Shattering

After the accident I underwent two operations,

The first one was only a day after the accident and it was due to the crawling and the stress I put my legs through.

After the operation I was suffering from high fever for the next three days.

Apparently my mom visited me but I dont remember anything from those three days.

I undergone the second operation after my fever went down and it was to install my new prosthetic legs.

Nowdays its quite common to have prosthetics limbs and in the past few years even prosthetic organs have seen a decent amount of success.

Its at a point where there are people that willingly exchange their aged limbs in favor of a new prosthetic one.

After the operation I woke up with a brand new pair of legs. Looks wise they were so similar to real legs to a point where I was really confused until I actually touched them. They were cold to the touch, giving away their real identity as a fake replacement.

Playing around with them I found out that they were surprisingly light.

I also found out that my benefactors must be really rich as not only they sponsored my new legs but they even got me one of the best modules out there.

But I couldn't care less about something like that.

Since the accident I didn't see either my mother or my sister. It appears that my mother did visit me a few times without my knowledge but I have yet to actually see her. Perhaps I have become a burden to her... thoughts like those makes me feel really depressed.

At the start I would ask the doctor and the nurses about my family. "How is my sister?"... "Did my mother visit today?" etc.

Most of the nurses would just return a fake smile and avoid my questions.. I guess they don't wanna mess with the crazy molster guy that crawled to the third floor to harass his sister.

The doctor would just straight out refuse to give me information. It appears that he is afraid that I mind do something crazy again so he just keeps me in the dark.

it was clear that they all knew something I didn't know but I gave up since it didnt look like I was going to receive any answer from them.

The only person that I was actually comfortable with was the bob cut nurse Minerva. She would regularly check up on me and sometimes she would even being me some sweets.

She was really friendly and she always tried to talk to me... ask me about school or my hobbies and genuinely try to cheer me up whenever I looked down.

At first I was afraid of getting close to her... which was a new feeling for me.. Perhaps after everything that happend I was scared of getting hurt again.

But she kept pushing me, bringing me sweets and even telling me a bit about my family. Soon after her efforts payed off and I opened up to her.

Still even with Minerva frequent visits I was still very lonely. Most of the time I was left alone in the room as my previous mystery roomate left before I even got to see his face.

Not knowing the state of my sister was driving me crazy. Not to talk about the guilt and depression that were choking me whenever I was left alone.

So having nothing to do apart from therapy sessions at noon and rare chats with Minerva I was spending my time thinking.

I thought about my dear sister... Remembering her cute laughter, her bubbly smile... her slit brown eyes that are the same as mother's.

I remember her trembling back and her terrified face from the last time I saw her.. everytime that memory would come back to hunt me resulting in heavy feelings of disgust and guilt.

Sometimes I also think about my mother, wondering why she is avoiding me. Perhaps she is embarrassed thinking I'm disappointed in her... but in my opinion most likely she is scared not knowing how to deal with the situation.

I wonder how things have reached this point. Maybe I was overestimating myself, thinking I was stronger than I actually am.

Nowdays I didnt really feel like there is any point in doing anything.

Especially my legs therapy. Even with prosthetics nowdays being as good as regular legs it just didn't have the same feeling to it.

Even something as simple as touching the ground had a completely different feeling to it. It was a bland cold feeling.. it was like a faint memory of the real thing.

That feeling made me cringe a little bit with every step but it wad not the worst thing.

The legs have a static speed limit which in other words mean that that will always be the limit of my speed.

Learning that I felt disgusted. I knew should be thankful that I can even walk but I couldnt.

..I will never feel that feeling of freedom that I get whenever I pass my speed limit... I will never feel my muscles aching as a result from my hard work.

Everything I did... All of the hard work I put into track was just taken from me. My heart aches as I miss my old legs.

But even more so I miss my family... mother's kind caresses, her tired face every morning, the smiles and confidence she used to have back when dad was still alive.

I miss my sister's laughter, having to wake my sister up every morning, going to school together and spending our evenings watching some silly tv shows together.

