Something Wonderful

"Jay Yi, can I also have a promise?"

Jay Yi turned her still damp but calm face to Hwan, a gentle question in her eyes.

"You will never leave me; no matter how stupid I am, you will keep believing in us."

"I promise. I can never leave you."

Hwan shook his head. "In the back of my mind, I have always feared that one day you will wake up because everything is too much for you and leave, and I will never find you -"

Surprise lit up her widened eyes. "It has never even crossed my mind!"

"If there is one woman in Joseon who can do it, it's you. Do you have any idea what you do to me?" 

You will never be rid of me. Understanding dawned as Hwan's sense of insecurity hit her. They both were grappling with the same inadequacy for each other.

"Oh, Your Majesty, you should know I never run away. I promise to improve so such thoughts do not cross your mind."

"My heart, my soul, my everything is for you, Jay Yi," Hwan said huskily as he gathered her closer still.

They nestled, arms entwined, leaning on one another's comforting embrace, emotionally satiated, with each other as the shadows moved, drawing their eyes to the light.

Still cradling her, he reached out and picked up a cup of water from the table that still held the array of food largely untouched. Keeping it to her mouth, Hwan silently asked her to sip. Jay Yi gulped down thirstily. Then she disengaged herself from his embrace. Sitting up, she poured him a cup. 

Hwan softly caressed her cheek. He picked up a spoonful of meat soup and added a piece of kimchi, extending it to her, almost like a peace offering. An unbidden smile lifted Jay Yi's lips as she opened her mouth to eat it. "I think I am hungry, too," she grinned. 

Hwan gave a quick, surprise peck to her lips. "Sit here." 

Curious, she watched Hwan get up and go to where she had been sitting. To her horror, he picked up her table. With all the food on it.

"Your Majesty!" She jumped up. 

"If you don't want to have all of this dumped on us, don't move from there," Hwan warned direly as he battled with balancing the table. The man had never even picked up a plate from a table, let alone an entire table.

He stood there, trying to decide whether to put his right or left foot forward so the table would not tilt as its occupants rattled threateningly. 

Jay Yi clamped both her hands on her mouth to stop herself from breaking into peals of laughter.

Hwan glowered at her and managed to move a couple of inches.

"At least let me take some of the food off it -" 

Never to leave a challenge unmet, Hwan barked, "Leave it alone."

"Your Majesty -"

"I learnt to make a fire. No reason I can't carry a table." 

No sooner had he said it than the table tilted, and to Hwan's misery, a bowl of meat soup rolled off it, followed by a full plate of delicious neobiani, hitting the floor with a loud crash. Surprisingly, they didn't break. Instead, the plate tossed the neobiani far and wide in consternation. The bowl emptied its watery contents at Hwan's feet before rolling away in merriment, its edges making a soft grating sound against the rich floor as it careened towards the bed but fell just short of it, coming to a stop face down, almost taunting Hwan with the narrow rim of its bottom pointing upward. 

Jay Yi collapsed on the bed, clutching her sides, her laughter echoing around the chamber.

"Your Majesty, should we come in?" Eunuch So's worried voice rang out. 

Bested by a mere table, Hwan huffed, "Come in."

Poor Eunuch So's eyes popped out as they fell on Hwan's unmoving form, still holding the table, his royal feet in danger of being soiled by - gulp! - splattered soup and food, while Jay Yi, hatless and on Hwan's bed, wiped tears from her eyes, trying to catch a breath. 

Flabbergasted at seeing his Master doing something as menial as gasp! carrying a table, poor Eunuch So rushed to Hwan. "Your Majesty -" 

"Clean the mess," He said curtly, refusing to be defeated by a mere piece of wood and some vessels. 

With a speed that would put the fastest of lightning to shame, Hwan's faithful, tireless retinue cleared the mess while Hwan stood there, unmoving, refusing to relinquish the aggravating piece of furniture. He began his stroll again, the table a bit more agreeable to his effort with one less soup bowl to worry about. Much to his upright attendants ' dismay and eventual relief, whose dumbfounded, collective, and silent gasps came and went in waves every time the table tilted, or their Master hurried, Hwan finally managed to complete his trek to the bed, only to be met with a new challenge. 

He was very tall. The floor was very far from him. 

Hwan stood there, his genius brain eyeing the distance and the angle his body would have to be for him not to topple over in a fashion not suitable for the sovereign of the nation.

