I miss you even when you are next to me
Beau
Thinking about how I messed up just makes me more upset with myself. He is acting as he has forgiven me but I don't like the fact that I even had something that needs forgiving. I hate myself so much right now and I don't know how to make things right.
We are still outside on the field. I am still in his arms, scared that if I don't hold unto him, he will end up remembering why he was upset with me.
"I am sorry,'' I manage because there is nothing else that I can say apart from that.
He caresses the top of my hair and I close my eyes because this seems like a punishment. I feel like I am being punished even though I am in his arms. Maybe this is all the guilt I feel. I hurt his family. I reacted without even thinking.
"You know what you did wrong, that is all that matters." He breathes into my ear.