Is she gone?

Michael Forrester

Only three minutes. He’s getting desperate.

“Sir, please, Is there a passenger with the name of Samson? Katherine Samson.” One of the personnel, the bald man with a pudgy belly and scruffy face secured his hand on Michael’s chest. Prohibiting him from getting in.

“Sir, please just check. Katherine Samson. Please call her for me. I want to talk to her.” he clasped the personnel’s hand in desperation. He doesn’t know what to do anymore, except begging. He knows it’s pointless, pleading to these oblivious people who are only doing their job, he knows.

He decided he can’t lose hope now. He must not give up. But what is he supposed to do? He leaped through halls, check and scan every scheduled flight to New York at this hour. And only this terminal has one. That means she’s here. Somewhere. Just past through that door. And he’ll find her again.

“Sir, kindly step back. The plane already took off.” He froze in the spot.

“What?” he asked in a low voice, he might have heard him wrong.

“Sir, that’s what we’ve been telling you. The plane already took off ten minutes ago.”

He can’t utter a word, he can’t bring his chest to breathe. Every muscle that attempted to flex joint movements tighten, restricted. His mind is demanding him to stop…

Breathing.

No this can’t be. His shoulders sagged. Like someone dumped a sack of rice at his back. So heavy, his knees gave away on his weight. All emotions mixed, his body is fighting to keep up the loud pumping of blood in his chest. His mind is battling turbulence of dread, horror, and a frightening possibility of not meeting Katherine again.

All his efforts go drained.

He did not make it.

And as punishment for hurting her, he’ll never see her again. Ever. And it’s more horrible than his parents abandoning him, letting him live through scraps and leftovers. Forcing him to live the life of a homeless.

He had nothing back then. He thought he understands that. But losing her lets him feel what it’s really like to be left with nothing. Maybe Alice was right.

“You can never understand how it feels unless you went through the same.” he choked back a sob. A muscle in his jaw twitched. Lips forcedly pressed in a hard line, just to prevent the bottom lip from quivering. He can never show any weakness here.

He’s on the edge of breaking down. If he stands up now he’s afraid he’ll fall apart.

For the past month, he did his best to shut off his emotions. For her. So she won’t ever find out. What he actually feels. How important she is. To him.

Nothing mattered. Except her. And the sweet familiar smile he gave her.

He wants to protect her. He wants to hear her laugh. God, he’ll do anything to hear that sing sang voice laughing in his ears again.

“Security! Can someone please take this man away?” Michael did not look up. But he’s aware it’s the dude with the bald head. He’s calling people to take him away...

Now he’s left with no choice. Is this really the end? Will he never see her again? Just like this? If only he had known it would turn out like this. He should have made use of the time they spent together. Then he won’t be feeling this miserable right now.

Two broad arms picked him up from the ground. His knees are still kneeling when they drag him out. He felt his bones and tissues making up every part of his body, carved right out of his bare skin. Splattered and scattered. It left him gasping for air. Impaling his back with sharp needle syringe. His lungs were covered in holes. Intensifying his suffering ten times worse.

This must be what the girl feels in Alice’s story. Watching her loved one die and knowing he died because of her. He gave a short bitter laugh. Now he’s experiencing it himself.

She left because of him. Her words of goodbye tore out her soul, so she left it behind. Now, he’s giving his desperate effort to hold her soul in his embrace. Hoping she will come back to take it away.

What a fool he must be, to keep playing with useless stones, searching for remnants of the diamond who stayed so still beside him.

Just because she was a precious jewel, he forbids himself from touching her.

He keeps his emotions in check, he locked them deeper inside, because he knows he’s a piece of worthless trash. And he can’t soil the jewel no matter what.

Now, look at him, spending every second that passed with bitter regrets. Hoping against hope he could reset time. That he could take his actions back. He should not have put restrictions on himself. He should have expressed himself more. Maybe things would turn out differently. Optimistically different.

“Hey, sir. Would you please get up on your knees.” He didn’t budge. His eyes were transparent with dry tears. He wants to scream his pain out but he can’t. His heart is looking for release, but his eyes are constricting tears from coming out. His lungs are now full of holes.

Pain without a means for appeasement is the worst. Any moment now, it might burst out inside. Misguided and uncontrolled, it will eventually kill its owner.

He sat curled up in the ground. Unaffected to the crowds around him. Their hurried footsteps echoed in the ground. The tile sullied floor covered his yesterday clothes with black dust and dirt. Heat penetrates his skin. Scorching the tanned arms with its heat.

Women tried to shake him out of his thoughts. But he didn’t budge. They eventually give up and left. Some men spared him a glance. Others kept their distance.

He doesn’t know how many hours he sat on the pavement. The crowds are getting thicker. People hit his back with their feet. Some brushed their luggage on him. Still, he won’t budge.

Guards tried to drag him away. But it’s useless. He’s not even sure what he’s still doing there. Waiting for a miracle? Maybe she will come back after all. Or not.

The sweltering heat of the sun got obscured by a figure standing in front of him. He did not pay attention. But the black boots are utterly familiar to him.

“Why are you here Michael?” that voice… his breath got caught on his throat. It can’t be.

“You okay?” she crouched down in front of him. Casting her familiar eyes on his own. The sunlight is reflecting a faint rainbow on her eyelids. Highlighting her perfect round eyes and long eyelashes.

“Katherine..”