BREAKING.

I check my wrist watch for a hundredth time,

Its past ten and I feel agitated,

I had a class which was to start half an hour ago,I've not showered leave alone getting ready.

That damn glazier will meet my wrath.

I've had a broken window ever since I moved into this house, two months ago.

Singing to the caretaker about it has done me more harm than good as the Land Lord had taken no action till now.

Here I am waiting for his work man because I told him am not paying a single coin for rent until I have it fixed.

Early this morning, he came knocking at my door saying the glazier was coming. You can be sure I complained, had somewhere to be and he came fixing me into his schedule. Why though? For a whole two months I called and he never showed up. Now that I said I won't pay rent, he becomes all caring to a point of showing up to my door step. A total money lover.

You should have seen how he apologized and promised his work man wouldn't take long. And I had to be dumb and believe him.!

Now that "NOT LONG" has been hours making me miss my Law unit class...I should have known Land Lords would say anything for money....

Love phobic comes up in my playlist and the speakers boom loud with the song...

Aaaarrgghh...!! How I hate my life, did the song have to play at this time.!?

My sucking love life is the last thing I want to be reminded of this morning especially with my soo boring situation.

Walking over to my iPhone player, I press next and pace in my living room as the next song starts to play.

11:30 clicks on my wall clock and now am certain am missing my IT side lesson which I was so eager to attend.

I walk to the kitchen and open my fridge for a quick snack and am met by junk. Yes, when I say junk, I mean junk, lots of junk.

That's the problem with being a fun of sugar and carbo then realize the need to work out and all I got in my fridge is not in my workout meals.

I slum myself on the couch and sigh, this day just had to be so unfair to me...

Guess am even not taking a shower; I hate to be expecting someone before I shower because most times they arrive just when am in the bath.

Like seriously, I never get it, you all soapy in the bath and someone decide to arrive at that exact moment and keep ringing your bell like they got all day to waste on your front poach...Am always like, did you have to wait till am in the shower.!?

My thoughts are interrupted by the door bell and my anger just thrives; my legs are already too lazy to walk so I hesitate...

The ringing persists and I swear if that's not the glazier am so going to kill him...

There's a third ring and I feel agitated, "couldn't the whoever you are have some patience.!? It's not even five seconds past and you've already rung that bell three times, who do you think I am.?? some old snob who has turned deaf.??"

I complain as I open the door...Some guy with blue overalls stands in my poach, and I can't be anymore furious.

"Am here for the window situation..."

Damn.! And the guy got guts, he even has the audacity to not say hi after making me wait all day.

"Yes, hello to you too Mr. rudeness, you can come in and do your damn job."

"Oooh, am sorry ma'am...And do I have to take off my shoes.?"

"Because who do you think you are.?? I can't spend my entire time waiting for you and have another task of washing a stained carpet by your damn shoes."

"Okay, I guess that is remove your dirty shoes."

.........

This guy was so irritating...

Anyway, at least he's here so I can finally go shower.

I drag myself upstairs to the bath and once the warm water hits my body, a feeling of relaxation takes control.

Sipping my lemonade, I sit in the bath tub as some music plays on. Am waiting my hair to dry, a habit I got especially when I have all the time in the world such as today.

"Hello Miss, someone's at the door."

Yes, I told you, someone always have to arrive when am in the shower...

"Ma'am, the door please."

"I heard you the first time, you can tell them to go away if they got no patience."

Am yelling and I don't know why...Oooh...Am in the shower, guess I now know why am yelling...

Walking to my closet, I get dressed and walk downstairs to the door. Another overalled man stand there and I guess these guys are my fate of the day.

"You really took your time to open"

Another who was never taught about greetings. Like seriously, is this a norm to everyone? Because to me its total rudeness to come to my house and the first word you utter is not some greetings.

Okay, let me assume he's another glazier and it's their "thing" not to say hello.

"May I help you?"

"Yes, heard you have a broken window needing replacement."

"Nop, not anymore,"

"Excuse me?"

"Yes, I said not anymore...You took a century to make an appearance so I fixed it myself."

"My apologies, got caught up somewhere."

"And you can go back, there's no job for you here."

I know what you thinking...Am way too rude. Before you keep on with your assumptions, fix yourself in my shoes. These guys made me miss a lesson, they altered my whole day schedule, and to make matters worse, they are two, and none of them bothered to show up on time. There's no way on earth I can be calm about it.

