Have you ever been in a bad situation? Yes? Well, it sure doesn't compare to the situation I'm in! Imagine, I wake up trapped in the body of an ork in the middle of an Ork WWWAAAGGGHHH! On an Eldar craftworld with a giant Ork Warboss staring me in the face, almost get trampled, burned and shot, only to crash land on a hostile planet, full of Orks, and Tyranids. As if that weren't enough, I have to take care of a baby Eldar, one of the few sources of comfort I have on this planet. Without a warband to be a part of, I need to survive in the galaxy while ensuring the baby's safety. Get ready galaxy, because the story of the ork sniper is about to become real and I will do it while getting filthy rich in the process.
"Well, that's worrying, but expected." I said to myself, holding a giggling Laenae in one arm and dangling a Stikkbomb rattle in front of her.
"Hahaha!" Laenae giggled opening and closing her little hands as she tried to hold the toy.
"This is no laughing matter, Laenae, the situation worsened." I murmured to the baby, still focusing on the problem in front of me.
What do I mean by this? Well, imagine my surprise when I woke up to my Grots screaming and preparing to fight the next day after we eliminated the city's gangs.
Firstly, I imagined that some survivors of the massacre wanted revenge, after all, I was not subtle in the unspoken message I sent to the entire city.
But to my relief, the orks banging and screaming at my gate, which was miraculously still standing, were not wearing any warpaint or icons identifying them as gang members, but rather as normal Death Skulls, painted blue and everything else.
Interestingly, there were no Nobz in the group, just Boyz, Grots, Snots, and a type of ork larger than a Grot but smaller than a Boy. I believe they are classified as Yoof, young and inexperienced orks who have just emerged from their fungal cocoons.
They are not much different from the Boyz in terms of appearance or skill, but they are cheaper to recruit and have more will to fight than a normal ork, although they die easily due to inexperience.
"Now, what am I going to do with the crowd knocking on my door?"
"Gagag." Laenae replied.
"Recruit them into our warband? I do not know if it is a good idea, I have no problems with Grots or Snots, but Orks are difficult to control. They are violent, greedy, mistreat Grots and Snots, get angry easily, and have no problem killing to get what they want. Not to mention, of course, that I would have to worry about finding a good fight for them and be careful with the Orks who have the bright idea of becoming the new boss."
"Bububu!"
"Hm… It could work, but I worry about our workers, I do not want orks killing them after all the trust we built together. Orks love to abuse Grots and Snots for being smaller, weak, and cowardly, even more so ours, which are treated with respect, paid, and well equipped."
"PPPSSSHHH!"
"I could keep the two groups separate; after all, our companions live in the dormitories within our walls. But where would I put all these orks?"
I was silent for a few minutes, hundreds of thoughts racing through my head. I cannot send these orks away, they chose me as their boss, and discarding them will breed resentment and a desire for revenge because I am not a suitable boss.
There is also the logistical side, weapons, armor, food, medicine, accommodation, payments, and fights.
Hm... Unless... I felt the corners of my lips rising; technically, I already had everything necessary to accept these orks.
I have the piles of looted gang equipment, the renovated shacks, the medicine and food prepared by my Snots, and a constant, steady stream of teef.
This also creates a new opportunity. Instead of saving an abundance of teef to modify my Junkka Trukk, how about I get my own Mekboy.
The Oddboyz appear out of necessity thanks to the knowledge stored in the orks' genetic code. However, what if I encourage the emergence of a Mekboy, giving little pushes here and there?
"Ubub!"
"Don't worry, Laenae, one day you will be a big, strong ork like me, you will be the boss of your warband, but leave the problems to me until then."
Suddenly, Dobby and Gulg walked through the front door, interrupting my conversation with Laenae.
"Boss, the Boyz at the gate are getting agitated more than usual!" Gulg said, worriedly.
"I can order our Grots to throw some Stikkbombs over the walls of our base while we release some angry squigs into the crowd." Dobby suggested.
"No, I will handle this situation myself, but I will need you to send our people to the dorms and only leave when I tell them to. I will also need you two to take care of Laenae." I replied as I placed Laenae in her floating crib next to me.
"You can count on us, boss!" Both Grots responded, saluting.
"Oh, one more thing, tell the Grots to bring the Junkka Trukk with our loot on my signal!"
"Yes, boss!"
I smiled slightly at the answer and left Laenae in the care of the two, leaving the house shortly afterward and walking toward my gate.
I passed by the doghouses of Gévaudan, Baskerville, and Popcorn, respectively, and whistled for the three squigs to follow me.
