Chapter 46: Time's definitely flying

Dear diary

Doesn't hurt to think about him anymore, and I only refer to my thoughts of him once I go through my diaries. Sometimes I just go in my room, pull out my diaries and read through then like some kind of story books. That's how he usually consumes my mind. But on a serious note, I don't go crazy or mad over his thoughts anymore. I still feel it would have been nice if we could have rekindled and still hope one day he'd call, but it doesn't stress me anymore. Instead, when I fantasize about being in his arms, we still break up at the end of my thoughts. As for being in a relationship, it's definitely too soon, I never should have gotten involved in a relationship, especially not with Travis. Travis is a good guy and definitely I still believe he deserves better. He deserves way more than I can give him, someone who'd love him with no regrets.

I'm just still not a 100% for him since Duncan still roams through my mind. But, honestly I wanna change, I wanna get over the little I feel for Duncan and move on so I'll fall deeply in love with Duncan. But the more I'm with Travis, the more I feel like it's torture. I can't pretend, and I don't wanna wake up one day to find that I've wasted my time all for nothing.

Sunday: 6 June

Travis and I have been fighting over everything. It's mostly my fault, I don't need anyone to tell me that. I'm not giving this relationship my all and I take out most of my 'moving on' frustrations on him and that's not fair. It's just recently when he touches me it upsets me so much, and it's irritating as hell.

I don't know what to do, I wanna change, I want to love him and be with him but I don't know what's stopping me. I'm not making him a rebound or anything. And it upsets me that he's honest, charming, he's full of love and has a kind heart.

Why am I wasting all that? He doesn't deserve to pay all my ex's sins and I definitely don't deserve going back to my ex, no man I seriously shouldn't. What sucks is that I'm the only one dying of heartache and probably the only one missing him. I'm sure he's happy and totally has moved on with whomever.

I'm laying on the couch with my phone in hand when Travis comes standing in front of me, looking down at me. "What?", I frown. Something I'm good at these days.

"Let's go, told you I'm asking Sarki for help with my car battery issue", he says. I sgkuld be supportive, that's what girlfriends do.

I nod then get up.

Earlier I dropped off at Travis since he gave me the keys to his house. I had to pass by his workplace after knocking off at work, I actually walked there with Nolan. Since his last shitty mood, today he was worse when asking me out. When I walked in Travis's workplace Nolan didn't wait, I had to catch up to him later.

Just when I got to Travis's place I started cleaning, I decided if I wanna be in this relationship, I might as well act like it.

He later came back with a friend whom he's selling his car to, and that's how he found out his car battery has been stolen.

When we got to Sarki's house, I had to stay behind with Sarki's girlfriend. I'm not good with people, especially girls.

"I'll be right back okay", Travis says. For the first time in a while, I wanted to hold on to him, hug him and tell him that I don't wanna stay. But he had to deal with his problems. He won't be able to be all romantic when he's got issues to solve.

...

I wasted no time when Travis walked through Sarki's doors. Sarki's girlfriend is nice but I'm cool with friends, I can't. Now that I think about it, I never liked her even before meeting her, that's strange, something that doesn't happen more often. "Thanks for your company", I smile at Francis, Sarki's girlfriend. They call her Frans at most times. She's alright to hangout with since she's talkative and she's a mother to a 2years old, just like Travis is.

"Anytime babe", she replies.

"Can we go?", I ask Travis. I don't know why but I feel like I'm in a rush to get out of here.

"Yes", he nods. He says his goodbyes then we leave. On the way to his house, as we walk down the street we face 2 guys headed our way. It's already dark outside but I feel I can still make out that face headed straight to me. As they get closer I spot him, it's really him, Teo. Just when we inches apart he passes on my side, looking at each other. To me it's just I wanted to make sure it's him. I didn't feel anything, no spark that reminds me of our past or anything. I didn't even hold my breath, I felt nothing and those are true results of moving on.

Teo is just a guy I care about now, nothing more.

Thursday: 10 June

I woke up from my everyday irritating alarm sound screaming from my phone. It's the most irritating but most days it doesn't wake me up from the first ring.

"I'm late, I'm so late", I say as I check the time after switching off the alarm. Wait a second, "I'm not that late since I start my shift late", I would have been late though if it was my usual morning shift.

I jump out of bed to go prepare my bath, but mum's naked in the bathtub and the bathroom door is open. "Mum!", I whine very loudly, "Eeeuuuuu, hurry up", I squeeze my eyes shut as I back out very quickly. I don't even know what I'm gonna wear to work. I know my shift starts late but I've got a 7:30AM bus to catch, meaning I've got less than an hour to finish up, I don't have much time to go through my wardrobe.