...I can lie to myself and say that everything will be fine once I go back home. But I know.. nothing is fine.

My family is broken, my mother most likely no longer trusts me and my sister is having panic attacks at the sight of my face.

Everyday was a repetition of those depressing thoughts and regrets and I could feel my mentality slowly giving in to the depression.

For now I could just barely hold those feelings back with some lies and a faint smile.

After all my name means light so I cant just give in to those depressing thoughts.

Thats what I thought, crying myself to sleep everyday.

As time went on my last night here has finally arrived and together with it came even more worries than usual.

Tomorrow when I will finally be released from here..

I will need to go back to school.. I will be labeled as a molster wont I? Everyone will most likely just look at me in disgust.

Sigh... Once again I will have to return to that hell hole where I'm getting beaten and slandered every day.

I will also go back home... am I even wanted there? Do I even have a home to go back to?

If I'm no longer wanted by family then what is even the point of living anymore...

-No I cant think like that... I love and trust both my sister and my mother and I'm sure everything will just turn out fine, wiping my tears I forced myself to think that as once again I was struggling to fall asleep.

__________________________

-Ring-Ring-Ring...

My phone ringtone wakes me up. I've got to change it... Its really not a pleasant sound to wake up to.

I don't know how long I slept today... But from the noise and lighting around me it's most likely noon.

Sigh... Today I will be returning home... I'm both excited and worried at the same time.

Even if its unlikely I'm hoping that when I go back my sister will be there to greet me and everything will just go back to normal.

Deep down I already know that it wont happend but I cant help but hope it will.

Finally picking up my phone from the dresser I see its a call from the hospital therapy center. Other then that I still have no messages or calls from anyone else.

Its been like that for the past 2 weeks although its not like I really have anyone to worry about me. I chuckle to myself in self pity.

Using my phone to check myself up I'm still indeed a mess to look at. I never weighted much but now I'm almost skeleton like as both of the surgeries took a heavy toll on my body and I lost my appetite so I couldn't eat much anyway.

My long brown hair is messy as always. Sigh... I force myself to get out of bed and after trying to fix my hair a little bit I head out toward the therapy center for the last time.

It took me less than a week to get used to my new legs and since I'm healthy enough after the therapy I'm finally getting released from this depressing place today.

With every step comes the sound of metal hitting the stone floor which I have come to despise. Well whether I like it or not I will have to get used to it.

On the way I meet Minerva. She looks the same as always, clean bobcut and a cheerful face. This is most likely the last time I'm going to see her.. That makes me feel kind of sad.

Seeing me she waves and walks to me.

She hugs me with one hand and messes my hair with the other. Sigh.. Why did I even bother fixing my hair.

"Oh there you are I was afraid you already left. Didnt even bother to say goodbye to this old aunty ah?"

"I wouldnt dare ma'am, I was in a hurry as I was late for my therapy session. Now if you excuse me"

She puffs her cheeks which looks pretty weird for someone her age and finally lets me go.

"Pff that lonely act doesnt fit you at all. Cheer up kiddo I'm sure when you will get home everything will be just fine. Also give me your phone for a sec."

She reaches out her hand, waiting for me to hand over my phone.

Should I refuse? no... There is nothing I could possibly lose from this and knowing her she is probably just worried about me.

I give her my phone and a second later her expression changes into a pretty sad one.

"..Why dont you have any other contacts apart from your mother, your sister and the hospital. You told me school has been rough for you but to think its this much...".

What a nice person it looks like she genuinely cares about someone like me. After messing around with my phone for another second she finally returns it.

"Well here you go kiddo, I put my phone number in there so now you will have an extra friend to talk to when things get hard. dont be shy to text or call okay?"

"..Sure."

I guess I'm not alone after all. That makes me kind of happy to have someone worried about me.

After the small talk she gave me a tight hug. We say our goodbyes and she returns to her job.

I'm seriously going to miss her.. She really reminds me how my mother used to be before things turned to shit.

A few minutes later I finally arrive at the therapy session, I already know some of the staff and the patients here so I exchanged hellos with them while looking for my instructor.

