Chapter 74: Soyu (Possession)

I still couldn't get that night out of my mind, I was so overwhelmed and conflicted as usual that I chose to stay in my quarters until I knew what to do. I had kept touching the part of my face that he covered with his hand when he broke into here. Touching or anything of that nature was forbidden between to two sexes and Seon-Ho was always emphasising that, but the way he pulled me into his embrace whilst covering my mouth so I wouldn't scream was completely undoing me. Since my memory loss I had now taken a mental note to take in all of my surroundings more than usual, that was how I knew long he was holding me for which was completely unnecessary...but not totally unwarranted either. And I could have sworn that I felt his hands run down my arms before he released me from his grasp. He completely stunned me into silence at this point so I had no words. He didn't talk to me either but he proceeded to just take off his top right in front of me as if it was a natural thing for us to do when he knew it wasn't. This man was the biggest tease I had ever come across and I had no idea how to handle these...tricks he was playing on me. My face began to heat up as I remember my knees buckling at the sight of him like that...I had always like him since the moment I was introduced to him but I don't think I've ever imagined what he looked like under his clothes...the small scrawny skinny boy who used to tag along with my brother everywhere had well and truly grown up in almost every aspect there was. He was just all...muscle, he had muscle upon muscle everywhere and his chest was so wide...even now I had to hide under my blanket to contain myself like I barely did that night. God only knows how I managed to contain myself as I tended to him as he wished since it was clear as day that he wasn't going to leave me alone until he got what he wanted. And he was the young master of the home I was living in so who was I to defy him, especially since I was surviving on his mercy alone and we both knew it.

I almost lost my balance as I sat down that night, so he had to catch me, and when I pulled away he kept pulling me closer to him. Resistance was futile as I tended to him, served him tea and snacks that I had in my room and got a chance to ask him a few questions. And all the while he was just staring at me intensely...to be honest I did have a strange feeling for while that I was being watched for the longest time...that fact that the stare felt so familiar to me almost made me pass out on the spot."I haven't come to see you in a while, you have appeared to have lost a little weight. How are you feeling?" You jerk, we both know you ignore me on purpose so why are you asking me these stupid questions? Why are you always watching me and observing me as if you were the one who temporarily lost your memories? Why are you looking for any and every excuse to bind me to you when you are in love with somebody else? Do you have idea how much I cried after that? Because even I do not know why everything about you affects me this deeply still, even after uncovering the truth you have been hiding from me? Please, I beg of you, give me a little room to breathe and collect my thoughts instead of...chasing me how I used to chase you and using my crush against me. This isn't fair...

"I eat and sleep well thanks to the special privileges that you bestow on me. So how could i have lost any weight, My Lord..." "I told you to stop calling me that!" "Calling you otherwise is against the law...what is it? Why are you looking at me like that?" "You know what? You really know how to put someone in such a tight conflict and you still manage to look so innocent about it. What a tease..." "What on earth are you saying? What are you talking about?" "there are some days I am grateful about your memory loss. Most days in fact, I will not lie about that. But there are times where I hoped you would have at least remembered who I was, so we wouldn't have to start over from scratch."

How the hell was he expecting me to reply to that? No matter what he said, it didn't look like he had forgotten my brother. In fact when he was out to work, he had given me full access to his study and I was more than surprised to see that he had a well-hidden full diary of my brother's activities, the debts he owed and so on. But what moved me a little was the fact that Seon-Ho had taken it upon himself to pay off my brother's expenses, and he had his own people looking out for him away from the everlasting gaze of his father. But he was usually such a careful and disciplined man compared to myself who was more carefree and could still pay attention to details without being so serious, so was he letting me into his world on a more personal level on purpose? Just in case I regained my memories? Or was he actually helping me in his own way to recover them? He had backed off a little bit when my brother took the opportunity to come by the home for whatever update he had to give them, the gifts he was sending me were now books that I had hunted for in the marketplace before my memory loss and he was even teaching me how to write more eloquently in his free time after I 'had to clean up his bedroom for him.'

"I haven't been able to come and see you for a while. You aren' angry at me, are you?" "You have so many duties to preform every day, how can I be angry at you?" "Are you still going to be this stubborn?" He snapped at me just as I was hoping he wouldn't hear my voice almost break under pressure. But as unpredictable as this conversation already was going, I couldn't help but to test him a little since i still couldn't believe that someone as handsome as him still hadn't let any woman approach him, even if he wasn't treated the way he was supposed to by Hui-Jee.

"By the way, I have noticed that the concubine has temporarily stopped her visits to you, which I am sure has put some strain on you. Her health must be somewhat weak, that can be the only reason that I can imagine for her to prevent seeing you as much as she has done in the past. You must remember to check in on her, and I will prepare a gift for her on your behalf. Maybe I should gift her something that you have already given me?" I didn't even have to look at him to feel how taken aback he was by what I had said, I could just hear his hands balled up into fists so hard that I could hear his knuckles crack. But this was also the very first time that I heard him or saw him actually trying to restrain his impulsive anger just for me.

"There isn't any need for that! You know that the child isn't mine and...." "I know that, you know that but it is already too late. The rest of the world knows that you are having a child and they will judge you on how you treat her. Now that you have a family image to maintain, your future rests on what happens in your family." "The baby is Dal's..." "He claims to be your brother. Do you know of this? He confessed this to me last night when we..." "When you what? Escaped this manor? Without anyone's permission?" "That wasn't what happened..." "I really wonder what else that crazy man told you." He was in one of those weird moods when he was being gentle yet firm at the same time as he began to play with my arms and refusing to let go of my hand whilst he had his snacks. "I think...it is true. And not only that, i think that Chun-Ae might have been your sister...based on how your father treats them...are you ok? Why do you look so pale?"