"You can come in and join your lazy mate, and next time, show up on time."

"Yes ma'am."

"Or maybe not, because there's no way am dealing with you guys again. Let's just say there will be no next time."

"You already hate us that much?"

I give him a look and he is confidently about to step on my carpet with his damn shoes. Of course I hate you that much.!

"Would you mind washing my carpet?"

"Am here for the window not carpet cle...."

"Just shut up and take off your shoes."

Please don't hate me, am the nicest person you'd ever meet. Its only that sometimes people just irritate me. My carpet is woolen and white, you can guess how bad it is to enter a girl's apartment and the first thing you notice is a fluffy dirty carpet. I know you thinking why not take it to the dry cleaners when it's dirty, but those people sometimes overbrush it especially if you not tough on them and they just ruin it instead of cleaning. Solution is dry cleaners, no am fine thank you.

*******************

Evening is here, and my day has been all right in case you wondering. Not easy though, those guys had to keep intruding everything I did.

Today has not been my favorite day and I don't feel like going to work. Working at a diner can be really exhausting especially with a night shift. Unfortunately, I got no choice.

Well, am not the kind with rich parents who provide everything for them on a silver platter, that kind of luck skipped my door. They may be rich yes, but that is never my concern, I always have to work for my own skin.

Loads of bills to pay without a job is not easy, so schooling or not, I have to work. Sometimes its never easy. Have you ever had anxiety? Or probably thought you going through so much rough moments till depression has found its way into you? Maybe not, but that's a reality I've always fought with my entire life.

Waking up to a bright sunlight but all I see is darkness around me. Crying all day waiting for the sunset till there are no tears anymore. Waiting for a phone call that would probably turn my life around, only to welcome anxiety. Sleeping on a soaking wet pillow yet there's no memory of tearing up.

That's what depression does to you as it creeps in. Everything changes when it finds comfort in you. There are no more emotions, you never cry anymore, because nothing is new to hit you hard. Eyes become pale, and the wells of your sockets drain.

People around you turn invisible because there is no importance in their presence anyway. Life circumstances become a norm and all you feel inside is a void. Emptiness that is soo dark to be filled. Life lacks meaning, and turns into a sucking cliche routine. Something you have to go through everyday just for the sake.

Everything is just a cold norm and anxiety becomes the time keeper. No day is ever easy especially when anxiety and depression make you their refuge all at once. It skins you to bones, drains your veins out and turns your world to a blur.

And that is my life. Hope you enjoy the ride.

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~|~|~•~•~•~•~•~•

"Hey douche! why are you sitting? Am waiting for my order!"

Ooh damn! whoever told me to work at a diner should change their mind really fast. I give the guy at the corner of the room a look, he got guts to call me a douche and expect service? Oh, damn well, he'll get exactly that.

I walk over to his table, pull a chair and seat right in front of him.

connecting in my wireless ear phones, I video call my best friend and we start laughing at I don't know what...

"Aimy, can you imagine a certain someone just called me a douche?"

"Oooh girl, what's the time? Uhuh, half past eight so you at work. Another rude customer am guessing?"

"Yeap, and from the look of things he's even more of a douche than I can ever be."

I tilt my phone capturing the man's face and Aimy bursts out laughing. I join in the laughter and trust me you don't want to see us laughing at you. It is soo humiliating.

The guy starts saying some nasty shit, and I chuckle, "Aimy, lemme deal with the douche I'll call you back."

"Ooh hell no, you not hanging up, I want to watch you kick some humility into him as I cheer."

"Girl, you know very well that's not going to happen, we'll talk later."

"Aaahh, but I wanted to cheer you, anyway, next time then, love you."

"Aimy there's no next time, love you."

I hung up the face call before Aimy start whining again. Unlike her, I soo hate violence. I can't even start a fight. As for Aimy, you don't want to get on her wrong side, you can literally end up in ICU your entire life.

"Young girl, you are not going to serve me?"

Oooh gosh, the douche is still here! He thinks just because someone is a waitress or waiter, they are some sort of crappy useless half human?! You know what, am going to prove him soo wrong, he got me on a wrong day.

Not bothering to listen to him, I walk over to another table with two blond guys and take their orders.

