Chapter 3: Too Little Feelings

Maggie ends up dropping, not too hard but her emotional state is so fragile right now. Her girlfriends try and do their best, there is fluff towards the end.Maggie's little wants to break out.After much chewing and a bit of writing, Maggie looks up at the clock to stretch. She does a double-take.It's well past twelve and she was supposed to be home two hours ago.She looks down at her stack of work and realizes that she has gotten nothing done in the hours she has been here.She doesn't recall what she was doing the entire time.The detective frees her tender hands from her teeth when her tongue tastes a metallic-ey flavour.She looks down at her hands, fearing what she knows to be true. Slowly Maggie looks them over. Her fingers are a bit raw and she thinks a couple more hours and she might be able to see more of the meaty flesh underneath. Four out of her five digits are red, tender, and bleeding.She looks at the scene and just wants to curl up and cry. Now she noticed the stinging pain the air around it is causing."I told you so""Shut it!" She says in a strangled whisper. She licks up the rest of the blood and hisses at the intense sting it brings.Her head is aching, she is mentally and physically exhausted.I just want my mamas!The detective picks up her phone with shaky hands. Ten missed calls from Alex and a couple of dozen worried texts from Sam. Even a bit from Kara and her CEO girlfriend."Oh shit, I messed up." She says in a hushed tone, afraid to break the tense silence she is battling alone with.Her eyes begin to well to the brim, threatening to spill over. One gust of wind and it would be over. She stares at her phone for a bit longer debating on if she should return any of the missed calls or texts or just head on home. She goes for the latter, rather not have to deal with any of this mishap over the phone.The detective locks her gun into her holster, grabs her keys from inside the desk, and puts the papers away for later. She decides that she will just have to come in a bit before her shift starts on Monday to finish up so nothing is left undone.She grabs her leather jacket from the hanging rack and makes her way out of the precinct. The Latina's face is turned down, trying to not draw attention to herself, knowing how red and ready to pop her eyes must be.On her way out, she bumps into someone, she drops her jacket and goes to pick it up so she can rush out as fast as possible. Not even wanting to say sorry or even wait for one.The stranger goes to pick up the jacket at the same time she does. It's Alex.Lexi?"Where have you been, we have all been calling your phone. I tell you all the time, no, WE tell you all the time to let us know if-" Alex looked so frightened, so scared. Of what, I was just at work, I JUST LOST TRACK OF TIME FOR A BIT!The shorter detective looks up finally. She knows Alex can tell how tired she looks, and maybe she can tell she's been fighting a drop. Maggie looks back at her feet, she can see her toes wiggle in her combat boots a bit, I should really buy new ones.Alex goes in and grabs ahold of the rest of the jacket, puts it in the crook of her arm, and tugs Maggie closer into a hug."Why didn't you call and let us know, baby?" Alex says in a hushed tone. Knowing how sensitive she can be stuck in the middle of this emotional battle."Me and Sam have been worried about you." She says in a soft loving manner, yet still firm."Sorry." That's all that Maggie's voice can produce, she fears that anything more would end up with her sobbing in her girlfriend's arms and she does not have time to drop in the middle of her work place.Maggie buries her head in the crevice of the redhead's firm arms and breathes in deep. That warm vanilla smell always seems to soothe her.She stays there for a while, being held onto so firm and safe. Trying to wait for all the buzzing to die down, at least to a low beating hum.She can feel a bit of the shaking starting to rack her body. The attack doesn't get too far though.The agent talks her through the breathing exercises that they have gone over many times during their relationship. Alex has dealt with Maggie's attacks for quite a while, she knows just what to do because she has had to learn for her sister Kara.After about ten minutes, the noises almost halt completely. The shaking stops and the tears have slowed.Alex leads them both to her DEO-issued truck. She opens up the passenger door for Maggie and buckles her in snug."Can't have you slipping out can we."It makes Maggie giggle a bit. The truck is a little large so the tiny detective's feet barely touch the ground when she is seated with her back to the seat.She swings her legs wistfully while Alex hops into the next seat and starts the car. The ride home is quiet, other than the soft piano music that plays on the radio lowly in the background.Her eyes start to droop when they finally make it home."Come on baby, time to go, gotta get you outta these clothes and food