While Hwan was busy completing his precarious journey, his retinue fetched some hot piping tea. Two of the team were on standby with a mop and cleaning towels, two more carried large water bowls, one held a batch of fresh towels on a tray, another bore a fresh new set of night clothes and socks, and yet another held a brand new sheet and quilt. Jay Yi could only imagine the gossip that would transpire in the preparatory room the following day. 

Finally, Hwan squatted just enough to place the table on the floor carefully, and a wave of jubilance went around the room as if he had raced his horse to win one of his famous polo matches. Hwan sighed happily and looked at her triumphantly. 

A look that none of his men and women missed. 

Suddenly becoming conscious, Jay Yi picked up her eunuch hat, placed it on her head, and lowered her eyes shyly, giving him a bow. Hwan walked around her, sat at his table, and motioned her to sit at hers. Off handedly she noticed someone had thought of giving her a replacement of the lost soup and neobiani, as they stepped forward to keep them on her table.

She was sure she saw the incorrigible Eunuch Kim and Eunuch Cha elbow each other. Jay Yi turned to check, and all she got was blushing smiles and exaggerated bows. Somethings never change, she sighed. 

Jay Yi folded herself primly in front of the table, sitting as far from Hwan as she possibly could. 

As the entourage left, Jay Yi focused on picking up her spoon and scooping some rice. Closing her mouth around it, she glanced at Hwan and found him staring at her intently. Her heart lurched. It suddenly occurred to her it was very late, and she should not be sitting in his private chamber, let alone on his bed. 

Uneasy, she fidgeted before turning her attention back to the food. 

To the onlooker, for the next quarter of an hour, other than the occasional, 'Did you try the  Pyeonsu" or " Try the Sujeonggwa," they ate in a silent companionship that Jay Yi had always loved. 

In reality, Jay Yi's heart pounded with a strange excitement. Her body was taut, her mouth felt dry, and swallowing was hard. The looks Hwan kept throwing at her were intriguing, almost speculative. He ate sparingly, while Jay Yi mostly toyed with the food. 

Someone had turned up the lights of the lanterns in the room, flooding the chamber with luminescence, making everything brighter, clearer, pronounced.

Hwan's intense, penetrating looks unsettled her. 

"Why are you looking at me like that, Your Majesty?"

He began to speak, halted, averted his eyes, and then inquired, "How did you manage to come here? I understand Eunuch So assisted you -" He let the sentence trail. 

Jay Yi had a lurking suspicion he wasn't asking about what was on his mind.

"It was Court Lady Kim. She smuggled me out as a kitchen maid."

Hwan's jaw dropped. He shook his head in amazement. Only Jay Yi could have won over someone so upright as court lady Kim. 

"Kitchen maid? Then why did you wear that thing again?" Hwan raised a cross eyebrow at the green tunic.

"How would Eunuch So smuggle a kitchen maid into his eunuch retinue?"

"Hmmnn, it looks like he and I need a conversation about protocols," Hwan teased.

"You do not need to have any conversation about this with that good man," Jay Yi chided promptly. 

Duly chastened, Hwan smiled, "I guess I need to reward that good man then?"

Jay Yi smiled back. "Oh! And court lady Kim has always known my real identity. She is guarding the chamber while Tai Ri is sleeping in my bed," Jay Yi could not stop smiling as she recalled how excited Tai Ri had been at being able to help her precious Aasshi.

His eyebrows rose as Hwan chuckled. "She is a hidden marvel. So, a reward for her too?"

As their eyes met, he gave her a smile that took her breath away. Scorched, she looked away. Unable to help herself, Jay Yi stole a glance at Hwan, his patrician profile softened by his startlingly beautiful, deep eyes with their black outlined edges set off luxuriously with a fringe of thick black lashes, making her heart skip several beats and those sinful lips, causing it to hammer erratically. The perfection of his face sometimes unnerved her.

Her emotions were still running high. She needed to get out of here, back to her chamber, before she succumbed to the sultry invitation of tumultuous night and made a mistake. 

Her thoughts were interrupted by the sounds of muted footsteps that followed the request for permission for entry as Eunuch So returned with Eunuch Kim, Cha, and three senior court ladies to clear the tables. 

Seizing the opportunity, Jay Yi leapt anxiously to her feet, almost losing her balance as the soft cushion of the bed compressed unevenly under her pressure. "I shall take your leave, Your Majesty. You gave me your time and patiently heard me, khamzahamnida."

