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To Convince The Devil

This was originally the first thing I wrote on this site but stopped because I wasn't happy with how the story progressed. I have come back a year and a bit later to revise chapters and rework the story in a way I am happy with and in a way I'm hoping you enjoy as well.

Smokey_Jeager · Fantasia
Classificações insuficientes
15 Chs

What did I do?

"Wait, this isn't fair, I don't deserve punishment, I did nothing wrong, I just made a choice." Raphael said with fear swimming through his body. "You may believe that to be true but clearly purgatory didn't agree. It thinks you committed a sin. All I am allowed to do is evaluate what you have done and what led you here, I can only send you back if you prove innocent." She replied in her soft tone. Raphael tried to raise and argue but choked, he couldn't really understand everything around him. If she was the devil, why wasn't he in hell? Why did it seem like she didn't care what he did?

"This is going to take a long time, maybe a few days at the least, your destination is far from where we are." She said as she let go of his hand assuming he would be an adult and accept fate. "If this is the afterlife, shouldn't this be instant, I should just be wrongly punished right when I get here right?" Raphael said demeaning her as he stood still in the rough gravel. "That's not how these kinds of things work, Raphael. Everything here is supposed to mean something. The road to your sin is meant to make you look back on everything in your life. If you weigh heavily upon the choices and regret everything, finally accepting that you did in fact sin, a deal can be made with me to go to the gates for another chance at heaven." Said the woman as she turned and stared at him.

"I wish that you will be able to reflect and regret, or at least be quiet. I don't enjoy walking with brooding children who think they are high and mighty." She said turning back around swiftly to continue walking, straightening her suit as she stepped. "So I have to keep my mouth shut or make a case for myself?" He asked as he looked down to his feet and began dragging behind her. Without response he could only think, "What did I do wrong? What did my one choice possibly affect? Should I have a second chance? All questions that began to dance around his mind as he began to slowly lose hope in leaving.

Please teel me how you feel about the revisions, It is greatly appreciated.

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