Chapter 7

I was nervous when he knocked on my door, the anticipation of him picking me up was more than I could handle completely sober. We'd talked on the phone for countless hours and texted during the day when he was off and when I was working. Our conversation had flowed freely, and it had given me a false sense of intimacy. There wasn't a topic we hadn't explored, other than Will, but the truth was we had spent very little time together, and words weren't the same as actions. I only knew what he allowed me to know about him and vice versa. I thought about him non-stop, but a mental obsession didn't equate to a committed relationship. I didn't know what equated to a relationship because I was so far out of the realm of reality it was unreal. I wanted to see him, had been counting the hours, but the closer it got, the faster my stomach turned. I'd seen him at work several times over the last week, but being at the distribution center was different than being alone with Gray.

When I answered the door, I hoped he couldn't smell the weed in my apartment. I wasn't blitzed by any stretch of the imagination, but I had knocked the edge off with a few hits to calm my nerves. It was here and available, so I packed a bong to set my mind at ease. As the door opened, and he came into view, he stood there, a grin on his face, while he slowly grazed my body with his stare. There was something in his smirk that called to me-as though I was the only living soul that ever got to see that version of his smile. I wanted to believe he reserved it solely for me, although I had no proof of that. I was willing to lie to myself and take it as the truth.

I could tell by the way his eyes lit up he liked what he saw. My hair fell in soft waves down the middle of my back, and my worn Dave Matthew's tee fit me like a glove with a white tank underneath. The shirt made my boobs appear fuller than they were, and my waist looked tiny. I'd squeezed into the tightest pair of jeans I could muster, yet still be comfortable, and of course, my Doc Martens. I stepped back as he reached for me, silently asking him to come in. He moved inside and snaked his arm around my middle, pulling me to him, instantly warming my spirit. When he kissed me, I had first thought it would be a quick peck hello, but then it deepened. My hand went behind his head, my fingers felt for hair to tangle in, and our tongues danced to a song I'd never heard. His kiss was fervent and had me completely undone.

He pulled away and his brow furrowed. "What's that smell?" he asked with a look of confusion, and maybe disgust, on his face.

Moment of truth-own up to my recreational habits or blame it on a friend. I decided there was no point in lying; I was who I was, and this might've been the first time I wasn't what he thought. He obviously couldn't tell I was high, or he wouldn't have asked. "I smoked a bowl before you got here to calm my nerves," I replied sheepishly with a shrug, waiting for the backlash.

"You do drugs?" The shock on his face would have been priceless if I felt confident he wouldn't flee, but since I didn't know him all that well, and technically, I worked for his company, this probably wasn't the brightest move.

"I dabble," I responded, as though it was no big deal. If this were his reply to smelling marijuana, he'd be out the door faster than I could snort a line if he'd known I had an eight ball in the bathroom. I had practically lived off the two since everything erupted with Will. One kept me up while I was in school and working, and the other brought me back down so I could sleep.

"Seriously? Why? I never would've thought you were that type of girl."

"You keep saying that. You seem to have a lot of preconceived notions about me." I didn't try to hide the hurt in my voice.

He had believed things about me that weren't true, and as much as I wanted him to know and accept me for who I was, he didn't seem to be able to get past who he'd made me out to be in his mind. It was the reverse of the attitude my parents had, and I hated it.

I'd gone on the defensive. "You think I'm some snobby little rich girl who's had everything handed to me, even though I've never given you a reason to assume that. You didn't believe I liked country music, which is strange in and of itself. And now, you're surprised a twenty-year-old in college would smoke pot. I'm not an addict. I simply prefer it to drinking, which no one would find odd at all, even though it's just as illegal for me as drugs are."

I had gone from hurt to irritated and overly sensitive. I'd only known this guy for a handful of days, but he was judging me solely based on what he perceived to be true, not anything he'd actually learned about me in that short amount of time. I hated for people to pass judgment with no basis or fact. I preferred to be surprised as strangers allowed me to see who they really were, loving the unexpected little things that came with that discovery. I wondered if his attraction to me was because he seemed to think I was out of his league, making this more of a hunt with me as his prey.

He didn't let me go but looked down at me. Concern filled his eyes, not judgment. "Please promise me you'll be careful. I wouldn't want anything to happen to you. I can't tell you I like it because I don't. I don't do drugs. I don't want to be around them, but I like you, and I want to get to know you...and whatever it is you're hiding with them." Gray pressed his forehead to mine, and I felt the connection with him once again, one I couldn't explain and didn't understand. As quickly as it started, he dismissed it. "Are you ready?"

My head was too fuzzy to formulate a response, so I nodded. He'd said it in passing, but I'd caught it just the same-he knew I was hiding-and I wondered how long it would be before he found me.

The Pee Wee Football game was cute. It was dark outside and unusually cool. Gray waved at his friend Matt when we got there, but we didn't stop to talk to him.

