Chapter 42: Goyo (Silence)

There was somebody with us in the water, and it was somebody who saved me and I think it was a girl. It made no sense but now that I was able to remember more of what happened, I could also remember hearing a girl's voice panicking next to me before running away. But I was in and out of consciousness from the shock of what happened and my arm really did hurt a lot. But even then, it found a way to attach itself to Yeon without much effort and she wasn't saying anything about it at all. In fact, even when the concubine tried to break us apart, I could feel Yeon holding onto me and trying to keep me warm despite her being in the water for longer than I was. She really did everything she could to treat me, especially when we were bought straight to the pharmacy and wouldn't let anyone else touch me. She even instructed the physicians about how to treat me and she put enough blankets on me to warm me up in mere minutes. But she wasn't taking me back to our home immediately, which made me think that she wanted to be left alone with me for a while and I had no idea why. Other than trying to protect me, she had become awfully quiet and could not look at me at all. But at least Dal left us alone while she put together all of the herbs she needed to treat my arm before tending to me personally. "Yeon?" "Why were you stuck? In the water? Do you have any idea how much you scared me? I thought I..." "You what?" "That I was going to loose you right there and then. That I would never see you again." I still wasn't going to talk about my brother or mother to anyone, so I just decided to keep my mouth shut about what I had experienced underwater and try to make sense of Yeon's anger that seemed to be brimming over the edge. "Are you really angry at me?" "Yes." "Why?" "Because I hate you." Well, I wasn't expecting her to say that. It really did throw me off a little bit and I was stunned into silence. What could I possibly say to her after that?

"Why do you hate me?" "I hate you for not telling me everything about my memories. I hate you for expecting me to start my life all over again when I can feel there is something missing..." "something missing? You live a better life than most lowborn!" "I did not ask for it! Any of it! I did no ask you for fine clothing, accessories, luxuries, none of it! I am walking around with a hole in my heart and I cannot remember why! I hate your father for locking me up in your home! I hate that you have to take such an elongated plan to free us! I hate that I constantly break Confucius rules but I cannot help because I have no idea what I'm doing! Why can't I stay out of trouble? Why am I so invested in your business? Why am I so fiercely protective over a man that I cannot remember! And why are you so good to me even if I have lost my memories of you! Why!"

It was in this moment that I realised that the naive and awkward little girl that I had grown up with was long gone from the day she hit her head and lost her memories. And the woman standing in front of who was practically dissolving into precious tears was something new, bold and she sill held an air of mystery to her that I could not get passed, not yet. But now was not the time to obsess over that yet, not until I helped her brother reunite with her. And she was suffering greatly, I saw that now. And I knew that like myself, nothing would dissuade her from her guesses and theories. Well well, it looked like I had more in common with her than her brother. How interesting. "What are you..." I had already been through so much recently, not to mention today and I didn't even have the strength to pacify myself, not to mention anyone else. So in the midst of my own built-up frustrations, which were being fuelled by hers, I completely forgot myself as I laid a single hand against her slim back and I pulled her in close to me. A woman's only lifeline in this world was her reputation, and right now I had Yeon's in mine as I broke h rules for once to get this close to her. "What are you doing! You..." "why? Do you think that you are the only one who can break the rules around here?" "You are the one who enforces the rules, so why are you..." "Listen to me Yeon and listen well. I am empty. I am tired. And I am not doing well at all. I am sorry that I cannot answer all of your questions, but there is a reason for that. And you are probably the only person that I haven't let down yet and I do not intend to. I want to promise you that I will never hurt you, so please stop pushing me off of the edge like everyone else around me is trying to. I can only take so much, do you understand me!" Time and time again I was made to be the bad person in front of everyone's eyes, but I was willing to do it for the Seo's. Even if it meant holding both of their lives in the palm of my hands. And if Yeon wanted an impeccable reputation, then she was going to have to learn to listen to me well and trust me.

But protecting her was starting to take more from me than I imagined, and I wasn't getting anything in return apart from her being the only person in this village to look me straight in the eyes and having her tremble under me. But it didn't feel like a bad thing. In fact...it made me feel powerful. According to he world and my father, I was only half of a man due to my half-noble heritage. But according to this very moment when I had a girl as soft as silk and as wet as the river we both came from, I was more than a man...

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It was in this moment that I realised that I wasn't going crazy after all; there really was something between us and it wasn't all in my head. He was the one breaking the no-contact rule between us, he was the one digging his nails into my skin as if to mark me, and he was the one getting close enough to me to bury his face into my hair and squeeze my waist with his hands that were much larger than I had expected. It was making me blush so badly that I found myself hiding in his arms, which really was not helping the situation at all. "We...we need to leave..." "And go where? Back to that prison?" "I..." "Stop talking." "We can't...I cannot...we should go." So much for thinking I could run away from him when he actually twisted his hand around my long hair and pulled it back so I tripped myself back into his tight embrace...

