Chapter 4- Early Geninhood

"Do these stupid D-rank missions get any better? I mean, all we've done is gardening, and picking up litter, and other worthless things!"

"Calm yourself, Yamanaka. D-rank missions are essential parts of being a genin. Even if they are... distasteful, protocol dictates that the team must complete a certain amount of D-rank missions before being allowed to do higher rank ones."

"But Naruto-kun... They're all so boring! I'm sure that's what Ino was talking about... I just don't feel like a ninja when I'm doing these!"

"Less chattering, more painting!"

Kakashi, reclining under a nearby tree, looked on as his Team attempted to paint a fence. Or rather, Naruto was attempting to paint a fence, with Sakura and Ino bitching about it.

Naruto turned around and glared at Kakashi, who pretended that he didn't notice.

"Kakashi-sensei... Do you really have to wear those Opera Glasses to read your book?"

"... Yes. Now paint!"

"This is the most unusual trauma case I've ever seen... And I've been observing the results of Uzumaki's work for years!"

"What exactly is the problem with them, Doctor?"

Sarutobi was having a meeting with the Doctor in charge of Naruto Affairs. His official and only real duty was to monitor all those who... interacted with the Kyuubi.

"It seems that the Kyuubi has somehow instilled within Rock Lee and Maito Gai a phobia of cats. Even the mere mention of a cat causes them to twitch uncontrollably at the very least, and run in terror at the worst. I have a feeling that something terrible would happen if they stay within a cat's presence for too long, but thus far that has yet to happen."

"... I see. Carry on with your work, Doctor."

'Could that really be my fate? Will Gai somehow taint me, the same way he twisted Lee? The doctor here told me that none of that was true, but he wouldn't tell me why... What would he know of fate, anyway?'

"Neji... Are you ok?"

Neji was seated on his hospital bed, pondering life, the universe, and everything. Which apparently dictated that he would soon be wearing green spandex and shouting about the flames of youth.

Tenten had come to visit him, and was disturbed by his odd silence.

Neji's head snapped up at her voice.

"Hmm... Tenten... Do you know what Uzumaki did to me? What exactly happened during and after the fight?"

"Yeah... He punched you, and did SOMETHING to knock you out. He just sorta looked at Lee and Gai, and they were both knocked unconscious, too. Right before he could stare me out cold, I surrendered... And he immediately stopped fighting. Apparently, this was... training, for him. About a minute after he left, several ANBU arrived, and took you guys to the hospital. They were very confused at why I wasn't unconscious, too... And they had the weirdest looks on their faces when I told them what had happened."

'So... Uzumaki can somehow force people to see into the future? Or make people believe he can?'

"Are... Are you alright, Neji?"

"I'm not sure, Tenten... What happened to Gai-sensei and Lee?"

"... Well... we'll never have to do that cat catching mission again... Ya see, they were somehow tortured..."

'Life is so much better when I don't have to see Naruto everyday. Without him here all the time, torturing me with his demon visions, I can train to kill him! And Itachi! But... Who should I kill first? Itachi.. So cruel, so evil. He killed my entire family! But Naruto... He's, well, also cruel and evil. Who should I choose? I MUST KILL THEM BOTH!'

"He's doing that weird inner monologue thing again, isn't he, Shikamaru?"

"Yeah... it's like the third time today. I wonder what he's thinking about. Though he should really control the evil laughter... It might make his reputation even worse."

"I'm not sure that's even possible. So, do ya think Asuma-sensei will ever get around to training us?"

"He said something about needing to go to the Doctor or something. We're supposed to train on our own, I think."

"... So, ya wanna go get something to eat?"

"Sure. What about Sasuke?"

"I guess leave him be... I haven't seen him so happy for a while."

"Muwahahahahaha! I WILL KILL THEM BOTH!"

"..."

"Well, that's it for missions for the day. I'll go hand in the report to the Hokage. We'll meet up again tomorrow."

Kakashi shunshined away, leaving Naruto with Sakura and Ino.

'D-rank missions are far beneath me... But I cannot blow my cover. I must complete them. No matter how boring or distasteful they are.'

"I must go to train. I suggest you two do the same. Dattebayo."

