8.| All Alone

Before the fall

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I slump on the floor of room 899, leaning against the wall and staring blankly up at ceiling. Time drags on as I relive Jane's death that plays on a loop inside my mind, a horror movie I can't escape from.

How could we leave her behind, alone and defenseless?

I try to convince myself it was her fault. She should have known better than to keep her phone on in this hell hole. But deep down, I know it's a lie, a weak attempt to soothe my conscience. Every rationalization I make feels like a knife twisting in my gut.

I have to pull myself together, to focus on staying alive. I can't afford to keep dwelling on what happened, none of us can. As harsh as it sounds, it's the truth. We can grieve for Jane later, if we're lucky enough to survive.

Pushing the gruesome images of images of Jane's corpse from my mind, I force myself to get up and grab the metal chair leg I used on Casey. It's still covered in his blood. I wonder if I'll ever be able to clean my hands, but something tells me this won't be the last time I'll have to stain them.

Zeke said he'd wait for us on the roof. It is our only chance for escape, our only hope of survival. We just have to climb the ladder outside the window Zeke had told me about.

Our school has plenty of fire exits, but not for Room 901.

My stomach rumbles and I press my hand on it, remembering I haven't eaten since Jack's breakfast yesterday. I hope Zeke managed to bring some food along with him. It doesn't hurt to hope.

I glance at the others, seeing the despair and guilt on their faces. The same guilt that's gnawing at me. But I hid it better than them. I have to. Ivan's counting on me. "We have to keep moving." I say.

They don't say anything, but follow me to the window that I swing open. Rose hasn't looked at me or anyone else since we got to this room. Her eyes are locked on the ground, and it's the first time I've seen her like this. She's lost in her grief. Out of all of us, Jane's death hit her the hardest.

For as long as I've known her, she's always trying save everyone; but this is not like talking someone away from a ledge like she did last year with a freshman.

Monsters are not people. You can't reason with a beast that wants to devour you. A part of me feels sorry for her, but I know nothing I say will make her feel better. She has to face her grief on her own.

I go out first, holding the ladder with one hand and the chair leg under my chin with the other. Once I make sure it's stable, I grab the metal rung with both hands.

As I climb up, I don't look down, I just focus on my hands. One step at a time, lifting myself up. After school hours, Zeke and I used to sneak to the roof and watch the stars. We could never convince Rose to join us though, she was too much of a stickler for rules.

We had plans for our future, Zeke and I. He wanted to join the Marines, and I wanted to follow my fathers footsteps and work for Biotech Breakthroughs. But that dream died with him, and the world went to hell anyway.

The wind is cold and harsh, sending shivers up my back and blowing snowflakes in my eyes. I blink them away but they always seem to come back.

Even though the sun is shining from above, it offers no warmth for me and the cold bars of the ladder biting into my red hands.

I hate winter, I always have. But today, I hate it more than ever.

Once I reach the top, I struggle to lift myself over the edge of the roof, and using all my strength, I manage to flip over, landing on the concrete.

"Jesus fucking Christ. It took you long enough. I hear Zeke say. I smile and ignore him, catching my breath.

"Any chance you have any food, asshole?" I ask and look up, meeting Zeke's piercing blue eyes. His hair is short and neat, not like the ugly bowl cut his mom used to give him. His school suit is torn and dirty, and his tie is gone.

Zeke rolls his eyes and shakes his head. "Of course I do, but you better be nice to this asshole if you want any."

I can't help but laugh, then wipe the tears that prick at the corner of my eyes. "Alright, pipe it down King of all assholes. There's someone new in town."

"Oh, I've heard." He chuckles. "You think because we haven't spoke in two years that the rumors don't get to me? The heartless, the son of a murderer."

Zeke pulls a coat out of a backpack he has open and puts it on. "If you ask me, those titles are to die for."

"Are they? Because I wouldn't notice with everyone trying to jump me all the time." I point out, raising a brow at him.

"Didn't you knock out Kian's teeth last year? Who's stupid enough to still fuck with you, bro?"

He isn't wrong. People stopped trying to fight me more than a year and a half ago up until Jake. Sadly, my brother isn't the fighting type. He's a pacifist, thinking he can solve fights with reasonable words.

"Jake," I tell him. "Me and Jake just fought yesterday."

He doesn't seem surprised by my response. He just shrugs and says, "Well, between you and me, let's be honest. Jake has the brain of a pea.

We both burst into laughter. I swear this little fucker never fails to cheer me up.

Zeke stretches his arms into the air. "Where are the others?"

"They're on their way." I tell him, walking over to his backpack that's so full it can't be zipped up. Inside, I find three pieces of chocolate. I unwrap them and stuff them into my mouth hungrily.

"How many?"

I swallow and lick the chocolate off my teeth. "Everyone in my class but one made it." I say, already knowing he's going to have a problem with it from the way his face changes.

"Ian, you shouldn't have brought everyone." Zeke whispers like he doesn't want anyone else to hear us. "There's not enough food." He glares at me. "We'll starve by next week."

