Chapter one-hundred-and-fourteen

My parents are already at the hospital when I arrive on a stretcher in the back of an ambulance. They walk beside me, trying to hug me, hold my hand, and I try to tell them that I'm fine, but they're worried sick, even as I'm wheeled to a room for recovery. I don't see Harry at all.

Even though they were informed of what happened, they insist that I tell them again, if I'm well enough.

"Don't force her," my mum says to my dad. Then to me: "Only tell us if you feel well enough, okay?"

"I –"

"The first cruise we allow you on without us and this happens." My dad's shaking his head, and his rough fingers are brushing my hand. "It shouldn't even happen."

"I didn't –" I start. "– I was just passing by when it happened."

"So you don't know who… fired?" my dad inquires.

"I… I –"

"Maybe she doesn't want to talk about that," my mum scoffs, trying to be quiet but I hear all of it. "Taz, honey, we want to know what happened…" She reaches over the sheets and takes my other hand. "... but we wanna know you're okay first."

Both of them just stare at me, looking concerned. I give them what they want to hear, because I'm not ready to recount it… yet.

"I'm okay." I watch them release their breaths, then I say: "I'm really tired though."

"Should I call the nurse back?"

"No, no. I think I just need to sleep a little." I hope they get the message and head out.

They do. And they return in the late-afternoon with take-away food for me.

In the morning, they don't come.

I'm being talked to by the police.

"I'll be recording your answers, but I need your permission as the witness. Is that okay with you, Tasmin?"

I nod. "Yes."

It's a woman in full-uniform, but she wears a smile, and takes notes on her notepad as she asks me the questions I anticipate.

Do I know who Benjamin Anderson is?

"Yes, I know him from primary school."

Was I aware of his intentions?

"No."

Was I aware that the Anderson's changed their surname to Kelly in order to frame you?

"No."

Do I know why Ben shot me?

"Because I tried to save Ally."

Who was Allison Anderson to me?

"An acquaintance." And before the police woman can keep asking me questions, I continue: "Please don't charge her – she had nothing to do with what happened. They forced her to try and kill Harry."

Who forced her?

"Ben… Ben's parents."

Do you know why?

"Harry's dad and Ben's dad are… I'm not sure. They're against each other. But they…" I clench my fists. "... Ben's dad took it out on Harry's whole family. It's the reason his mum is… dead." I look up, into the police woman's eyes, which are glued on mine. "Then they changed their last name and made me the target for Harry."

I hear her scribbling on the paper. She gets up and leaves for a minute before returning with a cup of water. I sip from it, but I'm not thirsty, just thinking too hard, and I'm worried that she can hear everything inside my head, seeping out somehow. I'm holding a wave of emotions back, and I'm not sure what would happen if I let it all out… That's what I'm afraid of.

I look up at the police woman.

"Are there more questions?" I ask.

She smiles at me, but this one seems most genuine out of all the ones she's given me.

"Your answers are valuable, Tasmin," she tells me, and I nod. "But I'm not going to push you."

I swallow. "Isn't this case really important?"

She nods. "It is." I just stare, so she continues. "Our team has been searching for the source of a money launderer. We haven't been able to trace it back… until we suspected Ben's father, after the incident. Do you think he's capable of –?"

"I don't know anything about him." I add: "And if it weren't for Ally stalling the fight yesterday, both Harry and I might be…"

She nods slowly, then quickly in understanding. She stands.

"Get well soon, Tasmin. And don't worry too much, but we'll contact your parents if we need to give you more information, or, if we need to call you back for more questioning. Okay with you?"

"Okay."

She heads towards the door. Then turns back. She doesn't say anything, but then I blurt out:

"Could you tell me what happens to Harry?"

She ponders this for a moment. "I'll let you know what I can, when I can, alright?"

"Thank you."

She leaves.

For some reason, the moment she heads out, I'm overcome by exhaustion. Visiting hours might be soon, and my parents will be here again, but I allow myself to shut my eyes and drift into a dream purely made of the life I wish for Harry, for Ally, even for Ben… and perhaps for me, too.

Harry

This is exactly how it felt.

My mum, my dad, myself.

The room, white, long, wide, made us feel small. And even more helpless than we already were. So familiar, yet not something I want to remember at all.

I sigh at the nostalgic feeling: We meet again...

All we could do was try to remember the things we needed to say before the chance slipped away. And we tried anything but to picture what life was going to be without her.

It couldn't happen. It shouldn't.

I took her frail hand in mine and held tight, not believing, just hoping, that if I held on tight enough, maybe the chance wouldn't slip away, and I wouldn't have to let go, and neither would she.

I let the tears fall then, I let them fall now.

I do what I did before; take her hand, and whisper, oh, so quietly:

Don't go this time. I'll go.

Even though it's Tasmin, it feels like the right thing to say.