Before the girls could protest, Naruto teleported away. He was on the verge of just Tsukiyomi-ing them, from the sheer amount they managed to chatter.

Both girls pouted, looked at each other, and shrugged.

"Maybe Naruto-kun likes strong women?"

"I guess we go train, then."

'Hmmm... Who can I go train on...'

Naruto wandered through town, looking for someone to train against. Earlier in life, he had tried to find a normal training partner, but everybody declined. So Naruto decided that he'd just have to make do with what he could, and would train his genjutsu on anyone he could find. And if they were ninja, he might train his other skills, too.

"Muwahahahaha! I WILL KILL THEM BOTH!"

'Target: Acquired.'

Poor, poor Sasuke.

"Yes! Now I must train, to defeat Naruto! He stands no chance against the full might of an Uchiha!"

Sasuke's bubble was swiftly burst. It was kind of sad, really.

"Foolish little Sasuke... Haven't you learned yet that I too possess the abilities of the Uchiha?"

"What? Naruto?!"

"Your eyes are no match for mine, Sasuke... If you ever want to defeat me, you will have to hate me more, and live in a more unsightly manner. Dattebayo."

"NOOOOO-thump!"

"Oh, it's the Littlest Uchiha again in my humble abode? Well, I guess we can resume where we left off..."

"NO! I CAN'T TAKE ANY MORE!"

"Heh... If you thought the Mary Kate and Ashley detective movies were bad... I just found these lovely cartoons... I believe they are called 'One Piece dubs'..."

"NOOOOOOOOO!"

'I mustn't jump to conclusions. Uzumaki might just be messing with my head. I need to discover what exactly his technique does... I hope... Nay, I pray that this is not my fate.'

"Neji? Uh... What are you doing? And why are you holding one of Gai's spandex outfits?"

Neji's head snapped up. He swiftly hid the spandex in one of his pockets, ashamed to be caught holding it.

"I'm contemplating fate, Tenten."

Tenten looked at him oddly. "Then why do you have one of those ridiculous outfits? Anyway, we need to hurry... Gai-sensei said to be at the training grounds, and you know what happens when we're late..."

Tenten turned and left. With a sigh, Neji began walking behind Tenten, wondering why fate seemed to hate him so much.

Two weeks.

It had been two weeks since Naruto's last training session, with the unfortunate Uchiha Sasuke. Sasuke had been unusually scarred by the Kyuubi's latest torture, and had been seen wandering around Konoha talking about pirates.

After hearing of Naruto's latest training on Sasuke, the Sandaime put his foot down.

"Naruto... It must stop. Consider this an order... You are no longer allowed to use your, uh, Tsukiyomi on a Konoha citizen."

"What about in life or death situations, Hokage-sama?"

"... Fine. But that's it."

Sarutobi had thought that would be the end of it.

Naruto still persisted in training on random ninjas, randomly attacking them- and kicking their asses. He had yet to use any form of genjutsu, complying with the Hokage's orders.

However, one thing the Hokage forgot was the incredible extent that an Uchiha could justify their activities to.

Itachi decided that killing his own family was completely justifiable, seeing as he just wanted to know his limitations. It wasn't his fault that their limits were far below his own.

Sasuke would one day decide that it was ok to betray Konoha and join their greatest enemy, in the pursuit of power. After all, he needed to be stronger, so he could kill Itachi. Or Naruto. Whoever.

And Naruto, who, while being no Uchiha, thought like one?

He decided that any situation that involved him training WAS a life or death situation... for his opponent.

And it was all the Hokage's fault.

"Alright, Team 7... This is your 49th D-rank mission... You must go weed..."

As the Hokage droned on about yet another D-rank mission, the two girls of team 7 groaned. They had gotten into the rhythm of the meaningless activity, and went about it as professionally as they could.

As Naruto usually did.

But now... Naruto was frustrated. It had been two weeks since he had been last allowed to train as he felt was necessary. Two weeks since he had last been allowed to grow as he felt he should.

He was on edge.

"Hokage-sama... Perhaps we could have a higher ranked mission? Dattebayo."

Sarutobi paused. Naruto had yet to ask for a higher ranked mission, presumably because it would 'break his cover' as the dead-last moron to take higher ranked missions.

