Chapter 116: Mul Teseuteu (Testing The Waters)

I could see the desperation in his eyes and I could hear it in his voice and I felt so horribly guilty. But I could not live in self-doubt anymore; I had no idea why he treated me the way he did and I needed to know the truth about him and Hui-Jee so I could get on with my plans. But I didn't have any hope of freedom until my brother got married before me, despite his insistence on looking for a groom for me. I had no idea what had come over him all of a sudden since he had never brought up this topic before to me, but whenever he came back into the village to visit me, he kept looking over our shoulders whenever we were together. I kept asking him if someone had already asked for my hand, but he firmly denied it, so I had no means to talk him out of this subject.

"Stop hanging around Hui-Jee so much, she will ruin your relationship with your brother eventually." "Do you really think so?" " I have no idea where these stupid rumours came from, but I promise you with my life that they are not true." "Are you sure? You've never liked anyone in Ihwaru before?" I could see the guilt on his face, but when he insisted on denying it, I suddenly got really angry and I started to try and leave again but he wouldn't let me go. "Why do you keep stopping me? I have to go?" "You still don't believe me do you? Is that you keep insisting on leaving me?" "You know that I have school tomorrow, I need to at least get some sleep and welcome my brother home before he starts looking for me." "You always used to find excuses to stay close to me, and now you act as if your feet are on fire and you want to run away from me just like everyone else." He replied bitterly, completely ignoring what I was saying as he collapsed onto the floor again in despair. Never in my entire life have I seen this man as vulnerable as he was now, but he still refused to admit anything so what could I do? I couldn't just give myself to him without hearing the truth for him; after everything that I had done for him I thought that the truth was the very least that I deserved. Even after bringing down his father, I still had so many things to do that would surely pull me away from him and my brother for long stretches of time. But I missed Seon-Ho, and even though I still had no answers for how he behaved with me during the final year that I spent with him.

"I want to ask you one last time to explain you're behaviour to me before my brother comes to find me." "I already told you, I just felt very guilty about Hwi..." "is that why you were downright awful to me at times? The amount of times that you lashed out at me, shouted at me and even shoved me!" "Yeon...sit down and will tell you. Please." I do not know why I still had hope for him to confide in me about everything, so I agreed to sit down next to him, only for him to actually settle his head upon my lap and start playing with my hands as if I was the most natural thing in the world when he was the most rigid man I knew when it came to following moral conduct and keeping his distance from me...at least until I moved in with him. "I am sorry, so sorry that I vented most of my emotions to you in that way. It wasn't fair to you, especially when you lost your memories and you couldn't even remember who I was, and yet I made you live with me. I just...I have been alone in this home for years and I have never had my own person." "Your own person?" "Your brother and my father have had a lot of tension ever since I met the both of you, so in front of him I've had to act like a spoilt noble lord around him to put him in his place just to keep him safe. If I got any closer to him after what happened in the military, then my father would have found ways to kill you both. I...yow grew on me quite quickly I cannot deny that. But the guilt and anger that I had, I could only vent it out on you since I had no-one else. I...as usual, I did not appreciate what I had until I almost lost it."

"Why did you keep punishing me and kept me by your side in your room and office?" "So I could keep you close to me." "For what?" "So I could have you to myself for a few hours. You...you have alway given me peace of mind, and I needed it so badly when all the mess with my father started." "I thought that you felt guilty around me?" "That was when I always thought of you two as a pair. In fact, I had started to separate you both when..." "When...?" "When you starting coming out of your shell more and became a part of the household just for me." "And how do you know that it was for you and not myself since I had to start living alongside you?" "Because everything you did was for me; the fight you got into with Chun-Ae and how you defended yourself to my father. You were trying to voice the injustices you were facing at the time that I also had to go through at a young age; the bullying, the neglect, the loneliness. That was when your fiery personality was starting to come out more, and I was instantly attracted to you." "So...our last year..." "I do not know why you refuse to believe me since I protected you and took such good care of you, but I meant everything that I said and did to you." "What were you trying to achieve?" "Only your bother knows that." "My brother? What do you mean?" "Now it's your turn to answer my questions." "It is so late, I really need to go..." "if you even take a step out of this door, so help me god I will tear up your books that you spent all day polishing and I will rescind your scholarship to this so-called school and have you homeschooled if I have to. Under this roof, because I will not tolerate your dealings in a brothel."