I counted at least ten orks on the other side of the gate, putting their arms through the opening in the bars and trying to get in, but I saw more orks just behind. There were also Grots and Snots trying to squeeze through the bars only to get their heads stuck.
I held back my laughter and stopped in front of the gate, out of reach of the orks, and analyzed the situation. Unfortunately, my presence whipped them into frenzy, causing them to shake the gate harder.
"Boss, boss, boss!" The orks screamed repeatedly and my squigs returned the screams with furious barks.
Well, time to get this over with before they tore down my façade, so I whipped out my Dakka Shoota with one hand and pulled the trigger, firing a burst into the air.
DAKKA!
DAKKA!
DAKKA!
The orks immediately shut up as the deafening noise of gun barrels spinning and gunshots piercing the air echoed through the ghetto.
I looked left and right, analyzing the crowd's reaction. They stared at me with closed mouths and red wide eyes.
I then walked towards the gate as I removed a silver key from my pocket, placed the key in the lock, and unlocked the gate, opening it inwards and to the sides.
The orks took this as a sign that they could enter. Unfortunately, for them, this was not the case.
I raised my leg and kicked the first ork that tried to enter in the face, knocking out teeth and spilling blood on the ground. The ork flew before hitting two orks that were close behind, knocking them to the ground.
This caused the crowd to stop in surprise, so I pointed my Dakka Shoota at the ground and fired in an arc, kicking up a cloud of dust and forcing the crowd back.
As if that was not enough, my squigs walked past me, barked, and growled at the crowd.
With that done, I cleared my throat and puffed out my chest, as if I was about to give a speech, then I spoke as a boss would.
"WHAT 'N 'DA NAME UV GORK AN MORK WERE YER DINKING?!? 'OO SAID YER KOULD KOME 'N?!?"
The crowd of orks fell back in surprise, frightened by my display, but a few brave ones held their ground.
"But boss…" one of the orks spoke nervously, raising a questioning finger, but I did not allow him to finish.
"I'M NOT YER BOSS; IZ NOT DA BOSS UV ANY UV YA! AFTA ALL, WHY SHOULD I BE? I DO NOT KNOW IF YA REALIZED, BUT I MANAGED TA GET AWAY WIT' A BUNCH UV GROTS, SNOTS AN' SQUIGS! I HAVE TEEF, FOOD, WEAPONS, EQUIPMENT, VEHICLES AN' MUCH MORE! I AM GRADUALLY BUILD'N A NAME FOR MA WARBAND! I HAVE ACCUMULATED ACHIEVEMENTS 'N MA NAME WITHOUT ANY PROBLEMS SO FAR! WHY SHOULD I ACCEPT A BUNCH UV STUPID GITS WHEN IZ DO'N FINE WIT' WOT I HAVE?"
"Boss, we're betta dan a bunch uv weakl'n grots!" Another ork shouted back.
"IS 'DAT SO? SO HOW MANY UV YER KNOW HOW TA PREPARE MEDICINE AN' KARE FOR WOUNDS? HOW MANY UV YER KNOW HOW TA KOOK FOOD AN' TAKE KARE UV SQUIGS AN' FUNGUS FIELDS? HOW MANY UV YER KNOW HOW TA BUILD HOUSES, ASSEMBLE AN' DISASSEMBLE SHOOTAS, SHARPEN CHOPPAS AN' CLEAN ARMOR? 'N ADDITION, MORE IMPORTANTLY! HOW MANY UV YER KNOW HOW TA WORK AS A TEAM AN' FIGHT PROPERLY? FIGHT WITHOUT WAST'N AMMUNITION AN' STOMP'N' YER KOMPANIONS, AIM AT YER ENEMY AN' PLAN, AN' NOT DIE LIKE A GIT 'COS YER RAN TOWARDS AN ENEMY GUNLINE WIT' A CHOPPA 'N YER HAND!"
The crowd fell silent, staring at each other with hesitant glances, kicking a random rock, or scratching the back of their heads.
"I SEE YA NOTICED WOT 'DA PROBLEM ERE IZ! YA DO NOT KNOW HOW TA DO ANYTH'N BUT FIGHT AN' WASTE RESOURCES, AN' I DO NOT WANT DAT! I WANT ORKS 'OO KNOW HOW TA PLAN, LEAD, AN' FINK BEFORE ACTING, 'OO KAN DO MORE DAN SHOOT LIKE KRAZIEZ WHILE SCREAM'N FROM 'DA TOP UV DERE LUNGS. I WANT ODDBOYZ, MEKBOYZ, PAINBOYZ, WEIRDBOYZ, RUNTHERDS, AN, MOSTLY, ORKS 'OO KAN AIM BEFORE SHOOTING!"
