Chapter 98: Sumgyeojin Jaeneung (Hidden Talents)

She eventually woke up but she wouldn't open her mouth or even look at me but I still felt the warmth in her care that I so desperately needed right about now. And it was only when we made our way home that she confided in me that her father had also trained her a little in swordsmanship, although she had not the time to practise since her epilepsy disorder came about. I was left in the dark once again as I had no idea how she knew, who trained her and for how long, and it was just making me angry all over again. My emotions were still completely all over the place and I still wasn't full processing what had happened in just one day. I still partly drunk, partly sober, in a lot of pain, confused, overwhelmed...angry and horny all at the same time. I had no idea what to do with myself but after everything that just happened right now, her touch was triggering me to finally think and do something that I wanted to do for myself, Hurley for myself without thinking of anybody else or the consequences later...so before I knew it, I leaned forward and I kissed her properly this time.

In my father's eyes and everyone else's who judged me for being born, I was barely a man, never mind a human being. But the minute I touched Yeon, who was the epitome of pure and fairness, her innocent...and pent up emotions were triggering a more severe reactions in me that I had not only felt before, but have never felt for anyone in my entire life. In fact, Hui-Jee had not really provoked any physical or emotional reaction in me at all expect for her rejection and even then I had gotten over that more quickly and less painfully than I had imagined once I vowed to never again think of her in that way. But the way that Yeon...shuddered at my touch...she wasn't disgusted with me at all or even pushed me away. Her reaction, her gaze at me, her touch onto mine which was the first that anyone given me...it was all making me much more excited than I had ever felt in my life...and I wanted more of it. I craved it, rather than wallowing in misery and emotional distress like I had been in this home everyday for 20 years. She had become my saviour and she was sitting in front of me of all people and caring for me like no-one had before...and I wanted her...

She must have seen the look in my eyes, but even then she didn't move as I pulled her onto my lap and I started kissing her again still I could find the right words to say to pacify the situation...my goodness I had never tasted something so sweet in my entire life that I had even forgotten the act she put on in front of me for a decade...this girl was a woman and I wanted her. I wanted her to stay by my side and never leave me...and even now she still wasn't pulling away from me. In fact, she had one arm around my neck and the other on my arm that was around her waist to balance herself since I wasn't letting go. She was kissing me just as ferociously as I was to her and before I knew it I had lost all control...so much so that she seemed to have regained her senses and started pushing me away when my hands started pulling her clothes off...and in the end we were both on the opposite sides on her room, fighting to control ourselves.

"It is too soon for me to do that right now." She muttered bitterly, turning her back against me so she wouldn't have to face me. I still couldn't find the right words to say about our messed up situation at all so I just kept quiet for now. "What brings you to my room? You barely set foot in here ever since you took me in and now you're here almost every day recently" she had her back to me but not even I in my present state could miss the hurt in her voice that was tearing me apart inside...but I still had to get my answers, even if she was going to put on a cold act again to try to hide the fact that she did owe me a lot of explanations. I wasn't going to let her get away with not telling me, so I had no choice but to play along as well.

"Well well, it looks like you've hidden yourself from me pretty well Yeonna" I kept myself face in her neck as much as possible to make her more uncomfortable than she already was. "Did you give me any choice? I did what I had to for my brother, whom you blindsided along with myself , whom your father kept hostage" "and so? What revenge plan do you have for us now?" She couldn't look me in the eye the moment I had started speaking and it was beginning to annoy me. "Don't you worry, I can handle your father on my own just like I did in a single day." That made me angry enough punch a hole into the wall next to her head; she shrieked at this a little and practically buried herself into my arms. I had touched here more in a few minutes than I had done in our entire lifetimes and I had never felt my heart beating as fast as it did now, even going back to all of the times that I had been around Hui-Jee or even thought about her. I was conflicted in that moment between honestly embracing her again and venting out all of my resentment towards her, so I did the only thing I could do in that moment, which was to harshly capture her face in my fingers as I brought her closely to me, something I had immediately regretted but it was too late to take back now "why didn't you tell me you regained your memories?" "Why did you hide everything about my past from me, including my brother?" Her replies were quick witted, but they were starting to strike a very sensitive nerve in me "Why didn't you come to me?" "You kept pushing me away; you were always either in the palace or drinking with kisengs in gibangs. You isolated me from you and everyone else just like how your father isolated you, and I didn't know if I could fully trust you at the time or not." I was torn between breaking everything and almost venting my pent up emotions on the spot. That made me collapse in shock...she knew everything from the first year? "You've always been a bad liar and you know it, and I could see and sense your guilt from a mile away every day that I have been here. I felt it in every one of our interactions which you reduced as much as possible. I could also sense it every time you came home drunk and every time you faced your father." I thought I was going to throw up at this point. I got lost in the moment and I tried to defend myself, desperately hoping it wouldn't fall upon deaf ears like it did with Hui-Jee. Please, if there was a god that existed, please do not let this girl turn on me like everyone else had...so what came out of her mouth next I was not expecting at all..."And before you can spew any more lies to me I know that every single action of yours was dictated to you by your father."