'Hmm... Maybe he's attempting to maintain his cover here? After all, the old Naruto would have been begging for a C-ranker by now. I guess that means he wants me to turn him down here.'

"No... Your team isn't ready yet. In time, maybe. Now, get to work!"

'Yup, I'm still pretty good... This is just like that scene from Icha Icha where the clerk at the motel realizes that Kentaro-san, despite asking for two rooms, really wants one, so he can spend the night with Ayeka-chan... Hehe, where did I put that one?'

"Training is done for the day! I'll see you all bright and early tomorrow morning, to fan the flames of your YOUTH!"

As Gai and Lee ran off, on their hands, Neji stood in the clearing.

'Perhaps now is the time I should head out, and attempt to discover this power of Uzumaki's?'

Tenten, after waving her hand in front of Neji's face a few times, gave up.

'If he's just gonna stand there thinking again, I'm outta here. I hear theres some fancy new throwing knives at one of the stores, and I want to check 'em out.'

When Neji came to, standing alone and holding a pair of spandex, he knew that he needed to resolve this problem.

'Hokage-sama... You warned me, and said I can only use my Tsukiyomi in life or death situations. But now...'

It was a fairly common scene.

Team 7 were out, working on patches of earth in front of several stores.

Kakashi sat to the side, wearing a pair of glasses... That had swirly black lines on a white background, where the lens should be.

'Perhaps they aide him in some genjutsu?'

Sakura and Ino chattered away.

As usual.

Naruto hated chatter. Especially when people chattered about him. People talking about him meant that people were observing him. People observing him meant people breaking his cover.

People breaking his cover meant being people got Tsukiyomi'd.

And Naruto had decided early on that he probably shouldn't Tsukiyomi his teammates.

But there was only so much one man could take!

'All the civilians that I have asked have screamed in horror and ran away. Perhaps Uzumaki showed them a fate as horrible as mine?

'Well, at least the last one gave me a direction before running away... Then I shall ask him what his strange power is, and resolve this once and for all.'

"I bet you Naruto-kun defeat ten jounin in a minute!"

"Bah! Naruto-kun could defeat fifteen jounin in a minute, no problem!"

"Actually, I can defeat twe... I mean, uh, of course I could not defeat a jounin, for I am merely a genin. Don't be ridiculous. Dattebayo."

'I must stop these slip-ups. I will eventually be forced to Tsukiyomi Yamanaka and Haruno, and then I will have failed my mission. But... If this goes on any longer...'

As both girls stared adoringly at Naruto, Neji wandered onto the scene.

'Hmm... The Hyuuga prodigy? Perhaps he wants to train?'

Unfortunately, though, training was not what was on Neji's mind. Something else, something that had been burned into his memory, and branded as fate. Something Neji NEEDED to know. Something Neji almost refused to believe was true. Almost.

"Uzumaki-san... I must know. I must know what that strange technique was you used... What strange power you posse-ugh!"

The second Neji began speaking, Naruto became nervous. As soon as Neji referenced his 'strange technique', Naruto was stunned. That meant that Neji had remembered what had happened, right through his genjutsu. Something that WASN'T supposed to happen.

And then Neji began to break his cover, and reveal the truth about Uzumaki Naruto.

And Naruto wouldn't have any of that.

Poor, poor Neji.

'Back here again?'

"Oh, ho! The young Hyuuga comes to hear more about his fate, I see?"

"NOOOOO! It's not true! It's impossible!"

"And just you wait til you see how you wear your hair...Buwahahahaha!"

And the Kyuubi was entertained once more.

"Ya think he's alright, Sakura-chan?"

"Sure, he's fine. The instructors always got up ok after a little bit... So stop poking him with a stick!"

"Fine, fine... I guess the missions done, then, eh?"

"Well... Both Kakashi-sensei and Naruto-kun have left, so I guess we can too."

Suddenly, Neji sat up.

"Are you ok, Hyuuga-san?"

Neji shook his head. "No... But then, I don't suppose it's my fate to be ok. Excuse me... I must go to, uhh, fan the flames of my youth." With that, Neji left.

Sakura and Ino could only look at each other.

Ino scrunched up her face. "Did he... Did he just say something perverted?"