Matt worked at the DC on first shift although I'd never seen him. He didn't have any kids but had started coaching because his nephew wanted to play, and there was no one willing to do the job. But that was a couple of years ago. His nephew had aged out of Pee Wee Football, and he'd kept taking on new teams, year after year, because he loved it. My heart did a little swoon, and I thought about the possibility that all his friends were this way. Usually, people ran in crowds with others similar to themselves-the whole birds of a feather thing. If Gray was anything like Matt, I was in deeper trouble than I'd thought. I had only spent a few hours with him, but I couldn't imagine being anywhere else.

A nagging fear entered my head-I hadn't been with anyone, physically or emotionally, since Will, and I'd had no desire to do so before meeting Gray. I'd intentionally kept people, not just men, away. New relationships of any kind terrified me, so the idea of wanting to get to know Gray was foreign. He was out of my comfort zone and tearing holes in my safety net.

Gray had brought chairs and set them up on the sideline with the other parents as if he was one of them. When we sat down, I covered myself with the blanket he offered. I leaned over and whispered in his ear, "Do you know any of these people?" I was a bit uncomfortable thinking it was odd we were here amongst the parents and families of these little kids.

"Nope, but they don't know that. Act the part, and no one will ever question it. Plus, why can't I be here to support my friend?"

"What do you mean?"

"Enjoy it, Annie. Have fun. Scream, yell, tell the refs they make bad calls, run up and down the field like Johnny is your kid-no one knows the difference."

In no time, the refs had made what Gray believed to be a bad call, which was humorous since they weren't keeping score. He and another overzealous father jumped up and started hollering at the guy, and before I knew it, he'd made a friend. I was in awe of how easily he joined in with people he didn't know and how quickly he managed to find a buddy in a swarm of strangers. I was the exact opposite-introverted, at least in my personal life. I found crowds to be terribly painful. I was reserved and high-strung, type-A to the letter, which served me well professionally. Will's life had sucked my ability to be playful right out of me and left behind this control freak afraid to interact with the general population in social settings. But Gray was laughing and carrying on with a man he'd never met and cheering for kids he would never see again. I grinned from ear to ear, enraptured by his infectious demeanor...and wondering what it would be like to love someone who wasn't so damaged.

There was no score, but anyone on the sideline could have easily counted, and Matt's team clobbered the other little boys when the final buzzer went off. Gray was bouncing around like a ninny, hollering his congratulations, when suddenly, he scooped me up from the chair. Swinging me in circles, he planted a big, wet smack on my lips. If he got this excited about Pee Wee Football, I wondered how he'd react to adult life.

Matt called us over before we left and Gray whispered, "You'll like him. Don't be nervous."

His early assessment surprised me. I had assumed he hadn't picked up on my apprehension and aversion to unfamiliar people and places. Most people assume my confidence in the professional arena translated to the same off the clock, which was a far cry from the truth. But somehow, he'd seen my anxiety with me sitting on the sideline.

"Hey, man. This is Annie. She's the one Brett and Dan hired." Gray clapped Matt on the shoulder as he introduced me.

I offered his friend a shy wave and soft "hello," but he swallowed me in a bear hug in return.

"Glad you guys came. They played great didn't they?" He looked over his group of boys with pride.

"They stomped the snot out of the other team, man. Your running back has some natural talent."

A parent called out to Matt, cutting the conversation short. "Hey, guys, I've got to run. Annie, it was nice meeting you. I'm sure I'll see you around the DC. And Gray, thanks for coming out."

Gray took my hand and carried the chairs in the other with the blanket thrown over his shoulder. He waved to Matt again, and we went back to his truck. It was almost ten o'clock, and I hadn't realized how tired I was. If I hadn't smoked a freaking bowl before he'd gotten to my house, I might have been able to keep my eyes open. The side effects of that stuff were twofold-it calmed my nerves, but a couple of hours later, I was ready to crash. As if he'd read my mind, he said, "I know it's early, but I have to be at work at seven on Friday mornings, and I had a late night last night."

"No worries. I'm pretty tired. I should head home to turn in, too," I uttered, stifling a yawn.

He took me back to my apartment and walked me to the front door. He kissed me quickly on the cheek, letting go of the hand he'd been holding. "Thanks for going with me, Annie. I had a good time tonight."

"Me too."

I was about to ask him if he wanted to come in when he said, "I'll call you later."

"Bye, Gray. Be careful driving home."

He winked at me; then he left.

I was aware I had a tendency to read way too much into things, over analyze the hell out of every detail, but something seemed off. He was all right until we got to the parking lot at the game. After he listened to a voicemail when we'd gotten back in the truck, he suddenly became distant. He'd said the message was from Topher, so I hadn't thought anything about it. I brushed it off, too tired to think about it, and went straight to bed.