He's right. I should have left some people behind. I should have chosen who lives and who dies. But I didn't. I'm glad I didn't, because after watching Jane die, I don't think I could bear more blood on my hands.

"It's easy for you to say." I struggle to close his backpack, then look up at him.

Zeke runs a hand through his hair. "It's not easy to starve. They could've found their own way out."

"Did you watch someone get ripped apart? No. Did you feel as though you could've helped but didn't? No." I'm mad at his careless words.

"Ian…" Zeke tries to say, but I cut him off.

"Could you look someone in the eye and tell them they're going to die because you're too coward to share food?" I ask him.

Zeke swallows. I can tell he knows I'm right. He may be a tough guy that knows a lot about everything, but he he's not a killer. He couldn't just turn his back on someone if he knew he could make a difference.

Silence lingers between us for a long moment before Zeke breaks it. "We'll have to go to the cafeteria with this many people. Maybe there aren't many of those things in the school since a handful left early."

"Did you hear a people leaving?" I ask.

He nods. "My teacher said we could go. She had a friend in the front office who said they all cleared out. They didn't even warn us on the intercom."

Every man himself, I guess.

The others are on the roof now, gathering around the bags Zeke's bags. He gives me a dirty look, picks up the bag, and starts handing out snacks.

I only had three pieces of chocolate, but I don't feel like eating more. I feel like I don't deserve it.

Rose is the last one to climb up, and Zeke nudges me. "Are you and her talking again? You two were perfect for each other." He grins.

"One, none of your business. Two, gross. How could I like her like that? We've been friends forever." I shake my head. Maybe I should check if he's infected. He must be crazy to think that.

"Exactly." Zeke snaps his finger in the air.

I roll my eyes and grab a water bottle from one of the backpacks. I take a sip and mouth, 'I'll kill you,' as Rose walks over to us.

Zeke perks up. "Hey Rose, Queen of Mortal Kombat." He bows playfully.

"Stop." She snort-laughs and pushes him away. "We aren't kids anymore."

It feels good to have us all together again. For a moment, I almost forget about Jane and how the world is falling apart.

"Hey, now! Middle schoolers aren't the only ones that play mortal Kombat." Zeke says to Rose.

Rose pauses. "Yeah, but I'm not really into Video games anymore."

"What!" Exclaims Zeke, dropping onto his knees and raising his hands in the air like it's the end of the world—although it is—his world is just ending for an entirely different reason.

I leave them to catch up and walk to the edge of the roof, blowing into my cold hands as I look at the city.

The street is covered in snow, but it's not white and pure. It's stained with blood, dirt, and ashes. Cars are tumbled over and smoking like there's been a crash, some of them still on fire.

From here, I can see my father's old workplace, a tall yet squat building, spewing dark clouds of smoke. It's in the heart of the city, only two blocks away from my home and three from my school.

The streets are empty, and it's as quiet as the school—except for the occasional sirens and the sound of the helicopter flying overhead.

The wind hits me and I throw my arms up to shield my face. They don't stop for us, not that I expect them to anyway. Who cares about a bunch of teenagers at at the end of the world?

They're usually the first to go.

I hear someone coming and see Zeke with his hands stuffed in his pockets.

"Quite the loner, huh?" He asks.

"I wanted to see it for myself." I say, jerking my chin toward the parking lot and street.

Zeke looks to where I direct him. "I saw that when I first came up here. I kept wondering if there was anyone in those cars, or how long it'd take the ambulance or cops to come. It's been a day and nothing."

"There's no one coming for us, is there?" I ask after a moment, cold and numb. Not from the weather this time, but from the harsh truth that we are a bunch of teens and we're on our own.

Not like when our parents go on a trip or a honeymoon, but utterly and completely alone.

When my father disappeared, I thought I knew what that meant. I didn't then, but I do now.

I glimpse over at the others sitting with their arms wrapped around themselves. Rose is talking to some of our classmates, and I'm glad she isn't isolating herself anymore.

Jake's on the other side of the roof, probably staring at some other horror down there. I just hope he doesn't lose his shit and that we can work together.

I turn back to Zeke and say. "We can't stay on this roof for long. We'll freeze to death."

"I have that big tent I carry around. You know how my dad is, he's always making a spur of the moment camping trips." Zeke laughs. "But you're right, we can't stay here for long. I'll set the tent up."

Zeke is quick. The tent is up in less than ten minutes. It took me twenty the last time he and his dad took me camping.

We all squeeze into the tent, and it blocks some of the cold, but not enough. I'm still shivering my ass off.

I wonder what Ivan is doing, whether he believes I'll come back or not.

I will. At this point I do know if I'm reassuring him from a mile away, or myself.

Rose is already asleep, and this time I'm the one that moves closer to her for warmth, practically fighting the urge to clatter my teeth.

Tomorrow, Zeke said we'll try to get to the cafeteria. To have actual food instead of junk sounds nice. Even my stomach rumbles at the thought, until I finally drift off to sleep.