Chapter twenty-five

Ally and I became friends years back, and it seemed that when I joined her organisation, she was the friend I never had. Friendly, inviting, and most importantly, trustworthy. She was someone I could share my secrets with comfortably, without worries that she would pass on my sacred thoughts, especially since we had sworn by oath never to pass on to outsiders inside information and vice versa, as doing so would mean harsh consequences.

I found the organisation online by accident. I had never meant to sign-up to anything, let alone a secret agency such as this one. I simply wanted comfort from the internet. Something helpful. Anything that could help me close the fragile scars on my wrists for good. Something that could push back the redness in my eyes, so I didn't look like I would cry crimson tears at any given moment.

In the dark, cave-like environment of my bedroom I sat, with nothing but the dim artificial glow of the screen on my face as I scrolled. Nothing there looked interesting in the slightest, and I was considering going to sleep, since it was already past two in the morning, and I had school the next day. But then it caught my eye.

I never planned to show up, but my dad was staying in the city for a few nights, and I could use my student card to get from school to the location written on the website with ease.

I remember coming around the same corner two times in a row, lost but not willing to admit it to myself, when I saw her.

Thirteen-year-old Ally, peeking around the corner.

We were, of course, colleagues. Only colleagues, who were never allowed to meet outside of the organisation. But that didn't mean we weren't allowed to keep communication devices.

Talking late into the night with Ally meant that I would be distracted from cutting, distracted from my thoughts, and talking with someone who I trusted and who trusted me.

One night, after talking to Ally for hours on end, her tired voice ringing in my ears even after the call, I remember thanking my mum. She may have left, but she had also left me with a friend.

Ben picks up a photograph, sliding it out from behind two other ones and smiling. He turns to me.

"Hey, she looks familiar," he comments.

I slowly turned to him, trying to look occupied with searching, hoping that it isn't who I think it is on the page, but it is. Ally.

I pretend to squint at it. "Really?"

He nods at me. "I dunno," he says. "I feel like I've seen her somewhere before."

I go back to looking for our group photos. "Maybe because you have," I reply.

"Yeah?"

"On this cruise, maybe?"

He laughs. "You're right, like always."

Phew.

"FOUND THEM!" Emily squeals, excitedly revealing both the boys' group photo and her group's.

We crowd around her to take a look at them, but I instinctively gaze at Tasmin in the photo, in the off-shoulder shirt I saw her in yesterday morning, bare arm draped over Lilli's shoulders.

"Damn," Ben says.

Emily giggles. "We have to keep these."

Charlie and Lilli pay at the register while we wait behind them, and when they're done we take the photos and continue down the hall.

Tasmin's looking through the photographs, gently running her finger down one. And her ocean eyes, locked on these sentimental treasures, tells me this means a lot to her. How could she seem so calm and free after all that her and her family has done? It pains me to think that she's moved on, that she could be so inhumane.

Her hair falls in front of her eyes. I reach up to tuck it behind her ear. Her lips form a sweet smile. Then Emily steps in front of both of us.

"Where's my cake?"

Emily gets her cake. In fact, she gets two pieces, and threatens to get three, even after Lilli's warning. I hear Lilli lean over to whisper in Tasmin's ear that she'll barely finish one, and she's correct.

"Ugh…" Emily groans. Emily's stomach groans. "UGH…"

"So," Lilli starts, checking her nails. "Was I right, or was I right?"

Beside me Tasmin stands. "Come on, guys. The top deck will be a nice place for a walk." I swear she spares me a subtle wink as she turns, but I could be wrong.

The top deck can be described in three words: Wind, wind and more wind.

As soon as we shove through the ten-tonne door we're blasted by moist and chilling ocean wind. Again, it doesn't faze Tasmin, and she seems to be enjoying the feeling of having her hair whipped back and forth.

After Charlie and Lilli have a race around the deck, we continue to follow Tasmin up to the fourteenth deck and towards the back of the ship.

"Quick question," Emily calls out, battling the gusts of loud wind, "Where are you taking us?"

With a smile, Tasmin flicks around to say, "It's a surprise," then continues walking.

"It better not be a walk-the-plank," Emily blurts. "Isn't there a rule that says that you can't swim for at least half an hour after eating?"

I don't know why, but my mouth just starts babbling.

"Tasmin would never throw anyone overboard." In my head, it sounded sweet, but aloud it just sounds plain weird. I'm glad we're in the dark, because everyone's looking at me. Even Tasmin. But I put on a smile and glance at her. "She's too nice."

"Yeah, Taz, all you've ever done has been nice," Charlie compliments. I breathe a small sigh of relief. He continues, "Remember year five camp? I bet you hated me then, and I fell over, and you still ended up giving me a band-aid."

"Who says I don't hate you now?" I join in on the 'ooh's' and the laughter that follows Tasmin's savage response.

"Okay, but really, what are we doing?" Ben asks.

Finally, our nighttime activity here is revealed. With jazz hands, Tasmin announces, "Putt Putt!"