Protect Ya Neck (Part Four)

It was definitely a mistake, at least as far as my sanity was concerned.

Getting Deadpool to the brig was the easy part. Julian's telekinesis was better than any zip ties or handcuffs we could have had on-hand. We just took all his weapons, chucked him in an empty cell, and sealed it up. The problem wasn't that we were worried about him breaking out on his own. Those things were meant to withstand all sorts of overpowered weirdos, they could handle Deadpool.

No, the problem was that someone still had to watch him while someone else went to find someone to report to. Saberwolf still had to patrol, so he was out altogether. Given that Deadpool was there to kill me, that meant that the job fell to me. My life was my own responsibility, after all.

Thirty minutes. That was all it took for me to contemplate shooting myself in the head. He just wouldn't shut up.

He was in the middle of some inane rant about restaurants and their Ponzi scheme with guacamole when I found myself unable to take it anymore, "-If I kill myself, do you still get the bounty for me? Or do I get the money posthumously? I'm pretty sure my folks could use it."

My rather dark question was enough to temporarily distract Deadpool from his ramblings, "Eh, in this case, I'm pretty sure as long as I drag your corpse in, I still get credit," He replied.

"So, you do know who put the bounty on me?" I accused.

"Nope. But I do know where I'm supposed to go to get my money," Deadpool said, "Payment on delivery. Speaking of delivery, you've still got my phone. DoorDash me some chimichangas, would you?"

Even unarmed and locked in a holding cell meant for powerhouse mutants, he was still treating everything like a walk in the park. It was so annoying, my head was starting to hurt, "DoorDash deez nu-."

"-Stop talking to him, Glowstick," Logan's voice interrupted me from finishing my cliché comeback, "You'll never get the last word and your brain'll thank me later," He seemed stressed, running a hand through his hair, as if he could already feel the pain in the ass that this was going to be, "Jesus, fuck. I thought Hellion was screwing with me when he called."

My head whipped toward Julian, who had just reentered the room, "You called Logan?" I asked incredulously

Julian scoffed, "You didn't call Logan?"

"No," I replied, "Because I try to be considerate of my girlfriend's leisure time," Speaking of whom, she gracefully strode in right behind, bringing up the rear. I was quick to jump up and greet her, "Hi Laura."

"Hello, Bellamy," She replied. A small smile played on her lips as I approached. Lips that I made it a point to smooch on, seeing as how I hadn't seen her in the flesh in almost a month, "I missed you," I pressed a hand to her cheek and she simply closed her eyes and leaned into the touch, covering my hand with hers.

She inhaled a deep breath, which I could only take as her finding my scent comforting. This girl, man... the loveliest little murder machine I ever did see.

"I am so sorry," I apologized to her, "You still had vacation left, and now you're here dealing with my bullshit and the most annoying dude on the planet."

As if summoned, Deadpool shouted across the room from his cell, "You shouldn't talk about yourself that way, even if it's true! Have some self-esteem!"

I grimaced at the sound of the man's voice. How did he even hear us? "See?"

"Pipe down, kid. We were just about back anyway," Logan said as we walked back over to where I'd been keeping watch, "We were actually hanging around in New York when news broke about your little team-up with Spider-Man."

"I wanted to come back then," Laura pointedly said, cutting her eyes at Logan.

Logan took this in stride, letting his teenage clone's ire wash off of him casually, "Yeah, darlin', but it ain't like he needed a rescue. Clearly, he won. It ain't like Glowstick is some pushover."

That was the closest thing to a compliment he had ever given me. The man didn't dole out positive reinforcement easily, especially when it came to fighting. I took it and placed it squarely in my brain's 'key memory' box for Logan.

"That is not the point," Laura insisted. I could have sworn she was pouting, "You would not even let me call."

I wrapped my arm around her and pulled her in close. She pressed herself against my chest and nestled her head right underneath my jaw, "You don't need to worry about me, Buzzsaw."

"You have a bounty on you," She argued, despite letting me cuddle her, "That is a very good reason to worry about you."

"To be fair, you being there wouldn't have made that not happen."

"I could have helped."

