cp6

Chapter 6: Woes of Contemplating Patricide

'Some people are alive only because murder is illegal.'

Yori was contemplating murder.

Papa Shin had decided to go shopping for his daughter because her clothing "wasn't feminine enough". Not only had he thrown out all her clothes and replaced them with violent shades of glitzy pink, neon greens, bold reds and deep purples, he'd also wasted all of the money she'd earned.

For the last two months.

How am I ever going to buy those tomatoes now?! she thought hysterically as Papa Shin grovelled at her feet.

"Papa is sorry Yori-chan! It's just that you're never going to get a husband if your clothes aren't revealing enough! And Papa just wants the best for his free meal ticket! Papa meant daughter! And papa's taste in clothing is pretty good isn't it? Papa's really good at clothes shopping, ne? Especially that lacy red dress, ne? YORI-CHAN, YOUR PAPA IS A GENIUS! But Papa is sorry for spending all the money on clothes…papa realises he should have spent more money on alcohol, but papa only bought three bottles to tide him over…oh well, Yori-chan will make more money, ne?"

Her eye visibly twitched in annoyance, and she was about ready to killthis man that even dared to pretend that what he'd done was in any way shape or form acceptable.

Yori had the patience of a saint, truly she did. But she was reaching her maximum limit of dealing with stupidity, what with Komushi-san knocking on her door bearing wedding gifts every other day, some old lady that she was very certain was Sasori-san's grandmother whipping out a tape measure as she was helping Nae-chan carry the laundry from literallythin air and taking her measurements without permission and tsking at her breast size, and Shingi had, yet again, tried to sell her off to one of her illicit 'clients' without the proper paperwork.

Then she had Yori fill out the paperwork to sell herself to some geriatric paedophile.

In fact, Yori would go so far as to say the Sasori-stalking was downright relaxing in comparison.

She was just about to let Papa Shin have a piece of her mind, really she was, but just as she opened her mouth to let him have it, Rasa-samaknocked on the ajar doorway.

"Am I interrupting?" he asked with an upturned eyebrow and an arrogant scowl on his face.

The casting in my life drama is shit. thought Yori bitterly.

"Rasa-sama!" she exclaimed, wanting to hit her papa over the head for creating such a bizarre scene in front of, what essentially boiled down to, her boss.

"C-can I help…you…sir?" she asked, sounding far less sure of herself than was entirely appropriate. He would now think of her as incompetent and a bully to her elders. Thank you Papa! Yori thought hysterically.

He looked down at her, sneering at the state of her living space in disdain.

She blushed bright red, now wanting to mutilate her papa before stringing him from the water tower and decorating his body with bits of his forebrain, which she would chop into little pieces after doing a lobotomy. And no, she didn't know how to do one, but she also figured that it didn't fucking matter.

Papa's grovelling had started before she could start on cleaning up after returning from work, and papa was already three sheets to the wind by that point, giggling happily as he went to his bedroom to fetch the clothes he'd bought her.

Of course, he'd left a trail of sexy lingerie thatwas highly inappropriate for a father to buy his daughter all the way from his bedroom to the living room. He'd also chosen that particular day to cook a meal for her, so the kitchen was a disaster.

Then, of course, he'd tried to wash the dishes, and had only managed splash water all the way to the front door. The dishes were still as dirty as they'd been when he'd started.

It was in this state of disarray that her bosshad decided to grace his presence on his longest serving maid's humble abode.

Kill me now.

"Yes…" he said, eyeing her vestibule with disdain. "Yori, was it? You were recommended." For some bizarre strange reason went without saying.

"F-for what…sir?" she gulped.

He inhaled bracingly before saying, "I need someone to organise the wedding. Your mother was…the go to person, as it were, for these sorts of things. I've been assured you will be just as…skilled."

He looked utterly unconvinced, and Yori looked about as close to hyperventilating as someone could get without actuallyhyperventilating.

Mama Haruka had been very high up the household rank, but Yori was—how do you put this politely?—about as useless at these sorts of things as a polar bear in the Sahara Desert.

She was just about to tell him so, but perhaps not using that analogy, however her definitely-going-to-be-choked-in-his-sleep Papa Shin decided to speak for her.

It must be pointed out that Yori probably wouldn't have said anything, what with how much of a chicken she was when it came to human interaction.