Sakura winced. "I hope not... I mean, he has the Byakugan... If he was a pervert, he could have been staring at us right now! And we'd never know if he was looking through our clothes!"

"... Oh god, maybe he was?! What if he was just then, and now he's going to 'fan his flaming youth' or whatever over us?"

"... That's disgusting... We should do something to stop him... Make sure all the girls know he's some kind of peeping Tom!"

'This has gone too far. I need to get Naruto out of Konoha... He's going on a C-rank, regardless of what he feels about his cover!'

Another two weeks have passed.

Things haven't been going too well.

For anyone. Well, almost everyone.

We'll start with the worst off.

'I hate fate, I hate fate, I hate fate, I hate...'

"Yosh, Neji-kun! You have clearly begun to burn with the flames of youth! I'm so proud!"

"Yes, Neji-kun! And I love what you did with your hair!"

Team Gai was currently training, as was their wont.

Well, right now they weren't training, really.

Lee and Gai were ecstatic at seeing the changes to Neji's appearances.

Tenten was devastated.

'I'm... I'm the only normal one left...'

For, you see, at the very core of Neji's being was his belief in fate. Its the only thing that could make sense out of his life, that things were fated to go the way they did.

Fortunately or unfortunately, though... Neji had found a method of plying deeper into fate, and seeing what was foretold about him.

All of it disturbed him. Disturbed him greatly. But ya can't fight fate, can ya?

So that's why Neji stood, wearing a green spandex outfit, with his hair coiled into a braid around his head. Like a pretty pretty princess.

Because that was what 'fate' had showed him it looked like.

He wasn't happy about it, though.

Another important aspect of Neji's character is his drive. His drive to succeed, and grow stronger. That drive applied to most aspects of his life, whether they were seen or not.

That drive played quite largely into Neji's actions of late... For Neji had found what was basically a universal fortune cookie, that would answer any of his questions.

It wasn't the cookie's fault that Neji liked none of the answers... Fate was a bitch, especially to him.

Neji was unable to leave the cookie alone, though.

He HAD to know.

Which meant seeking out Naruto at every opportunity, to 'trick him' into revealing more of Neji's fate.

There was also the problem that Neji simply didn't have the reputation to back up the way he was currently acting. People simply didn't believe he was as crazy as Lee or Gai, and so people refused to believe that he was simply speaking about 'the flames of youth'.

Especially with the way that Ino and Sakura were gossiping about him peeping on them, and then telling them about how he was going to 'relieve his flames of youth' afterwards.

Of course, Neji had no clue about that... He was too focused on discovering more of his fate.

To borrow a phrase... Neji felt like he was becoming the Universe's Spittoon.

'The Hyuuga Prodigy is rather determined, if a little... unintelligent. Does he not realize that I'm his superior in every way? Though the way he constantly asks me about my technique is... disturbing.'

Naruto had once again been 'challenged' by Neji.

Naruto had once again Tsukiyomi'd Neji.

People were used to that kind of thing happening around Naruto, though... So they just stepped around Neji's body as it lie in the middle of the street.

Though that was the first time any of them had seen someone ASK to meet the Kyuubi...

"Fate-sama... What more do you have to reveal to me? I must know!"

'Hmm... That Hyuuga kid again? What can I screw with him about this time? I've already told him all about how he'll act, look, and dress... Hmm, maybe...'

"Well... Have you ever considered your future love life?"

"... No, I have not. I had always believed that Hiashi-sama would choose my betrothed for me, as was custom for the branch family."

"Well..."

Yes, Neji WAS the worst off.

Sarutobi was probably the second, as he had to deal with an enormous influx of sudden Tsukiyomi victims, just after the hospital had gotten lax in their preparedness for such an occasion.

Sasuke was probably the third, as his mind was still warped by One Piece dubs... He had taken to wearing a straw-hat, and talking about finding the 'Grand Line' so he could kill Itachi. Or Naruto. Or something.

The various women of Konoha were pretty badly off, as they were all becoming paranoid about the idea of a Hyuuga Peeping Tom. No one had caught him, yet, but many a rumor were going around.

The best off was Kakashi, whose strategy of never actually looking at his team, combined with as many pieces of eyewear/masks as possible was actually highly successful.