After some searching I finally notice a tall, balding middle aged man with large eyebrows and a massive black mustache wearing a white robe."

Yup thats him. I head over to him and when he noitces me he waves his hand singling me to come over.

He was always nice to me, telling me how amazing it is how fast I got used to my new legs. It was probably just lip service but it made me feel a little better nonetheless.

I think he went a little hard on me since this is my last time here. After finishing the tiresome therapy session I was completely full of sweat as usual.

I feel bad for the cab I'm going to call later but I cant really take a bath here.

After saying goodbye to the instructor I finally leave the hospital. With all the exercise and the stairs I had to take I'm really exhausted yet I'm strangely excited to go back home as if all of my previous worries disappeared.

A few minutes of waiting later and my cab arrives. It looks like the driver isnt going to complain about my smell since I'm coming from the hospital but he certainly have a stern face.

Surprisingly the driver didnt try to start some small talk and after taking the directions from me we just sat there quietly. The closer we got the more sick I started to feel. My worries started to surface once again and I couldnt help but dread the upcoming situation.

And then the sanctuary changes into my neighborhood, a lot of cheap looking buildings and trash on the ground. I can see my home... Even tho its only been a few weeks since I've been here it feels distant and scary.

After arriving I guess I looked pretty bad because the driver asked me whether I was okay.

With each step I take, I get closer and closer. I go up the stairs to the second floor and there is it, an old looking door with the name tag Welz on it. Thats my home.

I carefully knock once and there is no answer. Knocking again with a bit more power have the same result. Maybe nobody is home? I'm sure my mother knows that I got released today but perhaps she is busy with work.

Searching my school bag I take my key out and I slowly unlock the door, feeling anxious from the unknown of what is waiting for me in there.

The first thing I notice is the smell. It smells mostly like rotten food. Looking inside the house there are dishes in the sink, pillows on the ground and left over food full of mold in the kitchen. I figured the house will be a little messy but this is a lot worse than I thought.

Seeing the house I have worked so hard to take care of in this state had a bitter feeling to it.

I clench my nose and enter the house.

"...I'm home!"

There is no reply. I almost expected to see my sister greeting me out of habit but there is nothing but nerve-racking silence.

"Mom? ..... Sis? is there anyone home?"

"....."

Getting desperate I try calling my mom but there is no use.

I couldnt help but start getting nervous from the situation. Thinking carefully there is no way mom left my sister alone at home after what happened to her.

Wiping the sweat off my forehead I start looking around the house, searching for some clues.

Very soon I find a letter sitting on a table in the kitchen. It is slightly dusty so my guess is that its at least a week old.

I cant help but remember the last letter I received which was the cause for all of this mess. Somehow the letter makes me feel uneasy.. perhaps I developed a letter phobia, I chuckle in my head.

After taking a deep breath I carefully open the letter and take out the piece of paper that is stored in it.

With shaky hands I read the contents.

"~To my beloved Laurent,

The cute little boy I rised that I'm so proud of, the bravest and strongest person I know... I'm sorry for disappointing you and being such a failure of a mother for both you and your sister.

Lately Kana's health got even worse and I cant handle seeing her like this.

A few days after the accident I have received a large sum of money from an unknown source. Via the doctor advice I have decided to take Kana to a different hospital better suited for her condition.

After what I did to you I can't allow you to see us in this state. It is not your fault... dont blame yourself and for now just forget about us and focus on your future.

I'm so sorry and I deeply love you.

From your mother.~"

After reading the letter for an endless amount of times, each time increasing my despair I finally accept it contents.

The letter was full of water marks and scribbles. Its obvious mom cried and felt strongly while writing it... So why do I feel like I got abandoned by my mother.

Once again I try calling mom but the only answer I get is the voice mail lady. I try countless times but its no use.

She doesnt even answer my calls... does she not care about me anymore? I feel sorrow, I feel sadness but mostly I feel betrayed.

As my knees lose their strength and land on the hard floor I cant help but feel like once again something break inside me. My tears start flowing endlessly on the floor as I cry in anguish.