Chapter Title? What's that?

In a seemingly infinite expanse, we can see a somewhat handsome young man rethinking his life choices as if he was on his death bed.

'*sigh* i really shouldn't have went out that day.' Yep, that's me, now you might be wandering how i got here, and honestly, i do not know either, but let's go back to when it all started.

*flashback no jutsu!*

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"Don't forget to bring back the groceries dear!"

"Sure Ma! Need anything else?"

"No, you can get whatever you want with the change, don't come back late!"

'Hmm, the sun is quite bright today. How annoying.' My name is Jeff. No really. That's my name. Jeff Hawks... *sigh* I know. I got bullied enough in highschool. No need to make me remember.

*flashba-

NO! NO FLASHBACKSEPTION! ONE IS ENOUGH! Ahem. As i was saying, I'm Jeff Hawks, just your above average American white boy. Unhealthy interest in anime. And a mild disgust to all that is irritable. Again. Just your everyday above average teen.

My life wasn't absolute Shit like most other protagonists. But neither is it perfect. I live with my mother, the only family i have after my dad's noble quest to get milk. But there's no need to state her name. I think we all know why. She always said that I'm handsome, but i think she just wasn't able to see my devilish looks! Huhuhu!

Anyways, as i said. I'm above average. Something you'll hear repeatedly throughout my story. Looks good enough to score me a couple girlfriends. Grades high enough to get me a decent paying job. And an active social life with my own friend circle i mingle in. Again, only above average. Nothing more, nothing less.

"Are you done with your monologue now ?"

Shut up and let me get to the part where i die!

"I don't have all da-

As i was saying! I was going out to meet up with my friends. There was recently a new game released on the PlayBox5, GrandRobberyAutoVI. Yes. You heard me. After 10 years of GRAV's release. It's finally here!

Oh how long I've waited! How I've dreamt of this moment! Just to get killed by a piss icicle... Haaaaaaah.... A fkn piss icicle... Not Truck-kun, plane-chan, sinkhole-san, saving a milf from some bad guys, or even getting a cat down from the tree. Nope. A piss icicle. They really have to fix that drainage system on the plane. Why was it flying above a city anyways?! Oh well. Let's just leave it to plot holes.

"Do you want your wishes or not?"

-Eh? Wishes ? *gasp*! Am i getting reincarnated?! Who would have thought!-

"Yeah yeah, anyways, standard rules, 4 wishes, no wishing for more wishes, you keep your memories, you get to choose your looks, random world, make it quick."

Omnipo-

"I'm gonna throw you into a goblin den as a cat girl."

-Nevermind!-

Hmm, how can i abuse the Shit out of this opportunity?

"You can also use the wishes as gatcha draws. There's a chance of getting anything you weren't able to wish for before. More wishes, nigh-omnipotence, getting rid of your virginity-" -Hey!- "Even a chance at getting my position. So, are you up for a gamble?"

-I'm probably going to regret this... But Yolo! Spin the wheel!-

"It was actually supposed to be a lottery. But wheel of fortune it is."

*kaching*

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-Sooo... How long is this supposed to spin for?-

"Just wait."

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-It's been an hour dude. Are you sure you didn't mess up?-

"I said wait."

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-Do you have a nine?-

"Fuck"

-Go fish!-

*Ringringring!*

-"FINALLY!"-

[You got a monopoly set!]

"At least we can use it while we wait for your next draw?"

-Can i get a perk or something in exchange?-

"sure...."

-A superior body sounds good right about now...-

*kaching!*

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"Don't you dare buy that property Asshole!"

-heh, suck my big fat non-existent soul dick Bitch!-

"You fkn retard! I'm gonna ski-

*Ringringring!*

[You got ''the cockqueror system"!]

-Does that say 'conqueror system', or 'cockqueror system'?-

"Let's agree that it's a visual glitch, yeah?"

-sure...-

*kaching!*

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-What kind of blasphemy is this?! Mio is obviously the superior red head devil waifu!!-

*snort*"You mortals clearly lack taste! Rias is infinitely better than that trash you call a waifu!"

-Hah?! How about you turn off that light show you got around your body and come square the fuck up you Christmas tree?! Or are you too scared of me seeing your ug... Beautiful-

"heh, did you get scared of my majestic form? I'll forgive you this once if you kneel and-

*thud*

-Marry me!-

"Eh ?"

*Ringringring!*

[You got space-time authority!]

"W-wait, what?"

*kaching!*

"Who wants to marry a mere mortal like you?!"

-I shall rise to Godhood and ask for your hand again then!-

"That's going to take too long!"

-My dear, age is just a number, and time is but a concept i now control!-

"W-what ? Huh?!"

*Ringringring!*

[You have gained my blessing to marry my daughter! Good luck son!]

"HHUUUUUUHH?!?"

-UmU! It is decided! I shall wed you the next time we meet!-

"Wait! I didn't agree to this!"

[Looks have been set as previously specified: 'devilish looks'! The world has been randomly chosen! Good luck host!]

As i hear that voice, a bright light flashes and i lose consciousness.

"... What the actual Fuck just happened."

[Answer! The God of creation has deemed the individual formerly known as... Pffft....]

"Oh, i forgot to ask his name, well, what is it?"

[Je....]

"I can't hear you."

[Jeff Hawks.]

*Blink Blink*

"Excuse me?..."

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"[HAHAHAHAHAHA]"

"Oh my father, he's actually namesd Jeff?! How Unlucky can someone be?!"

[The God of creation has blessed him with a new name!]

"What's his name then?"

[It's.... ]

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I'm giving novel writing a shot. Updates are gonna be severely inconsistent. Months apart type of inconsistent. But I'll finish this novel!... I hope...

Name ideas here! I'll edit the whole novel if someone actually gives me a recommendation...

I'll pick those that i like and we'll have a vote to see which is more popular. Try giving some unorthodox names. Not Tony just because it fits with the Hawks, or something overly specific to a setting/country like Japanese names!

Now, onto criticism. I honestly don't Give a Fuck! I made this to maybe make someone smile because of the jokes, some wish fulfillment here and there, and a sprinkle of venting on characters i don't like. If you don't like this. Drop it, don't go around bitching. Otherwise, your welcome to follow this poor poor fool of an mc I'm about to abuse on his trip! Hue hue hue....