Instead of replying, Hwan rose, circled the table from the other side and came to stand before her. The small table between them was dwarfed by his sheet height. He inclined his head, his slight smile hinting at the often elusive dimple she found mesmerising. For some unfathomable reason, the butterflies in her stomach started fluttering again.

"Will you stay back for a cup of tea with me? I have something to show you."

Jay Yi looked at him uncertainly, vacillating between the pull of staying with him and the push of common sense that told her to run as far from this bed as possible. For someone who had given her only fifteen minutes to state her case, Hwan seemed highly reluctant to let her go. She wondered what was going on in his mind. She had a fair idea, but she was afraid to think, the warning bells in her head going off like a cacophony of crickets at night.

Everyone knew an invitation for tea from a Joseon King was not a request, no matter how politely it was cloaked. Yet she knew Hwan was giving her a choice. And he would never hold it against her if she refused him, even though it dented his prestige as their monarch.

Strange time to have such empathic thoughts, Jay Yi was annoyed at herself. 

To her mortification, she spied Eunuch Cha's very interested expression. 

She adjusted her eunuch hat, smoothed her tunic, and fastened her eyes to a tall, elegant orchid in a pretty terra cotta pot by the window closest to them. "Your Majesty, my fifteen minutes were up long ago," she tried prevaricating. 

"So another few would hardly matter," Hwan countered good-naturedly. 

Out of options, she nodded. Bowing to Hwan, she went to his table and laid out the shadow kissed white teapot and the delicate matching cups.

Her father's ivory quills were still lying on the flat surface of the antique table where she had left them. Sighing, Jay Yi pulled the onerous drawer, which slid open effortlessly. 

And she grew still for a suspended moment in time. 

Inside lay the largest, the most ornate binyeo she had ever seen. The smooth, heavy gold of the tapering shaft gleamed, light dancing off its polished surface. On the opposite end of the spiked point was a fire-breathing dragon, its jade eyes alive, inviting, and mysterious as if holding the secrets of the ancient world it came from.

Her hands flew to her mouth, and she surged to her feet, her eyes unwavering from the object that had stolen her breath. Her gasp was so loud it made all the eyes in the room turn to her. Jay Yi spun to Hwan and met his eyes overflowing with emotions he made no effort to hide. Hwan came and then soundlessly folded himself on a knee before her. Sleek, graceful fingers picked up the pin from its velvet casing. Hwan's hands were massive, but the binyeo dwarfed them.

Hwan tilted his head, his eager eyes meeting her stunned ones above. "Will you allow me to put this in your hair?" 

"Your Majesty - I -" Jay Yi was momentarily bereft of speech as the image of his taking her binyeo out of her hair in the afternoon, 'freeing her of royal obligations', cut her like a fiery whip. She looked into his expectant, shining eyes and felt the anxious feelings rushing out of her in a gush, relief and an overwhelming tenderness flooding her. "Yes, Your Majesty," she said simply.

The look of love that lighted his eyes was so deep that Jay Yi thought she would drown in it. Something wonderful was starting to bloom in her heart. 

The people around her were not unaffected. Despite having to maintain the decorum of non-engagement at all times, they were also people who were deeply invested in the well-being of the man they took care of and cared for deeply. Court lady Nam stepped forward. "If Your Majesty and Your Royal Highness do not mind, I can help."

With a slight nod from Hwan, Court lady Nam immediately went to work. Jay Yi's eunuch hat came off, the mesh vanished, her silky, luxurious hair tumbled, teased into sections and then woven into neat, intertwined pleats, and again went back up, this time at the nape of her neck. The court lady's expert hands tucked the end in, twisted the braid into a bun, and pulled a loop of the rolled braid over the rest to secure it. 

Hwan motioned the court lady to stand back, and Jay Yi glanced at him. With a slight rise of his stately eyebrows, he motioned her to turn. Jay Yi complied. Hwan closed the distance between them to stand behind her and inserted the massive pin through the large bun. 

Jay Yi blinked in rapid succession, stubbornly keeping the moisture of her joy from breaking free off the edges of her eyes. Her eyes met Eunuch So's, and the kind man's eyes shimmered with happiness and relief. 

Suddenly, the residual pall on her heart lifted. She twisted her neck to face Hwan and gave him her most dazzling smile. 

Hwan stared at her, enthralled by the luminous beauty before him, a picture of contradiction with the heavy gold pin at her nape and her eunuch tunic, her warm, liquid honey eyes sparkling with happiness even as the glistening moisture in them threatened to fall, her exquisite face transformed by her radiant smile into a glorious one, and he grinned back helplessly. He almost scooped her up in his embrace but stopped himself just in time, mindful of his people still in the room.