Then, I reached into my pocket, removed a roll of paper, and unrolled it in front of the crowd, revealing the Bad Moonz symbol.
"THIS IZ DA SYMBOL UV MA CLAN, DA BAD MOONZ! I AM PROUD TA BE WUN AN' I WILL NOT ALLOW YA TA SHAME MA CLAN'S NAME WIT' YER STUPIDITY! IF YA WANT TA BE PART UV MA CLAN, DEN YA NEED TA DESERVE IT, 'COS YA ARE JUS A BUNCH UV NOBODY! SO 'OO IZ WILL'N TA ACCEPT DA CHALLENGE?"
The orks stared at each other in silence for a few seconds until one of them slowly raised his hand and shouted.
"Me, boss, I want ta be a bad moon!"
That was the kickoff for the rest of the crowd to make their decision.
"I want ta be a Bad Moon too!"
"Me too!"
"What do I have ta do ta join 'da gang?"
"Who do I have ta shoot?"
"What do ya want me ta do, boss?"
All the orks in front of me raised their hands, jumping and shouting as they exclaimed and asked what it took to be part of the warband.
I nodded slowly, satisfied with the display in front of me and felt a smile forming on my face, all according to plan. I turned and signaled to Dobby and Gulg who were watching me through one of the windows of my house.
The Grots waved and disappeared soon after, a few minutes later; the Junkka Trukk came out of the garage and stopped right behind me, with its rear facing the crowd.
The back of the hump dropped down, forming a ramp as the driver's door opened and a few Grots jumped out.
I called one of the Grots to my side and grabbed him by the back of his shirt, showing him off to the crowd of orks in front of me.
"THERE'S WUN MORE FING YER NEED TA KNOW! I KOULD NOT KARE LESS ABOUT HOW YER FEEL, BUT GROTS AN' SNOTS HAVE ALREADY EARNED DERE PLACES 'N MA BAND FOR BE'N MORE USEFUL DAN YER HAVE! HOWEVER, I WANT TA MAKE IT VERY CLEAR, 'DA MOMENT SOME UV YER MESS WIT' MA MINIONS, I WILL PUT A BULLET 'N YER HEAD WHEN YER LEAST 'PECT IT! I WILL RIP OFF YER ARMS AN' LEGS AN' FEED IM TA MA SQUIGS! IF YER WANT TA MESS WIT' SOME GROT OR SNOT, DEN LET IT BE DOSE OUTSIDE MA WARBAND! 'COS ALL 'OO SERVE ME ARE UNDA MA PROTECTION, DO YER UNDERSTAND?"
I received another deafening cacophony of conformations, so I put Grot down, who ran away shortly thereafter, and took a deep breath, calming myself and preparing for the rest of my speech.
"I want you to understand that I don't expect you to become the best overnight, after all, we all reach our peaks at different times in our lives. We each develop at our own pace, but that does not mean I am not willing to help. Nevertheless, since I am a generous Ork, I will provide you with your starting equipment, which is not the best possible, but it beats the rags and piles of rust you are wearing and carrying right now. However, this equipment is not free, but rather a kind of loan for you and investment for me, so I hope for a return with interest in the future."
The orks stared at each other in confusion, having no idea what I just said. However, that is not my problem, they will learn in time.
"Other than that, you will also receive a dental plan, free health care, and a residence in one of my properties for a reduced rent. Now, if you don't have any questions, form a line to receive your equipment."
The orks snapped out of their confusion as soon as I uttered those words, then scrambled, but tried to form a line amidst insults, punches, kicks, and head butts.
It looked like a green wall pushing against itself as several orks ran in all directions, raising a cloud of dust amidst the noise of dozens of troops.
Eventually, they formed the closest thing to a line that a bunch of inexperienced orks could get. Those who tried to jump the line were elbowed or shoved back into their seats, and the Grots who tried to get between the orks' legs were kicked away. .
With that done, we began the slow and tedious process of providing Choppas, Shootas, Sluggas, and armor to the orks in front of us. Being careful that they did not steal anything, after all, these orks were light-handed Deathskulls.
Getting the orks to where they would live from now on was not a problem, but rather trying to turn them into a coherent force that could follow orders and not die like idiots.
Who would have guessed that I would regret recruiting this bunch of orks five minutes after equipping them?
-XXXXXX-
"LISTEN ERE YA GITS; IF YA WANT TA JOIN ME DEN YA BETTA LEARN HOW TA SHOOT!" I spoke to the orks lined up in front of me, as I analyzed them from top to bottom.
Some orks swallowed hard before raising their shoulders and puffing out their chests, while others jumped anxiously in their places, eager to fire their weapons.