in that belly of yours."Alex unbuckles her and lifts her up a bit. Settling Maggie on her feet. She grabs her hand and leads them up to their home where Sam is waiting up for them."Mac and Cheese is here to eat babes. With chicken nuggets on the side?" Sam asks the last bit like a question, trying to gauge what kind of night it was.Maggie wipes her eyes, trying to rid them of the sleepy daze she fell into.She doesn't respond, doesn't think she can. She just wants to curl up and fall into a dark abyss. Where everything is silent, calm, and warm. She just wants it quiet and safe.She clings to Alex a bit tighter, fisting the hem of the redhead's shirt, now wanting to let go or have to answer the simple-seeming question. She doesn't look up at either of them, not wanting to find disappointment.Sam pops the vegan chicken nuggets in the oven for a bit, just to warm them up so they aren't the bad type of warm.After both Alex and Maggie eat, Sam and her red-headed counterpart lead their other into the bathroom.Sam holds the ends of her shirt, bent down into a squat to look into Maggie's eyes for permission to undress her.Maggie gives a bit of a shaky nod.While Sam undresses her, Alex gets the shower ready. She takes off her own clothes, figuring it would be easier to wash her up from there.Sam guides Maggie inside and closes the glass behind them both."I will be cleaning up in the kitchen, don't take too long loves."Sam shoots Maggie a smile and a kiss. Usually, that would pinken the tiny detective's cheeks but today doesn't seem like that kind of day.In the car ride, she was left with her invading thoughts, and right now it's hard not to succumb to them again.The shower gets turned off ten minutes later and Sam walks in with clothes for the both of them. Alex dries herself off and Sam goes to dry Maggie.They dress her in soft black cotton underlings and an oversized t-shirt. They both know when she gets like this, kind of stuck, that if she does topple over, she wants to be as free as possible. Easy for skin-to-skin contact, she needs that kind of freedom.They make it to bed and all settle above the covers for a bit."Can I look at your hand's little bug?"Shakely, Maggie shows Alex her chewed-up hand and Alex lets out an almost imperceivable hiss at the sight. It makes Maggie whimper and curls in a bit."I'm sorry mama, I di-didn't mea-ean to." Maggie tries to hold it together, but the tears have already come rushing down. All of the emotions of the day have built up and this was her breaking point.Sam holds onto the shaking girl from behind, whispering soothing words into her ear and rubbing big open circles on her tummy.Alex continues to dress the wounds while trying to get Maggie to breathe with her."It's ok baby, all done now." She puts the kit away and gives a kiss to each bandaged finger."See, all better munchkin."They settle her into the middle of the bed, pulls off the top layer of blankets and snuggles her in. They grab blanky and fluffy, her stuffed elephant, both soothers that she could rarely go without.Maggie settles in, goes to suck her thumb but is instead is met with wraps preventing her from having her comfort. No fair!She tears up again and lets out a pained groan, on the end of it, a whimper.Sam reaches towards her end table and pulls something from her draw.It's a black and yellow pacifier. It's designed to be a little bumblebee.Alex and Sam tried to get her to use them before because hands in mouths are never healthy if you don't wash them beforehand. It's even worse for Maggie because she can't help but pick at her skin. But they never actively take away that option from her, they can tell that going down that road would be messy.Sam pushes it up to Maggie's lips, hoping it will take."Come on baby, do it for mommy please, you can't have your hands right now bun." The soother is taken in and given a couple of cursory sucks. The feeling is different, but not in a bad way."Not baby." She mumbles around the soother, but she doesn't muster the energy to spit it out and go without sucking on something that night.They settle in. "Good night little bug." "Night night bun"Maggie can only grunt in response. Too far gone to do anything but snuggle deeper into the warm softness that surrounds her.A few more slow bobs of the paci in, she drifts off into sleep. She is turned on her side, one hand holding onto the hem of Sam's shirt and the other reaching behind touching Alexes. Her arms still hold Fluffy and her blanky rest just at the tip of her nose.Soft suckling sounds fill the darkened room. The air is just a bit clearer for the detective. It's no longer that suffocating feeling. For now, she allows herself to indulge in the quaintness this brings. Her sleeping face paints a picture of contentment.Sam and Alex both look each other ways and give soft smiles to one another. They say their soft I love you's and sleep soon takes them too. They all hold onto each other, their love radiates through the room.