Greater Than What We Suffer (Part One)

There's no such thing as going back to normal after big things happen. Things like your superhero school's training room coming alive and killing two students. There was no running that back and acting like it never happened. We all saw the bodies.

Callie Betto and Dallas Gibson. They were gone and they weren't coming back. Not because they dropped out, but because they were dead. That was a hard fact to swallow.

Kids... weren't supposed to die. That was the modern day mindset, at least. There was a time when 16 was a perfectly acceptable age to get caught out on some godforsaken battlefield in the ass end of nowhere with an arrow in your eye or a spear through your chest. But it was the 21st century now, for what that was worth. People my age were supposed to be kept safe, and guided in ways that would make sure they would stay safe in the future. I'm sure there's a more articulate way to put that, but I can't be bothered to think of one. You know what I mean.

There was a black cloud hanging over most of the student body that had been placed into squads. All of them had seen what had happened in the Danger Room. In my case, or in the case of the other top five ranked teams, we had all been there in-person. For others, they had been watching the whole thing from another location in the Institute, and even they hadn't been safe.

Saberwolf told me later that the Danger Room had taken control of dozens of training drones and the mansion's security system. He and the other students had to fight them off before he was called to help us. None of them had been killed, or even really hurt. That was good.

I didn't tell my parents. There was no way they would have let me stay if they heard that kids had been killed here, and I had been right there when it had happened. It would have marked the second time that I had almost died since coming there. I didn't want to go home.

This wasn't supposed to easy, or safe. I guess it helped that I really didn't know Callie or Dallas. It also helped that their bodies were sent to their parents, instead of them having to be buried on campus. Apparently, they did that.

They did still hold a service though. I don't think I had ever felt so awkward.

All of those tears. So many awful feelings. I didn't want to be there, but it was only right. I felt like I had to be.

And that was how I wound up standing around in a suit, surrounded by mourning students. To make things even more uncomfortable, Megan had decided I was the perfect person to latch onto and cry.

It was weird. I didn't know what to do. Even when it came to putting my arms around her to hug her back as a pathetic show of sympathy, I felt awkward. It was like if I did it wrong it could be seen as me trying to hook up with her.

I wasn't that bad, that I would try to hit on a girl at what was essentially a wake. That was a scumbag move.

"I-I'm sorry, Bel," Megan apologized between sessions of bawling, "It's just... we'll never see them again! I...I was supposed to go to Salem Center with Callie on Friday, and now she's gone!"

It was all she could get out before breaking into another fit.

What do you do in a situation like that? I didn't have anything soft and cuddly to say that would make her feel better. All I could do was stand there and let her cry it out.

And why me, anyway? She had teammates. Hope had been crying too. So had Nicky and her other teammate Jessica. Hell, Nicky had fur! He'd have to have been a lot more comfortable to hug. Ben would have been warmer. He was like Human Torch Jr.

They were no help, and neither was my team, actually. The bunch of facilitators. They should have known better than to leave something so sensitive to me. I was not the one.

And yet, she came to me, the most ill-equipped man within arm's reach for the job, looking up at me with those big pink eyes. What was I to do, turn her away? "Can you tell me that things are going to go back to the way they were? Please?"

"I..." The only thing I really knew how to do was be direct at times like this. Even so, I could have some heart about it, "I wish I could say everything's going to be okay, but I don't know. I've never dealt with something like this before."

No, that wasn't good enough, because at that point I realized it wasn't just Megan paying attention to me. It wasn't just my team and hers either. Some of the students standing nearby were listening in too.

Because I was the guy who called it. I was the one who knew the Danger Room was on the fritz, and the last guy out after everything went to crap. Word spread fast after the Field Day finale.

Kids were scared. Trust in the staff wasn't really at an all-time high. No one knew what to do, or how we were supposed to move ahead from where we were.

So I said something, and I made sure everyone could hear me. Not because I wanted to be some kind of leader. But because someone had to. Someone had to try and take the reins. Even if I fell flat on my face, I still had to give it my best shot.

"But that's what we do all of this for, isn't it? To figure it all out," I was speaking directly to Megan, but the message was meant for more than just her, "Yeah, we weren't ready this time. But next time, I'll do my best to make damn sure something like this never happens again."

I meant every word. I was fairly detached. Callie and Dallas weren't friends of mine. But it could have just as easily been Eddie, Hisako, or Ruth.

I was competitive and hated losing. Losing anything. That included losing anyone I might have been fond of. A loss was a loss, some more important than others.

The thought made my blood boil, "That's all any of us can do," I might have been a little more intense than I originally wanted to be, because people took a step back when I eyed them, even when my gaze stopped on the Paladins, "I don't want to see this happen again. Not a chance it happens to any of you on my watch."

Over my dead body. I would be better. I had to be.

I eventually snapped out of my mood and looked around to see a lot of people had stopped to look our way; students and faculty.

David seemed to be nodding in agreement. I didn't expect a guy like him to have such a hard look in his eyes. Even Julian over with the Hellions seemed to paying me a bit of mind.

When I felt Megan's grip on me lessen, I stopped looking around at the others, and turned my attention back to her. Her eyes were still full of tears, but she wasn't necessarily weeping anymore. Good. At least the crap flying out of my mouth seemed to help a little bit. I didn't make her cry harder, if nothing else.

She moved her mouth to try and talk. I heard her start to make some noise, but she still wasn't good enough to speak without starting to cry all over again. Poor thing. Instead of saying anything, she just reached up and gave me a tight hug around my neck. This time, I did return it – all the way. She was just showing some gratitude for me trying to help. I didn't feel anything awkward about it.

Where the teachers and older X-Men were commiserating, I could see Miss Pryde look my way. If there was ever a look that radiated the feeling of justification, it would have been the one on her face at that moment… all for getting me to lead the Paladins.

I gave her a look back in return as if to say, 'Yeah, yeah, whatever. No need to be so smug, woman.'