Some could not care less what I said, as they preferred to pick their nose or ears and yawn audibly.
What a bunch of useless misfits, I was better off with my Grots and Squigs, but I cannot do anything about it, they chose me as their boss and I will deal with the consequences, although it takes all my strength not to shoot those who are not taking this seriously.
"BUT BOSS, DON'T YER JUS PULL 'DA TRIGGA AN SHOOT WHILE SCREAM'N WWWAAAGGGHHH?!?" An ork asked hesitantly, slowly raising his hand.
Hm... I liked the initiative, usually, orks follow the orders of the bigger ork without question, which usually results in their death along with the bigger ork due to the suicidal plan that even a child would realize there was something wrong with.
On the other hand, the bigger orks, usually the bosses, do not like to be questioned; after all, they are the biggest and strongest. This automatically makes them right no matter the situation.
Just as it is certain that the Ork who did the questioning will die a painful death for questioning the boss, whether at the boss's own hands or creatively made an example.
"No, that's called wasting ammo! This will give a stupid git a chance to put a bullet in your head or crush you, either because they still have ammo or they got close enough to cut your head off!" I responded to the ork, making him step back in surprise.
"Gagaga!" Laenae screamed from inside her crib strapped to my chest.
"What was 'dat boss?" The ork I answered asked again.
"ARE YA QUESTION'N ME?!?"
"No boss!" The ork responded quickly, immediately shutting up.
I nodded as I mentally screamed, this was close, I don't know how long I can hide Laenae, but as long as I'm the biggest ork, I'll be able to keep the smaller orks away with threats.
"See those targets?!? I want you to hit them without missing!" I ordered pointing at a large metal target built in the shape of an average Ork Boy; I even took the trouble to paint orks on the targets.
My Grots and I repurposed the vacant lot where we previously trained and turned it into a sort of training facility for the orks.
We only had metal targets at different distances now, but I planned to create some kind of mechanism to make the targets move, in other words, I will pay Maground to build it for me.
"So who wants to be first?"
I received a chorus of exclamations, with the orks jumping and raising their hands like a bunch of children, which they technically were.
I half-closed my eye as I raised my hand, pointing my finger from ork to ork, thinking deeply as I tried to choose one.
"You!" I exclaimed, pointing to an ork with a scar under his nose.
The ork smiled widely, laughing as if he had heard the funniest joke in the world before stepping forward and firing his weapon towards the closest target.
"WWWAAAGGGHHH!" The ork screamed with all his might as he swung his weapon wildly.
DAKKA!
DAKKA!
DAKKA!
To my dismay, he completely missed the target, hitting everything around it except for the target itself.
"So how did I do, boss?" The ork asked excitedly, expecting some kind of compliment.
I approached the ork with my hands behind my back, my form creating a shadow large enough to cover the ork in front of me. I analyzed his smiling expression; he did not realize how displeased I was.
It is a shame, for him. I quickly raised my left fist and brought it down towards the ork's head, creating a hollow crack and generating a scream of pain before the ork fell unconscious to the ground with an audible thud.
The orks lined up opened their mouths in surprise while others held back their laughter, but stopped as soon as they realized I was staring at them.
"That..." I said as I kicked the unconscious ork to the side.
"...is what you shouldn't do. Allow me to demonstrate the correct way to shoot."
I quickly turned around as I drew my Big Shoota, looking through the scope with my bionic eye and shooting at the targets in front of me.
No noise came from the gun, but rather from the three bullets hitting the chest of the closest target. I switched my focus to the next target without wasting time and landed three more shots, two in the chest and one in the stomach.
Therefore, I aimed at the target that was furthest away, close to a wall, hitting one shot in the stomach, another in the chest, and the last one in the shoulder.
Finally, I aimed at a target inside the window of the next floor of an abandoned building. I paused for a second before firing, readjusting my aim and firing once, hitting the target in the head.
As soon as I turned around, the orks welcomed me with a round of applause and praise; I could not help but smile and laugh internally at how ridiculous the situation was, after all, these are some of the most dangerous xenos in the galaxy treating me like a celebrity.
"See, this is how you should shoot, hitting the gits without wasting your precious ammo."
"I don't know why I should do dis, we orks are 'da best! 'oo kares if I run outta bullets? I'll krush any git dat komes near me if I don't run ta im furst!" A bold ork spoke, laughing as he slammed his fist into his palm.
I will have more work than expected to hammer common sense and respect into the heads of these useless bastards.
"Oh, so how about you prove it? Fight me!" I spoke mockingly, provoking the ork.
"Wot?" The ork asked confused.
