V• Library visits.

The walk to the library seemed much longer than it was.

Raven walked side by side Hayden, careful to keep a sufficient amount of space, not so little as to make her come across as desperate, and not so much that it would seem like she thought he had some disease.

She could hear Beth's nasally voice somewhere in her head say, ’don't worry. Poverty isn't contagious'.

Raven was a mess of emotions.

Subconsciously, she'd started to take in deeper breaths, oddly fascinated by Hayden's citrus-y scent, somewhere between the harshness of a lemon and the sweetness of an orange.

Her face felt hot as she walked beside him silently, noticing up close how tall he really was.

Raven wasn't short. In fact, she was amongst the taller girls at West hill high, but Hayden gave a whole new meaning to the word 'tall'.

The boy who was oblivious to her thoughts bit his lip nervously. He had his hands clasped in front of his shirt, hoping to God that Raven wouldn't notice the stain of bleach that just wouldn't come out.

He made sure to keep his steps at her pace, heart beating in his chest furiously as his insecurities overwhelmed him.

He could almost cry.

Every time he would feel her gaze stray to his face, something would break in him.

He couldn't help but want to know what she was thinking. Was she repulsed by him? Did she feel uncomfortable walking next to him? Was it pity that drove her to ask him to the library? Did she feel the disparity between the two of the as well as clearly he felt it?

In a brief second, Hayden's hand surpassed it's trajectory, bumping into Raven's as they walked.

The both of them froze for the slightest second, hearts beating irregularly as Hayden mumbled a small apology.

Raven had no element of composure in her, stuttering as she assured him that it was okay.

Once the library doors where in her line of sight, some of her nerves calmed.

"Well, this is it" She spoke, sighing a little.

"Ohh" Hayden said, in a tone that sounded halfway between relief and dread.

"Uhm...thank you" He said to her, unable to drag his eyes to those greens that did weird things to him.

Raven smiled a little at how flustered he was, wanting to pull him closer to her, in such a manner that those light brown eyes would fill with that curiosity, as he'd look down at her, with that little smile on his face.

Her breath hitched.

"Sh-should we go inside?" She asked him, just as flustered as he was.

Rose had never cared much for boys, not even once. So why was it that this new boy, this Hayden, why did he cause such disruptive feelings within her?

Why did she feel like she had to be close to him every damn time? Why did her body rebel against her so, itching to hold him, just so she could feel her skin on his?

Raven didn't have bad thoughts

She wasn't looking for any thing explicit from Hayden, she wasn't after getting into his bed or anything that risqué.

Oddly, she simply wanted to feel the warmth of his skin, to figure out the different shades of his eyes, to hear him talk, to see him flustered, to see the moment when a smile would form on his face and that dimple would depress into the skin of his cheek.

She wanted his laugh, she wanted to know him.

"Yeah" Hayden said, his voice airy.

Raven, snapped out of the fantasies she'd concocted, led the way inside the library.

She had her spot.

It was a small corner at the far end of the library, where the air con was placed. The sun didn't shine as brightly there too, so it gave an ambience of reading in the comfort of her room.

Nobody ever ventured there. They knew it was her spot.

She didn't like company when she read.

It was the little things that irked her.

She would be lost in the plot of the book, her soul in an ethereal world when someone would laugh or giggle because of the book they were reading, and then the spell would be broken.

Usually, when she read educational books, she needed the noise. Not a rowdy kind of noise, but sounds she should hear in the background.

It was why she sat by the group of guys who loved to read when they had their study groups.

However, when she wanted to be lost in the world of fiction, she loved to be alone in her travels.

So when she walked down to her little corner and Hayden followed behind her, she felt conflicted.

On one hand, some part of her wanted to spend time with him and on the other, she wanted to be alone.

She pulled out her chair, making sure not to let it scrape against the ground and then sat. Hayden loomed over the table, looking nervous.

"I can find a seat somewhere" He spoke, gesturing around the empty seats in the library.

Rose finally had want she wanted. And she didn't even need to explain herself right?

"It's okay" She said instead, surprising herself. "You can just sit here".

Turns out a larger part of her wanted Hayden to stay.

There was a small smile on Hayden's face, his eyes a lighter shade as an expression so innocent lit up his features.

" Thank you, Raven".

Raven had never understood what people meant by saying a guy they liked calling their names sounded so different, in fact, she categorised it under a sub-branch of the madness that they called love.

But when Hayden had said that name....her name, calling it with such a tenderness that pulled sharply at something inside her, Raven smiled a rare smile.

And as rare as all the Raven smiles were, this was the rarest smile the ice queen had ever smiled.

A smile of warmth.

"It's okay" She managed to reply Hayden, even as her heart palpitated, displaying every acrobatic movement known to man in the confines of her heart wall, swelling against her rib cages.

Raven had never felt like this.

She didn't know how to place what she felt, didn't know what to do about them and most definitely didn't know how to put a lid on the need that was growing inside of her.

Hayden wasn't faring much better.

He felt out of place sitting next to Raven, he felt like a stain in her picture of perfection, he felt like the little fly that would pollute her ointment ...but at the same time, he'd never wanted more to be that stain, never wanted more to be that little, pesky fly.

Hayden didn't have good things. He didn't live very comfortably, he didn't have good clothes or shoes, no property of any kind to his name.

He didn't have even his dignity left.

He didn't have the courage to dream the way others dreamt, he wasn't even attempting for the skies when he knew he would barely get to the tops of buildings.

But now, he wasn't even aspiring to reach the skies or the clouds, not even the planets or galaxies, not even milky ways or universes, he was reaching for something for greater than all of those.

He was reaching for Raven.

He was reaching for a height he didn't deserve to wish for but he couldn't help it.

He knew he didn't deserve her, but he couldn't help but pray, pray, pray.

"What kind of books do you read?" Raven asked conversationally.

Hayden turned to look at her, flushed when he saw her curious look.

"Well, I read everything" He said.

"Everything?" Raven asked, an eyebrow arched as she smiled teasingly.

Hayden felt something in him constrict.

"Everything" Hayden said, smiling back.

Raven stared at him for a while smiling, inclining her body towards him as he watched her curiously.

"Percy Jackson?" She asked, an eyebrow quirked.

"Every volume" Hayden said smugly, his whites peeking from between his lips as he smiled.

And so Raven went on, listing books that ranged from romance to horror, supernatural to historical, fiction to biographies and Hayden kept nodding to each one.

"Woah" She said after a long while, eyes regarding Hayden rather curiously.

"Even Harry potter?" She asked.

Hayden only smiled a tender smile at her as he answered, "my personal favourite".

Raven's eyes were lost in those light browns that looked back at her with an expression so soft that she felt like she was bare of any layers, her soul entirely on display.

" Me too" She managed to say, caught in the trance that Hayden induced.

But as spontaneously as it began, Hayden ended the moment, turning his eyes towards the table.

Raven excused herself, picking up two volumes of Harry potter from the shelf.

The spines of the books were a bit worn out, mainly due to Raven's reading and re-reading in the past few years.

"Here" She said as she stopped before Hayden, handing over a book to him.

She was careful not to let her skin come in contact with his, as much as she wanted to.

She couldn't handle it.

"Chamber of secrets, huh?" Hayden asked, smiling.

Raven smiled back at him, "Classic".

Hayden only nodded, flipping open the worn-out, dirty cover.

Raven paused.

Her book forgotten, she watched Hayden enthralled.

She felt warmth at the fascination behind his eyes as his eyes raked through the words, as his hands held the paper so gently as if he thought a stronger hold would make them crumple.

And just like that, Raven found herself falling again.

**********

08/11/2020

Ameenah

********