Chapter 14: Mind Games & Diagnosises

The next few days were a blur of awkward conversations and even more awkward silences. Hiyori kept her distance, careful not to push me too much, while the foxes seemed to sense something was off and kept their usual playful antics to a minimum. I spent most of my time either in my room or wandering the shrine grounds with Inochi at my side. Every now and then, I'd hear the distant chatter or the rustling of leaves in the wind, but it all felt distant—like I was listening from underwater.

I thought I was doing a decent job keeping things under wraps, but of course, I should've known better. The others were bound to notice. It didn't take long before Fukuhara, Koyasu, and Soseki came barging in, all wearing expressions that screamed, 'We're about to make your life miserable.'

"Y/N," Fukuhara said, his tone annoyingly gentle, "we need to talk."

I groaned, flopping onto my back on the shrine steps. "Please, no more talks. I've had enough of those lately."

Koyasu, still smelling like cheap sake, leaned in closer, squinting. "You look like crap, man. Worse than usual."

"Gee, thanks," I muttered. "Nice to know you care."

Soseki, who rarely said much, crossed his arms and gave me a look that somehow managed to be both sympathetic and stern. "We heard what happened," he said quietly. "And we think you need help."

I tensed up immediately, my fingers brushing against Inochi's hilt. "Help? I'm fine. I don't need help."

"Yes, you do," Fukuhara insisted, his voice firm but kind. "We've heard how you've been acting since that night. You can't just ignore this."

"I'm not ignoring it," I snapped. "I'm dealing with it in my own way."

"Your own way involves locking yourself in your room and talking to a sword," Koyasu pointed out. "Which, for you, is normal, but this time it's different."

I scowled, not wanting to admit they were right. "What do you expect me to do, then? Spill my guts to you three? No thanks."

Soseki sighed, his gaze steady. "Not to us. To a professional."

It took a moment for the words to sink in. I stared at them, blinking. "Wait, you want me to see a therapist?"

"Yes," Fukuhara said, his expression unyielding. "We already made an appointment for you. It's in an hour."

"An hour?" I exclaimed, sitting up. "You've gotta be kidding me."

Koyasu grinned. "Nope. And we're going with you, just to make sure you don't bail."

I groaned, dragging a hand down my face. "This feels like an intervention."

"Because it is," Fukuhara replied.

I considered bolting for a second, but I knew they'd just drag me there anyway. So, I huffed and got to my feet, grabbing Inochi. "Fine. But I'm taking Inochi with me."

"Seriously?" Koyasu asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah," I said, glaring at him. "She's the only one who gets me."

Fukuhara sighed but nodded. "Alright, bring your sword. Just... try to keep it civil, okay?"

"Can't make any promises," I muttered, following them down the steps.

The therapist's office was in a small building on the outskirts of Kyoto, tucked away between a ramen shop and a convenience store. The waiting room smelled like lavender, which was probably supposed to be calming but just made me feel irritated. The walls were lined with generic motivational posters: "You Are Strong," "Embrace Your Journey," "One Day at a Time." I rolled my eyes at each one.

A middle-aged woman with short, greying hair and round glasses sat behind a desk, typing away at her computer. She looked up as we entered and smiled politely. "You must be Y/N," she said, glancing at the others. "And you brought some friends."

"They're just here to make sure I don't run off," I said dryly.

The woman chuckled softly. "Well, I'm Dr. Takahashi. It's nice to meet you." She then noticed Inochi at my side. "And... your sword?"

"Inochi," I said, patting the hilt. "She's with me."

Dr. Takahashi didn't blink an eye. "Alright. You're welcome to bring it in."

"Great," I muttered, already regretting this. She led me to a small office with two chairs and a couch. I sat on the couch, keeping Inochi close. The others waited outside.

"Alright, Y/N," Dr. Takahashi said, settling into a chair across from me. "Why don't we start by talking about what happened?"

I sighed, leaning back and staring at the ceiling. "Look, lady, I'm not really into this therapy stuff. It feels more like an interrogation than anything."

She smiled kindly. "I understand it can feel that way sometimes. But I'm here to help you make sense of what you're feeling."

I stared at her for a moment, then shrugged. "Fine. What do you want to know?"

She leaned forward slightly. "Well, from what I've heard, you recently had a traumatic experience. Can you tell me about it?"

I gritted my teeth, feeling a knot tighten in my stomach. "I ran into Kuchisake. She... did things. Messed with my head."

"That urban legend of a woman with a slit mouth, I see, I see..." Dr. Takahashi nodded, her expression serious but calm. "And since then, you've been feeling afraid? Uncomfortable around women?"

I felt my jaw tighten. "Yeah, I guess you could say that. It's like... I don't know. I feel like I can't trust them now. Like anyone could turn on me."

"That's a normal response after experiencing trauma," she said gently. "It sounds like you're dealing with gynophobia—an intense fear of women."

