Not As Bad As Expected

If you don't want me to be happy, at least don't make me hurt anymore. Just leave me, in no uncertain terms, happy or hurt, so please let it go.

Because walking alone is exhausting enough so please don't make me feel pain too.

Lee-Taa Ri

***

Back to normal activity. I feel so lazy this morning when I got out of bed. But poor aunt was trying her best to persuade me, at least I still have a conscience.

Even if I go to school, sit in the back seat by myself and nobody is willing to greet me. Actually sometimes they looked at me, but that was just it. I want to feel as close to them as I can, at least these bad memories will slowly disappear.

But it was hard. They didn't want to approach me first, and I didn't have a hard time starting a conversation.

Refi, the thought of a girl's sweet smile makes my heart warm. Although I'm not sure I can go back to see her, although I didn't have time to exchange our contacts, I'm glad I got to know her.

"Ki? It's really rare you play along, what's wrong?"

Even if they never knew me, I knew the whereabouts of a Clarista Arum. But if it's a matter of face and names of my classmates, I memorized them. We've had nearly two years being classmates, so how can I not remember?

But they said 'Ki, right? Is it Riki?

I shook my head lazily looked forward and preferred to hide behind a hoodie. My eyes might be sore from last night's burst so it would be better if I just cover my face.

"Rista?"

This voice?

I looked up then sighed. As expected, it was Riki. Ah, can't that senior one just disappear? I felt so lazy to see that face for real.

His behavior made me annoyed. He looks like came here to tell the world that we are close.

The problem is my classmate. The one who has a seat in from of me is like him. How can I manage myself to hear them badmouthing me?

"What?" asked me while trying not to show any expression.

Because if I smile, even a little, that means I just search for a problem!

"From Refi, she said that he was forgotten to give this yesterday. You liked it, right? She bought it, for a couple's sake, and next time if you want--"

"Thank you!" I cut his word before he talks even more.

"Oh, okay," he replied with that look of awkwardness.

I stared at him, and he smiled. As he was understood, he back to hanging around with his friends. Good enough, at least the rumor wouldn't spread around. Further, if it's a bad rumor. I didn't even want to hear that because it's troublesome.

What I want is comfortable high school life, not like that day when I was in middle school. That was a miserable moment for me. After a moment, Riki left my classroom because the bell rang. I breathed in relief, at least for two hours ahead, my life is secure.

"What are you for Riki, Ta?"

I thought I would be safe, but it's really not like that. Look like even if they asked, they will barge around afterward.

"Friend," I said, not giving a shit.

Because of the teacher's instruction, I copied all the formulas onto my notebook. Surely with uncomfortable feeling because everyone was gazing after me.

"What a silent toxic," whispered that one person who sat beside my left.

Perhaps they did that on purpose so that I can hear clearly. But I don't give any damn, my intention go to school just to get rid of trauma and search for knowledge.

Although since back then I just got third place. For me, that's better than getting nothing. Was I right?

"That girl must be searching for attention. Or the reason she leaves the class every Wednesday to skip classes with Riki, isn't it?"

Here comes another presumption. Ah, I was so pissed off. How can they make up this hypothesis as they head wish?

If they know nothing, they better just shut up!

What two grueling hours! There's no such thing as a named break. For me, the bell-signed class interlude was just a waste of time. Perhaps those who had a circle can take that time to exchange their stories, but not for me.

How is it possible for me to have friends? Actually, it's possible, but because of Riki earlier, their ordinary gaze turned into hard glare.

I stuffed seeing all of them. Ah, here came another people approach me, I wish they never asked me.

"Rista!"

"Hi, Ta!"

Greeted them. Not replied directly, I just take a close look on them instead. However, it felt strange, the forced smile on their face moved my heart.

"Yes?" I said in confusion.

Or should I answer them with 'hello'? Or something else? I don't know.

"You're Riki's girlfriend, aren't you?" Desi asked.

I can't get her name wrong because she is the most pretty girl in this class, she is also the chamberlain who comes to me every week.

"Not," I replied as it is and honest.

Desi smiled while the other laughed. "Perhaps you can't tell us but Riki is just so friendly with all students here. They might guess from his behavior earlier."

"Exactly, he looks so obvious that he likes you, Rista. I get it why don't you know that, because this far he comes to this class silently!" said others.

"That's right, sometimes I also noticed that Riki always looking behind. But I didn't expect that you two actually dating, that butterfly boy is so sweet, haha." The other one added.

I tilted my head. Trying to understand what was going on. Why do they become so friendly?

"My gosh, your face, Ta! Relax a bit, no one will go to intimidate you. Anyway, someone is whispering around earlier, right? You guys better ask directly to get the answer more clearly," said Desi.

Suddenly everyone throw questions and I just answered them as short the fact go. They said that nothing was wrong repeatedly.

But when I was about to go home, I heard something that I was supposed not to hear.

"If it's not because Riki's older, I'm going to threaten her for sure!"

I don't know whose voice is that, I have no idea because I just heard that behind the bathroom's wall.

"Be patient, I'm sure their relationship won't go long. Anyway, Rista is pretty, for sure, I got insecure because of her. Who wants to step forward if the competitor is someone that pretty?"

This time the voice is different again. I thought there was more than one person who talked about my life.

"Damn, no need to remind me! I can't get prettier in this case. Whatever, I lost one of my crushes, agh, what an annoying life I have!"

Saw two people get out, and I hide instantly. Ah, there from the next classroom. I thought it was Desi, because their kindness earlier looks not so natural as if there's someone who ordered them to.

Is it true because of Riki? Shook my head lazily, I need to go home fast. It's all because of them that my step got paused!

Felt something pulling my hand, instantly I did self-defense by kicking up everything behind me.

"Eits, that was so close that my future was almost gloomy, Ta!" Don't ask who's voice is that.

"Let's go home together. I brought two helmets today," he asked as he smiled.

"I have money to go back tho," replied me honestly.

To be continued...