Chapter 5 - A Lucky Name

Have you ever thought of what it would be like to be a popular storyteller? I have. I have always loved the idea of telling the world the stories that my mind conjures. But alas, in my first life, things like high school buggered me so hard, that I couldn't follow my passion.

When I was about to start college, I had dreams that I would join the Literature Club, and create stories with my peers. But yet again, I was disappointed by life. My college was a special technical centre where students came to study Computer Science and Mathematics, and then become great software developers or researchers. So, it was natural that there would be little focus on these extracurricular activities.

Still, I tried my best. I tried to create an official Literature Community for my college, but our Program Coordinator thought otherwise. Then, I thought, who cares if it's official or not, I could just create an Unofficial student only club. But sadly, it so happened to be, in that place with more than two hundred people, there was no one I could find who thought like me.

In the end, I gave up. I went through a long writer's block, and didn't write anything for a whole year. It's when my sophomore year was ending that I finally got back my desire to write. Of course, that too came with its own ups and downs, but I was able to walk. I was finally writing again, and not just code. I felt a sense of satisfaction.

But, as they say, all good things must come to an end. Somehow, fate decided that it did not want me to write any longer, and it sent death in the shape of a car tumbling down my way.

What else is there to say after that. I passed away. But I do not know for what reason, someone or something decided that it would be entertaining to put me in the body of a guy who told stories as a hobby and lived in a world I was intimately familiar with.

And so, here I was, walking up the steps of the Colosseum like structure. The one that lead to the centre of Monstadt, where the tall statue of Barbatos and the Favonius Cathedral stood. And along with me were, of course, Kazemaru's two youngest friends. Paula and Adolf. I do not know who made this kind of dry joke with this family, but whoever it is, I just want them to know that it is not funny.

Anyway, that sick joke aside, we now were up the stairs and I could finally see the gigantic statue of Barbatos yet again. Every time I laid eyes on it, a strange feeling of adoration and respect would well up in me. And he is not even my Archon.

This walk till here, it had been slightly uncomfortable in the beginning, for the simple reason that I was wearing a kind of clothing I had never worn before. Indeed, I was wearing a Kimono, for the first time in both of my lives as myself.

In hindsight, though, it would only make sense. Rakugo was an ancient art that has been practised in Japan for more than a millennium. So it is only natural for one to perform in a traditional attire.

I would have to say, though, the initial discomfort aside, this Kimono felt quite nice. And, it also brought me a sense of giddiness at having one of my dreams being fulfilled. After all, what more could a Japanophile want than to wear a Kimono?

The Kimono itself had long and wide, dark grey sleeves which ended before my wrists, and its bottom went down till my feet like a curtain. Over and all, it was quite good and comfortable. What actually brought me slight trouble when walking were the sandals, or to be more accurate, the Geta that I was wearing. The wooden sandals brought some occasional imbalance if I didn't pay proper attention, but it was still bearable.

Because right now, saying that I was excited would be an understatement. I was absolutely, so, very much looking forward to this. I knew that it would be a bit hard, I might even have some trouble when performing, but the story I was telling, I was sure I would be able to pull if off.

"So, Kaze-chan, what story will you be telling today? Is it that one where Raiden Shogun cooked rice so bad that they turned black but everyone still ate because the Shogun made them? Or the one where a pink fox drank Shogun's tea and then Shogun had to chase it around Inazuma?"

Hearing Paula's question, I thought silently. It brought back some memories of the stories that Kazemaru had previously told. And it also brought the understanding that Kazemaru was quite a humorous and charming guy, I will give him that. Truly.

"No, no. I'll be telling a different story today. One you haven't heard before."

"See, I told you he wasn't lying. It's going to be a different one today." She whispered to her little brother, who was walking alongside her.

"Okay… And I thought he was lying yesterday."

"He-he, now you lost the bet. You will have to give me half your dandelion seeds now." Paula murmured in her brother's ear with an impish grin.

"You both know that I can hear you, right?"

The moment I said that, they both stood straight like poles and started blinking at each other. Some secret language of theirs, I would guess. It was Paula who spoke to cover for them.

"Huh, talking? We are talking about nothing. I was just telling Adolf that Kaze-chan's stories are always so funny."

"Yes. Yes. That's all she was saying, there was no bet. None at all. Definitely."

"I see. Well, I will take your word for now. Let's go, your friends are waiting for you."

