Kakuzu & Hidan

A/N: Just a reminder, new chapter here means two more chapters over on my P atreon, where my patrons are currently voting on the future direction of this story.

However, be advised that this story will end in about three more chapters, after which my new Naruto fic will start over on the P atreon. If you're interested in being a part of the conversation regarding that new Naruto Fic from the start, feel free to join up.

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"Fall Back!"

In the wake of Naruto's clipped order, everything kicks off. To their credit, Sakura and Sasuko don't hesitate to obey, even as the former's hands curl into fists, her knuckles creaking, while the latter draws her sword seemingly from nowhere. They even grab Fu for him, since in all fairness to the young woman, she's not part of Naruto's chain of command and thus has no reason to obey his orders.

That doesn't mean he's going to let her get taken by the Akatsuki, however. Nor is he planning on letting the Akatsuki have their original quarry either. Naruto might not recognize the Kumo Kunoichi off the bat, but if they'd seriously been willing to chase the blonde all the way from Kumogakure to Takigakure, then there was only one person she could possibly be.

Yugito Nii, Jinchuriki to the Two Tailed Beast.

He wasn't about to let these bastards have her, but that involved quite a lot of risk. Risk that Naruto was fully planning to take onto himself.

Luckily, he's caught the Akatsuki Pair off guard. It wasn't even intentional. Only in the split second after his order has left his lips does he realize what he's done. Technically, in a situation like this all of Naruto's orders should have gone through Konoha Hand Sign. A supposedly secret language that only Konoha Nin should know, it was expected that out in the field, one would communicate only via said hand signs, to avoid the enemy knowing their plans.

Naruto hadn't done so, not because he noticed Kakuzu staring at his hands intensely, though the S-Rank Missing Nin was doing precisely that. No, Naruto had resorted to verbal communication because he was intending to use his hands for something else. The thing he'd always been known best for, in fact. Clone Spam.

He doesn't summon a thousand clones like he might have back in the day or anything like that. Not even a hundred. Instead, Naruto summons just twenty Clones all infused with Nature Chakra, making them utterly indistinguishable from the original even for a Chakra Sensor and also capable of taking a few hits.

Kakuzu is half a second slow on the uptake, allowing Naruto to race forward and curl his arms around Yugito, picking the unconscious blonde up out of her crater as he prepares to jump back. But of course, Hidan is not nearly as… professional as his partner. Naruto might have caught Kakuzu off guard by not using Konoha Sign, but Hidan wouldn't have known Konoha Sign if it bit him off the ass anyways.

Cackling loudly, the foul-mouthed S-Rank Missing Nin lunges forward with great speed, whipping his three-pronged red-bladed scythe around as Naruto turns his shoulder to protect Yugito from its blades. If Hidan had wanted to, he could have easily cut right through Naruto's body, impaling the young blond shinobi on the scythe… but instead, he deliberately pulls back on the swing, so that while his scythe does dig into Naruto's shoulder, it only draws blood, renting flesh but not hitting bone.

Grunting, Naruto completes his maneuver, leaping back out of the crater and landing amidst his clones and his team as they all pull away from the two Akatsuki, trying their damnedest to make a tactical retreat against two incredibly powerful S-Rank ninja.

"Bahaha! Fucking idiot! Got him now!"

Rather than give chase at first, Hidan immediately pulls back and begins to draw a strange symbol on the ground, a red triangle within a red circle. Naruto's eyes narrow as he watches this happen, his unique senses allowing him to see a bond thickening between Hidan… and one of his clones.

Look, Naruto might not have wanted to leave Yugito behind, but he also wasn't a complete moron, regardless of what the Akatsuki wanted to call him. He'd done a simple Body Replacement Technique with himself and one of his clones before that clone had been the one to go in and grab Yugito. Thanks to the Nature Chakra suffusing its temporary body and Hidan pulling his blow with his scythe, the clone had not been damaged to the point of death and was capable of bleeding to keep up the ruse.

However, that ruse was now coming back to bite Naruto in the ass, because the link forming between Hidan and his clone would also connect Hidan to the real Naruto as well quite quickly if he didn't do something fast. Luckily, the injured clone has already transferred Yugito's unconscious body to another Nature Clone by this point in time. And so, regretfully… Naruto pops it as they start trying to make their way back down the massive tree that towers over Takigakure.

