54 - Changes

Spring at the Bogs was going to be busy, Maisey learned over the winter months. Brett and his crew had to check the cattle all winter and many of the heifers were pregnant. According to the team that meant spring round up would bring calves, and that meant branding.

He'd kept his word and found her a sling but she was a terrible shot despite four day a week practice, but she'd learned to rope and could accurately rope almost anything she tried to. Bandit was insisting that since round up was coming she needed to come to West Ridge to practice on the live animals. She'd put him off for a week, but she didn't think she could come up with anymore excuses--if she was being honest with herself the idea of roping a live animal terrified her: she had seen too many rodeo videos with Tony and Brett where the cowboys got thrown or trampled. She wiped the counter absently--Brett had gone out to Slim's, it was the first time she'd been left alone at the house since the fall. Henry sat at her feet, but she'd locked all the doors and made sure all the window locks were closed just to be safe.

Christmas had been different. Brett had put up a tree and Anna had cooked a turkey, insisting that Tony, Bandit, Brett and Maisey join Lucas, Andy and Anna with their Christmas dinner. West Ridge had thrown a massive Christmas Eve celebration, complete with fake Santa for the kids of the families and New Years they'd all gone to Slim's. She'd made all the men a pair of slippers and ordered Brett the new saddle he'd been eyeing. She'd been amazed at the cost of the piece of equipment and he was stunned when he'd gone out on the tack room. He'd bought her a cow hide rope, a gift certificate for the spa she'd been at in Medicine Hat the night he and Andy had tracked her down, and a giant fluffy towel because she had complained that she needed something bigger than the normal sized ones he used and a belt buckle.

She touched the buckle with soapy fingers, it had been a surprise to open up the box to find the piece: a symbol to remind her of her new path forward he'd said. It showed a cowgirl standing next to her dog with a rope around the neck of a cow and a wolf howling in the background. She wore it most days now. Henry looked up as she hung the cloth over the faucet to dry out. She moved to the couch and flipped on the TV. She chuckled to see a re-run of Legally Blonde on--she'd watched it many times over but it was as good as anything to watch while she was alone. Her phone buzzed.

"Headed home," Brett said.

She was still trying to figure out what was going on between them. When they'd come back from the trial they'd gone back to sharing a room as if they always had, but they had never done anything more than snuggle and laugh and talk. She felt safe with him--a part of her wanted more but she didn't know if he did.

"Thx for the heads up." she replied and went to make some popcorn to go with the movie. It had become a comfortable routine: he would come home and join her with whatever she was watching and then they would go to bed. Henry would lay at the door, like he always did and Brett would hold her against all the nightmares.

"Hey," Brett joined her on the couch after taking off his boots and scooped a handful of popcorn, "what are we watching?"

"Chick flick," she made room for him.

"You'd think I would have known that by now," he laughed. She could smell alcohol from his breath, which was uncommon for him, he apologized when she cringed, "One of Tony's guys had a baby, everyone had a little more than usual." He got up and went for a glass of water, "It was a boy: they named him Elias Jackson."

"That's exciting," she was less than thrilled and it came through in her tone, Brett always knew when she wasn't happy with him, there was a light that went out in her blue eyes. She flipped off the TV and moved toward her old room, calling Henry to her.

"Don't," he called out, "Please, don't compare me to him."

She spun on her heel, "I am not comparing you to anyone," she said, her tone bordering on angry, "I just don't feel like smelling alcohol all night long while I'm trying to sleep."

"Liar," Brett called her out, "You're remembering Luke and the excuses he would make." He refused to back down, "I'm not Luke. I had a few drinks to celebrate."

"Good night Brett," she shut the door and he could hear her tell Henry to guard.

He went to the door and leaned on the door frame, he wanted to apologize, and to reassure her. He didn't want her to be alone and he didn't want to be alone. Henry's shadow blocked light from coming out the bottom of the door but he knew that she would have the light on. He knew she wouldn't sleep, not for hours if at all. He also didn't feel like he should have to apologize for a few drinks. "I'm sorry," he told the door with a sigh, his hand flat against the wood of the door. He didn't think she could hear him, "I'm sorry he hurt you, I'm sorry I can't make you forget, I'm sorry it hurts you all over when I do something or say something that reminds you," He sat down and leaned against the door, hating himself for apologizing and hating the alcohol for giving him the courage to say things he couldn't bring himself to say normally. "Going to Slim's without you and seeing all the couples there makes me miss you, it's not much fun and sometimes I drink too much to try to convince myself that I can still go and have fun without you there. I miss cuddling with you to watch movies and I miss holding you when we sleep when you're upset with me." The door swung open behind him and he fell backwards, his head hitting the carpeted floor at her feet.

"Why are you talking to my door," she demanded crossly.

"Because you closed it." He told her. "And I'm chicken," he admitted with a shrug.

"How drunk are you?" she demanded, her hands on her hips as she glared at him.

"I'm not," he told her, "I had three shots right before I left Slim's because that's when the announcement happened, other than that I drank soda all night. Call the bar if you don't believe me."

Her face softened, "And all that stuff you just said?"

"Are you going to sick Henry at me if I get up?" He asked, "I don't really want to have this conversation with you upside down glaring at me."

She sent Henry to his bed and moved into the kitchen to sit down, not sure she could handle the information being repeated while she was standing. "It's all true," he told her, straddling a chair while he faced her across the table, "I don't enjoy going to Slim's without you. I enjoy being with you and I miss you when you're not around." He held her eyes, "I think I've fallen in love with you." Maisey sat still, unable to speak. He swore softly, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that," he stood and started pacing, "From the day I found you on the side of the road I knew you were special, you've been here a little less than a year but we look after each other, we have our routines, we share a room and a bed, and every time you left or every time you're not there I miss you. I wanted to kill Luke when I found out what he did to you and when Jesse turned up I just about did. When you disappeared on me to deal with your trial I was...I was scared you were going to leave and never come back."

Maisey had stood and stopped him pacing, "I'm broken," she told him, "But I don't feel broken when I'm with you." She took his hand and searched his face, "I'm scared to feel and I'm scared to let you any closer."

They stood silently, searching each other's faces and then he kissed her. Maisey's breath caught in her throat as his lips crushed hers in a tentative, tender, search for a response. They were both surprised when her hands caught in his shirt and she leaned into him, pulling him closer and keeping their lips pressed together. He leaned back and searched her face when they came up for air.

He took her hand and lead her to their bedroom, flipping off lights as he guided her, "I'm going to shower off the smell of smoke and booze," he told her softly, "Please don't run away." She smiled against his lips as he sneaked another kiss, his eyes told her he didn't want to go anywhere and she pushed him away.

"I won't run," she promised and slid under the blankets.

Brett stood in the shower and wondered what the hell he'd done: if this didn't work out, if she didn't feel the same, he'd just destroyed the best thing to happen to him since he came to the Bogs. He couldn't help remembering her lips on his and washed quickly. He dried and threw on a pair of shorts before entering the bedroom. Maisey had fallen asleep but she stirred as he settled in beside her.