As I deliver their orders, I hear the rude guy say something about slutty waitresses and that catch my attention.

"Damn it dude! What did you just say?"

"I said give me what I ordered!"

"And what was that?"

"Go ask your fellow good for nothing waiter in the kitchen!"

Well, am soo teaching him a lesson. He'll get it from me never again to walk into a diner or anywhere else and act like he owns the place and everyone in it.

"Vins, what had the rude bastard ordered?"

"Some I don't remember what soup and pies."

"Well, order any hot soup from the kitchen and hand me with the bill."

"Hope? what you going to do?"

"What I should have done a long time ago. Teach his lame mouth how to talk."

"Buh you going to get us fired."

"Vins, you the first black American I've seen scared of fighting for their rights."

Vins is a black American and you can hardly tell unless you listen to him speak. He is the politest of all my colleagues at work and seeing the man talk to him rudely stung my heart.

You can imagine Vins had already served the bastard twice and every time, he'd send him back saying that's not the kind of soup he wants...

And that's not even bad considering a customer should be served what they want. But the fact that those trash soups that he sent back, would have to be paid for by Vins and it was not his fault at all is not okay.

Our diner has this policy of once an order has left the kitchen, it is automatically registered to the systems and the bill processed. If you made a wrong order you have to cancel it with the manager. You cancel more than one order, you have to pay for the rest of the bills.

That's how exhausting it is. With customers such as the guy, you end up using half of your salary to cover for bills you didn't even have a taste of.

"Hope, here and don do anything I wouldn't do." Vins looks me in the eyes trying to convince me but today is not one of those days.

"Huh, Vins am definitely doing that."

I walk over to the "customer of the night" with hot soup and pies in my serving tray and the bill in my free hand.

Slamming the bill on his table, I ask him to pay before anything else.

"Can't pay for something I've not taken yet.Are you out of your mind?"

Well, he is a total dictator.

"Maybe I am because you not eating anything before you pay."

The courage that boils within me at this moment is amazing.

"So, you not serving me?" He asks with a blood shot gaze.

"Why should I while you are just a rude bastard deserving no service?"

"Because it's my bloody money paying for the food."

"Exactly, and that's why you going to pay for it right now."

The man shakes his head uttering what I didn't hear but could tell it was insults, and cashes up the bill.

I put the tray down and give him the soup which I also have no idea what it consists of.

"This is not what I ordered! How many times will I repeat to your stupid brains that I want soup with no cheese?"

"Don't even bother to repeat to our stupid brains because they have decided you not eating here tonight."

Picking the bowl, I pour the hot soup on his cash and bill, splashing it all over his clothes.

"You fool! You not keeping this job. Where is the Manager of this place!"

I just laugh on his face and tell him to go look for some other people to bully.

"Don't think you've won; I am pressing charges! I'll be back."

"And don't you worry, Law is one of my careers. I know my rights as well. I'll be representing myself."

The man walks out cursing and I can sense some tension around.

The manager is leaning by the counter looking at me.

Yes Hope, this is where you were supposed to apply "look before you leap" but you didn't, now you in trouble.

Approaching the manager, I recite an apology I had in my head.

"Sir am sorry, someone had to stand up to him and I don't regret being the one. All in all, I quit."

"No need, am proud of you."

The cheering from my colleagues takes over as the manager walks back to his office. What on earth was that!? Maybe luck.

I had not known the violent part of me till today. I had worked at the diner for almost a year now and never had it occurred to me that I would ever cause a scandle.

Today, I had snapped. The pressure that had piled up over the months. Long night shifts, rude customers, lots of bills, school work. I just couldn't handle it any longer. It was too much for an introvert like me.

Walking out to my car, I feel broken. The brokenness that sends me rushing behind the wheel and screaming my guts out.

I can't come back to work even when the manager said its okay. My veins are pumping with anger and am afraid I might take it all out on another customer.

Once a glass tumbler is broken, it can not be used to take water. All it can do is cause injuries, deep cuts and bleeding.

I am no different. I feel violently broken. Like a butterfly that has been forced out of it's cacoon.

Recalling my words to the glaziers, and now the customer. They might have been on the wrong, but that is not how I should have handled it.

Maybe I've been broken all along.

I'm not aware of who I am anymore.

Driving right now is impossible, so I call Aimmy.