Chapter Two

The Guy who saw me

SOUL 

• the spiritual or immaterial part of a human being regarded in its moral aspect, or as believed to survive death and be subject to happiness or misery in a life to come.

Rain poured, as if it grieved alongside for the loss of Aunt Leah. I watched as her coffin gets lowered 6ft under, it almost seemed unjustified to be buried in such a dump, only to be eaten by worms in unholy grounds, the criminals were soon to be buried, it felt like mockery, being buried the same way as murderers, like a ghost that never leaves your side. Melany was the first one to come home, just in time when the policemen were carrying aunt Leah's body.

She froze, hand on her chest and mouth agape, the look in her eyes as if unwilling to recognize the face that stared at her. Then she looked for me, relief flooding over her face when she sees me standing over three more dead bodies, but I couldn't help but feel distant, questioning why I was still alive, why the criminals suddenly killed each other off even when I knew the answers, it felt better to deny them.

Anne then came in the hospital, she smelled of alcohol and smoke, her mascara running down her cheeks, she fell to her knees at the sight of aunt Leah, a clear bullet hole on her forehead, pale and lifeless on a hospital bed. She hugged me after then cried and cried but I didn't feel sympathy, I felt annoyed why they weren't there, why I had to go through that alone. I blamed them for something they didn't even do.

Elaine didn't leave Aunt Leah's side, she cried and cried until the covers were tear stained, they had to pull her off when they needed to embalm Aunt Leah's body. It was weird, the fact that she wouldn't be back at home anymore, that we wouldn't hear her voice or see her face or be comforted by her touch. She was gone.

We were quiet and distant, none of us wanted to accept it, Melany handled the funeral, I could hear her at times, pausing and zoning out, apologizing, crying, wanting everything to end. I wanted to help but I knew that I couldn't handle it the way she did. She remained strong; she took over the house, cooked unwanted dinners and silently cried herself every night. None of us dealt with grief right, no one ever really teaches us how to handle death of a loved one, they tell us to accept it but words are always easier said than done.

We come home to an empty house, quiet and dark, I take off my wet coat and carelessly throw it elsewhere. It's funny how my soul doesn't even feel aunt Leah's presence, as if she finally happy somewhere else, contented with the legacy she had left behind, I wonder if I could see her, talk to her for a minute, embrace her one last time but my mind always wonders to how it felt to be in someone else's body, to feel what they feel yet having full control of what they do.

I step outside my room, looking over the dimly lit hallway; it seems that after everything, none of us wanted to sleep with the lights off. Elaine was sleeping downstairs, apparently someone needed to keep watch, scream when someone comes, and die first.

I watch as Melany struggles to hold back her sobs, hugging a piece of cloth that once belonged to aunt Leah, we haven't had the courage to go to her room yet, afraid that her memories would somehow banish if we did. I wanted to comfort her, let her know that I was around, give her someone to talk to but I grieved all the same, I couldn't bring myself to listen to her troubles while I had the burden of my own.

I leave, pushing myself to look past it, ignorance is bliss they say but I'm too aware of everything even if I forced myself to look away. I hesitantly push past Anne's wall. She's been the most quiet out of everyone, at least, that's because she always had this happy bubble in her that no one could ever seem to bursts, I got so used to seeing that that this seemed so foreign to me. My heart thumps, her figure was nowhere to be found, windows wide open.

I run to the windows and I see her jump across the bushes, clutching high heeled shoes on one hand, looking back directly in my eyes. Don't. A silent plead, the last thing everyone needed right now was more things to worry about. I could feel her reluctance, debating whether this would help ease the pain or only cause more but one thing seemed to outweigh the other as she disappears into the dimly light streets.

I was angry, how could she be so selfish? Knowing how Melany would cry each night and how Elaine could barely get any sleep, all the while she would drown herself in liquor and ignore reality with senseless music in a room filled with horny teenagers and I fear that she'd regret more than she usually would, Don't worry Aiko, I wouldn't do anything you wouldn't. I brush the thoughts off

"You already are". I run down the familiar eerie steps, the kitchen lights turned on for comfort, Elaine is past asleep, diving deeper into an uncomfortable position, scattered books at her feet, even in her sleep she frowns.