His sudden possessiveness and authority over me had me completely lost for words and I had no idea what to do to get myself out of this situation. It was already nearly past midnight and I hadn't slept well all week out of nerves. I really needed to sleep, but I was so hesitant to answer his questions in case it derailed him in the palace. "Can you let me go, and I will visit you after my classes. We will spend time together; I will take care of you and I will tell you everything you need to know slowly. Otherwise I would have confessed to you a long time ago, you know that I would have." I tried to plead with him softly whilst I stroked his hair until I could tell that he was slowly starting to fall asleep himself. "Take care of me? How will you take care of me?" "I will cook for you, I will take care of you like I do my brother..." "and what else? Because I am not your brother." "What else do you want from me?" "Your mind isn't the only thing you have hidden from me. You've hidden your body from me as well, and I want a taste." I was still processing what the man I grew up with way saying to me until he quickly grabbed my arms and rolled me over onto the floor. Despite me trying to get him to come clean about Hui-Jee, I saw the same look in his eyes that he had this entire year when he started crossing the line with me. This moment made me really doubt if he had any feelings left for anyone else at all if he was actually doing this to me whilst his relationship with my brother was still hanging on by a thread. I thought that Hwi was the first person that he would approach after this whole fiasco, but he surprisingly wasn't even hiding his attempts to stalk me every time he wasn't in the palace. I could always feel his eyes burning into me every time I was in his line of sight.

"What...what are you..." I wasn't even uncomfortable with what he was doing...I was just shocked that he could do this before speaking of marriage. This wasn't like him at all, he was always such an upright person and he aways enforced the laws in every situation he found himself in. So why was I getting...this kind of treatment? As if none of the moral conduct rules applied to me at all. And Seon-Ho was certainly a little boy that used to follow us, he was a fully grown man 6ft man with muscles that attached to almost every one of his limbs. "I am an orphan now, just like you are. Wasn't that always your excuse for acting how you pleased ever since I met you? So why can't I act in the same manner? Especially since you managed to get away with a lot right under my nose despite everything that I did for you." I should have seen this coming, based off of his petty personality, I knew that he was going to get revenge for every little thing that I hid from him. And he specialised in crossing the line just to get what he wanted, and it seemed like even I wasn't spared from this, no matter what our relationship was.

"So this is who you really are? After the demise of your father?" "That bastard controlled my every move, my every reaction and my every emotion both inside and outside this place. I had no escape from him, that is why I cannot be as gentle with you as I want to be, because I know that is what you deserve. Now that he is gone, I no longer have to control everything about me. And I want to be free, just like you are I want to be how I am and do what I want. But when it comes to you Yeonnie, I am a very greedy and selfish person." "Why? It is not like we will ever abandon each other." "With the way things are with your brother now, he will surely keep us apart just like Hui-Jee, my father and the palace wants. They don't give us any time to each other, so I have no patience to be gentle with you, at least not until I can obtain you for good." I couldn't even focus on what he was saying because I could feel his breathe on his skin as his hands starting to wander again without hesitation or even a hint of shame. I didn't release that he remembered that I didn't like to wear trousers until he really started touching me under my skirt. His big hands immediately wrapped themselves around my legs and his sheer warmth was making my body react out of my control. I couldn't help but to squirm, melt and moan a little at the same time, but it only seemed to encourage him even further to treat me this way, as if I was a possession of his. I tried and failed to persuade him to let me go as soon as he almost touched my inner thigh...