chapter 73

I lay on top of her for just a bit, before I get up to take off the condom. I knew to be prepared, I always was. This time, I didn't care if we would make a child together. It would be my greatest dream come true. I just know at this time, she isn't ready for that. We have two children we are already taking care of. I didn't want to trap her, or scare her, just make love to her. I just hope she doesn't regret what we just did. I hope we move forward and not backward from this.

I lay there seeing he took care of everything. How much he thinks about me, how he just touched me. I never felt anything like it. My first time with Zero, I thought was a dream, and I just took him every way I could. Not thinking about anything, or thinking I had to. It was lust, desire, I couldn't get enough of his gorgeous body. This was different, it was slow, soft, and loving. It was the same body I couldn't get enough of, just in a different way.

Ichiru lays back down, taking me into his arms. I wrap my arms around him, holding him close just looking up at him in aww. Tears run down my face.

"You don't regret it do you?" Ichiru asks with concern.

"No, it's not that," I answer.

"Then what? Was everything ok?" Ichiru asks.

"Your mine? Really mine? Only Mine?" I say looking up into his eyes.

"I am yours, only yours, for now, and always." Ichiru answers.

I can't hold back how I feel, and I kiss him tenderly on his lips. My body now laying on top of his, I continue to kiss him and make love to him.

I see a different side to her, she sees how much I love her, how I want her. She is finally realizing it. She is my everything. My heart. I can't believe she is on top of me, kissing me, and letting me do everything I always wanted to her. I never want this to end. I have so many fears, I am just doing my best not to give into them. My biggest is she will regret this, or she sees him and not me. I guess, either way, I got what I wanted...I just want more.

We make love again, this time her taking more control. I saw the first time, she held back. I am not sure where her feelings are, but she is kissing me, touching me, which I see as a good sign. Afterward, we lay in each others arms. I hold her close to me, not wanting to let her go. I don't want this night to end, not sure what morning will bring.

I don't get much sleep, as I hold her, thinking about so many things. I see she is out cold in my arms, which is a good thing. I just still wonder what is going on in that pretty little mind of hers. The sun comes up, and its time for work. I guess we will find out.

"Morning," Ichiru says.

"Morning, did you get any rest?" I ask.

"Just a little." Ichiru answers.

"Sorry I didn't mean to keep you up half the night." I snicker.

"You can keep me up like that any time you want. I really enjoyed being with you in that way." Ichiru reveals.

"It was very nice. I enjoyed it as well." I answer.

"Good, I am glad. So I guess we are on to the next stage of our relationship?" Ichiru asks.

"I guess so, for right now I need to get ready for work," I answer.

"Me too." Ichiru comments.

I get up, going upstairs to my room opening the door seeing my bed, Zero's slippers on the floor next to my side of the bed. I just take a seat at the edge, tears rolling down my face.

"You wanted this, you saw this. How much he truly loves me, like no other. The feeling of contentment when I am with him, no worries, no hurt. You saw this the whole time. You wanted to give it to me, everything I wanted just like I gave it to you. I see it all now. You did love me, in your own special way. You left me with two pieces of you, that I could watch grow up, and a man who loves me unconditionally. My dear sweet Zero, you were kind even at the end, thinking about others more than yourself. I just didn't see it before, I was so filled with sadness and anger. I see it all so clearly now. No matter how my feelings for Ichiru grow, there will always be a place in my heart for you. Nothing will ever change that, I love you, at the same time, I need to let you go." I say.

I take my shower, just realizing she went upstairs, she went into their room. His things are everywhere. A panic in my heart, appears, as I know this can ruin everything. Without thinking I run upstairs, into her room finding her on the bed with tears. My heart drops, feeling she went to him again.

"What's wrong Ichiru? Is everything ok?" I ask wiping my tears.

"Yea, I was just wondering if you were ok? You were taking a bit longer." Ichiru asks.

"I'm fine, I just needed to let go, to say goodbye in my own way, "I answer getting up, putting my arms around him.

"Oh, ok. You don't regret anything do you?" Ichiru asks.

"No, not at all. You don't have to keep asking me that. Last night was beautiful, I want to be with you Ichiru, you don't have to fear anything. I promise you." I comment.

"I just fear, you may change your mind. I know how much you love him." Ichiru admits.

"I am not changing my mind. I see all that he wanted now, all that he was after. I have forgiven him, and let go. I love him yes, I always will, but I love you as well." I inform.

"You do? Not just as a friend?" Ichiru asks.

"You don't make love to your friends Ichiru. My feelings for you are growing more each day. I want this relationship, I want your love." I reply.

"I am happy to hear that because I want it too. I love you Alexa, with all my heart. You're the only woman I want." Ichiru admits.

"I know, and it makes me very happy to know this," I answer.

"I have to get ready for work, we are going to be late. I will be down in a few minutes. Stop worrying ok?" I add.

"Ok," He says kissing me before he leaves.