Chapter 3

Towns had gotten sparser as she’d gotten closer and closer to the coast, but she managed to pull off at one called Weissville. According to the signs, it had gas and a motel. Which was probably going to be a bit of a fleabag, but she was so tired at this point that she really didn’t care. As long as it had hot water and a bed that wasn’t entirely made of cardboard, she was going to be ok. Because she was going to be ok, even if she couldn’t stop crying and even if she was in so much pain, she thought her chest was going to tear in two she was going to be ok. She’d learned to walk again after her car accident, she could learn to walk again after this.

She’d been his sunshine, that’s what he’d told her but as it turned out the only sunshine going on was what he’d been blowing up her ass the entire time they’d been together. He’d blocked every attempt at her improving herself. He’d separated her from her friends and stopped her going to therapy, she didn’t need any of that, they only needed each other. Which was the largest lie she couldn’t believe that she’d swallowed. Had there ever been feelings there or had she just been a mark to fleece what they could out of her? Maybe she would never know and that was going to hurt for a while. The uncertainty and wonder how she’d let herself disappear behind his wants and needs. God. She’d turned into her mother, always knuckling under for the next guy so she wouldn’t be alone.

She was alone now, truly, and profoundly alone and she’d be damned if she ever let this happen to her again. She wasn’t her mother, had undergone years of therapy so that she wouldn’t become her mother. Siana yanked the wheel as she pulled off at the hotel. Surprisingly, it wasn’t a fleabag, it was a very dignified bed and breakfast set back in some very old trees with moss hanging from them. She almost turned and got back on the road, there was no way she could go into a place this nice looking like she did. Instead of letting her insecurities drag her back into driving aimlessly, she pulled away and drove to what had to be the main street of the town where there was a department store and got herself another outfit. Right down to underwear and socks. She wasn’t planning on leaving the B&B wearing the clothes she’d had her heart stomped on in.

Maybe this would make her feel stronger, less like she’d crumble in a hard breeze. She just had to keep the feelings at bay long enough to present a semi-respectable picture to the front desk and then she could shower. She’d just focus on that and only on that. She could do that, could keep the screaming emotions at bay and focus on the fact that she felt absolutely disgusting. So, she drove back with her plastic bag of new clothes and parked in the lot.

Walking inside just made her feel even more gross. The lobby was elegant, all dark wood and white roses in crystal vases and deep purple table runners. Siana walked to the desk, trying not to touch anything and got a deeply skeptical look from the man behind the expanse of dark wood.

“One room please, if you have anything available.” She set the bag at her feet and pulled her wallet out of her purse.

The man looked her up and down, but Siana just smiled at tired, wobbly smile. “We have a room on the west side, overlooking the gardens. Will that suit you, ma’am?”

“Whatever you have is fine, thank you.” Siana looked around the lobby and was careful to keep her hands away from her head. The urge to scratch at her crusty hair was worsening now that the specter of a shower was near.

“We do require a deposit; do you have a major credit card?” The man held out his hand and looked surprised when Siana handed him a credit card without hesitation, his look got even more startled when whatever amount he put in was accepted with no problems. “Thank you, Ma’am, let me just get your key.”

The key was old fashioned, wrought iron and toothed like a razor. “Thank you, where do I go?”

The man walked around the desk and beckoned her to follow. “Just this way, if you’ll follow me?”