Eunuch So's world straightened on its axis, a small smile on his face as he softly drew the planks of the massive chamber door together, leaving the two young people to their world. 

Jay Yi returned the quills to the chest. Happily, she poured some tea for Hwan and followed it up by turning the steady stream from the spout to fill hers. They sat very close to each other, though not close enough to touch. 

Hwan studied her profile as she gracefully sipped her tea, wearing a happy smile. The binyeo was humongous against her small face. 

"I came to the library to give the binyeo."

Astonished eyes turned to him. "You had it with you all along?"

Hwan nodded.

Jay Yi kept her cup and turned to him. Impulsively, she placed her hands on each side of his face, her palm warm against his cool, firm skin. "Your Majesty, I was stupid, and it was a lapse of judgement I hope I never make again."

Hwan laughed. "My ego is still a little hurt at the actual reason, though," he teased. 

Much to his delight, Jay Yi coloured prettily as she went back to sipping her tea. 

Hwan tucked a tendril around her ear. "Min Jay Yi, let no man ever tell you that he was forced to take a woman because she led him. If that was your reason for hiding, you never have anything to fear from me."

Jay Yi nodded, an unsure look in her posture giving him a pause. His assessing eyes took in her bent head, her thumb tracing the rim of her cup nervously.

"Though - was it?" Hwan asked, his voice so feathery that it sent shivers down her spine.

Alarm violently started to race in her pulse. "What do you mean, Your Majesty?"

Hwan traced a finger from her temple to her jaw, his touch so light that Jay Yi could feel the air pass through the gap between the tip of his finger and her skin. 

"You told me you hid because you didn't want to put ideas in my head. Yet, you also said you hid because you wanted me so much.....what did you mean by that, Jay Yi?"

Jay Yi panicked as the reason for his speculative glances fell into place. She had hoped Hwan would not catch her slip, but nothing escaped Hwan's supersized brain. She could feel the tide of colour rising to her cheeks, a rosiness of desire and apprehension. Suddenly, the chamber was suffocatingly hot, and she was melting.

"I-it was just a slip of the tongue," she managed with some effort. Jay Yi upended the cup to her lips. Keeping it back ultra carefully, she reached for the pot.

Hwan seized the pot mid-air. Keeping it down, he grasped and brought her nervous hand to his lips. "Jay Yi, you promised to tell me what is in your heart, and you are already reneging," Hwan complained. 

Snatching her hand, Jay Yi put it behind her. "Can we please not have this conversation? It's inappropriate."

"Says who?"

"It's late. I must not keep court lady Kim waiting. I must go -"

Bolting upright, she made for the door. In her hurry to get away, she didn't even remember to curtsy to Hwan. 

Only that Hwan was as nimble a cheetah when he wanted to be, his massive frame no obstruction as his long legs ate up the ground behind her. He caught her arm right before she reached the door and hauled her to him, flush with his chest. "Not before you answer me."

"Please-"

 Hwan turned her around, away from the door. She struggled, trying to free herself, and walked back. Hwan walked with her until the wall by a window arrested their retreat.

Hwan's arms were still around her, soaking in the cold of the wall behind her back, the warmth of his length enveloping her small frame. Her pulse jumped, her skin became sensitive to every breath he took, and his corded muscles under her palms created a pit of need she didn't want to think about. His intense gaze peeled away the layers around her defence. Memories from the afternoon flooded her as she looked up at his face, tongue-tied. She hated how her perfidious body became over-dramatic at his proximity. "I don't remember why I said it."

"Should I kiss you? It might jog your memory." Hwan's tone was teasing, but his smoky eyes told a different story.

She shook her head vigorously. 

"You don't want me to kiss you? I am devastated!" With his dark eyes staring at her smilingly and a lazy half-smile lifting his lips, Hwan was the walking embodiment of masculine potency. 

"It's late at night. You - you must not do anything you will regret."

"Ah! I forgot. You don't want to compromise my moral principles," Hwan buried his smile in the fragrant head by his cheek.

"Your Majesty, please do not tease me," Jay Yi said unhappily.

"I am not teasing you, Jay Yi," he had the look of a man who had every intention of insisting on an answer.

"Then, why are you doing this?"

"Because," his breath feathered her ear, the whorls of her tendrils around it dancing softly, "I now know you were not hiding from me. You were hiding from yourself."

