity for her only child. 

I could trust her. She would never throw me out of the house. She was my mother after all.

I took a deep breath.

I had know this for quite a long time. When I told it to my friends, they just abandoned me. They said they no longer wanted to be with me. Since then I had kept my mouth shut.But my mom deserved to know.

"Okay." I said. "I'll tell you. But, before that, tell me one thing. Do you love me?"

My mom seemed visibly taken sback by the question. Of course, she hadn't expected this of all things.

"Of- of course I do!" She said. She took in a breath before adding, "You're my only child, Jacob. Of course I love you! I love you more than anything or anyone in this whole world. Im willing to do anything for you, even of it means taking a bullet in my head if it means that you'll survive. I am ready to listen to insults and whatever, if it means you'll stay happy. So tell me, what is it that you have to say?"

I was touched. I knew my mom means every single word she'd said. I could tell just by looking at her. She would do all of what she said just now.

I sighed. "I know mom. But are you willing to keep a homosexual guy in your house?" 

I didn't look at her as I said those words. I was afraid of what might happen next.

I was afraid of seeing disgust and rage in her eyes. Afraid of having to see the image of my mom throwing me out of the house.

I wait. I waited for her to blow up. For something. Anything.

But nothing happened.

I finally got the courage to look up at my mom.

She was crying.

There were tears rolling down her cheeks as if the dam had been opened.

She just got up and hugged me tightly.

That's when the tears came out.

"I don't care." She said. "You're my son and it just doesn't matter whether you like girls or boys. It just doesn't make a difference. You are my wonderful child and that's all that matters. I live you for who and how you are. You are an amazing person and you sexuality doesn't change that!"

That made me cry even harder. A huge weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. I had been dreading this day for seceral years now but in the end all had went well.

I was so happy and relieved. 

I smiled in the hug.

I felt happy. Nothing else mattered now.

My mom was fine with the way I was.

I was satisfied.

She finally let me go. "You need to go to school now. You'll be late on your first day!" She said, smiling at me.

Immediately, all the happiness and contentment I felt not two seconds ago completely disappeared.

The fear was back.

My mom seemed to notice it and frowned.

"Whats the matter? You look so… I don't know but you don't look good. You look pale. What happened?" She asked, once again, the worry returning to her voice.

"I- I don't want to go…" I mumbled.

"Why?" She asked.

"Can't I do homeschooling, mom?" I finally said.

"But why? School is good for you! You get to male amazing friends, you get to learn to socialize and be around people of your capability. It's good competitions nd good social improvement! Plus, we've already paid the school fees and we won't get a refund now." She said.

"I know. I just… I really don't want to go to school" I said.

"But why? Why exactly don't you want to go to school?"

"Because I… I…"

"Yes?"

"I got bullied, okay?" I almost shouted at her.

"What?"

"I got bullied. 'Cuz I'm gay." 

There. I said. Loud and clear. Every single word. No sugarcoating, nothing.

Just the plain and bitter truth.

She just sat there.

"How long?" She finally said.

"'Bout two years now." I said, not quite looking at her.

"When I found out about myself, I didn't hesitate to tell my friends. After all, we'd been together since middle school. I thought I could trust them. But apparently not. They abandoned me and they spread the news. Since then, not a single guy approached me and everyone decided that I was good meat for a good dose of bullying. That's all." I said, my voice bitter.

"And I'm afraid that'll happen again..."

"I see." Was all she said.

Silence.

She pulled me into another hug.

"My poor baby!" She said, more tears sliding down.

"All of this, and you never told me? Not even once!" 

"I don't blame you though. I understand why you didn't tell me. I'm not mad at you. I just want you to know that, you're amazing."

"It's a new school with new people. People you've never met before. You won't be bullied here. I would just say, don't go around telling everyone. Just let it be you secret. You'll get friends. It'll be fine." She said.

"I- I know." I said.

"I'll try to fit in and avoid bullying. I'll try my best. I promise."

Though, was it going to really happen that way?

I don't know.