you don't have to

Stavros leans forward over his desk and grabs the back of the chair in front, dragging the girl closer. "Yo, give me a hair tie."

"This isn't a charity," Phaedra scoffs, flipping her ash blond ponytail and almost clipping Stavros. Her snake familiar is wrapped around her wrist and very used to being flung around so it doesn't react past flicking a forked tongue out.

"Cousin," Stavros wheedles.

"Yeah, you and five hundred others." Phaedra rolls her eyes but pulls one off her wrist and passes it back, the blond-coloured elastic dangling from the razor-sharp claws she calls French tip press on nails. "And where did my other three hair ties go?"

"Mysteries of the universe," Stavros teases. He flops back and braces his feet against Phaedra's chair legs, pushing her back into place.

The technomancy teacher pauses from his lecture and clears his throat. "If you have a question, raise your hand. Otherwise, keep quiet."

"Yes, sir. Love you, sir," Stavros simpers. He flips his hair out from his collar and collects it into a ponytail.

Phaedra is still half turned back and she's never been a soft kind of person but she unwinds the snake from her wrist and passes it back for Nicholas to hold without saying anything. Nicholas spends the rest of class petting the little thing and taking care of it.

…

Nicholas' letters had managed to hold off his parents this long but as soon as all that talk about heirs gets out and everyone loses their minds, Nicholas gets called to the headmaster's office while they use Transverse to take the ley line in.

Nicholas' parents are quite old as they spent their youth partying and travelling before they decided to settle down properly, quite different from other heritage families who often have children as soon as possible – Stavros has three siblings and fifteen cousins.

Jordan Ayad, like all born Ayads, has awful eyesight and a mess of black hair, with a rather easy-going personality. Except for now, when he steps out of the ley line in a burst of white sparks, dressed in full clay red robes of the Ayad crest, hair slicked back and eyes dark.

The Ayads come from all over the world and they come from only the best. Ayads are descended from Pharos, from kings, and from emperors. By their own power and wealth they could own a kingdom if they wanted. Nicholas does well standing at the top of this castle but his dad has it down to an art form.

Vinaya Ayad follows close after, a beautiful older woman of below average height and above average temper with rights to half of India's trade routes - and the terrifying mind for economics that lets her keep an iron grasp on it all. Nicholas' parents clearly had a talk before this because instead of laying into Headmaster Selwood like Nicholas' mum definitely wants to do, she beelines it for Nicholas and gets him into a stranglehold of a hug.

"Show me around, sweetie," Vinaya says and it's an order.

Nicholas walks his mum out of the headmaster's office, glancing back one last time before the door closes to see his dad take a seat with grace and dignity.

…

"I don't want to go home," Nicholas says after a moment of silence while they stand on a high balcony overlooking the herbology grounds, which seems to breathe if you stare at one spot for too long.

"Is it pride?" Vinaya asks, arm linked with Nicholas', her warm brown skin against his sun kissed tan. "Sorry, dear, you get that from me."

"A bit of pride," Nicholas admits. "Exams are far off, I know I can get back into things before then."

"I don't care about your grades," Vinaya deadpans. "Nicky, are you doing okay?"

"Wow, you used my name," Nicholas gasps. "Sometimes I think you've forgotten what you named me."

"Don't make me throw you off this balcony, bahadur."

The Nordic allspeak wards translate everything but it works off intention, so Vinaya's pet name comes out in a coo.

Nicholas shrugs. "I…took care of the rumours going around, that was what bothered me the most. The way they talked about Adam like… I'm calming down as well, don't get lost in my head as much."

"Your father gets so sensitive too," Vinaya muses, reaching up and trying to tuck a particularly stubborn curl down against Nicholas' head instead of it sticking straight up. "That's what makes him such a great man, he can really connect with people." She pats Nicholas' arm, having given up on his hair. "Anything else on your to-do list?"

Nicholas shrugs. "I want to visit Adam's family again but with that whole 'kidnaping heirs' bull, they probably don't want to see me just yet."

"I have some pictures of you four, we can take his family the best of Adam along with a care package," Vinaya says. "You tell me when you're ready to go."

"Thanks," Nicholas murmurs. "Finish all the homework that piled up. Talk to Mariana – she's been avoiding me I think. Learn – a lot of spells."

"Defensive?" Vinaya asks and then chuckles. "Oh my, what am I thinking? Offensive for you, love."

"Healing," Nicholas admits, pushing his glasses up a bit shyly.

"Healing," Vinaya echoes with a smile. "You can do a lot of damage with those as well, and I know how creative you can get."

"Mum," Nicholas laughs. "This is supposed to be a nice pacifist moment."

"That rubbish won't last," Vinaya scoffs. "You'd go head-first into a dragon's mouth out of sheer curiosity if I'd let you – you don't need healing, you need a bloody keeper."

"I'm trying to-" Nicholas gestures vaguely. "Okay, so. I'm trying to be a better person. Like not cause so much trouble anymore and really focus on something worthwhile."