Hwan looked down at his brave woman as she looked away, blushing to the roots of her hair. 

"I have been so ashamed I can hardly meet your eyes." 

Joseon women were ingrained since early childhood with the belief that any interest in their own bodies was a source of shame. They received ceaseless praise for their ignorance in matters of intimacy and were actively discouraged from displaying any curiosity in or attraction to the opposite gender. Jay Yi had somehow shattered that barrier, cultivated innate self-assurance and embraced her heart's desires without restraint, a quality he had completely, irrevocably fallen in love with. And then she taught him to smash many of his own inhibitions in the new world he had uncovered with her, helping him rediscover his true self.

Yet with that, she had also taken it upon herself to allow no room for mistakes that would cause an iota of harm to him. 

"In a few weeks, I will be neatly packaged and presented to you, Your Majesty, securely sealed and legally yours, allowing you to do your duty without compromising your principles or endangering my reputation. I will be happy, make you a good wife, and try my best to be the Queen you want me to be."

She had dropped dollops of hints at how agonised she had been. He just never read them.

Hwan wanted her to feel pride, never shame. His heart teemed with tenderness and love, aching at the confusion he had created in her mind with one careless act. The events of that evening had left an impression on her that he wasn't sure he could wipe off just with words.

 Her words that came next confirmed his doubts.

"I do not think we should speak about it anymore, Your Majesty."

"I disagree. It is of utmost import that we do speak about it."

Hwan's hand slowly travelled down her throat, caressing her shoulder and down, stopping on her collarbone, his fingers tracing her delicate clavicle through the thick cotton of her tunic.

 Jay Yi's back unconsciously curved against his arm, her now knowledgeable body starving for his touch on her sensitive mounds. 

Hwan's hand slid through the side of her chest, spanning her midriff, circumventing the very place she wanted his hands on the most. Hwan's large hand spanned her tiny midriff and clicked the belt of her tunic. He tossed it aside on a chest next to them. 

"Please -" she was not sure what she was asking anymore.

"Talk to me." It was like a sensuous humm in her ears, and a hot rush of sensual need raced down her body, even though Hwan was not doing anything.

Jay Yi closed her eyes, mortification and desire flushing her red. "I lose myself when you touch me. I can never resist you." 

Hwan's hand closed in on a breast. "Is that why you melted in my arms today before stopping me?"

As pleasure rushed through her, Jay Yi shook her head, struggling to marshall her thoughts. "We must not do this." 

"Why did you say yes that evening?" 

"It was a mistake," Jay Yi could hardly form the words. Hwan's fingers were everywhere.

"That does not answer my question. Why did you say yes?"

Blood rushed to her head, making her lose track of her thoughts. 

"Why Jay Yi?"

"Because I wanted just us, as two people who love each other without trappings of title, duty, and rules. I did not know better." Her eyes flew open as she struggled to distance herself from his tortuous hands. And just as soon, her traitorous senses luxuriated in the feeling of his firm hands clasping her shoulders, forging a sense of soothing calm.

He tipped her chin up. "Oh, my rule breaker! Hence, you decided you must always keep yourself in check. Am I right?" He watched as apprehension and misgiving flickered in her amber eyes. "In other words, when you are in my arms, you lose control, which you think corrupts me, making me regret it. And hence, you choose to hide yourself away."

Her silence was deafening.

"I do not know whether I should feel insulted or relieved. What kind of convoluted logic is that!" Hwan let out a laugh of incredulity while she hung her head. "Jay Yi, look at me. I want you to understand. You did nothing wrong that evening or ever before that. And I want you to know how proud I am of you for everything you are." 

Jay Y shook her head, "It's against everything you have grown up with..."

"It's what you have grown up with, too! You were my Master's princess, Jay Yi."

The heavy binyeo flashed in silvery moonlight as Jay Yi shook her head. "That Jay Yi is gone. She was always a part of the shadowy world, the fringe, always looking in, always wanting to be where she did not belong, wanting what was not allowed. That reckless Jay Yi cannot exist anymore."

Hwan brought his hand back to her face and cupped it. "There is no this Jay Yi or that Jay Yi. There is one Jay Yi, and I love all of her," He said hotly, his eyes smouldering. "If I wanted a woman who was always the epitome of dignity and a follower of rules, a 'prim and proper Joseon maiden' as you call her, I could have selected someone randomly. I love every part of you. And I want you back, all of you. And I promise no one will ever be hurt again because of us.'