And waiting they were. There were children from all ages, ranging from a 13 years old boy called Derek to a 15 months old baby in her father's arms. Her name, if I remembered correctly, was Janice. And along with the children, there were also some of their parents, and also some other adults. Kazemaru was popular, huh. Quite a good number of fans he had.

I could see while walking towards them, that they were sitting on a carpet that had been laid out for them to sit on.

Anyway, once everyone saw me coming they greeted us with "good evening", and "hello". Paula and Adolf sat together with their friends in the front row, while the older children and parents sat in the back row.

So, this was the moment of truth. I lightly slapped myself on both my cheeks, and whispered, "All is well" to myself. Then, I walked over the shallow pool that worked as a boundary to the statue and sat in a seiza at Barbatos' feet, facing my audience.

In my hand, I held an ogi, a paper fan that one would typically see in historically set Japanese movies or anime. I unfolded it, and fanned myself to blow some nervousness away. Then, I folded it, and put it down beside me. It was time to put my Rakugo Nerd wisdom to use.

"So, hello everyone, and good evening. I hope you are doing well. Anyone who is not doing well?" With the question, I also raised my hand to show that I was also among them, who were not doing well.

A boy, who would be around 9 years of age, raised his hand.

"Timmie got bit by a honeybee yesterday." He pointed at a boy whom I found familiar. I see, so this was him. I hope the honeybees don't come back for him… just like his daddy.

Oh wait, something happened? Huh? No. Nothing at all. I said nothing. Timmie? Who's Timmie? I don't know what you are talking about. Anyway, let's go ahead.

"I see, how do you feel now, Timmie?"

"I am fine. Mummy took me to Lady Barbara, so it healed, but she still doesn't let me go and feed pigeons." He said in a grumpy tone while pouting at a lady who sat behind him.

"Ahh, well, that is good to know. Lady Barbara is good at healing, but you should give it some time so that it completely heals."

"Yes… I guess. If you say so." He seemed just as grumpy, but it seemed like he was not as annoyed as he had been. Is this the power Kazemaru help upon Monstadt's children? Can I use his charisma to make an army of child soldiers? Oh, never mind. I never said that.

"Well, that's good. Now, anyone knows what story I'll be telling today?" Again, I raised my hand, because of course, I knew which story I'd be telling.

"The one about the Oni and the Fish?"

"The one in which Raiden Shogun eats dango and then become a dango seller?"

"The one where a Sakura tree comes out of a man's head?"

There were quite a few guesses, but I was surprised at the last one. I remotely remembered a Rakugo on earth that went somewhat like that.

"Well, that's a lot of guesses. As for the one who guessed right. Hmm, who could it be? Any guesses?"

"Me!"

"No, it's definitely me!"

"Well, well. Surprise, you all are wrong! Today, I'll be telling a new story. The story is about a boy with a unique name."

And there it was, noises of children showing disappointment and their friends laughing at them.

"So, let's start. Well, you see, about a hundred years ago, on Narukami Island in Inazuma, there lived a young craftsman called Hachigoro. Only some time earlier, he had a child, and it had already been seven days since his birth." As I began the story, everybody seemed to have become a bit more focused, both children and parents.

I turned my face to my left, as if I was talking to someone there.

"So, one day Hachigoro's wife says — *Dear, our son is already seven days old. What have you thought for his name?*"

Then, I turn my face towards the right, as if I'm Hachigoro, and I'm replying to his wife to my right.

"*Hmm, it has already been seven days? Times passes really fast when you are happy, I tell you. Hmm, name. Name for our son. How does Onikabuto sound?*"

Then, I turn look at my left again, acting as Hachigoro's wife.

"*Seriously? Onikabuto? Think of a better name, dear.*"

Some children started giggling.

I clear my throat and turn right again, and speak in a hoarser voice.

"*Then how about Kaminari no Shounen?*"

Now, they are laughing even louder, and even some parents are letting out light chuckles.

Then, I turn left again.

"*Dear, Raiden Shogun will definitely smite us. Why don't you go to the temple and ask a monk for a lucky name for our child? A good name which will bring him a long and happy life.*"

Then, I turn right again.

"*Monk, and long and happy life you say? Monks all want you to die early, so they can have more funerals. That's how they live, right?*"

Then, I turn left again.

"*No, no. Not all are bad like that, dear. You should go and ask the old monk for a good name.*"

Then, I turn right again.