"Just make sure it's something worth your while," Vinaya warns. "If you want to be a healer you're not going to last long if you don't like it."

Nicholas slumps. "I want to come back ten years later and brag to Adam about how many lives I've saved."

"You're not that kind of person, love," Vinaya lectures gently. "You're just not built like that. Not now at least, and that's fine. You want adventure and excitement - and don't get me wrong, you can still save lives like that."

Nicholas huffs. "When I become the kind of person who can sit through another four years of medical school, you're going to eat those words."

"I'm positively quaking in my expensive heels, dear."

Nicholas frowns.

Vinaya sighs fondly. "You're only sixteen. You have time."

…

After his parents leave, Nicholas is still riding the high of family hugs and happy conversations. For once he doesn't retreat to his bed and instead sits in the InCore common room, legs flung over one of Stavros' as Rafael sits on the end of the three-seater couch, two of them loudly bothering Rafael as he tries to read.

"Mariana," Nicholas calls when he sees her step through the door. "Can we talk?"

Mariana pauses but turns to him, highlights in her rich brown hair blazing even more brightly against the fire of the hearth as she passes it. She stops in front of him. "Yeah?"

"Should we go for a walk?" Nicholas asks and finally extracts himself from Stavros.

"What?" Mariana asks, eyebrows drawing together. "Really, Nicholas? Am I going to wait for the apology or are you just going to pretend nothing happened?"

Nicholas pauses. "I…don't know what you-"

"My fault," Stavros says. "I told everyone you needed time...in not the nicest words. Mariana, that wasn't from Nicky, that was just me."

The boys have enough friends scattered about that they've gotten enough condolences and 'anything I can do just tell me' speeches which are nice but not actually helpful and Stavros already has so little patience.

Nicholas blinks and turns back to Mariana. "Um, yeah. I wasn't in the right headspace."

Mariana starts to say something but stops herself. She sighs and nods. "I heard. Are you doing better?"

"Better," Nicholas agrees with a smile. "And you?"

"Busy with assignments lately," Mariana admits.

"Should we head out?" Nicholas asks, turning his body to the exit.

"Why were you at the forest?" Mariana blurts out like she'd been thinking about it for so long she couldn't help herself. "You know it's dangerous in there - I told you it was dumb idea, Nicholas, but you brushed me off multiple times."

Nicholas blinks, feels that contentment from earlier drain away, but feels Stavros and Rafael rise up at his back in response. "No? I never meant it like that, it's just that we have our own thing. We've been friends for so long that we've got habits – sometimes we go out."

Mariana's exhale is shaky and she messes with her hair, drags it around her face to try and block the flush that appears, the wetness that makes her black eyes shine so brightly.

"Maria, what's wrong?" Nicholas whispers, puts a hand on her shoulder, swallows past the sinking feeling in his stomach.

"I just…keep thinking," Mariana tries, sounding choked. "Nick, if I had convinced you it was a horrible idea, would Adam be alive right now?"

Nicholas' heart is hammering away and he feels like he can't breathe.

"I was the first one to come up with the idea," Rafael cuts in. "I wanted to get out, we've been doing it since we were year-sevens. Are you going to blame me for Adam's death now?"

"No!" Mariana cries, surprised. "No, of course not."

"It sounds like it," Stavros says. "It sounds like you think we're the ones who brought it on ourselves instead of the person running around murdering people. It sounds like you don't know shit, Mariana, so how about you shut up."

"You're putting words in my mouth," Mariana snaps back. "I try to ask you something to understand, you shove me away. You think you're the only ones affected? Like I can't mourn Adam too?"

Stavros steps forward, teeth gritted. "Are you really so tone deaf? After you learned he died, you asked me if we had been messing around when it happened in that fucking self-assured voice like you have any right to judge us. Just say it, Mariana, say you think we're not as smart as you even when Nicholas and Rafael top the fucking grade."

"You don't know anything about me, gili!" Mariana yells. "You don't know how much I care, how hard I work just to keep up with heritage like you-"

"Rafael is mundane too you arrogant son of a-"

"-all you four ever cared about was having a fun time, is it so much of a surprise that I don't trust you to do the right thing?" Mariana finishes with her teeth gritted.

Nicholas takes Stavros' hand before the boy can say anything else and leaves, walks up the spiral staircase to the boys' dorms. Rafael says something quiet to Mariana, something cutting judging by the weighted silence after.

Nicholas goes to his bed, climbs in, sits still with Stavros' hand in his.

"Sorry," Stavros says quietly. "I shouldn't have done that in front of you."

"That's okay," Nicholas murmurs. "I – well, better it comes out now."

Rafael enters the room with their books in hand and dumps them on Stavros' bed as he passes, then takes a seat on Nicholas' other side.

"I want to go home," Nicholas whispers.

"I can get your parents for you," Rafael says, rubbing calm circles into Nicholas' back.

Nicholas takes a stuttering inhale. "No. No, I can do this."

"Alright," Rafael soothes. "But just know that you don't have to."