My Heart

Day 3

Back in the village

 She was angry. Hwan could see the mulish expression on Jay Yi's face, miles away. 

The early morning breeze was chilly, in contrast to the rich golden hue of the dawning sun that spread its warmth across open land, as Hwan made his way through the camp from his tent. Myung Jin and Ga Ram sat at a table flanked by Man Deok's children. Ga Ram was drawing something on a piece of paper. Meo Ru looked at it intently. Del Reo was weaving a rope on the side.

 Jay Yi was giving a good shake to a large bedsheet in her hand. The morning clutter was new to Hwan, but he enjoyed the busy yet peaceful scene. It gave him a lot of joy to see his people going about their everyday life without fear. It would not be something he would witness many times in his life as their ruler, so he wanted to make the most of it.

 Myung Jin sighted him first.

 "Aigo Saiyo!" he exclaimed joyfully, and then as if suddenly remembering, he jumped up, doing a dramatic bow "Your Highness!"

Hwan could not help but laugh. "Hello to you too, friend!" Myung Jin was visibly pleased.

Ga Ram and the children executed happy bows to greet him. Hwan nodded at them with a smile. At the back, everyone became aware of him and curtsied a bow to him in unison.

He turned to Jay Yi's direction. She curtsied with a halfhearted bow, "Your Highness," not meeting his eyes. She heaved the sheet in her hand with an exaggerated vigour, the bed sheet making a loud 'woosh' sound as it billowed through the air, disbursing the dust particles around it. Hwan could feel the rancour she was taking out on the poor cloth. It wasn't hard to imagine she wished he were the sheet.

She was furious. Hwan sighed. This would take some work. No. Given how formal and distant their interactions had become, it would take a lot of work.

"What are you doing?" Hwan questioned Myung Jin, his acute senses tuned in to Jay Yi's every movement on his periphery, as everyone else went back to the task at hand. 

"We decided to practice our Hangul, Your Highness!" Myung Jin informed with a flourish. "I think I have gained two new students!" His tootsie smile was infectious.

 "Young Master said he would teach me about autopsies!" Meo Ru's excited face made Hwan smile with contentment. The child always made him feel like he had achieved something intangibly precious. Hwan had instructed Sung On to keep an eye out for him. He would personally oversee Meo Ru's education and, eventually, as a part of his team in the palace when the time came.

 "We received a fresh batch of fruits today," Hwan announced. "I would like to share them with you all."

 A cheer wave went around the camp as a couple of men stepped forward to take the basket from the guards with an assortment of fruits.

Hwan found his gaze drawn back to Min Jay Yi. A slight smile played on her lips as she watched the excited children gather around the basket. Man Deok ordered the children to form a line so each would get fruit on their turn. Her eyes darted back to him, and the smile vanished.

Hwan walked closer to her, followed by Tae Kang. Ga Ram saw them walking over to Jay Yi. She quickly went and planted herself by Jay Yi's side.

"How have you been?" Hwan asked genially, trying to sound impersonal and sounding anything but; his voice lined with an undeniable beseeching note. 

 "I am doing well, Your Highness." She gave him a baleful look that signified precisely the opposite of what she said. She proceeded to pay utmost care to the sheet in her hand as she carefully folded it. The way she attended it, one would think it was made of gold.

 "I got some sweets from the kitchen for you," Hwan addressed Jay Yi.

 Surprise flickered in her eyes. Her eyes followed Hwan as he took a small bundle from a smirking Tae Kang and extended it to Jay Yi.

 She looked at it, making no move to accept it. She looped the sheet carefully over the curve of her arm. Then, she bowed, her hatted head almost touching her knees.

 "Thank you for your grace. Is this, by chance, a return for the sweets I gave you by the pond?" Jay Yi's voice was saccharine sweet.

Hwan stared at her, suddenly having an insane urge to laugh. She had just managed to insult him again and there was nothing he could do about it! Well, he probably deserved it too.

Jay Yi squinted at him, before giving him another exaggerated bow, "I regretfully ask for your forgiveness for being so ungrateful of your benevolent gesture to this lowly servant, Your Highness, but today I do not feel like having sweets." She lifted her head and gave him her sweetest smile, which did not reach her eyes. "If you will please pardon my audacity, I will go first, I need to see to an errand."

 Ga Ram's shocked intake of breath magnified the awkward moment. "Aashi!" Ga Ram's reproachful tone hit Jay Yi's retreating back.

"Scholar Pa….sorry, Your Highness," Ga Ram stammered, " I will take it on her behalf," Ga Ram quickly grabbed the bundle from Hwan's still extended hand. "Thank you so much for your magnamity, Your Highness." Ga Ram looked miserable.

"That girl, her temper!" Tae Kang exploded. Hwan turned and frowned darkly at him. Tae Kang immediately stepped back, lowering his head, though his face was creased with the usual dumbfounded expression he often had around Jay Yi.

Looking even more anxious at Tae Kang's outburst, Ga Ram added, "Please don't get angry, Your Highness. She must not feel like eating," Ga Ram made excuses for her mistress lamely. "She even refused a plate of fruits from Sargent yesterday." She gave Hwan her brightest smile.

That caught Hwan's attention. "Sargent?" 

