chapter 11: Ryan

I watch Nox silently over the days, assessing when he would be well enough to continue our travels. I predicted it would only be a day's travel from Kero's village to the Palace if Nox would be able to keep pace with me. I watch as the omega moves around lethargically, still trying to come out of the omega drop. My heart broke for the little one and I wanted so badly to help him. I didn't know what to do. Kero says he should be able to come out on his own, but it'd been nearly two weeks and he was still there. I tried to stay near and scent him in hopes the knowledge he was protected would help bring him out of it. It only seemed to push him further into drop. By the end of the second week I've begun avoiding the omega. I seemed to be the problem. This knowledge further proved my point that keeping Nox would just make his life hell. By midweek of the third week he's more like his cheerful self. He approaches me on the porch of Kero's home and wraps himself around me.

"I'm sorry," he grumbles. I gently wrap my arms around the small omega and hold him tight.

"You shouldn't be out here in that, it's cold out here," he huffs.

"I don't have anything else to wear," I sigh softly and lead him back inside.

"We shall go and get you something warm to wear for the rest of the journey," he visibly defates for a moment before nodding. I needed to have something made for myself as well, I hadn't planned the first snow to occur early, so we both needed to have warm furs or we'd freeze. I wrap one of the fur blankets around Nox's shoulders and lead him through the village to the seamstress. Nox looks around with bright eyes, reminding me that in all the time we'd been here he hadn't been able to explore. I feel bad pushing him into the seamstress cabin, but we could explore once we had our cloaks. We are there for an hour, getting measured and picking out our materials. I pay and promise to return in a few hours for the cloaks. She gives us ones to use until ours are ready. Nox returns Kero's blanket before pulling me around town. He winds up with several pieces of jewelry and food. We returned to Kero's to enjoy the food I'd bought him. Or rather, he enjoys the food and I watch him. I wanted to see Nox this happy forever, munching on delicacies and bathed in jewels. This omega deserved the world and I simply couldn't get it for him. When Nox has finished every last crumb he climbs into my lap and begins to scent me sleepily. I can hear him sniffle a bit as he settles against my chest.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothings wrong. I'm happy for the omega you choose to keep at your side. They will be so lucky," I sigh softly.

"I most likely will not keep any omega by my side. They do not deserve to suffer with me," Nox is silent for so long I think he's fallen asleep.

"I'm not suffering. I've been with you an entire month and I haven't suffered a second,"

"What about your omega drop? Or the attack?"

He is silent, probably thinking through his answer. "The drop was really bad. So was the attack, but having you there caring for me helped. I wish you would just take a chance and allow yourself to just enjoy having a mate," he yawns and goes lax against me. I gently rub Nox's hip and sigh sadly.

"I love you," I whisper to the air. "I wish I was strong enough to just admit that and keep you by my side where you belong. I'm sorry, Nox,"