Hwan's roaming hands kneaded a breast and used the fabric around it to create sensations that made Jay Yi shiver with pleasure as she pushed herself into his hand, her hand looping around him under his arm as she sought purchase for her throbbing body. 

"You give so much of yourself....how you surrendered to me that day was the most precious gift in my life, Jay Yi. I cherished it so much, and yet," Hwan paused, his throat closing up, "instead of letting you know, I disrespected what you offered me so sweetly."

Jay Yi placed a finger on his lips. "I now understand, and I will always be grateful."

"No, you do not. Because unlike what you think, it was not duty or any misplaced sense of honour that stopped me. I knew what I was doing." He held her wrist and pecked her forehead softly. "It has always been my choice. It's not what you wear or anything you do, you idiot. I want you because you exist, and I treasure every response you give me," he inhaled her lavender and spice scent. His nibbled softly at her jaw, creating small balls of fire.

Confusion clouded her eyes. 

"Do you want to know why I stopped?"

Large, luminescent eyes raised themselves at him questioningly. 

"If you stay back for a little while, I will try to explain my inexcusable act. But if you do, I want you to know that I want to finish what we started that evening and this afternoon, Jay Yi. It was not regret, never. I want you. I love and need you so much that I cannot wait anymore."

Hwan sealed her mouth with his. He covered her with his love, with his apology for hurting her so thoughtlessly, for being so blind to her anguish, for misunderstanding her, for putting her through so much pain. His tongue explored her mouth longingly. 

Hwan felt her stiffen before she turned her face away.

"That is not why I came here tonight, Your Majesty," she said, raising her eyes that brimmed with desire for him. 

"I know."

She shook her head. "If the word gets out -"

"Nothing will happen. We Joseon Kings are allowed an indecent amount of freedom where women are concerned. And I am with my proclaimed Queen."

There was a long, pregnant pause. Jay Yi laid her hands on his chest, his rapid pulse making no secret of the effect she had on him.

"I know. I also know you are not one of those men who like to take undue advantage of that freedom, Your Majesty. I know you want me, but wanting and acting on it are different. I have led an unconventional life and met with some tragically unfortunate events that only worsened it, but now I have chosen a life I want to do justice to. I understand you still feel guilty, and while I did have a pique about you sending me away, I am also happy we could clear the misunderstanding between us. Please don't try so hard to make me feel better."

"For the love of all that's precious, Jay Yi, I am not trying to make you feel better. You have not been listening to anything I am saying. You have to trust me, too, when I say I had reasons to stop, they had nothing to do with guilt, regret, or people getting into trouble. I truly need you."

Hwan's one hand tightened on her waist while the other splayed on the hollow at the base of her spine, pulling her closer, her widening eyes enough evidence that she knew exactly how badly he wanted her.

"Will you come to me tonight, Jay yi?" His breath rushed past her earlobe into the depth of her being somewhere.

Her rib cage was too small to hold her thundering heart, the riot of images his seductive voice created making a dough of her sanity. Yet a part of her, the detached, rational part of her, reminded her that it could all be the after-effects of the emotional turmoil they went through, their bodies and souls needing each other in the dark of the night to heal each other and that it could look different to Hwan when the sun rose. 

Hwan read the hesitation in her eyes. 

 "If you choose to leave now, I will respect it. Jay Yi, please know this, I will always support who you are and what you want to be with all my strength. You are my strength. I want to be yours, too. I want you to lean on me."

Stepping two paces back, Hwan stepped aside to the left, leaving the doorway open to her. Then he stood and waited. 

Hwan knew that whatever decision Jay Yi took tonight would mould their relationship for the years to come. And he would accept it. Hwan would have her in any shape, form, or state of mind that she decided to be with him. She could choose to be a fern tree beside him in the bed, and he would gladly accept her choice. 

Jay Yi compressed her lips, looking down at her stockinged feet, hands bunched by her side, gripping her tunic. "Is it all right if I leave tonight?" She glanced at him, catching the lines of acute disappointment before he masked it with his smile. "Let me walk you to the detached Palace." 

"No, you can't come. I have to get back into the kitchen maid's dress. Court lady Kim will help me get back into the chamber."

Hwan extended a hand to lightly caress her cheek, "Until tomorrow."

Hwan watched the door softly close behind her.

Spirit of a keisang. She was slowly but surely extinguishing it. But if that was what would make her happy, he would walk all the way to the gallows with her to bury it."