Chapter 112: Chimchag (Composure)

I could only close my eyes in disbelief, this bastard could see right through me, but when it came to the most intelligent women that I now knew, she couldn't be any more slow-witted even if she tried. "So you're just going to leave her there? And then what? What is your plan?" "I...have no plan." He admitted in quite a pained tone. "I made an agreement with her after our father...and because of what she has suffered through that damned epilepsy of her's, I promised her her freedom as soon as she turns 20 years old in just a few months." "Are you not even going to marry her off?" "Do you think that I haven't tried! Since she was by my side I had been extra careful to make sure that she never feels insecure about what she has been though, yet since the moment she escaped from your father's home, all she can do is recount the reasons why she is unfit to marry at all. Either you or your father did something to her to make her want to run away from the village were our parents met and isolate herself from society for the rest of her life. If you want my sister and you want me to take you seriously then you had better fix whatever it is you have done to her! But be warned, just because I am giving her her freedom it does not mean that I have stopped being her brother." I watched him storm away to calm himself down as I began to work myself into an angry panic and I had no idea why. She was fine, she was safe and she was well; so why was I being like this? I thought I had come to resent her a lot more than what I had also began to feel about her...but I guess that I was wrong, and not for the first time either.

"Do you even have the faintest idea of what you're doing to them both?" Hwa-Wol asked me in an incredulous tone. "I...Yeon...she used to idolise me every single day for 10 years. She respected me, she listened to me, and she trusted me to take care of her and I did! So why..." "You really don't have a clue do you? What you've done to her? Because even though you grew up with both of them, you were never really close to Yeon before this so you have no idea what she is thinking, do you? And it's killing you now, isn't it? Your father kept you isolated all your life to be able to read people and manipulate their characters and desires, so you did what you did to Hwi because you knew deep down that he would survive...but you cannot read Yeon because you never really knew her." "I've done everything that I can think of; I let her stay in my home after...I didn't cross her, I didn't stand in her way when she reduced my family to ruins, I didn't question her education..." "Because she did those things for you. She rescued you, she risked her life every single day to interact with you, she dissolved your family so that you could start anew for yourself and your future, which she gave to you." "Exactly! She gave me this life so she..." "she should be by your side to reap the benefits? After you broke her heart and her trust, even though she forgives you truly? Do you...really honestly have no idea what you meant to her?" "What...what does that have to do..." "Yeon was a prodigy child that was reduced to an epileptic lowborn orphan, and then you come along when your friendship blossomed with Hwi. But Yeon? You were everything that her brother couldn't be; you were these rest of the family that she has lost, you were her protector and saviour. And because of what she was reduced to, obviously she idolised you without question. But despite the fact that she knew you had no choice, she now know that you are capable of lying to her as you did every single day for 4 years, of keeping her locked up as her brother did before you and because of how ambitious you are, she does not trust you to accept her the way she truly is...even though it is ironic because now she just reminds me of you. She is just as studious as you are, she I just as ambitious as you are although nowhere near as greedy and selfish as you...she is the better version of you, a prosperous version you could be if she knew that you accept her...and mean it."

I stayed up all night at the gibang to digest what Hwa-Wol had said and to wait for Hwi to come back, which he did as soon as I finished my conversation with his woman. He brought us some food and we ate in silence before he told me he was going to visit Yeon tomorrow and that I had better come with him instead of me 'even attempting the idea of secretly visiting her without his permission', even though we both knew that wasn't going to stop me. He then returned to his woman for a while as I settled down in one of the spare rooms that she had kept for her man and his friends. I...I had missed Yeon's tender care, to the point that I was now...worrying about her like she must have about me from the moment she woke up in my father's home; was she eating well? Was she being bullied by that dreadful madame or anyone else? Did she have all the recourses she needed? She had never lived alone before so I hope she knew how to live well without myself or her brother...because it would not last very long.

We both settled to leave earlier than planned since we both could not sleep at all; as well as Yeon being his sister, I had alway shared that bond of deep feeling and overprotectiveness of his sister long before I finally realised my own feelings towards her. I had quite a lot of work waiting for me when I returned but it was worth it when we finally brought her home, or convince her to when she had finished her studies. I would rather travel miles to see her than even comprehend the fact that one day I might show up and she was nowhere to be found and doing god knows what with her capabilities...

I let the others have their time together before Hwi met up with the made to get a progression report and before he had to leave for an appointment he had closely. They had barely had any time to reunite but she had become a lot more affectionate towards her brother, which was something I had no right to envy but couldn't help it. She was in the middle of singing practice, which was something I had never thought I would hear from such a studious girl, but it turned out that she was equally gifted in the musical arts, as well as art itself as I got to look over her paintings and drawings that had been pasted all along the hallways of the establishment to portray their work and influence men to take a look at the unmarried women there. Hwi then all of a sudden had to leave earlier than planned but he looked quite happy with his sister, so I could only hope that she was in a better mood when I showed up. But I was proven wrong when I could tell that I was the last person that she was expecting to see again, the tears in her eyes said it all. But she also noticed how every girl in the establishment had gathered around me and she somehow managed to keep her composure by walking straight past me and leaving me with these girls who were starting to beg me to accompany them to their rooms.

This made me angry, so angry that I lost myself and I started walking furiously behind her back to her room when I grabbed her by the arm and I almost threw her into her room. She tried to escape me but I wrapped my arms around her waist to turn her around and face me, and that was when I noticed a look of defiance in her that just made me more attracted to her than ever before, so much so that I began to feel some strange urges that completely overwhelmed me in the moment and soon enough I had her pressed up against the wall with my lips on hers, desperate to taste something sweet and feel something to fill the misery that I had felt since her departure. She tired to fight me off but I wasn't having it and son enough she had no choice but to surrender although she had nearly managed to push me away which was just made me even more angry. That made me want to make her suffer without me ask couldn't stop undressing her...but just as I was about to see some skin there were an awful amount of knocks on her door that completely took us by surprise and pulled us apart. She pushed me onto the floor and tried to serve me something as soon as the doors busted wide open and suddenly the horde of girls all starting asking us to meet the madame in the main hall or whatever that meant. I saw a frustrated look come across her face which was rare for her before we both made our way together.

I soon realised that this so-called etiquette class was for women who were looking for husbands which explained all of the attention that I was getting. The madame however didn't look upon Yeon fondly and had all the other girls serve me snacks and tea and show off their talent. I felt as if I had been dropped off into a talent show so I could choose and pick what woman I wanted to try out to become my wife, and I certainly was not used to this new found attention. But I already had my eyes on the one I wanted to take to another room and...well...explore my new feelings. So I cut off the talent show as soon as it started much to everyone's disappointment as I kept asking questions about Yeon who looked just as irritated as I felt the minute we were dragged here. I saw the same face on the madame as my father had every time somebody brought me up which just encouraged me even further. The madame would usually answer my question and accompany it with something negative to say about her and highlight all the other girls who came from noble families and who were mostly around my age. Yeon was still 4 years younger than me but she was a mixture of being both older and younger than her years sometimes that just drew me to her even more. She was young, unpredictable and her interests were so different and unique from every other woman who was shopping for a husband and tried to become the perfect wife. Yet despite all of this Yeon miraculously possessed noble etiquette and traits in defiance of the resources she lacked growing up by he brother's side. She was the perfect blend of the two worlds that were the essence of our nation. She tried her hardest not to look in my direction but the minute she did after her name was brought up, she was well and truly caught in my gaze that the world seemed hell-bent on breaking up.