"*Well, if you say it so much. I'll go then.*"

Now, I look straight at my audience.

"Then, Hachigoro goes to the temple in his village. He walks in and calls out to the monk — *Osho-san! Osho-san! Osho-san, are you there?* — The monk calls Hachigoro inside and makes him sit."

Then, I turn right.

"*How come you are here, Hachi?*"

Then I turn left.

"*Osho-san, I had a baby last week.*"

Then I turn right.

"*Oh, you had a baby? Congratulations. Congratulations.*"

Then I turn left.

"*Yes, I want you to give him a good name for a long life.*"

Then, I turn right.

"*I see. Long life huh. How about a name that has 「 Suru 」 in it? It means a Crane, you know. A Crane is said to be able to live a thousand years.*"

Then, I turn left.

"*But Osho-san, that means he will die after a thousand years.*"

Then, I turn right.

"*What? One thousand is not enough for him? Then how about a name that contains 「 Kame」? Kame means turtle. We believe turtles live for ten thousand years.*"

Then, I turn to look towards my left.

"*But he will die in ten thousand years…*"

Then, I turn right.

"*Hmm. So even ten thousand years is not enough for him? Then, how about taking a name from a Buddhist book. Wait, let me… see.*"

Then, I pull out a handkerchief from my kimono, and open it like it's a book. Then, pretending to read something, I turn towards my right.

"*Very well. Then how about 「 Jugemu」?*"

Then, I turn left.

" *「Jugemu」? But what does that mean?*"

Then, I turn right.

"*Oh, it means limitless happiness.*"

Then, I turn left.

"*Osho-san, now that's a good name. How about another?*"

Then, I turn right and pretend I am reading something in my handkerchief again.

"*Another, huh? Well then, how about 「Goko no Surikire」?*"

"Well, you see, in Inazuma, there is a legend, that a fairy from Celestia comes every three thousand years and rubs the sleeve of her kimono on a rock until the rock wears down. So, the amount of time it takes the rock to wear down is one 「Ko」. So, 「Goko no Surikire」 means that our boy lives for millions of years."

I explain to my audience the context behind the name.

Then, I turn left, to speak for Hachigoro.

"*Ahh, now that's a great name, Osho-san. Millions of years… But, how about another?*"

Some children laughed out at Hachigoro's persistent pestering.

I turn right again, to speak for the monk, while pretending I'm reading from the book.

"*Hmm, another one… Then, how about 「Kaijari Suigyo」. It means sand on the beach, or fish in the sea. You can never take them all.*"

Then, I turn left.

"*What a wonderful name, Osho-san. How about another?*"

Then, I turn right and pretend I'm reading through the book again.

"*I see, another huh. Then, 「Suigyomatsu Unraimatsu Furaimatsu」 is good. It means limitless water, cloud, and wind.*"

Then, I turn left.

"*Wonderful. What a wonderful name, Osho-san. But how about another one.*"

"At this point, Osho-san, the monk, is slightly annoyed at Hachi. His eyes are looking at as if he's saying — *When are you going to leave, boy?*"

Then, I turn right to speak for Osho-san while pretending to read from the book.

"*Hmm. Then 「Kunnerutokoro no Sumutokoro」. Food, water, and house. Nobody can live without them.*"

Then, I turn left.

"*Another wonderful name, Osho-san. But how about another?*"

This time, both the children and the parents laugh out loud at how annoying Hachi is being.

Then, I turn right, and pretend to be reading from the book, and say.

"*Well, there is 「Yaburakoji no Burakoji」. It means, an auspicious tree that is full of energy all throughout the year.*"

Then, I turn left.

"*That's a nice name. But, how about a few more?*"

Then, I turn right with my best expression of mock annoyance, and pretend to read from the book again.

"*Well, this is a good one. 「Paipo Paipo Paipo no Shuringan Shuringan no Gurindai Gurindai no Ponpokopi no Ponpokona」 is very auspicious.*"

At this, everybody loses themselves and starts laughing out loud. The children especially seem to really be enjoying this. They don't know what's coming yet.

Then, I turn left and speak for Hachigoro.

"*What's that?*"

Then, I turn right. Though some members of my audience are still laughing.

"*Well, you see, Paipo used to be a province in Liyue, and Shuringan and Gurindai were king and queen of that land. Ponpokopi and Ponpokona were their twin daughters. They all lived very long lives.*"

Then, I turn left.