"Gynophobia," I repeated, the word feeling strange in my mouth. "So what, you're saying I'm afraid of women now? All of them?"

"Not necessarily all," she replied, "but the fear can manifest in different ways. It could be triggered by certain situations or people who remind you of what happened."

I snorted. "So, what? I'm supposed to just avoid women for the rest of my life?"

"Not at all," she said. "The goal is to help you process what happened, understand your feelings, and work through them. Avoidance might feel safe, but it doesn't help you heal."

I clenched my hands into fists, feeling frustration bubbling up. "Look, I'm not some fragile thing. I've been through Hell and back a thousand times. But this... this is different. It feels like it's eating away at me."

Dr. Takahashi nodded. "Trauma can affect even the strongest of us. It doesn't make you weak. It makes you human."

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, I'm not exactly human."

She smiled softly. "I know. But emotions don't care if you're a God, a Spirit, or anything else. They're a part of you."

I glanced down at Inochi, her presence steadying me. "So, what do you suggest?"

"Talking is a good start," she said. "Acknowledging the fear is the first step. Then we can explore ways to face it, gradually, at your own pace."

I sighed, rubbing the back of my neck. "This is gonna be a pain in the ass, isn't it?"

She chuckled. "Healing often is. But you don't have to do it alone. You have people who care about you, and they want to help."

I looked up, meeting her eyes. "Yeah, I know."

"Let's talk more about Kuchisake-onna," she continued gently. "What was it about the experience that affected you most?"

I felt a shiver run through me. "It wasn't just the attack. It was... everything that came after. Being helpless, being... touched like that. It was like she was tearing into something more than just my body. Something deeper."

Dr. Takahashi nodded. "Feeling violated can impact more than just the physical. It can shake your sense of safety, of control over your own body and mind."

"Yeah," I muttered. "Sounds about right."

She watched me closely. "Do you feel like you've lost control, Y/N?"

I stared at her for a moment, then looked away. "Maybe. I don't know. It's like I can't get my footing. I'm scared of things that never bothered me before."

"It's okay to feel that way," she said softly. "You don't have to have all the answers right now. But we can work through this, step by step."

I leaned back, letting out a slow breath. "Alright," I said. "I'll give it a shot. But don't expect miracles."

Dr. Takahashi smiled. "I wouldn't dream of it. But I think you'll find that even small steps can lead to big changes."

Dr. Takahashi smiled warmly, like she was satisfied we were making progress. I wasn't entirely convinced, but at least the ball was rolling. "So, Y/N," she continued, "why don't we explore when you first started feeling this way? Did you ever have experiences with women in the past that were... difficult or made you feel unsafe?"

I tilted my head back, staring at the ceiling. "You mean other than Kuchisake? Not really. I mean, yeah, I've had my share of fights and clashes with some strong women over the years, but nothing like this."

"What about your interactions with Hiyori?" she asked gently. "How would you describe them?"

"Hiyori?" I blinked, caught off guard. "She's... complicated. I mean, she's my only worshiper and probably the closest thing I have to a friend right now. But she's also... well, she has this whole tsundere thing going on, you know? Hot and cold, mostly cold. And she doesn't seem to like me much." I let out a short, humorless laugh. "Actually, she's probably got every right to hate my guts."

Dr. Takahashi nodded, leaning in just a bit. "Do you think her behavior affects how you perceive women now, especially after what happened with Kuchisake?"

I frowned. "Maybe... I guess? I mean, yeah, she yells at me, pushes me away, and acts like I'm the biggest annoyance in her life. But it's not like she's ever tried to kill me or anything. She's a pain, but she's not... evil. I think."

"But she can be unpredictable," Dr. Takahashi suggested.

"Yeah, I suppose," I muttered. "But that's just who she is. I don't hold it against her. If anything, it's my fault things are the way they are. I'm always joking around, messing with her. Can't really blame her for getting pissed."

"Have you ever been serious with her?" she asked. "Tried talking to her about how you feel?"

"Uh..." I paused, scratching the back of my head. "Serious isn't really my style. And besides, what's the point? She'd probably just laugh it off or hit me."

Dr. Takahashi's expression was calm, patient. "It sounds like there's a lot left unsaid between you two."

"Yeah, maybe," I grumbled. "But what's that got to do with anything? She's not the reason I'm messed up right now."

"No, but unresolved emotions can sometimes amplify our fears," she explained. "They can make us feel more vulnerable, even if we don't realize it."

I rolled my eyes. "So you're saying I should have a heart-to-heart with Hiyori? 'Cause I don't see that going well."

"I'm not saying you need to rush into anything," she clarified. "But understanding your own feelings and where they come from might help you take the next steps toward healing. Sometimes, acknowledging what's been left unsaid can be a powerful step forward."

I sighed, feeling like I was getting in over my head. "Alright, doc. I get what you're saying. I just... I don't know if I'm ready for that."

