Lions and Tigers and Bears (1)

"Damn, that's the last time I drink with Cody," Jason muttered as he gripped the back of his skull.

The fresh grass under his body caressed him and provided a soothing sensation that countered the intense fatigue that plagued his body. "Talk about some vivid nightmares!"

His hands ruffled the damp blades of grass in his hand as he recollected his thoughts, 'Grass, since when do I sleep at the park?'

Jason panicked and stood up immediately; the sudden change caused blood to rush to his head and create a sense of dizziness.

He couldn't believe the environment before him!

The grass swayed in the wind with a blue tint, giving it an ethereal and ghostly appearance. Coniferous trees with green and pink pine needles surrounded him in all directions. No matter where he looked, he could not see a hint of the city's skyline.

The only sign of life was the rhythmic pumping in his chest.

Jason gripped his temples and refused to accept his situation. Obviously, he was in a strange land, but according to his dreams the previous night, he should have a small pile of treasures that accompanied him.

He wandered around seeking that cache. He felt as if he was looking for a starter chest in a video game, so he made sure to check behind every boulder and in every crack, but it was hopeless. The items were nowhere to be found.

Frustration built before he shouted toward the sky, "Where are my items, you jerk!? I earned those! What's goi-"

[Five minutes!] The voice was back!

[The first trial, "Lions and Tigers and Bears," will commence.]

"What am I supposed to do without my gear!? You scammed me!" He frantically continued his search for the equipment he selected, knowing that he didn't have much time left.

[Five Minute Warning!] The message repeated

[Your items will be delivered before the trial.]

[If you still sleep, I suggest you wake up.]

The voice didn't seem to be responding to Jason's complaints, but at least it answered his questions. Not bothering with looking for his items any longer, he decided to familiarize himself with the environment.

He didn't want to be chased into a dead end, after all.

'This is shit… Five minutes is basically pointless…' he thought to himself as he began to come up with a game plan for the situation.

He wasn't sure what the conditions for the trial were, but he knew he would need supplies, shelter, water, and a fire source. Thankfully most of his basic needs would be taken care of by the items he received from the shop.

Running through the forest, he kept an eye out for a freshwater source but failed to find anything significant. As he was choosing a new direction to run in the labyrinth of trees, a book manifested in front of him and slapped him in his face.

The rest of the items he retrieved from the shop quickly followed, landing on the ground at his feet.

Not wanting to waste any time, he picked up the green fanny pack and put it on immediately. He wasn't sure how he would be able to retrieve items or how the strange magic worked, but he decided to shove everything except his weapons inside.

Unfortunately, he didn't think he would have time to study during his test.

He looked at his weapons and realized that carrying the bat wouldn't be much of an issue. It was just a small aluminum baseball bat. The fish, on the other hand, would be a strange item.

He thought back to his time in the shop and realized that every good hero needed a trick up their sleeve, so he shoved his fish back into the sleeve of his leather jacket. It was awkward and slimy, but nobody would expect it.

Thankfully, the cuff of the jacket prevented the fish from slipping out the bottom.

With his bat on his shoulder, and his fish in his sleeve, Jason felt like a total badass. He strutted around until the timer finally reached zero, and the familiar voice reached him yet again.

[Greetings, mortals!]

[Welcome to your first trial!]

'Well, that was anticlimactic,' he thought, half expecting a run-down of the trial.

He decided that he needed to continue his search for water. He would be able to survive on the bread that he gathered from the store, but the water would be his lifesaver.

Not wanting to exhaust himself, he strolled through the forest casually.

It felt like hours had passed, and he had nothing to show for it. No fights, no water, no women… His adventure was turning out to be a dud.

Seeing a hill with a lone tree resting on top, he decided to climb it to see if he could get a better glimpse of his surroundings. The hike would take him about an hour and be exhausting, but it would be worth it if he could find… anything.

Approaching the crest of the hill, hunched over and panting to catch his breath, Jason heard a low growl from behind the sole tree.

"FINALLY," he exclaimed as he stood up straight and readied his bat to face the expected beast!

A humanoid figure twice his size came shambling from behind the tree, wearing American Football equipment with a bright orange and blue helmet on his head.

"Shit…" Jason muttered.

It wasn't a beast.

Remembering the title of the trial, he chuckled at the connection and ran toward his opponent.

The poor, young man had never attacked someone with a bat before, so he just swung it as hard as he could at the lumbering giant—landing a blow on it's shoulder.

The [Whacking Bat] finally showed its true value as the bones crumbled before him and the arm fell to the monster's side, swinging loosely.

Not one to let an advantage go to waste, he repeated his action on the opponent's other shoulder!

A lumbering giant shambled toward Jason with two limp flailing appendages accompanying him, as if this was some type of comedy. He was sure that he would no longer be pummeled to death, but it didn't seem to slow the gargantuan down at all.

Taking two steps backward to tactically withdraw and think about the situation, Jason left himself open to be attacked. What followed was a simple swing of a loose hunk of meat that had previously been a fist, posing no risk to Jason and allowed the young man another strike with his bat.

Connecting with the exposed part of the wild arm, the strike disintegrated the bones yet again and caused another pivot point.

"Fuck… You're a zombie, aren't you?" Jason asked the lumbering creature as if it would stop attacking and clarify the situation.

The wet noodles swiped at him as he danced around them, contemplating his next move.

So, Jason did what any self-respecting zombie prepper of the 21st century would do! He stepped backward and turned his body 45 degrees. Dropping his hips, he kicked the zombie square in the chest.

Not only was his childhood dream a reality, but his self-defense classes were finally useful!

The zombie staggered as it was destabilized slightly, giving Jason the opportunity to strike a kneecap with his bat, finally tipping his foe!

He ran up to the flopping zombie and smashed it in the helmet with his bat, leaving a dent on the surface.

"The hell did you make this out of?" He asked

He shoved the bat into the faceguard of the helmet, poking the creature's face as if he were a fencer killing his opponent, but absolutely nothing happened.

"I suppose that doesn't count as whacking…" he sighed dejectedly.

After multiple strikes, Jason finally made it through the protective helmet and killed the horrible monstrosity.

Panting for air with blood dripping from the end of his bat, Jason collapsed onto the ground. 'This is bad; if there's more than one, things could get nasty!'

Regaining his breath, he rose to his feet once again. Nervous that the world would screw him over, he kicked the zombie one last time. There was no response; the creature was finally as dead as a dead undead could be.

Jason thought of a new tactic and wanted to try it immediately.