"I won't let anything happen to you. Not now. Not ever" I mumble those words as if she could hear me and I truly hoped she could. I mumble those words in encouragement, hoping I'd gain the courage to do something I've never done before and do something mistakenly familiar. The front door stares back at me, taunting me to push past it. A heavy lump lies on my throat knowing when I stepped out there would be no going back to the comforts of my home.

I hold out a hand, air hanging over red painted wood. "I won't let anything happen to you Anne. Not now. Not ever" I close my eyes and brace myself for goodbye. The dark night greets me from the other side, the streets are empty and the only light illuminating the dark sky was the moon.

I've never been out this late before. I've never seen the streets I've known my whole life be so abandoned and filled only with the sounds of crickets and whistling of the cold night wind. I wonder how it would feel like, in my own bare skin, I wondered how night air would smell like, how twenty four open stores would feel like. I smiled at the thought of staying up late all night in a room full of strangers, dancing to the beat and drinking bitter alcohol.

I wondered if the night felt eccentric and different, a more wonderful kind of different than the day. But I am once again in the face of reality, if only tonight was different. If only I had the courage to leave before all this happened, maybe I wouldn't feel regret right now. Maybe I wouldn't feel so alone...and lost.

I walk towards where Anne had disappeared into. She couldn't have gotten that far. I walk faster, the seemingly empty houses creeped me out and the howls of a lonely dog didn't make the situation any better. I let out a sigh of relief when I caught a glimpse of a figure.

"Anne"

"Wait up you guys!" she stumbles slightly, fixing the laces of her shoes as she chases her friends up ahead. I recognize them being Rebecca and Kayla, they were confident, never seen silent and always boasted about the men they slept with, I frown, I've never seen Anne hang out with them before, my stomach drops at the thought of their influence on Anne, rumors about them were never good and all rumors have even the tiniest hint of the truth.

"Hurry up! Daniel's already waiting for me" The two of them laugh, walking in confidence along the street. I rush over Anne's side, she doesn't seem to be focusing either, her eyes held sadness in them and I could sense her worry.

"This isn't right Anne", she looks back and my heart jumps at the thought of her hearing me but she doesn't stop. She shakes her head as if brushing off every last thought of rational thinking and hurries over her friends. I let out a frustrated sigh.

I stop, loud music blasted through the silence and I see cars parked on every space available, people hung around the porch, red cups held in their hands, they talk and laugh, minding no business of whatever was around them. The door was wide open, letting the glowing lights flash through the streets; I could feel the ground shake beneath me even from the distance.

People were shouting over the loud music and I could hear booming laughter of drunk teenage guys. Familiar faces greet me tonight, the dress in accordance to how most nights went, skimpy and uncomfortable looking. They don't seem to mind the stares they get, in fact, they seem proud. A night where they could let lose, where they'll worry about consequences tomorrow and Anne was walking right towards everything. And I had no choice but to follow.

Bodies pressed tightly against each other in a sad attempt to pleasure their hormones, Anne pushes past through the crowd and I follow suit. My heart beats in nervousness, I wouldn't want to possess any of these people and I still don't know how to get out of someone else's body by my own accord.

"Finally" Daniel, a famous guy in school, smiles at everyone and dashingly social. He rushes over to Kayla, planting his lips on hers, her hand menacingly traveling down her back to her butt, squeezing it tightly. Anne shifts her weight from one foot to the other, uncomfortable from the staring eyes, although I doubt this hasn't happened before. She probably feels indifferent, wrong on how she's managing her grief.

"Please Anne" I lay a hand on her shoulder and she jolts, staring straight into me, I frown, I'm still left unseen. Blake, another guy in school who prides himself from the amount of women he's deflowered, makes his way over, sliding his hand across Anne's waist but she doesn't brush it off, she embraces it.

"Hey" I could smell the alcohol in his breath and judging on Anne's expression, she did to. But she smiles in response, grabbing the cup handed to her and swallowing its contents in one gulp. Blake grins, looking over at her with lustful eyes.