"You should have been up before me", Mum says from the bathroom.

"Mum please, get out", I cry out in a still whining action.

"Yes I'm almost done", She replies.

Within seconds she comes out of the bathroom and I waste no time as I rush in for my bath. I do have my own bathroom but I've never willingly tried using it. I prefer the old one in the house. After taking a bath I get dressed in a denim dangeree dress, with a whit t-shirt underneath and grab a denim jacket as I go.

"Mum lets go", I call out to mum as I search around for my face mask.

Mum's sitting in the livingroom with the TV on and a cup of coffee in hand. "Did you wake your brother?", she asks.

"Yeap", I reply, still running around for what I might be leaving behind.

"Did he heat up dad's car?", she asks, still sipping on her coffee like we not close to being late.

"Yes I did", Kourtney answers as he walks in the livingroom. "Are we going or what?", he asks, sounding inpatience.

"I'm ready", I say, putting on my mask after searching it for a while, I don't wanna end up dropping it.

"Alright let's go", Mum gets up from the couch and leaves her cup of coffee on the coffee table, we head out, Kourtney locking the house once we all out. I don't even know if I'm still gonna catch up to my 7:30 bus since it's now 7:35.

As Kourtney drives to the bus stop, I gasp at how empty it is. There's not even one person who seems to be waiting for any transportation, it's so clear that the bus has long passed. "You'll drop me at the taxi rank please", I tell Kourtney.

"Obviously", he rolls his eyes as he motions to being aware of how empty the bus stop area is.

"Oh wow", Mum laughs. "When will you stop running after the bus?", she asks in a mocking way.

I roll my eyes, I'll obviously stop once I wake up early. "I have a feeling it was early than it's usual time", I chuckle.

After dropping mum at her workplace, Kourtney drives straight to the taxi rank. "Thanks bro", I say as I get out.

"No prob", he replies with a goodbye wave.

Taxi's are lining up everywhere and I start looking around for the one headed to town. As I spot it, I realise its almost full, and I'm lucky to find the only open seat in front, the most hated seat since it comes with duties. I sigh but decide to take it even though I hate having to help the driver with collecting the taxi fee. After settling on the seat and putting on my safety belt, I pull out my phone and click on the calculator since I know my brain freezes when nervous.

The driver climbs in, occupying the drivers seat. He doesn't greet or anything and that says a lot about him. He starts the taxi and suddenly I panic, this is the time when passangers start sending forward their money, gosh I'll hate it so much if I have to charge some of the money. "Relax", I whisper to myself as I take in a deep breath. People start sending money forward, lucky for me there's only two people who need change and it isn't a lot.

"How much is your money?", I ask the driver. He mumbles and I don't hear a word he's saying, "How much?", I ask again, and trust me that irritates.

"R405", he answers. I take a deep breath again, since it seems to help. I won't let this motherfucker ruin my day, so I'm gonna let his nasty attitude slide. I double check the money I'm holding and hand it over to him. He counts it too, then put it on the car's ashtray. Since everyone has paid and the money is in order, he starts speeding up. I don't know why he's speeding, some of us could be late but our lives matter than getting to work in time.

'Oh God please protect us', I pray. I hate a speeding vehicle, my own family doesn't speed when driving, even my boyfriend respects the fact that I hate speeding cars.

As the driver checks his mirrors, he starts overtaking cars and that's when I pull out my earphones to block my hearing with good music.

A truck appears before us, Mr driver speeds up to the truck's tail, he stays there checking for any possibility of overtaking, I can't even see the incoming traffic and here he is planing to overtake. I glance at him, hes got a straight face and keeps moving his safety belt as if it's hurting him. If I didn't know any better I'd say he's sleepy and afraid he'll doze off if he drives slow. After overtaking the truck he tails a taxi, he tries overtaking the taxi but it speeds up making it a bit difficult for him. When we get to a open lane, the taxi he's trying to overtake stays on the fast lane. He decides to overtake from the slow lane, almost cause an accident since the taxi he was trying to overtake was finally opening way for him. He hits the hone as if as if he's not on the wrong, making me roll my eyes, what an asshole.

He almost killed me with fright. My ex Duncan would have done the same dick move though. And with the hone, he would have yell "What the fuck asshole?", making it seem as if it's not his fault. This is what Duncan has become, a reckless dick driver who thinks he own freeway.

Being on the road with Mr driver made me so uncomfortable as ever. I have no choice but to take a taxi to work or bus, and I hate it. This is more reason I should own my own car, but it all come to having to drive.

I'm a coward who's too scared to commit to taking lessons.