Chapter thirty-five

After a moment of silence, Harry informs me like I don't already know, "We ate too much tonight."

I nod in agreement. "Plus, the swell is too high. I didn't notice it."

"To be honest, neither did I."

"But you haven't been on a cruise before."

Harry shrugs. "Guess I'm immune."

Five minutes earlier, the dance floor looked like a ton of fun, but now the crowd just looks overwhelmingly crowded and obnoxious.

"It's loud," I say after a while of just watching the dancing.

"Let's go inside," Harry suggests.

"Yeah."

When the sound of party fades, I actually have the head capacity to think clearly.

I'm thinking about returning to the cabin to check on Lilli, make sure that everything is okay, or even go back outside into the party to find Emily and Ben, but I feel a hand on my wrist.

"Tasmin, where are you…?"

I realise that I've just been making my way through the buffet with no destination in mind. If it wasn't for Harry bringing me back to consciousness, I may just have walked all the way around the buffet and to the other side of the ship and right back into the mouth of the party.

His hand slides down my wrist, I shiver, and his fingers link with mine. Slowly, he pulls me over to a corner table. "Here, Tasmin." He lets me slide into the seat first, then he joins me.

"Do you think Lilli will be okay?" I ask Harry, but I'm really just asking myself.

"She's a little seasick. Charlie – I'm sure he'll take care of her. After tonight, I'm sure she'll feel better," Harry says. "Don't worry, Tasmin," he reassures me.

"I hope so." I pull my knees to my chest and lean against the seat's cushion. Still thinking. "I'm sorry," I say to Harry.

He glances up at me, eyes wide. "Why are you apologising again?" I fiddle with my dress, pulling it over my thighs. "Tasmin, you apologised before as well, why are you…?"

"Harry, it seems like I offend you a lot," I tell him honestly.

"Offend…" Harry thinks. "I'm sorry."

I look up at him. "Hm?"

"There are some things that I haven't been telling you."

In my head, I'm saying, I knew it!, but out loud I say, "Oh?"

"You're upset with Lilli because she's been keeping things from you."

Butterflies fill my stomach. Harry's actually going to tell me. I nod slowly.

"Well, you shouldn't be mad at her. I wanted to tell the rest of the group first because…" I eye him with wide eyes. His face flushes red. "I… I need to find the right time to tell you." I keep watching him. There's more that he isn't telling me. "You're different, Tasmin. What I'm keeping from you will be more important for us…" His eyes become really wide. "Uh! I mean, for you."

I smile wearily at him. "You don't have to tell me." I turn my head and watch the blackness of the night and sea in the buffet window.

"You're really fine with me not telling you?" Harry asks me, turning towards me. "That I'm keeping secrets from you?"

I smile again. "Thank you for telling me that I shouldn't be mad at Lilli. I really appreciate that." Nervously, I reach forward and give Harry a small punch on the shoulder.

"Tasmin?"

"And that's for venting my emotions."

Harry smiles at me.

"Your smile is nice," I say without thinking.

He's grinning uncontrollably now. "You think so?"

The butterflies in my stomach left after Harry told me that he'd be keeping the secret a little longer, but now they're back.

"Well… it's kinda how I recognised you."

"Yeah?"

"Mhmn. Before Lilli told me who you were, I only thought that your smile was familiar."

Harry nods. I nod back at him. Then I curse at myself internally.

The lights of the buffet are warm on my face, and the muffled music and chatting from outside gives me a sense of comfort that we're inside, away from the commotion. I think about Jamie and Anik, still out there, dancing their hearts out, and I smile at that thought. It would be nice to ask for their numbers and stay in contact after this cruise too. But there'll be tons of time for that.

"Tasmin?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you want anything to drink or eat? I can go grab some," Harry offers kindly.

I shake my head no. "Thanks, but I'm still full from those slices of pizza earlier."

With that short and polite conversation, awkward silence returns. I'm examining a painting on the wall, paying really close attention to the strokes of blue paint on it, but as soon as Harry turns the other way, I turn back to him. Out of the corner of my eyes, I see that Harry is sitting on the seat, gazing in a different direction. I feel the corners of my mouth tug upwards.

Harry's changed. He used to be the student in the playground that all others would flock to. He used to be a socialite. The one who always had friends no matter where he went. He used to be louder, more involved, but now, he's quiet and observant. The type of person who doesn't play but watches from the sidelines.

His body is turned away from me, so I stare a little longer. His hair is ruffled from this eventful night, his broad shoulders look tense, but everything about him looks huggable. I wish I could reach forward now and put my arms around him, but I refrain. Instead, I keep staring at him like he's an ancient Greek statue.

My eyes glaze over his cheek, over his neck, his collarbone, over his nice shoulders and down his side. Down his arms and… stop.

"Harry…" I murmur, reaching forward to touch his wrist.

"Yeah?" He turns back towards me and pulls his arm to his chest, guarding it.

"Harry," I start slowly. "You have to let me see."

"See what?"

I tsk. "Don't be like that, Harry. I saw something on your wrist." I gulp.

"Wh-what did you see?"

I hesitate. I swallow. "Scars."