"WHAT?! How the fuck did that snot-nosed brat break the connection?!"

"You're a moron. It was a clone."

"But it fucking bled! I tasted the damn chakra myself!"

The fact that they could hear the exchange between Hidan and Kakuzu behind them even now meant that Naruto's little ruse hadn't bought them nearly enough time. Still, with the scant seconds that they do have, Naruto calls out to the others.

"Don't let the grey haired one hit you with that scythe!"

No sooner has he gotten the words out then Kakuzu is in front of him, the Missing Nin faster than even Naruto could have expected.

"Cute."

Naruto reacts without thinking, using Body Replacement yet again with one of his remaining Clones. Not a moment too soon either, because the next thing he knows, thick, grey tendrils have sprouted from the Missing Nin and slammed right through his clone's body. The damage is such that they barely managed to wrap around his Nature Clone's organs before the whole thing falls apart and Naruto is bombarded with the memories.

"Tch. Irritating."

Despite Kakuzu's clipped response, the building fury in the Missing Nin's voice is unmistakable. Still, before he can follow up his attack, Sasuko is there, her sword sheathed in lightning and slamming down onto Kakuzu's outstretched arm… only to merely knock it away rather than cut through it.

It's not incorrect to say that Team Seven are the powerhouses of the next generation. Not only did they have Kakashi the Copy-Cat Nin as their Sensei, a man that could easily be Kage Level someday if he wasn't already, but they'd each been independently trained by one of the Legendary Sannin. They were the proteges of the Toad, Slug, and Snake Sages. Their potential had always been great, but the last three years apart had seen some of that full potential finally begin to be realized.

This was all to say… it wasn't enough. In that moment, Naruto knows that they are so thoroughly outmatched by these two that it's not even funny. Making the decision to pull back and try to get to Kakashi was the right one. As Sasuko rears back in surprise at the lack of affect her blow has on the Missing Nin, she barely manages to dodge Kakuzu's strange grey threads, slipping away from him as the rest of them do the same.

Of course, immediately after an angry Hidan makes himself known as well.

"PLAY ME FOR A FUCKING FOOL, HUH?! JASHIN-SAMA, WITNESS ME!"

What follows is not fun by any stretch of the imagination. And as much as Naruto wishes he could say he's able to protect the others, that's simply not the case. The most he CAN do, once they're running from both Akatsuki again, is keep Hidan off of the others. The self-proclaimed Jashinist throws himself and his three-pronged scythe at them again and again, eager to draw blood.

But having seen what he wants with said blood, Naruto knows he can't let that happen. He might not fully know what Hidan can do once he gets that link between himself and another person up and running, but Naruto doesn't need to know what he can do to know it would be very, very bad to let him have his way.

Unfortunately, further failure only seems to enrage the Jashinist more and more. In a normal shinobi this might be something Naruto could exploit. In Hidan, it only seemed to make the man more dangerous. Sure, he was just as reckless as one could hope, but at the same time, he seemed to be unkillable. He was just as tough as Kakuzu, while the few attacks that they did manage to land weren't nearly as fatal as they should have been.

The two Missing Nin were no pushovers, and Naruto, Sasuko, and Sakura were hard pressed to keep Fu and the unconscious Yugito safe, let alone themselves. By the time they make it to the base of the tree, they're all bleeding, though thankfully none of it has been from Hidan's weapon. However, Naruto HAS lost the vast majority of his Nature Clones in making sure that was the case, and at this point they're already somewhat fatigued.

They're also trapped. It was a testament to Team Seven's skills that they were able to get this far in their retreat, but finally the two Missing Nin have cut off their retreat and left them with no other option than to stand and fight.

"Nowhere left to fucking run!"

"Hmph. Irritating brats."

As Naruto grimaces, thinking over his options while also preparing for the Akatsuki duo's two-pronged attack… Hidan suddenly turns to Kakuzu.

"Dibs!"

Kakuzu isn't so foolish to completely take his eyes off of them, but he does give Hidan a side glance as a snarl builds in the back of his throat.

"Excuse me?"

"You fucking heard me! Dibs!"

Blinking, Naruto watches as Kakuzu bristles in response.

"You moron. We're facing down three Jinchuriki. I would be all for letting you deal with the small fry on your own, but I'm not going to let you let them escape again!"

