CHAPTER 41: ROSE

Bree and Ryan talked.

I think it went well, Bree looked happy and relieved.

We didn't discuss it in detail.

I've been getting bored staying in home so I decided to leave the house for a bit.

"I'll be back soon" I told Bree as I put my bag over my shoulder "do you want me to bring something?"

"No." Bree replied, rocking Sarah in her arms "be safe."

"I will. Bye."

"Byebye" Bree said in a baby voice as she made Sarah wave at me.

I smile before leaving.

----♡----

I walk into the bookstore and look around.

There isn't anyone inside except a brunette girl by the counter.

She looks up from the counter to smile at me.

I smile back as I walk in.

She looks back at the computer, I look around then walk towards the romance section of the bookstore.

Staying at home, crying over the fact Ryan used me has done me no good.

My thoughts are chaos inside my head.

I stay awake at night thinking what if he's regretting doing what he did? What if he really loves me?

Same thoughts come over and over again in my head but then I'm reminded that Ryan never wanted a marriage- he never wanted a relationship. He was forced to marry me.

I shake off my thoughts again and release a heavy breath.

I go through the shelf before taking out two books.

I turn the book and read the back of it.

Someone enters the bookstore.

I don't look up.

I don't mind that someone's in the bookstore, as long as they don't come in the same section as me. I'll walk away.

I read the back of the other book.

I'm suppose to go apartment hunting as well. I didn't tell Bree because I didn't want to upset her.

I have no leads whatsoever, I might end up asking Finn to help me if I don't succeed.

I also have to look for furniture when I find an apartment- few of my things are still at Ryan's, I have to get those. I'll ask Finn to bring them-

"Rose."

I freeze.

𝘕𝘰.

𝘏𝘦'𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦.

But I know he is.

I can feel him standing behind me.

I swallow before slowly turning towards the voice.

I see him.

He's standing in front of me.

He looks.. different.

I've always seen Ryan put together.

And right now, I can tell he tried to look put together but the dark circles under his eyes and his trembling hand gave him away.

It takes all my courage not to cup his face and ask if he's okay.

Instead, I lock gaze with him.

His eyes are different.

They're.. sad.

My heart aches.

"Ryan," I breath out.

"Hi," he tries to smile but fails.

"What are you doing here?" My voice is shaky and I hate it.

"Um," He looks down at his feet, releases a heavy breath then looks up "can we talk?"

I stare at him.

"Please?"

"About what?" I swallow

"Us.."

My heart aches.

I break eye contact, looking down at my books.

"Um, I- I'm suppose to head back early-"

"I won't take much time, I promise." He says "I.. I just want to explain myself-"

He cuts himself mid-sentence when he hears me chuckle.

I look up at him.

"What explanation?" I ask.

He reads my eyes as he says "about what happened-"

"You can't say anything that'll change my mind, Ryan."

He looks hurt.

"Just give me a chance to explain." He says.

I sigh.

"Let's talk outside."

His shoulder relax "okay."

I walk past him towards the counter, he follows.

He waits patiently behind me as I pay for the books.

I walk out, knowing he's behind me.

I stop and turn.

He stops and stares at me.

"Yes?" I say

He blinks "I'm sorry."

The ache increases.

He continues "I know that means nothing to you because what I did was unforgivable. But I'm too selfish to back out of your life. I want you to forgive me- I'll do anything-"

"You lied to me." I cut him off, he stares at me "you lied from the beginning. If you wanted that information, you could've asked me. You didn't have to get married to me just because dad told you to."

He stares at me with regret in his eyes.

I continue "I don't hate you for marrying me. I hate you because you faked your feelings. The best part of our marriage was fake and I had no idea-" I chuckle as tears sting my eyes "I had no idea and I kept falling in love with you. You never loved me-"

"I do love you!" He suddenly says, desperate.

I shake my head "you don't get to say that now."

"Rose- I swear, I married you because of the idea and yes, I thought of giving John's idea a try but after that night, I couldn't stop thinking about you- Damn it, Rose. You've always been on my mind. I was too stupid to understand what it was."

I stare at him.

"I wasn't looking for love but then I started spending time with you and I started having feelings towards you- you have no idea how scared I was. I knew I couldn't have you, I knew I shouldn't have done it, I knew-" his voice breaks "I knew you'd leave if you found out."

I can't talk. My vision is getting blurry because of the tears.

"Please," he whispers, desperate "please, forgive me. I love you. I don't want to loose you. Tell me what I have to do, sweetheart."

He lifts his hand and puts it on my cheek wiping away the tear I didn't know had left my eye.

"Come home." He whispers as he leans closer.

I close my eyes as I feel his lips closer to mine.

He's about to kiss me when-

Everything comes back.

𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘭𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳.

𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘭𝘪𝘦𝘴.

𝘏𝘦 𝘶𝘴𝘦𝘥 𝘮𝘦.

𝘏𝘦 𝘥𝘰𝘦𝘴𝘯'𝘵 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘮𝘦.

My eyes fly open, I pull away before he kisses me.

He looks startled.

Scared.

I'm panting.

My cheeks are wet.

"No." I whisper "you can't do that.. leave."

"Rose-" he steps forward.

"No!"

He stops.

I take a deep breath "move on, Ryan. Our marriage is going to end in divorce"

His eyes darken.

"I'm not divorcing you." He says "I'm not letting you go."

I smile at him, it's broken.

"You will."

"No." He steps forward, I don't stop him. He stares in my eyes as he says "I'll do anything and everything to bring you back home."

I press my lips together before I say "goodbye, Ryan."

I turn and walk away.

I could feel Ryan's stare on my back.

Tears start rolling down my cheek.

All the way back to Bree's house I keep telling myself that I made the right choice.

But no matter how much I tried to convince myself.

My heart didn't buy it.