"That's perfectly okay," she said with a gentle smile. "This process is all about moving at your own pace. The important thing is that you're open to exploring these thoughts and feelings."

I nodded slowly, my mind swirling with everything she'd said. "Fine. I'll think about it. But don't expect any breakthroughs or anything."

"That's all I ask," she said, her smile never wavering. "Now, why don't we talk about your support system? Your friends outside are very concerned about you. Do you feel comfortable relying on them?"

I glanced toward the door where I knew Fukuhara, Koyasu, and Soseki were waiting. "I mean, yeah, they're my friends, I guess. We've been through a lot together. But we're not exactly the 'sharing our feelings' type. More like, 'punch it out and move on.'"

Dr. Takahashi chuckled softly. "Sometimes, having people who understand you and support you, even in silence, can be more helpful than you realize."

"Maybe," I muttered, my shoulders relaxing a little. "But they're not exactly experts on this stuff. That's why they dragged me here, after all."

"And that shows how much they care," she pointed out. "They're trying to help in the way they know how."

I gave a small nod. "Yeah, I guess you're right about that. I should probably cut them some slack."

We sat in silence for a moment, the ticking of a clock on the wall the only sound in the room. I could feel the weight of everything we'd talked about settling in my chest, like a heavy stone. I wasn't sure if I felt better or worse, but at least I wasn't completely in the dark anymore.

"So, what now?" I asked finally. "What's the next step in this therapy thing?"

"Well," Dr. Takahashi said thoughtfully, "we could work on some grounding techniques to help you feel more in control when you're feeling overwhelmed. And we can continue exploring your experiences and emotions, little by little, until you're ready to face them head-on."

"Grounding techniques?" I repeated, raising an eyebrow. "Like what, breathing exercises and stuff?"

She smiled. "Breathing exercises, mindfulness, visualization... there are many different approaches. It's about finding what works for you."

I snorted. "I don't know if any of that's gonna work on me. But I guess I'll give it a shot. Got nothing to lose."

"That's the spirit," she said warmly. "It's not about getting it perfect, Y/N. It's about finding what helps you feel like yourself again."

I nodded, feeling a strange sense of calm settle over me. Maybe this wasn't going to be so bad after all.

After the session, I stepped out of the office, feeling both lighter and heavier at the same time. Fukuhara, Koyasu, and Soseki were waiting in the hallway, leaning against the wall like they had all the time in the world.

"How'd it go?" Fukuhara asked, his tone cautious.

I shrugged. "Not as terrible as I thought it'd be. She says I've got gynophobia."

Koyasu snorted. "Fear of women? Well, that explains a lot."

"Don't push it, or I'll shove that bottle of sake down your throat."

He grinned. "There he is. There's the Y/N we know."

Soseki nodded slightly. "Sounds like progress."

"Yeah, yeah," I grumbled. "Look, let's just get out of here. I need some air."

They nodded, and we headed out of the building. The sun was already starting to dip behind the mountains, casting long shadows across the ground. The air was cool, and I took a deep breath, feeling some of the tension leave my shoulders.

"Thanks, by the way," I said after a moment. "For, you know, not giving up on me."

Fukuhara clapped a hand on my shoulder. "We're not that easy to get rid of. Besides, you'd be lost without us."

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, yeah. Don't let it go to your head."

Koyasu grinned. "Too late."

We walked in silence for a while, the sounds of Kyoto bustling around us. I didn't know if I was ready to face everything that was messed up in my head, but at least I wasn't doing it alone. And maybe that was enough for now.

That night, I found myself sitting on the edge of the shrine's roof, staring up at the stars. Inochi lay across my lap, her cool presence calming me. The night air was crisp, and the sounds of the forest were like a lullaby, easing the tension that still lingered in my chest.

"You're awfully quiet," I murmured to Inochi.

"I thought you needed some peace," she replied softly. "You've had a long day."

I nodded, gazing up at the stars. "Yeah. Guess I have."

For a while, we sat there in comfortable silence, the cool breeze ruffling my hair. I wasn't sure what tomorrow would bring or how I'd handle whatever came next. But as I looked up at the sky, a strange sense of determination settled over me.

"Guess I'll have to take this one step at a time, huh?" I said quietly.

"One step at a time," Inochi echoed, her voice a soothing melody in the night.

I nodded, feeling the weight on my shoulders ease just a little more. For the first time in what felt like forever, I allowed myself a small, genuine smile. Maybe things weren't okay right now, but that didn't mean they had to stay that way.

The next morning, I found myself wandering down the shrine's steps, feeling strangely refreshed. I didn't have any grand plans for the day—just a vague idea that I needed to clear my head. As I reached the base of the steps, I saw Hiyori waiting for me, her arms crossed and her usual scowl plastered on her face.

"You look like crap," she said by way of greeting.

"Good morning to you too, sunshine," I shot back, though there was no bite in my tone. "What do you want?"

She hesitated for a moment, then sighed heavily. "Look... about the other night..."