I had to run outside at this point and I must have thrown up everything I had digested for the whole week. Every emotional conflict I had been experiencing since I had to betray them was now running through my mid and my heart. What the hell was I supposed to do now? Defend myself? And my father? Deny everything? Or confess? My palms had begun to sweat, my heart was going to jump out of its chest and I would much rather take my own life than look at her pure face which must be full of every negative thing she could think of a man. The only ration thought I had was to continue to interrogate her. I made my way back to her room just in time as I caught her escaping and I had to put my arms around her to prevent her from running away."Why didn't you come to me when you regain your memories?" She sighed infuriatingly before she turned to look at me with that same cool look on her face that I wasn't used to "you told me that you were uncomfortable around me remember? Besides, when was I supposed to tell you anything? When you were already caught between the family that cherished you and took you in or the family who reared you to be another version of your father? You're ambitions and your loved ones? Your revenge for your mother and your heart?" On the surface I tried to remain cold and hard but inside I was melting. Yeon...she knew everything, she knew the reasons why I did what I did and she knew my struggles. Who...who was this girl? I thought that I knew this girl well enough to take care of her myself after a decade but I guess I was wrong. "You're drunk, so go to your room and sleep it off" and with that she pushed me out of her room, her tone full of guilt, hurt but defiance and truth at the same time. She hated what I was forced to do, as was her right but...her tone also told me that she didn't hate me.

The more confused I was getting by her action, I had finally reached my breaking point as I returned for a third time and grabbed her arm and refused to let go of her until she looked me in the eyes and gave me the answers that I wanted. She finally understood that resistance was futile when my hands started to wander down her back without her permission...and I waited for some sort of reaction from her. She had been in love with me for so many years so how could she not fall into my arms and surrender, and I could have sworn that for a moment she gave me a tired look that told me she just wanted to give up on everything she was planning to do, whatever it was...but for some reason, I could feel that she was torn by something...there was something that was getting in our way and I had no idea what it was. "What's wrong with you? You've never paid this much attention to me in my entire life. Why do you suddenly care about the things I do and why I do them?" She might as well have slapped me clean across the face, that's how shocked I was. I grabbed her face into my hands once again and I was flabbergasted to see that Yeon pretty much felt the same way about me as I did about her now. "I'm sorry for everything you have been through on our behalf's, and I am beyond grateful for your efforts. I've seen how tortured you have been over my brother's predicament and keeping myself safe while you barely survived." And with this, she pulled me into my first warm hug that I had had since mother...this was my first initial warm contact with another person in so many years and it was completely undoing me as she kept holding me tighter and tighter until I almost fell my burdens dissipate. I also began to feel my heart eating strangely like did whenever Yeon was around as I felt her almost sink into my chest with her head buried in my neck for a while...before she pulled away "but that doesn't change the fact that every word and interaction we have had for the entirety of my stay here had been a complete lie. I trust you with my life and I always will do, but as for everything else I am going to follow in my plans alone until I can trust you fully again."And with this she tried to push me out of her room and I just sat down on her steps, trying to process everything that had just happened in the last few minutes.

I was made well aware by no when somebody didn't want me around but what Yeon did just now...I could have sworn that I felt her embrace me in return, and as for the way she kept avoiding my gaze...what was she hiding from me? What was it that she thought she knew? What had happened for her to stop coming to me when she needed my help? But even when she was 'angry' at me, I could tell that she wanted to hold onto me as much as I wanted to do to her, that girl didn't know how to hide her affections even if her life depended on it.

I waited for her to fall asleep until got back into her room and I started rifling through her things until I found her diaries. A huge part of me was curious, I couldn't deny that, but there was another part of me the was suddenly filled with dread...as I held her earlier I couldn't help but notice she had some scars on her that I was trying my best not to make a fuss about there and then but now...no, I couldn't keep living in confusion like this, it was pure torture not knowing how my entire life had changed in one single day and by the most unlikeliest person...