"If you beat me in a fight, you will become the new boss and take everything I have."
The ork was unresponsive for half a second before drawing his Choppa and running screaming toward me without thinking twice.
He swung his Choppa quickly, aiming for my neck, but I moved faster and raised my arm, hitting his wrist and stopping his attack.
I did not allow the ork to register what happened and I kicked him in the right knee, knocking him off balance and causing him to fall to one knee, then I grabbed his neck with my left hand and drew my knife with my right hand, trusting it toward the ork's right eye.
The ork flinched and closed his eyes when he saw the knife approaching, but opened them as soon as he noticed the lack of pain; after all, I was holding the knife just inches from his eye.
"Allow me to explain what you did wrong. I am bigger, stronger, faster, and smarter than you are. I am better than you in every way, and yet you ran towards me like crazy instead of using your Shoota or Slugga, not that that was a problem for me, of course. What did you think would happen?"
The ork sweating nervously in my grip opened his mouth to respond, but I did not allow it.
"If I were any other Ork, I would kill you here and now to set an example of what others should not do, but I am a patient person, so I will put this in a way that your underdeveloped brain will understand. IF YER SEE A GIT DAT LOOKS BIGGA AN' STRONGA DAN YER, YER DO NOT TAKE OUT A CHOPPA AN' RUN AT IM, YER GET AWAY, AIM AT DA GIT AN' SHOOT WHILE TAK'N KOVER! AN' DA NEXT TIME YER GIVE ME A FUNNY ANSWER, I'LL RIP OFF YER TONGUE AN' TELL YER TA RECIE DA ALPHABET!"
Then, I lifted the ork by his neck, taking his feet off the ground, and threw him over my head; the ork flew away before crashing face-first into a wall, going through the bricks and stopping moving.
"Who wants to be next?" I asked the remaining orks with an innocent smile on my face.
A frightened ork raised a shaking hand, so I motioned for him to step forward and fire at the targets.
Nevertheless, to my surprise, he took out a Stikkbomb, which I made sure not to distribute to the orks, from somewhere, pulled the pin and threw it towards the target.
The ork tilted his head in confusion at the lack of explosion, so I used my psychic powers to knock the Stikkbomb out of his hand and send it flying into the sky, where it exploded in a cloud of smoke.
I approached the ork who was staring at me nervously with slow, heavy steps, then I raised my hand and...
SLAP!
Slapped his face with the back of my hand, leaving a bright red mark.
"If you are going to blow yourself up, then let it be far from me and close to my enemies, but until then, don't waste Stikkbombs, they are not expensive, but they are still worth more than your lives! Now you will shoot at the targets and only leave here when you become capable of hitting one!"
Then the orks took turns shooting at the targets while I watched with arms crossed, shouting insult after insult in my mind, regretting all the actions that had led me to this point.
"Upap!" Laenae screamed from inside the crib.
"Do you see what I have to go through, Laenae? I hope this serves as a lesson for what will come when you become a boss too." I responded, patting the top of the crib.
"PPPSSSHHH!"
"Laenae, you can't beat them until they obey you, that's the attitude of stupid orks. You have to build trust with your subordinates, be a competent leader, and serve as an example for those who will follow you."
"Gut!"
"Then don't come and complain to me when you have to deal with a riot."
-Samura II-
Samura II was a small, rocky planet, covered in snowy mountains that stretched toward the sky, inhabited by natural flora and fauna, wild green skins known as orks, and an unexpected newcomer.
Blood stained the snow red in an Ork settlement atop a mountain. Wooden and metal huts were nothing more than flaming rubble on the ground as explosions from the destroyed Ork vehicles echoed in the distance.
Dozens of orks cut into pieces decorated the streets of the settlement, creating a bloody path toward the center of the buildings where two figures fought to the death.
"YOU WILL TEEF FOR WOT YA DID, YA SKINNY GIT!" A large ork wearing fur, leather, and metal plates shouted at his enemy as he swung a large club of twisted metal.
However, his adversary responded not with words, but with a deafening howl that echoed across the mountains and attacked the ork's nervous system, causing agonizing pain.
This was more than enough for the ork's opponent to advance with a swift step, becoming a white blur amidst the snow, before jumping and delivering a blinding blow with her sword, finishing her enemy.
The ork remained standing for a few seconds, a blank look on his face, until blood poured from his neck and he fell forward with a crash, his head rolling away as his blood painted the snow.
The winner of the duel reloaded her Shuriken Pistol and swung her Power Sword, removing her enemy's blood from the weapon and disappearing into the snow shortly afterward, returning to her ship and continuing her hunt through the stars.
END OF CHAPTER