"Do not test me like my father always does Yeon, and the rest of the world. My family is off topic to speak about, at least until I figure it all out. And I am not a fickle and unfaithful man just because I am limited in my choices. Once I choose a woman, that choice will follow me until the day I die." "What do you mean?" There were times in his anger when he was just silent and other times when he did some senseless violent act to cover up his loss for words, and this was nothing like that. He had no intentions of leaving my quarters tonight for the first time, so he was coming up with any excuse to stay longer by my side. "Her health is weak like you said, so she must not be disturbed by any visitors..." "As if you don't take any and every opportunity to disturb me." I mumbled quietly under my breathe. "...and she must have an abundance of doctors at her disposal. And friends who can give her better gifts that I can possible afford on my salary." That was a lit and we both knew it, since his father was surprisingly humane enough to give him an allowance from his own pocket.

"If you say so, and hopefully when her health recovers, she will bless your fortune with more of her favours..." "if you want me to stop seeing her, you only need to tell me and I will, I have told you this before." "I am lowborn with a poor fate, how can I dictate your life for you?" That really got to him as he smashed the whole tea-set that he himself gifted to me across the room. And I almost blew my act when i lost my temper at him for making a mess in his mother's quarter's of all places in this home of his father's. "Why are you getting so angry for?" "You can take your temper out on me all you want to, but do not desecrate you're mother's memories by throwing whatever you want around! No, this won't do at all, please call for the servants to help me clean this up." "No servant has set foot in this place apart from the one I cannot rid myself of, and it will stay that way!" "So you do still care about her, no matter how frustrated you are at your own birthright."

But unfortunately, that was as close as I was ever going to get to be able to get him to open up about his mother, and I had to respect that for now. Instead, he just motioned for me to return to my seat where he instantly placed his head on my lap and tried to catch up on some much needed sleep. He wasn't letting me move so I couldn't cover him up with a blanket or light up some sleeping incense sticks, so I chose to keep talking to him instead, more than I had ever been able to in the past since he refused to leave. So I asked him more questions like asking for updated about his work in the palace. I most certainly did not expect him to start telling me everything he could, although I knew he was still going to continue to conceal his father's dealings with my brother from me. I couldn't stop observing him today and I noticed an expression on his face that I had never seen before; he looked relived and a little unburdened the more I kept asking him about it. I psychically felt his shoulders relax more as I made him talk. He was more than aware than anyone else about my passion for reading educational books, so I was able to converse with him about his work easily, I even managed to throw out a few suggestions and ideas out there that would allow him to come up with an easy system for him to work with instead of him taking on too much at the same time like I presumed he did. And I wasn't wrong; I also asked him about how he was being treated amongst his peers as I could only imagine how an illegitimate child with a father who worked in the court could be treated. His only saving grace was the fact that he was one of the few people at court who were able to have private meetings with the Emperor, not even his father had that privilege. I wasn't satisfied though, and before I knew it I completely lost my patience and my composure as I went into long rant about how hard working he was and how he should get the respect he deserved for the work time and effort he put into everything he did compared to everybody else he worked with who were just enjoying the benefits that nepotism gave them.

I was so completely lost in my rant that I didn't notice the look on his face, it was as if I had fed a starving boy for days on end. We were both getting emotional at that point and we couldn't face each other at all. But that alone managed to make him fall asleep right there and then, and I couldn't be more grateful for that night. I got to stay by his side in a way I had been craving since I was left alone with him, I could give him some warmth as I knew he had to go live a mundane life in the palace day in and day out from the early hours in the morning to the late hours of the night. I traced his face and body as much as I could and I even managed to draw him as much as I could before I in turn fell asleep myself.

The next day came far too quickly for my liking, but neither one of us were willing to part from each other now, even for a few hours. But when he saw that I couldn't and wouldn't stop him from leaving, he ended up making his way towards me and he started asking me a lot of questions at once; like why I had ignored him recently, why I hadn't come to see him and who I was talking to nowadays. I felt the possessiveness in his voice that made me smile a little, before I remembered his crush on Hui-Jee. That put me in a bad mood as I muttered that it wasn't any of his business, but he soon made me regret it as he grabbed my arm again like he was going to snap it off and made it very clear once again that whatever I did under his father's roof was his business and his business only. I did keep looking at my arms which felt like it might turn black and blue at this point, but I knew that he would never intentionally hurt me, he just didn't know his own strength sometimes and was clearly restraining me even when he did touch me as much as he did.

But despite this, I kept having dreams about my brother in the most awful conditions were starting to keep me up at night, so I inadvertently tried to void him for a few weeks and continue my daily routine but he just wasn't letting that happen at all. I couldn't help but notice how civil he was being to the concubine who was still heavily pregnant, which now meant that he was using her to spy on me now. He called me in to serve him his tea and snacks as soon as he come home from work, and I managed to stay around him more to discuss how his day was, what he achieved, what he needed to work on and so on. And every time this happened I could feel his burdens leaving him already, but it wasn't always a good time. The day after he came into my room he had all the male servants drawn away from my quarters, because he knew there was one in particular that I was getting close to on friendly terms only. I tried to look for him once or twice but every time I did Seon-Ho always stood in my path with a very angry look on his face so I gave up and retreated quietly back into my room. Anytime the servant found me Seon-Ho would appear by my side in an instant and start barking nonsensical orders at him to keep him away from me and then take me to his bedroom.