"Oh, my Yori-chan is even better than her mama! She'll definitely make Rasa-sama's wedding one to remember!" he beamed with a drunk grin.

Rasa-sama threw him a look of great disgust, but then sighed plaintively and muttered, "I hope you're right. Karura's going to kill me with a blunted spoon if this doesn't turn out perfect…"

"Right, girl!" he barked at her, making her jump like a startled kitten.

"Y-yes sir?" she stammered out.

"You will make this wedding a success. Or you die." he said it so menacingly, Papa Shin wet his trousers.

…although it might have been the drink, come to that…

With that pronouncement, Rasa-sama turned with a flamboyance hitherto unseen and marched away imperiously.

Yori's eye twitched again as she gave her Papa a sharp glance. However, due to the fact that Yori was as intimidating as a baby panda, it didn't have the desired effect.

Especially because her eyes were watery with fear and her pouty lips were trembling in a most unintimidating fashion.

"Papa…"

He beamed and hiccupped in her direction. "Aren't I brilliant Yori-chan? Now you'll get even moremoney for Papa's saké! Papa is so smart!"

He giggled happily and then promptly fell into an alcohol induced coma.

Yori walked to a wall and smashed her head against it repeatedly.

Fuck my life.

Fuck my life. thought Sasori as he saw his grandmother resorting his tools without his explicit permission.

He couldn't kill her for touching his things, he couldn't yell at her for touching his things, and he certainly couldn't stop her without causing some sort of bodily harm.

But Sasori really wanted her to stop messing his things up, because if he was the epitome of organised, his grandmother was about as organised as an ant on Old McDonald's farm.

In short, her organisation made no sense, even to her.

"Chiyo-baa-san." He intoned with an undercurrent of impatience.

His grandmother froze in the process of disassembling his interlocking wood tower (it had taken more than a collective five hundred and twenty one hours to get it to stay like that) before turning around with a mad cackle.

"Sasori-chan. I thought you'd left for your mission already." she said, without a hint of remorse.

Sasori internally sighed. His face blank, he dispassionately stated, "I had to collect my latest puppet."

Chiyo blinked at him in surprise. "You mean thisis a puppet?"

She was pointing at the least intimidating puppet created in shinobi history; a perfect replica of Female, conflicted blue eyes, pouty lips, voluptuous curves, weathered hands and all.

"It doesn't even have weapons! I checked! I thought it was a pet project!" Chiyo exclaimed, not hiding her surprise whatsoever.

It was true, Sasori mused. The Female puppet wasn't actually all that useful in combat.

But that was the whole point.

None of his puppets were humanoid enough to pass for unthreatening infiltrators, but when he'd first analysed Female, he'd known instantly that she'd pass as non-malevolent in a heartbeat, no matter where he used her.

It was a stroke of genius really, and adding weapon compartments would have ruined the ruffled, scantily-clad effect of the puppet's vulnerability.

"I'm almost late Chiyo-baa-san. I have to go. Now. Bye."

It was hard pretending to be emotional when his emotions only had two settings: apathetic and impatient.

If Chiyo had heard this thought, she would have sweatdropped and told him that he sounded more robotic than an actual robot.

Sasori carefully sealed his latest puppet and left his puppetry studio.

"Oh, and Chiyo-baa-san." he said without turning around, even as Chiyo reached out for his tower.

"Please don't touch my things."

Chiyo frowned in what she thought was a cute manner. Sasori inwardly shuddered—Female was very good at cute, and Chiyo-baa-san was decidedly not.

"If my grandson reallywants to push his poor, fragile, ailing grandmother out of his life completely, who am I to stop him, hmmmmmmmmmm?"

Sasori left her without a response.

Chiyo pretended to be hurt by this for another few moments before going and touching the wooden tower anyway.

Lightning chakra fizzled and thrummed to her nerve-endings, sizzling her insides in a distinctly unpleasant sensation.

Chiyo cackled in a most evil fashion. "So my grandson does care!"

The logic she employed was that if Sasori hadn't cared about her, he wouldn't have warned her not to touch the 'shocking' tower.

…her logic is legendary. For the completely wrong reasons.

Review please? It motivates me to write faster...please? So what do you think about Sasori's reasoning thistime? I know some people had issues with him 'liking' Yori, but I hope this reveals his true motive for stalking her and creating a 'work of art' based on her. He wanted a weapon that would slip under the radar so he could get...well, you'll see next chapter, I'm sure