Chapter 126: Crazy (Michin)

I was going crazy in Yeon's absence, but I couldn't just show up to her school without covering all of my tracks and distracting my enemies so that they wouldn't bother me when I had finally had her to myself again. Her education would go on for 2 years and had already been about 6 moths since I had last seen her. But she still hadn't show up in front of me, not even once and it was beginning to make me panic and turn me numb. I felt cold again like I always used to and it felt like time had completely stopped. No one knew this, but in one of my loneliest and drunken days I somehow managed to draw a picture of her as best as I could and I kept it with me at all times. I was beginning to loose my morals everyday that she had left. I was becoming numb, dark and even becoming a shadow of what my father once was which I feared the most. I couldn't go on like this and loose everything that I had worked my entire life for my own personal issues...if only I saw her once then maybe I could begin my senses...yes...just once glimpse of her should set everything right. I didn't want to interfere in her education since I knew that this is what she had wanted al along, but I couldn't carry on like this either. And that was only if I could manage to leave my home in peace.

Hui-Jae had nothing to do all day but to cause trouble from the minute that Yeon left. I still hadn't made her my wife like I promised her I would if she helped me with work, I was too busy going out of my mind missing Yeon to pay any attention to her. She did what she promised me she would do and brought him to me, and now I no longer had any use for her. So, sooner rather than later, she couldn't take it anymore and she left of her own accord...just in time for me to bring Yeon home...

I had one eye on the senior scholar who was trying everything and anything he could to make my job a lot harder than it needed to be and his son who just so happened to be newly aquatinted with the Young Master who had his little crush on Yeon and clearly didn't know when to stop. He already had a few concubines himself, a few kiaeseng mistresses, and now he wanted Yeon? For what? Yeon wanted to accomplish things in life and not be tied down to marriage, and only I was prepared to give her that. I knew fools like this son of Yeon's tutor; they all said that they wanted intelligent wives, but that was for purely selfish reasons. It was no better than a middle-class man marrying a noble-woman and getting something out of her, like using her family connections to climb the social ladder. Or in Yeon's case, using her intelligence when it was convenient for him and take all the credit for it. And I wasn't going to let it happen, but I still had to wait for the young master to invite the man who had humiliated Ae-Cha and for those two to be reunited before I could swoop in on Yeon.

Despite our obvious distance, since my father's money was paying for her education, it was only right that I be kept updated about her progress and have some of her work set over to me. And I had to say that. Was impressed, more than I could have ever expected to be. Her work was not only clever and full of good argument and references to back up her work, I was more surprised to see how much she seemed to have learnt from me and how much she agreed with my point of view about corruption. I was actually rather proud of her, to the point where I felt myself actually tear up at the sight of her work. She listened to me, she actually listened to me and helped to get my view across to one of the most respected tutors in our country. Only she understood me completely and maybe, just maybe help me in my plans to make it legal so I couldn't be caught up in my own trap like the prince had done to me before. My plans on takedown, my goals, my options and ideas...my heart and honestly my bed, she was the centre of it all. Almost every single night without fail all I could think about was our most intimate times and honestly, I was really beginning to regret not having her when I could have under my father's roof. I was hungry for her in a way that I had never been with anyone in my entire life, and it was a hunger that was slowly keeping me awake. All I could do was to look at her picture that I still kept with me, take a whiff of her perfume and let my imagination do the rest of the work with me. She was so beautiful, so fair and so slender that she was almost enticing just to look at. And when I did, all I could focus was on were her full red lips, her long hair that would almost always brush against my skin in some way or another, and her legs that I could see through her skirt since she hated wearing trousers. But it was mainly her eyes; her soft brown eyes that always managed to melt me in front of her. But ever since our last meeting together, all I could desperately imagine was how she looked under all of that noble clothing that was starting to bother me...

...and it bothered me so much one night, to the point where I was instantly on my horse that very night and I was on my way to see her finally. I got on my horse straight from the palace and I rode into a nearby village into an etiquette class for women that her brother had apparently placed her in. I could already imagine the bored look other face after everything she had just done...but what I wasn't expecting was her new look at all. I had to blink a couple of times to make sure that I want't seeing things but she had already changed her entire appearance again; her hair was loosely tied, her clothes fitted her slim figure perfectly, and she barely wore any makeup which actually didn't make a difference at all. She had become more tan like her brother since they both hated being indoors, and it just accentuated her features more that I had never even noticed before. She had a cute button nose, dark eyebrows that really highlighted her fair skin which was just so soft like silk. And she always wore a flowery perfume that was perfectly subtle that always caught my attention. I immediately called out to her once I made myself known to the madame and the other women who looked flustered to see me but I couldn't pay any attention to anyone else. Here I was, planning all sorts of things for Yeon and she couldn't even sit still for 5 minutes for me to do anything to her at all. I was still angry at her and she probably knew what I was up to in all honesty.