"That's my girl" That didn't sound like a compliment to me.

I can't help but feel helpless, if only I were really here then maybe I'd be able to change something, I'd be able to actually protect her. But I wasn't and I couldn't. Not unless I tried. I look around the room, trying to see any sign of a sober person that might be able to change Anne's mind.

That's when I saw him, he was looking directly at me, almost as if he actually could see me. Unlike everyone else, he had a frown across his face, a single cup in hand and looking like he would rather be anywhere than here. I take a deep breath, hoping there would be some courage in the air, I look back at Anne who had taken another shot as her 'friends' cheered alongside her, her eyes screamed for help but every bone in her body wanted her to keep going.

I rush over to the unknown. I don't think I've ever seen him in school but something about him made him seem trustworthy, innocent. But then again, even in the eyes of a serial killer, one might actually find mercy in them, even for a second, a last sign for humanity before the inhumane took over.

His eyes were casted low, twisting his wrist, his drink dancing along the edges of his cup, he didn't smell like alcohol, sex or drugs and I took that as a good sign. I extend out a hand, hovering over his chest, mentally praying that somehow in some crazy way this might actually work. Back then I used it from the fear of losing someone and I'm not going to let that happen to anyone else I held dear.

"I'm sorry. I'm going to have to borrow you for a while" I close my eyes and brace myself for the sinking feeling until it was there, evident. I could feel a rush of emotions, different than mine; I could feel the weight of his body on me and the pull that pushes me to take over, a vessel for my soul.

I stumble, the drink abruptly thrown to the ground, the same dizziness flooding through my head, his tongue felt sober and so were his thoughts. I could sense his feeling of being an outcast, someone who doesn't belong and I feel guilty for somehow making it worse than how it already was, although he would never be aware of it, I was here once, forgotten for tomorrow.

"Woah! You okay dude?" a man puts his hand on my shoulder and I stumble lightly from his weight. He reeked of alcohol and sweat but his eyes held the drunk intention of worry. Maybe he knew this guy, maybe he didn't.

"Y-yeah. I'm fine" He pouts, holding his hands up in surrender as he stumbles, disappearing into the crowd. I guess not. My eyes wander over to Anne, dancing awkwardly in front of a very confident drunk.

I pace myself beside her, she stops as I put a hand over her shoulder, Blake didn't even seem to notice, too engrossed in the beat to even open his eyes.

"You shouldn't be here Anne" it was weird, its what my thoughts would say but in someone else's voice, deep and comforting yet not mine. She looks at me confused and worried,

"What?" it came out winded, like she thought I had just made a mistake but I stared at her, maybe, the eyes could never lie and as she stared back into mine, I was betting on my luck she knew just that.

"They're worried about you. Don't do this to them" her face falls into a frown, she realizes I knew just as much, a stranger, a stranger whom she's never met or even spared a glance.

"Don't do this to yourself" Her eyes soften, she stared at me searching for something, a sense of familiarity and I hoped, prayed that maybe even with the tiniest but, she would know it was me.

"Hey dude! Get your hands off her!" Before I could even realize it, his firm fist lands on my nose. I gasp, unbearable pain, I could feel my bone shatter under the pressure, the blood rushing to my head as the ground catches me with its own sturdy surface. I felt in dazed, where somehow this whole thing was just my imagination and I was just back in my room, waiting. But the sharp pain stays, throbbing like it held a heartbeat of its own, I see tiny drops of blood fall to the floor and I reach a hand out, touching the bloody surface below my nose, painting my fingertips red.

"Blake!" That was Anne's voice, somehow a bullet to the head seemed better than this, I feel her shaking hands on my shoulder, urging me to stand up but I was too confused to even comprehend what had just happened and the fact that it actually did.

"What?! I was just-"

"Being a fucking jerk that's what!" Its funny how I somehow find the situation exhilarating, I've never seen Anne so angry before and all of it over a stranger who minded way out of his business.

I finally managed to pull myself to my feet, clutching my broken nose as Anne guided me elsewhere, I could feel stares at the back of my head but I didn't care. If it took me getting punched in the face for Anne to return back to her senses, I would gladly do so. But I felt selfish, this body wasn't mine, I wasn't the one with the broken nose and I've punished a stranger for a crime he didn't commit.

