XVI

There's another elephant in the room. But first, happy Holidays and happy New Year and happy Valentine's. I had been a while since chapter XV, and speaking of chapter XV… no, nothing has happened in that regard, I haven't answered him bc I still don't know what to say, and I guess bc I'm too comfortable the way I everything is right now.

And that's the problem.

Anyway, what's happening in my life so far? Well, I recently bought an old PS4. Some guy was selling it on FB bc the needed the money and he didn't use it anymore—he told me he was an X-box guy. It came at the perfect time bc I've been craving to play some Dark Souls for quite a while. I've seen like, I dunno, three or four different gameplays from different Let's Players, and I've also watched a lot of another Souls gameplays, so… yeah, the PS4 was cheap and in great condition, and I just couldn't resist.

The first thing I did with it was to look for Dark Souls online, and I found out there was a physical collection with the three games and their respective DLCs at the same price than the digital versions—and I don't think the DLCs were included there—so I bought it. But it took too long to arrive, and I bought Bloodborne in the meantime.

It's pretty great, but not as hard as everyone says, but that maybe is bc I've seen a lot of those games, so I kinda know how you're supposed to play those games—don't waste stamina, dodge and/or parry at the right time, get it there, and I also know which stats to level up according to my build.

Or maybe it's bc I'm leveling up a lot, and my weapons are +10 now.

But I'm enjoying it either way; right now I'm exploring all the optional zones and labyrinths to get the most out of the game.

And I'll probably buy the DLC soon—if the game doesn't have it included already.

Anyway, about the elephant in the room: Funko Pops!

Well no, that's a different elephant in the room, but let's talk about it, shall we?

Don't worry; I'll be quick.

I had great sales on December and January—December was kinda expected bc it's December, but January was a surprise mostly bc that's the month when everyone is out of money, and that was the month I sold the most, like 140 figures in just 30 days. I was selling so much I started thinking seriously about looking for a place to live if things kept going like this.

But they didn't; I'm barely selling shit right now, so those ideas immediately plummeted away, and not only that, I started questioning how risky is to live this way; I mean, what if I start to live on my own, and then I start to have weeks like as bad—or worse than—this one? I'd have bills to pay, and I'd have to eat anyway.

Well, that's the risk of being self-employed. What the fuck did you expect?

Yeah, but, how does everyone deal with that like it's nothing? Can't they see they're inside a house of cards.

They probably do—and way better than you—but maybe they don't really have a choice bc it's either their dream or they can't stand an office job or something like that—which you should totally get.

It's just that I'm so used to live in a safer ground that I don't want to take a risk.

But you'll have to.

Eventually.

Sure, but that would only be when I'm making enough money to do so—no, when I'm regularly making as much as I made in January.

No, you'd still making excuses, you'd still be thinking about weeks as bad as this one, when you only sold like 10 figures.

Oh, god, I'm always gonna be a hikikoromi, right?

Well, with that attitude—I mean, yeah, but what the hell did you expect? You know me… us? Idk, the point is you'll have to take a risk sooner or later, maybe when you see all the expenses you'd be making living alone and they doesn't seem like a big deal.

But that's not how it works, though: a lot of people struggle to pay all their bills on time throughout their lives. To be able to live comfortably is a luxury not everyone can afford. I can't just risk it and start living alone when I can wait a little bit more to have a more solid ground to do so?

Listen: we both know even when you get it you wont't be doing shit—that's why we're in this situation, you know? You'll always be afraid to take a risk and you'll end up staying exactly where you are. And besides, don't you have an elephant in the room to talk about?

Yeah, but while I'm still talking about funkos, there's something else I want so say regarding this low sales week: I'm not taking it that bad, though; sometimes you have good weeks, and sometimes not, I mean, even though I have like 150 funkos right now, and I have made my research with every single one of them to make sure I was buying it at a good price to resell it, obviously no one wants them, so that probably means those deals weren't as good as I thought, and if that's true, that means I've made like 150 bad deals, so just the fact that I have so many doesn't necessarily mean I'm growing as a salesman or entrepreneur or whatever, that means I'm only hoarding all those funkos no one wants, so I'm just filling myself with worthless trash. Or maybe no one's buying bc everyone's avoiding me for some reason, I mean, I'm using three different platforms to sell my stuff, so it's really weird I'm not selling anything from any of them. Normally, I would have bad sales in one but good sales in the others—or, at least, average—but this is obviously not the case, so it's probably bc people don't want to buy from me—specially when I see someone posting on a fb group that he's really happy for a figure he bought from another seller, EVEN THOUGH I HAVE THE EXACT SAME ONE ON SALE, AND CHEAPER. Are you avoiding me, or are you just plain stupid? Or were you just lazy enough to not spend more that 5 minutes to look for different options? I bet you if you just typed the name of the figure—Lumpy Space Princess—in fb's marketplace, my post would be one of the first results. Don't you at least check if you're getting a good deal? Or what? Did you think I was gonna sell you a fake figure? Do you have any idea about fake figures? Do you think there's a fake for every single model in existence? You really think that? You really think this new model that's worth $6 or $7 in the market has a fake version already?

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I just got carried away. It's just that there's a lot of bs in this business, and it could be infuriating—especially when the people with the bs have no fucking idea of what they're talking about but they believe they're experts, even when you prove them wrong.

Pure Dunning-Krueger effect.

Anyway, the thing is bc I'm barely selling anything, I have a lot of free time, which I spend looking and buying more figures, but I don't really have infinite money, and it's not quite easy to find good enough funkos to invest on them, so I end up spending more and more time playing Bloodborne—and I feel more and more like a hikikomori; I mean:

ü No real job

ü No girlfriend

ü No friends

ü Living with his dad

ü Watches anime

ü Plays videogames

That's the hikikomori stereotype, and now I match it perfectly.

But, anyway, that's not the elephant in the room I wanted to talk about—and also, boy, there are a lot of elephants in the room I just take for granted.

The elephant in the room I wanted to talk about since the beginning is love.

Love would be nice.

But I'm way too comfortable in my usual loneliness I don't even look for it. Also I don't really know how, I mean, I'm over 30 and I've never been good at the love stuff—actually I've always been horrible at it, so I feel really unprepared. I'm pretty sure most of the girls my age want to marry or get someone to take care of their kids, meaning they probably want financial stability before anything else—and I totally get that, but 1) I can't give them that, and 2) I don't want that—I don't want someone to look at me just as someone who'll pay all their bills, put a roof over their heads, make sure they have all that they need, give them presents, treat them like queens or princesses and maybe love them.

Like a dad.

Based on that description, it seems they're looking for a dad.

A dad they can fuck.

Wait, are you really judging them bc last time I checked you were the one living with your dad.

Well, that's not that weird on this day and age; I mean, sugar daddies are a thing, right?

But I don't wanna be like their fuckable dads—I can't even take care of myself. I just want to be someone I can love and be loved.

No, you're taking the money out of the equation bc you don't have it. Also thinking about love and relationships putting money aside sounds a little bit childish tbh; money is an important part of life, like it or not, and you need to consider it if you want to share your life with someone—you're over 30 now.

Also, when you're referring to that hypothetical someone to love, why are you speaking in plural? You think there are multiple girls that would love you the way you want? Maybe there has been a couple in you life, but you pushed them away.

As you always do.

As you always will.