I had thought about calling out to her again, but then I had second thoughts, so I hid myself before she could even turn around properly. Now just what the hell what she up to now? Why would she change her appearance again if she wasn't up to something? I saw her look around again until she was called in for a meeting of some sort. I followed her as soon as all of the women disappeared but not before she ran into what appeared to be the madame of the establishment. I kept myself out of sight but close enough at the same time in case she needed my help; by the way the madame and the other girls were staring at Yeon, it was already clear that she was not popular at all in this place. "...so, you miraculously made the tutor come out

of retirement just to teach you ever since he heard you show off your talents to him for all the world to see. You know, if it isn't bad enough that the girls that we house here are all of noble lineage and we barely have any men around to take a look at them, now you; a lowborn and orphaned epileptic comes and steals all of the attention that should be given to them as if you're actually worth something! Why exert all of this unnecessary effort if you know that no man will ever want you?" She scoffed, before she bumped into Yeon so hard that she almost fell onto the floor...but not before Yeon moved ever so slightly no the madam had no choice but to fall onto the floor face first! In front of everyone! She didn't even look back as she made her way outside again as I followed her out towards the market with no supervision at all! I know she was grown up now but I really didn't like the fact that she just went anywhere at all without any fear of harassment or bad talk about her. But that was the difference between us; because of what my father had put me through my entire life I was constantly conditioned to be flawless in my appliance and think 5 times before I took any action at all. But Yeon...she had never cared what anyone thought about he even form the beginning. She didn't look at the people who mocked her fits...she only cared about her brother...and myself...

She seemed to court a lot of attention as she made her way, but she was completely oblivious to it a she made her way to an old noble home that looked like it hadn't been taken care of in a while. She greeted the old man who appeared to be waiting for her quite fondly before they stared taking a walk around the front courtyard. I was honestly quite impressed when I recognised him, my father used to try to do everything he could to hire this renowned tutor for my brother, but he never could quite fathom how much he was despised by everyone he thought worshipped him. "...did anyone give you a hard time about myself coming out of retirement just to teach you?" "Well...it's not important sir, I just want to learn everything that I can." "Well,, I have to say that it I most unusual for women to become this highly educated. There are some women who possess a high intelligence level...but I have to admit that with your beauty...are you sure that you would not rather just settle down into marriage?" That question stopped her in her steps as it did mine. I needed to hear this answer no matter what.

"No...no I do not think I could marry at all." She replied quietly as she kept her face pointed to the ground as she kept walking along. "Really? That is a big decision for a woman to make as it is their main duty in society, to marry and to provide their husbands with children..." "...from the moment I had my first epileptic fit in public, I knew that I would never have that privilege...courting, dates, finding love...having children...even if my epilepsy has been dormant for years, that filth is still mixed in with my blood. So how can I dare to think that I could serve a man or give him children with my condition...it would be extremely selfish of me..." "I imagine you have already countered that possibility?" "I...I dumbed myself down for a decade; I didn't wear any makeup, I wore baggy rags, childish hair and behaviour..." "well well, I wasn't wrong about you. It takes a strong person to prepare for a lifetime of loneliness, and you haven't seemed to have left any details out..." I collapsed onto my knees when I heard this...and I had so much regret about how I treated her and saw her. I could've done better. I should have paid more attention to her from the start. I should have spent more time with her in my father's home instead of creating so much distance between us that she had clearly gotten used to. Who knows what she knew and heard about me when she was putting on that act? But most importantly...why did she hide it from me? Why did her brother hide it from me from the moment he had introduced me to her? Why?

I just sat on the cold ground, oblivious to the servants who were walking past me and taking about me as I heard the rest of their conversation about her education plan, which I couldn't help but notice was almost identical to mine...but how would she know that? But luckily she seemed to have already half completed her studies. I couldn't even imagine that such a thing would make me as nervous as I was becoming; she was taking on far more subjects than even I would have been able to comprehend at the same time...but when I heard her say that she was also taking on 'a kiseng education' I had had about al I could take and I planned on confronting Hui-Jee once and for all. Yeon was becoming far too bold for her own good and now I knew who was responsible for this. She was so damned reckless that every step she took by herself unchaperoned and without he broth ray her side was enough to cause me so much stress...she couldn't go on like this, no matter what her plans were now.