"Fuck! I'm really sorry about him. He's just...just..so goddamn impulsive!" A fucking dick was what she meant. I guess she really does have a kind bone for stranger in her body, she was always unfiltered in front of me, but it felt like a new light was shown, a new act put up for a stranger. She opens the fridge, searching for something and coming up with a drink. I snicker

"I don't think I need that right now" she smiles softly, pressing it on my broken nose as if it were just a bruise. Its good to know she's never been in this sort of situation before. I wince, pulling her hand away. Her face falls, setting the cold bottle down the counter.

"You probably need the doctor" Those words send guilt spiraling in my gut, this person is going to need to go to the doctor without even having knowing what happened in the first place.

"Yeah". Silence falls over between us and I really hope my selfish deeds did something right.

"I..I should probably go home" My heart flutters in relief from her words.

"I know it isn't any of my business-"

"No..you were right. I...I wasn't thinking straight" she quickly recovers her bubbly smile, suddenly embracing me into a warm hug, I awkwardly reached out and pat her back, this is odd, I've hugged her multiple times in my lifetime but none of them were like this.

"Thankyou...and sorry about that" I chuckle

"You weren't the one who punched me in the face and...you're welcome" She smiles, taking one last glance before disappearing into the crowd, I didn't doubt she would go home, I knew that sensible look in her eyes and for once, I was glad this night happened, my anger had died down and the only thing painful was my broken nose.

The party was just as alive as I got here, which had been a good few hours by now. People didn't seem to have the need to stop dancing to the beat, even Blake had found someone else to make out with, completely over the fact that he had just punched a person. I wonder, if this guy were here, would he actually have fought back? I make my way up the stairs, opening the door to the bathroom and locking it behind me.

He looks...defeated. My broken nose was turning a darker shade of purple and dried blood stuck at the bottom of it, maybe I should've taken that drink when I could. Hopefully this guy wont freak out much, maybe blame it all on liquor, that he drank so much that he doesn't even remember a thing. I've always wondered if that were actually true, its quite ridiculous to find yourself hungover and completely washed away from the memories of yesterday. Maybe if I drunk enough liquor, I might even forget about everything.

I wash my face, trying to be gentle with my broken nose. I glance out the window where the empty streets greeted me, a dim blue sky all from the works of the moon, slowly setting down for the sun to come up. I sigh, although I wished this would be my last time to do anything as dramatic like this, my heart truly hoped for something else.

Maybe this was just something I was meant to do, I cant keep on just watching myself sleep and waiting after all of this. The thought of my body growing old and my soul never being able to return always scared me and I wondered if the saying, everything happens for a reason applies to this nearly impossible situation. And I wondered, is someone out there who's just as lost as I was. I hoped not, but I wish there was.

I gasp, jolting awake from my slumber, I quickly replenish my thirst and brush off the dizziness, allowing myself to walk towards the door, I open it slowly, making sure I didn't make a sound. I tiptoed towards Anne's room and sigh in relief when I see her tucked safely in her bed. I urge myself to go to the bathroom, drowning myself into the warm water wondering what the day might bring today and still guilty of what that guy's fate might bring. Who knows, maybe one day we'd meet again and I'd be able to awkwardly recognize him but he won't.

Anne told me everything in our walk to school, she apologized and promised never to do anything as stupid ever again, I feigned shock, worry and annoyance but gratefully accepted her apology.

Melany had gone back to work, this time she had one proper job that managed to get us by every day and I was happy to see that she was finally getting some proper sleep. Elaine passed her test, she came home with a large grin over her face yelling on how she successfully did it. We celebrated that night, all the while thinking about how aunt Leah would have been proud.

Everything was finally going back to normal, although not a day passed when we weren't thinking about aunt Leah and maybe from time to time we cried our tears, slowly yet surely healing. And I was glad, the storm settled and the gray clouds were slowly disappearing.

That was all until I saw him

And he was looking straight into my eyes

Deeper into my soul