"What on earth are you both doing? We need to go home before your father kills us all!" We could hear a very impatient Dal shouting at us from outside and the spell between us was broken. Who on earth knew what would have happened if we were bot brought back to our senses. Or I may have been speaking about myself; maybe I imagined it, but I could have sworn that I saw a different expression on his face that I had ever seen before. It was a mix of frustration towards me and pure rage in Dallas' direction. "Come on, we need to leave..." "Yeonna?" "Yes?" "Will you ever leave me?" "Excuse me?" "The words you said in the carriage, did you mean them?" "Of course I did." "Then prove it to me." "How?" "Promise me that you will never get close to anyone else." "Seon-Ho?" "No matter what happens in my household, I am the only person you can trust, talk to and confide in." "And what about Dal?" "Forget him, Dal was never in our lives before your memory loss either. It was only me and you." "How can I tell if you are lying about this?" "Does it look like I am lying to you?" "Then tell me..." "Your favourite colour is red, your favourite books are...were books that challenged authority, your favourite season is spring and you would much rather follow your own path than be like the other girls in our village. You...have always seen things differently from anyone I have ever come across, even in the palace, and I have no idea why. But I am starting to believe in it, that is why I turn to your help to manage my father's household and help me with the servants." "So...you do trust me?" "As much as you trust me Yeon, but you have to be patient with me. Not everything is working on my schedule and some things have to wait for the right timing." "So what do I do until then?" "I will send you over everything you need to occupy yourself with in the meantime. As long as you only obey my wishes and my command, I will give you everything that I can in return."

It was ill-timed, but the rush of hope that I suddenly felt inside of me suddenly sent me running back into his arms. How I wished that I could break down in them, how I wished that he would hold me forever and how I wished that he would never leave my side even if I was angry at him. "Please promise me that your words are true?" "Only to you Yeon, can I speak true words." "WHERE IS MY SON AND THE ORPHAN THAT HE RAN AWAY WITH!" "Brother..?" "Look at me Yeon, look at me! I am going to be very harsh to you in front of my father, it is the only way he will never pay attention to you. I am sorry, but I need you to be strong enough to take it!" "Please don't leave me! Please! You are all that I have..." "if you believe that, then you had better regain your memories!" "Brother?" "Where is that bastard! He is needed at home if he ever wishes to make his mark in this world. Unless he will let his mother's death be in vain." The moment I heard Nam-Jeon utter Seon-Ho's mother's name, I knew that he had once again successfully captured his son and put him on a new set of strings that he held. And Seon-Ho only confirmed it when he picked me up and put me over his shoulder before throwing me into the carriage along with the other's. The concubine looked just as frightened as I did, but Dal was right at Nam-Jeon's side and I was glad he was, otherwise nothing could have stopped me from ripping his head off of his neck for this.

"I think the young master was right, you do look pretty...when you're angry." "Shut up! How could you do this to us!" "Us? What us? The only pair there is, is myself and the young master who has all but discarded you if he has any sense left." "What are you talking about?" "You tell me. What did you both talk about for such along time?" "Why is that any of your business?" "Everything about the young master is my business." "Keep telling yourself that." "You listen here girl, stop thinking that you can flutter your little eyelashes at him and he will melt! That man has been raised into stone; he has no emotions, no desires and his sole purpose for keeping his life as a half-breed is to serve his father." "You keep acing as if I am trying to seduce him." "Aren't you? How else can a lowborn like you live like a noble?" "Oh for goodness sake, I didn't ask for this! I would give all of this away in a heartbeat in exchange for my memories!" "No you wouldn't." "Oh really? And how are you so sure?" "Because if you ever did get them back, then you may find that the hero that you worship isn't actually much of a hero at all. In fact, he is rather the opposite."

Of all of the wild theories and conspiracies that I had come up with about my so-called accident, I was not expecting to hear that. Or did I? He always treated me with some extension of guilt in the beginning of my stay here that it make me wonder...was Seon-Ho responsible for my accident? Was it really an accident? But he was always so...tender with me. As much as he could be anyways. And he always watched out for me. And gave me everything that I wanted, including gifts...and he trusted me...and he got really angry when I didn't listen to him...his actions didn't match his words anymore. And I didn't quite know if it was a good or bad thing yet. Would he really always protect me? Or would he end up playing his games against me as well?