Ch.14: Self Thought.

clink.

Clink.

CLINK!

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!"

He screamed himself awake from the sound of clinking. Kazemi was in a white bed, buck naked with sweat on his forehead. The room he was in rivaled a blacksmith's shop and the man hammering made this statement more true.

'Where..am I? Didn't I just get my shit rocked? Wait, am I dead again?! Was I not able to complete the..scahvenger hunt? Aw man..'

He sighed as he laid back down on the bed. His second chance at life was ruined and now he was sitting in the pits of hell. '7th floor is a little too warm..' The first floor of hell is the hottest while the 7 is warmest.

'And I went out like a bitch too...'

He sighed as he recalled many, many memories. 'I didn't even get a chance to show Tory how useful I can be to her. I've only showed her my weird side... Speaking of that side, that...' Deep sigh, 'That needs to stop, I think. I'm not the smartest person in the world and I'm definitely not the richest person. I want to show her that I can be good to her with my strength, not weirdness. That's all she probably sees me as. A joke, clown, a straight up, idiot. You know, in death, you realize all of your mistakes. I didn't get to experience this feeling before as I was sort of not their and their at the same time because of drugs. I realize that I've made many, many mistake in my past, one of which is starting beef with a gang. I was so desperate to help Haru that I forgot to value myself. I ain't regret it though. Now mother, when I was first born, I remember the huge smile you had on your lovely face. I remember the birds that sang for you as well. It all turned into hell though when Father began drinking over losing his job. That's...when you showed me your true colors. You...abused me, told me how you wished I was never born and that I was a failure of a son for not being smart. You even hit me to take your frustrations out from father hitting you. Man, it was pure hell. It was from that moment that I decided to be something more, or I'd tried to be as we were dirt poor. With no money, I couldn't go to school so I turned to the streets. By 6, I could wield a knife. By 10, I could kill without feeling. By 13, I began stealing from gangs. The crazy part...is how it's my fault. I could have went to the authorities, but I was too scared that they would take you away, Mother. Ah yes, I feel remorse for you, of course. I'm a lunatic after all. Even after all those beatings, I still loved you. I still loved you because I knew it was a way to let out your feelings. For that, I'd let you do anything to me..'

He stared at the ceiling.

'I just need...to slow down. I will be tough, but I need to start focusing on myself. That's what happens in a second life, right? I've always done things for others and never asked myself what I wanted to do. It was always about you and Haru, never me. I'd sacrifice anything for you guys. I still will. I still will. But for now, let me enjoy this. I want to experience it all. Flying a plane. Going to space. Having genuine sex. Relationships. Maybe even having little me's walking around. A start of a new family. I want it all, I want to see it all, I..just wanna experience it all...'

He coughed, knowing that it can't happen.

'I can copy powers, cutting them, whatever you wanna call it, I can basically steal them. I always steal so why not give me a power to only take? Why paste? Why is the option of me giving back an option? It has..helped me out, but I still don't understand..'

'I can be invisible. Hide myself from the world while taking from it at the same time. I always felt invisible in the sense of me not seeing the true reality of things. I never once considered my actions, I've always only moved forward.'

'I can walk on the air. I can touch the clouds and stars with this power. I've always wanted to go to the stars, so maybe this power isn't so random. It pushes me too. It tells me that with power itself, one can achieve anything, no matter how high the challenge may be.'

'Voodoo doll. I always take pain from others. No wonder why I crossed such a power in my life. While others do small things such as throwing away a cigarette, it causes big things like my brother picking up said cigarette, putting it in his mouth, becoming sick off of it and isn't planned to live...very long..'

An image of his little brother appeared. His features were girly, despite him being a guy. He had black hair and grey eyes and his face was plastered with a smile.

'At 2 years old, your life expectancy was nothing past 10. I..can't remeber what the hood doctor prescribed the sickness as becuase I was in too much shock from hearing his life span. I..wasn't joking when I said I've done worse things when he came into my life. The real reason I stole from gangs was to raise money for his treatments. I didn't care how stupid I was to do this. I..didn't realize how stupid I was till now actually..'

His face scrunched.

'What kind of brother leaves his dying brother alone like this? The gang I stole from was number one or something in Japan. They had over 1 billion yen sitting around and so I decided to take it. I knew though... I knew that I wouldn't be alive in the next 24hrs to see my brother in a medical room. I planned on getting his treatment before they caught me but I got caught up in my own lustful thoughts. I chose pleasure...over my..brother..'

'What...Did I Do?'

The weight of wrong doing finally weighed themselves on his shoulder. 'I...chose pleasure over my brothers treatment..' He put his hand out, a gun forming in his hand. He aimed said gun at his head, his expression becoming dark.

'I've ignored it all till now. Heck, I even lied and said that it was for educational purposes when in fact, he doesn't like the idea of school..'

He pulled the hammer of the glock down, making a click noise go off.

'I told myself that I was the good guy in this. How I had a right to enjoy myself before death..'

He put the gun to his right temple, a smile forming on his face. 'Its good to know...that I was truly scummy to the end. I'm killing myself to escape myself. I'm leaving behind Tory, the girl who I fell in love with unconsciously. Rukia, the loli that's probably being raped right now...'

The man with the hammer turned around and saw that the kid was shaking with a gun to his head. He sighed at that and turned back around to work.

'My mother was raped because of me and my little brother... Haru, is either gonna die by tommorow from being by himself in the cold, or be sold as a slave or something...'

Even in thinking all that, he couldn't cry. He couldn't fully feel empathy, sympathy, for people. That's made him survive throught his dark times though.

'Haru. I..just want you to know that I love you. I've been given a chance by God to live again and yet, I'm wasting it. I chose a path of another life to see you again, but I don't think...that I can look into your eyes and say,

'I'm Sorry'.'

He wanted to live for himself, but couldn't with the thought of, 'I killed him. I kill him..' floating throughout his mind, each and every single second of every quaking hour. Maybe in another life can he fully appreciate it. One where he doesn't have regret, where he doesn't feel guilt.

With that being said, he pulled the trigger, awaiting his impending death. 'It was a fun 4 days. I felt like I lived a little. Heck, I even felt the touch of a naked, young woman. It was amazing!'

He laid back onto the pillow, his eyes shutting with a smile. The person hammering stopped for a moment, but continued after shaking his head.

'Weak.'

....