"Fuck that, that blond bastard has been fucking with my religious rights this entire fucking time! You can watch the perimeter or what the fuck ever if you want, but this is MY fight! I called dibs!"

For a moment, Naruto wonders if the two Missing Nin are going to end up turning on each other. He doesn't think they will, because that would be ridiculous, but even still… it's obvious they're far less of a cohesive unit than he had initially thought. Indeed, the way they're talking to one another is downright adversarial. Are the Akatsuki truly as divided as this particular pair make it seem?

Just as Kakuzu is opening his mouth to respond, however, a familiar chirping noise fills the air. No sooner has it started, then a hand wreathed in lightning chakra bursts through Hidan's exposed chest, Kakashi's Chidori allowing him to bypass the Jashinist's insane innate toughness at long last.

Naruto's eyes widen as Hidan coughs up blood, with Kakashi scoffing from behind the Missing Nin.

"Those are my cute students you're busy haggling over. You won't be having your way that easily."

Its an undeniably cool entrance. There's just one problem.

"Sensei! He's still alive, don't let him cut you with the scythe!"

Unfortunately, Naruto's warning comes a beat too late, for Hidan is already swinging, having played dead just long enough to catch Kakashi spouting cool one liners. While the Copy Cat Nin does manage to pull his arm free, he doesn't quite get to leap back before Hidan's three-pronged scythe catches him on the outstretched limb, drawing blood.

For a split second, Naruto holds out hope that Kakashi himself was a clone… but no. He's the real deal, and as their Sensei shunshins over to their group, shaking his injured arm, Hidan is already licking the man's blood off of his scythe and giggling like a fucking maniac. Naruto can see the chakra link building between the two of them as Hidan rapidly makes that symbol on the ground again. This time around, there is no switcheroo, no way to stop it. The link finishes, for whatever that might mean.

"Ooooh. Now you're all FUCKED, hehehe!"

Before Hidan can show them how they're fucked, however, a soft groan catches the attention of everyone in the clearing. But then to be fair, it's no surprise. Most of the people here probably weren't expecting Yugito Nii to wake up, save for Naruto and Sakura.

It was a desperation move to be sure. The Kumo Jinchuriki had been fighting and running for what must have been days to get all the way here, hounded and maneuvered into position by her pursuers once Kakuzu decided that they could pick up her and Fu at the same time. She was suffering from a severe case of Chakra Exhaustion on top of the numerous injuries she'd picked up, not an easy feat to force upon a Jinchuriki given their immense Chakra Reserves.

But that was the thing. The more Tails a Tailed Beast had, the more Chakra they had. Naruto's passenger, therefore, had the most. Naruto, therefore, had the most.

And so as soon as they'd been cornered, Naruto had set Sakura to work in the background with his final two remaining Nature Clones. Each only had a portion of his Chakra, to be fair. But with Sakura's skills, taught to her by Tsunade herself, it had proven to be enough.

Yugito slowly pushes herself up as the last of Naruto's Nature Clones disappear, their Chakra flowing through Sakura's glowing hands and into the blonde Jinchuriki. To her credit, the Kumo Nin takes in the scene and while there's a hint of wariness when she notices their Konoha Head Protectors, there's nothing but raw hatred and anger when she finally lays eyes on Hidan and Kakuzu again.

The situation is dire, but this it is. They've got Kakashi. They've got Yugito. No more running. Now is the time to stand and fight, though Naruto can't help but glance warily at the symbol beneath Hidan's feet. The grey-haired Jashinist is way too happy even now, with only Kakuzu having tensed at the sudden inclusion of Yugito back into the mix.

Though… even the masked Missing Nin is positively vibrating with excitement as he stares at Kakashi.

"Hatake Kakashi. One Hundred Million Ryo."

"Hey! Don't you dare think about stealing my fucking kill, Kakuzu!"

"Tch. Kill him if you want. His head is mine afterwards though."

"Great!"

Naruto tenses up. Damn, their aggression towards one another would have been an excellent advantage in the coming fight. Now it seemed like the two insane shinobi had made up on a whim and were ready to fight if not together, then not at cross purposes.

Still, if nothing else Naruto had confidence in his comrades. They just needed to divide and conquer. Take down one and then the other. The only question was, who was the weaker link?

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Thanks for reading!

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