Naruto's teammates were doing ok... But that was about to change. At least for one of them.

Because finally... Finally one of them crossed the line. And Naruto snapped.

No one could have guessed at the results.

"Well, it looks like we've finished walking all the Inuzuka dogs... So, Naruto-kun... Do you want to go on a date with me?"

Naruto and Sakura stood outside the Inuzuka clan compound, after just finishing their latest mission.

Due to a family affair, Ino had to leave early from the mission, leaving the other two alone.

Sakura decided it was time to make her move.

"Fraternizing with teammates is discouraged, Haruno. Dattebayo."

Pouting, Sakura decided to up the ante.

She glomped onto Naruto's arm, and began using her other hand to try to stroke Naruto's face. She thought she was being rather sexy.

I guess she forgot she was 12 years old, or something.

"Come on, Naruto-kun... Please? Since you're so strong and all, we'd have no problems. You could always just stare whoever talked about us into submission."

Naruto's head slowly turned towards Sakura.

'She knows... She knows about my Tsukiyomi? I can't... No! Even though she is developing a bloodline... That is too sensitive information. I must...'

With that, Naruto stared into Sakura's eyes, and flashed on his Tsukiyomi.

Sakura quickly crumpled into Naruto's arms.

Naruto stood there for a moment, holding her. He sighed.

One can completely understand his shock, when Sakura immediately came to and latched herself to Naruto's face. With her mouth.

'What the... How did she break free of my Tsukiyomi? Is this her bloodline?'

Naruto may have the mind of Uchiha Itachi, a man with zero sex drive, but he DID have the body of a 12 year old boy.

Psychologically, he could handle such situations with ease.

Physiologically... Not so much.

He pushed Sakura back.

"Stop that, Haruno! What has gotten into you?"

"Oh, I think it's more of a matter of what I want to get into me..."

"... What? Don't make me physically subdue you, Haruno... I do not want to hurt my teammates. Dattebayo."

"Oh, I think I'd like it if you'd do that, Naruto-kun... Maybe we should work on 'physically subduing' each other together?"

The innuendo was too much for Naruto... He fled the scene.

With Sakura chasing him the whole way.

And all Naruto could think of was 'That... That is one potent bloodline'.

But what happened to Sakura, some of you might wonder?

"No! When can I stop? This is the most tedious thing ever!"

Well, she was currently logged into some random MMO. She was told that she had to discover 'How one mined fish', and then had to mine enough so that the Kyuubi (What the hell was the Kyuubi doing here, anyway?) could buy a new sword.

People just kept on laughing at her when she asked them how to mine for fish, though.

Naruto's Tsukiyomi worked perfectly fine.

He just hadn't counted on Sakura having two personalities.

If he had decided to Tsukiyomi her again, he would have pulled in Inner Sakura, no problem.

But since he didn't, Inner Sakura was currently running free in Sakura's body, doing all the things that Sakura was too restrained to do.

Emphasis on 'running free'.

At least Naruto had fled towards the woods.

Sakura would most definitely be confused at why she awoke naked in the woods, after having a terrible nightmare. Even more so over what her inner personality seemed to be gloating over.

'Yes... The next C-ranker that comes in here, Naruto's team will be assigned to. Screw his cover... We need a break!'

"Hokage-sama? We have a Tazuna here, from Wave Country."

"Send him in."

Author's Notes: Thus begins the Wave arc. There will be much rejoicing in Konoha. And it will be entirely justified. They earned the break, don't ya think?

The Universe's Spittoon reference is from Rorschach's Blot's "Make a Wish".

Naruto has now discovered the mysterious Haruno 'bloodline'. And because of it's ability to defeat his Tsukiyomi, he ranks it rather high up in power. Which means that it needs to be defended even more fervently… After all, such a skill would be invaluable to Konoha.

Poor Neji… Hopefully some day he'll just say 'Fuck it!' to fate… But I doubt its coming anytime soon. Tenten has been rather traumatized by his actions, as well.

And Kakashi still maintains the longest streak of 'not being Tsukiyomi'd by Naruto'. He should get a medal for that, or something.

Much thanks must go out to the good people over at TFF. Their suggestions are what makes the Kyuubi's torture so hilarious.