"Absolutely," I readily agreed, "But if the Blob had thrown a truck at you the way he did at me, I definitely would have cut his legs off. Spider-Man be damned."

By this point, Deadpool had noticed the way I was holding Laura and ran to the end of his cell, "Wait-wait-wait. No way. Ow," In his excitement, he pressed himself against the see-through wall of the cell and hurt himself on the containment field running through it. This did little to deter him, "This just keeps getting better every minute. The guy I'm supposed to kill is sticking it to Wolverine's girl-clone?"

"Why does everybody keep saying it like that?" I groused. First Hisako, now Deadpool. There had to be a classier way to refer to my relationship with Laura than to simply say I was 'sticking it' to her.

"I do not know," Laura agreed, her brow furrowed in annoyance, but her ire was for a different reason than mine, "It is as if to imply that Logan has another clone, male in gender. He does not."

I gave her a side eye before letting it go, maneuvering behind her to wrap my arms around her waist, "Not really what I was talking about, bae. But it's good we can both take different things away from the same comment," I said, giving her a peck on top of the head before setting my chin there.

Deadpool started bouncing on his toes excitedly, "This is like Christmas, Halloween, and Leif Erikson Day all rolled up into one! Ooh, does she smoke and drink nonstop too? Hey, since I'm technically Weapon X too, does that make her like my niece or my little sister?"

An uncharacteristic look of horror formed on Laura's face at the idea of being related to Deadpool in any way, shape, or form. Not only was she way more expressive than people thought, she was also really imaginative. Fortunately for her, I was there to rain on his parade, "Seeing as how you didn't contribute any genes – no."

"Damn," Deadpool cursed, "I had a great 'protective big brother' speech planned and everything. Check it out," To everyone's collective chagrin, he cleared his throat and launched into said speech, "Listen up, kid. Condoms are meant for prostitute business expenses and for smuggling drugs in your stomach. If you don't go skin-to-skin, it's like saying you don't really love her. Also, pulling out is for wusses. Finishing inside is like leaving the future up to fate. And what's more romantic than fate-?"

"-Wade!" Mister Logan eventually roared, claws popping in anger, "You can make this easy or hard. Knowin' you, it's definitely gonna be the hard way. But I figure I'll make the easy offer anyway."

By now, Deadpool was lying on his stomach, feet kicking in the air behind him as he listened raptly, "Uh-huh?"

Logan seemed to be kicking himself for even thinking about what he was set to propose, but he did so anyway, "If you help us get to the bottom of who put the bounty on the kid, I'll... I'll... consider it a tryout for the X-Men."

If before, Logan had Deadpool's attention, after that, he had his interest, "Really!?" The mercenary exclaimed.

"Not my team," I was quick to throw in for the sake of self-preservation. I could feel the gratitude from Laura and Julian alike, "We're all full."

"Pfft. Like I'd bother breaking a sweat just to wind up on the JV team," Deadpool sent our way as a shot before actually taking a moment to contemplate the offer, "...Still, I don't know. One of you also have to read the draft for my novel and give me some notes."

"You have a novel?" I asked.

"I'm more surprised he can even read and write," Julian insulted.

Deadpool didn't seem to take much offense to the remark, "Hey, I actually have really nice handwriting. But text-to-speech is a thing in this day and age too, you know."

"Glowstick'll read it," Logan was quick to volunteer my services, "He's a movie and book guy."

"I will?" I was prepared to argue until Laura gave me a nudge and a look. It was fair. This was about me, after all, "...Yeah, okay... I will."

"Deal," Deadpool immediately agreed, trying to shake hands, only to be stopped by the containment field, "Ow."

Despite being the one to offer the terms, Logan seemed surprised; as though he hadn't expected it to be that easy, "What? Really?"

Deadpool shrugged, "Yeah. Honestly, I'm just glad I finally get a spot in this story. My last movie came out years ago. Putting me in now isn't exactly striking while the iron's hot."

"Seriously, what the fuck is he talking about?" Julian asked Logan, the only person who might have had a semblance of an idea. Even he had nothing for us.

"Don't," Logan wearily advised, "Just... don't."