Special Warfare Operations Reconnaissance Division

'Howdy motherfuckers, it's your friendly neighbourhood penis, Nunu! Last time, I FUCKED UP BIG TIME. But this time, I've done proper research. I even bought pants! Also, I think I'm giving up on pickup lines... Anyways, let's go jogging!' Exclaimed Nunu in his head.

It's been almost a week since Nunu fucked up. But, not failing your expectations, he didn't give up. He bought pants and a new mask with a slightly different colour. Even a scarf to blend into the winter environment.

He made a full map of the woman's jogging path to calculate where would be the perfect moment to talk to her. After devising a master plan for a whole week, and trashing a lot of ideas like saving a damsel in distress etc. he was now confident that he could pull it off.

Nunu finally put his plan in action. He came jogging from the opposite side while timing himself. He took a break near a vending machine and went to buy a can of soda. Just as he put in his coin, a woman came running and stopped there to buy juice as well.

As they were drinking, he asked, "Do you come here often?"

"I always drink here during jogging."

"By the way, did you hear about the Italian chef?"

"What?"

"He pasta way"

"Pfft..." She spat out her drink while trying to contain her laughter.

"I'm Sophia Grey, what's your name?" She asked with an enchanting smile.

"Me? I'm Nuuu...."

"Nu?"

"Nuuorman! Norman! My name is Norman... Becket"

Inside Nun... Norman felt like he almost died, 'Omigod, what if she knew that Nunu meant Penis? Fuck, phew, my love life almost ended before it started.'

After that (not so) perfect start, he finally chatted with her normally. They exchanged phone numbers, and from the next day started jogging together.

He didn't need to worry though, this plan was guaranteed to work. After all, everyone knows the way to a woman's heart is through memes and jokes! Alright alright, maybe he just lucked out this time.

After a few days he asked her out on a date and she agreed. They went to many places and ended with a movie. Norman was thrilled. This was the most fun he had in his lifetime... Except maybe the time when he was in the forest.

'Till I get more news about the Z-Vengers, I think I will continue this.' Norman happily thought inside.

----

One day during a date.

"Norman, why are your legs so fat?"

Oh no. Norman is a big penis in reality. He doesn't really have any legs. He just has his balls. Now this question could fuck him up. Or could it?

'I already thought that such a situation would arrive. *sigh* Why am I so smart?'

"It's polio."

"Ummm... I don't think polio works like that thoug-"

"It's polio."

"But-"

"It's polio."

"Ok... What about your mask? Why do you always wear it?"

'God, why did the heavens bless me with such brains?'

"Skin infection."

"Your sunglasses?"

"Blind."

"You're blind as well!?"

"Just kidding, I just thought it looks cool so..."

After masterfully dodging the questions, Norman was very satisfed by himself. A while later, as Norman was walking Sophia home, she suddenly looked up at the sky.

"The stars are so pretty today!"

Norman also looked up. Although he didn't really spot much of a difference in the sky as compared to other days, he still agreed.

"Yeah, very pretty..."

'Hmmm, she has an interest in stars...'

----

Norman was truly happy these days. A few weeks after their first date, Norman wanted her to be his girlfriend. (After all he is a penis and all lewd stuff comes after that step...)

'How should I go about it now?'

He also had a big problem. He really wanted to tell her about his true identity, but when he is reminded of what happened in the past when he forgot to wear his pants, he's scared that she would leave him if his identity was revealed.

He doesn't want to lose her but he doesn't want to lie to her anymore either. So in the end he finally made up his mind to tell her the truth, and if she accepted it, he would propose.

'As expected of me, a brilliant plan indeed.'

So, without wasting any time, he started devising a strategy for his successful proposal.

"BUT FIRST, IT'S FAP TIME!!"

----

S.W.O.R.D Headquarters. Secret Meeting.

At the table, all important people in S.W.O.R.D were seated. There was Captain Russia, Malaria, Dengue Man, Bulk and many others present.

Suddenly a mysterious figure entered the room and took the boss seat. It was the director of S.W.O.R.D.

"Dengue Man, please tell us what happened?"

"I.. I was stuck in the quantum realm when Hope and the others disappeared because of Thomas' snap. I just figured out 5 years have already passed while I was stuck for only 5 hours in the quantum realm. Anyways, just when I came out, you may not believe me, but a... penis started fighting me. He was very powerfu-"

"Wait, wait, do you really expect us to believe such bull crap?" Scarlet Bitch interrupted.

"It could be a mutated alien species for fucks sake. Calm down, Bitch." The director said, "Continue, Dengue Man."

"He had a lot of strength and he could fly faster than me. He was the scariest opponent I've ever faced." Dengue Man's face got paler as he recounted that unfortunate day.

"Anything else?"

"He... He said all the Z-Vengers are his enemies. He wants to defeat all of us. Have any of you offended Nunu?"

"Nope, never met a talking dick." Replied Cap.

"Neither did I." Said Scarlet Bitch.

"Okay guys, I will investigate this guy. Z-Vengers! Dismissed!" Said the Director.

After everyone in the room left, the Director gave off a fiendish grin.

'I think I saw some interesting news about someone cosplaying as a penis. This will be fun. Game on, Nunu.'

----

From the next day the Director started collecting information with those news reports as a basis, and soon found Nunu. His address, his daily routine, his acquaintances, Sophia, frequented places, almost everything related to him was investigated by the Director.

Normally Norman would instantly know if someone was keeping a watch on him and trailing him, but recently he had been on cloud 9. He was too engrossed in his feelings to find out that something was amiss.

A few times he thought someone was staring at him in public, but didn't pay much attention to it thinking that it was normal for a handsome alpha male... Handsome alpha penis such as him to draw some stares out in the open.

Sighing, he thought, 'I just can't stop my good looks from attracting attention wherever I go... Gosh, why did I have to be so outstanding!'

Even though he was thinking that, anyone could tell from the narcissitic smile on his face that he was very satisfied by himself.

He soon started to look for famous places, hotels and other things to prepare for the perfect date and proposal.

----

Author's Note:

Okay guys, war machine will be coming in a few chapters. But we haven't decided what to call him yet, so we're doing a poll. So here are some options, comment whichever sounds best to you.

Whore Supreme

Whore Machine

Whore Frankenstein

Whore Submarine

Whore Guillotine

If there is some other suitable name you can think of don't hesitate to suggest it as well!