He left

Katherine Samson

“M-om? What are you doing here?” she stands perfectly still at the doorway. Frozen in place. She felt her feet weigh like a lead. Too heavy to carry, it stands on its ground, restricting movement from her upper body.

Her mother clicked her tongue and look at her in disgust.

“Shameless girl! I came to check what you’re doing and this is what I’ll see? You! - dare to take a scoundrel inside your room and let him live with you?! Outrageous! How much shame will you bring to this family?! Living with a filth, loathsome beggar - for what? Because he got a pretty face?! Think about our dignity! You never think twice before you act! Not minding the consequences, did you ever stop to consider the drastic effects it could bring to us?! To our name?!”

You mean YOUR pride. Katherine thought.

“Mom, what are you doing here?” she asked quietly. She can feel the deafening pounding of her heart. It’s thrashing on her eardrums. The blood rushing in and out sent her nerves in panic mode. Her mind is flashing bits of pieces from her past.

That time when her mom forbids her from befriending their neighbor. Just because she’s not as rich as them. That time when she scolds her for staying out with a classmate. Just because they live in an old rundown apartment.

In her mother’s eyes, there’s a boundary that separates the middle class and elites. That should not be crossed, no matter what. People are defined based on their monetary status. If you own a successful corporation business, then you are honored in the business world. If you’re just a single-income worker in a company or chain business, they will degrade you.

This world is full of adults who judge others based on how much monetary income they make. Full of teenage girls who judge their age by how many boyfriends they had. Full of teenage boys who defined others based on how many times they tried to have sex with others.

And that’s the truth. A reality we can’t escape. A fact we refuse to see.

Wherever you go, whether you’re in highschool or a working adult, there’s always a ranking system of people. A battle of who will fit in. A competition to see who will make it to the top. Winners are celebrated and basked in attention, losers are discarded and treated as outcasts.

Katherine’s ears rang in the midst of her mother’s ranting. She’s literally barking at her. As always. Not even a word of ‘How are you?’ or ‘How’s your study?’ or ‘Are you comfortable with your school? Did you make friends?’ came out of her mouth.

Instead, it’s ‘As if you’re not useless enough, you go ahead and do more shameful act to defame this family.’

“Mom, will you just stop,” she whispered.

No one heard.

“Mom, please...just stop,” she said, a little louder this time.

She did not listen. Katherine trembled. A surge of blood boiled in her veins. Her heart furiously pumped blood in and out of her system. Affecting her mood. Feeding the turmoil fury inside her. Small at first, then it grows, it claws, it gnash her insides until it burst out in uncontrollable explosion.

“MOM! STOP!”

The meer shocked on her mother’s face snapped her senses. For the first time in years, she shouted at her. She talks back. She voice out the buried anger inside her heart.

“You ungrateful child! You dare to shout at me - all because of this boy?!” her mother jabbed her finger at Michael.

Katherine slowly exhaled a breath. Trying to calm her nerves. She cast her eyes to Michael. He’s doing a good job in staying silent. Hanging down his head, shoving his hands to his pockets. He doesn’t dare to steal a glimpse at them. At her.

She wants to call out to him. Tell him to look at her. She wants to approach him. She knows he’s hurt. She’s willing to do anything to take his pain away.

By now, she’s supposed to be tortured by the voice of self-pity in her head. How useless she was, how worthless. Nobody wants her. She’s nothing.

Ironically, she can’t feel anything from her mother’s words. She’s more worried about Michael. What did her mother say to him when she’s gone? Did she downgrade him? Because of his status? Because she thinks he’s nothing?

“Mom, just leaves.” she mouthed.

“What?!”

“I don’t want you here. So leave. Get out. Don’t ever come back.”

She watch her mother’s face contorted with rage. She picked up her purse on the table, walk away with her chin held high, and slammed the door behind her. Katherine clenched her fist.

She doesn’t mean what she said. But her mother is going too far. It’s too much. She left her all alone. Feeding her with money, giving her the freedom to live on her own. Letting her live independently. Did she ever think it’s a mother’s love to disappear out of your daughter’s life, leaving her enough money to feed herself?

She walks out when Katherine needed her the most. And that forfeits her the right to barge in and tell her what she ought to do.

“The beef stew…..” Michael croaked.

“Is in the table. Just eat it, I don’t think it’s hot anymore.” he detached himself from the wall and head to his room.

“Michael wait -” he closed the door behind him. The sound of the doorknob clicked sank her heart. He left her alone. He left her miserable. She doesn’t want to drown in her own miseries. Not again. It only left her in a state of mess.

She trudged toward the sofa, dropping her handbag. She mindlessly heads to the kitchen. Minutes ago, she was so excited to come home. Now…

Where did that elated happiness go?

A bleak of bliss...will only last a moment. But loneliness...will stay in your heart forever.

At the table, the beef stew in ceramic pot is now cold. He seasoned it nicely. The stew and beef blend perfectly. This is the first, the first meal Michael cooked that came out tasty.

They’re supposed to sit here together. Michael eagerly watching her for her reaction. And she would congratulate him. His first success in cooking. Then… he would smile broadly. Grin like a maniac and say boastful words about how awesome he was.

And they would laugh it off together.

.

.

.

Without intending to… a tear strummed down her left cheek, then on the right. She wiped it off at first. But her tears are screaming for release inside. If not… her heart would burst out. By her own torture...By her own thoughts… By her own imagination.

She dropped the spoon on her hand and covered her face with her two hands. It’s painful. She sobbed. It feels like a knife was stabbed in her chest. It’s suffocating. Her lungs are frozen inside. She’s gasping for her.

_________________________________

The next morning, she gets up with no Michael waking her up. She hung back her head and stretched. The clouds are thick and the air is humid outside. Soft pitter-patter slaps the window. She steps out of her room and gazes at the clock in the living room.

Eight-thirty.

It’s really weird. Michael usually gets up at seven and makes a ruckus in the kitchen. But it’s quiet...Like there’s no one inside except her.

She took a step forward to head to Michael’s room when something caught her eye. A note. On the table. Beside the vase. No doubt it’s Michael’s. It’s his handwriting. She bends down and reads its content.

“Thank you for living me with you for free. It’s time for me to go and look for another residence. Don’t worry, I will pay back the expenses you incurred. Michael."

She dropped on her knees. Feeling the gnawing horror taking her insides...

He left…

Once again... I'm all alone.