 "Yesterday early morning Sargent kindly offered some fresh fruits for breakfast, but Aashi gave them away. She loves fruits!" Looking bewildered, she glanced at the plate in her hand, "And sweets.." she looked in the direction Jay went, confusion writ on her face in big letters.

Ga Ram completely missed the little smile that spread on Hwan's face. 

___

Hwan stood by the fire, any semblance of sleep far away from him.

It had been a busy day. He felt satisfied with the way things were coasting along. Most of the essentials that the villagers needed had been dispatched to the camp that had been set up closer to the town. He had personally supervised the arrangements in the afternoon at the new location. Early morning next day, they all would be moving there. He would then send off the second batch of prisoners. There could be no room for error.

Hwan's swallowed a lump as he thought of his father. He was dreading going back to the palace. His father, too, lost people precious to him. He had already lost one son. After Hwan's mother had passed away, the Queen had been his strength. Yet, with one sweep, he lost her and who he thought of as his youngest son. To learn that he had never sired the child, to begin with, must have been a blow to the King. 

The only life Hwan had known growing up was in the palace. As a grand prince, he knew he would have to leave the palace one day. But he would still have had his brothers, father, sisters, and friends to depend on if he ever needed them.

After his brother died, life had almost become unbearable. For three years, Hwan had struggled with loneliness, fear, and anger at the thought of losing what he thought of as home. He now understood his father had been grieving, and all his actions had been driven to protect Hwan from harm. The King had tried to cushion his precious son the best he could. Yet Hwan could not forget the torment it had caused him. 

If he, as an adult, had been terrified of losing everything, how would a young child like Myungan deal with it? Hwan knew he had tough decisions to face once he returned to the palace. He was unsure what the King would do with the Queen and Myungan. But Hwan would have to find a way to keep Myungan safe. He would not let another innocent person sacrificed on the alter of greed, power and revenge. He pondered Jay Yi's suggestion of sending Myungan to Byeokcheon. 

Jay Yi.

She was never far from his thoughts, his heart skipping a beat as he thought of her. Jay Yi had given him the strength to carry on, to meet his destiny head-on. How was he going to go on without her? He had made up his mind long back to let her go.

What did you throw Your Highness? 

My heart. 

It had been easier when he thought she did not love him back. 

He had fallen for her the day she looked up at him, her face shining, telling him he 'lived' where the sun rose. Or maybe it was even earlier, when she had called out to him, fearlessly, about how she never got a chance at anything being a female in Joseon….or was it when she asked for those two nyangs as a child? He had never forgotten her. He remembered the twinge of jealousy at the news she had become Sung On's fiancée.

She was unlike anyone he ever knew. Impulsive, clumsy, headstrong, and stubborn as a mule, Jay Yi was a force of nature. She was brilliant, wise, thoughtful, kind, and perceptive and understood him like no one else could. She challenged the norms of Joseon society and fought for what she believed in. The day he had seen her furious face at Manyeondang when he went to apologize after throwing her out of the Eastern Palace, Hwan realized he could not see a future without her. For him to survive, she had to exist. Deep in his heart, he had known Jay Yi was incapable of committing any crime. He hated to acknowledge that jealousy had driven his rage. He had not been able to sleep, eat or drink until Jay Yi had forgiven him, even though he knew he did not deserve it. She had the most glorious heart. He had at times wondered why she never entered the Crown Princess selection.

He had been consumed with fury at the thought she liked someone else, though he knew he had no right to be so. Yet, when he had caught her looking at him furtively in the library, he was startled to realize the man she loved might be, as Tae Kang had pointed out, the one she spent most of her time with. Him! He had been stunned at the thought. He had come to guard her, yet for the first time, he felt she would be in danger from himself if he was not careful.

He watched as the flames licked the logs, throwing crackling flecks of red into the air. Jay Yi's furtive glances at him in the library had brought his heart to his mouth. Incredibly aroused, he could not keep his eyes off her. She looked so fetching and innocent in her ridiculous man's night attire. He clenched his jaw. When he had heard her cry out her mother's name, he had rushed in through the open door without thinking, seen her tossing in her bed with her arm flailing, her hairpin clutched; his only thought was to prevent her from hurting herself. As she had sobbed into his chest, he had grown increasingly aware of her soft body pressing delicately against him. When she looked into his eyes, he was undone.

An undeniable tension had pulsed between them. The woman he had come to love more than his life, was in his arms, looking at him with eyes swimming with unguarded emotions that even a fool could read. Her breathless, parted lips stoked desires within Hwan that threatened to spiral out of his hand. The realization that she might reciprocate his love had shaken him to his core. The passion in her eyes had both thrilled and terrified him.

The temptation had been overwhelming to claim her as his own, to give in to the passion that burned within him. He remembered the intoxicating mix of protectiveness and longing that surged through him, threatening to consume his self-control, putting every virtue he was raised to value at peril. For both their sakes, it was a battle he knew he had to win.

She would never know how close he had come to making her his woman that night. His iron-clad determination had wrestled control over his emotions just in time, but it had felt as if someone was crushing his heart without mercy.

Hwan felt his body stir uncomfortably at the direction his thoughts had taken. He needed some sleep, but he knew he might not get any. 

He would tell her she need not worry about being forced into anything she was not ready for. That he would always value her wishes. He owed her that.