"*Ahh, that makes sense. I see now, that sounds fantastic. But, how about a few more?*"

"At this point, Osho-san, the monk, is so annoyed by Hachigoro that he would kick him out if he could. But, it's his job, so he still does it."

Then, I turn right, and pretend to be reading from the book again.

"*Then, how about 「Chokyumei」? It means long life. And 「Chosuke」too. In fact, if I had a grandson, I'll name him 「Chosuke」.*"

Then, I turn left with a mock expression of delight and satisfaction, I nod my head.

"*Osho-san, those were such wonderful names.*"

Then, I take my handkerchief like it is a piece of paper and act like I'm handing it to the monk as Hachigoro.

"*Osho-san, would you please write them down here? So that I can show them to my wife.*"

Then, I turn right.

"*Oh. Of course. Of course.*"

Then, I pretend that I'm taking a paper to write on. I lift my fan from the side and act like I'm writing something.

Then, I turn right.

"*There you go.*"

Then, I turn left.

"*Ah, thank you, thank you. Thank you very much, Osho-san.*"

Then, as Hachigoro leaves, I let out a mock sigh of relief.

"Now, Hachigoro goes to his home and says — *I'm home! Look, I got these many names from Osho-san*"

Then, pretending to be his wife, I turn towards left and say.

"*Oh, tell me, tell me. What are the names.*"

Then, I turn right, and act as Hachi.

"*Here, the names are 「Jugemu Jugemu Goko no Surikire Kaijaru Suigyo no Suigyomatsu Unraimatsu Furaimatsu Kunnerutokoro no Sumutokoro Yaburakoji no Burakoji Paipo Paipo Paipo no Shuringan Shuringan no Gurindai Gurindai no Ponpokopi no Ponpokona no Chokyumei no Chosuke」*"

And, now come the laughs. Every single person in front of me is laughing hard.

Then, I turn left.

"*Great! These are all so wonderful names. Let's give him all the names.*"

"So, they gave the child all the names. So, even when she played Peekaboo, she would have a problem. She would say — *「Jugemu Jugemu Goko no Surikire Kaijaru Suigyo no Suigyomatsu Unraimatsu Furaimatsu Kunnerutokoro no Sumutokoro Yaburakoji no Burakoji Paipo Paipo Paipo no Shuringan Shuringan no Gurindai Gurindai no Ponpokopi no Ponpokona no Chokyumei no Chosuke」 Peekaboo!* But, oh. He's not there. Where did he go? Turns out, he's grown up."

At this, my audience finally broke out into an uncontrollable laughter that some may even call hysterical. Just as I planned. This feeling, it is truly wonderful.

I let them take some time to get back together before continuing.

"Now, Jugemu has grown up, and he also made a friend, named Tora-chan. One day, the two boys fight and Jugemu causes a lump on Tora-chan's head. So, Tora-chan is now crying."

I cover and starting mock rubbing my eyes like a child does when crying, and in a childish manner, I say. — "*You suck 「Jugemu Jugemu Goko no Surikire Kaijaru Suigyo no Suigyomatsu Unraimatsu Furaimatsu Kunnerutokoro no Sumutokoro Yaburakoji no Burakoji Paipo Paipo Paipo no Shuringan Shuringan no Gurindai Gurindai no Ponpokopi no Ponpokona no Chokyumei no Chosuke」.*"

Everybody starts laughing out loud again. Just like before.

"So now, Tora-chan goes to Jugemu's mother and says. — *Obaa-san, 「Jugemu Jugemu Goko no Surikire Kaijaru Suigyo no Suigyomatsu Unraimatsu Furaimatsu Kunnerutokoro no Sumutokoro Yaburakoji no Burakoji Paipo Paipo Paipo no Shuringan Shuringan no Gurindai Gurindai no Ponpokopi no Ponpokona no Chokyumei no Chosuke」 hit me on the head. See, I got this big lump on my head..*"

And, the audience get back on the laughter train again. I feel like they will not really be stopping any more until I end the story.

"Then, Jugemu's mother says — *Oh, poor Tora-chan. I'll tell his father.* Then she tells Jugemu's father. — *Look dear, our son 「Jugemu Jugemu Goko no Surikire Kaijaru Suigyo no Suigyomatsu Unraimatsu Furaimatsu Kunnerutokoro no Sumutokoro Yaburakoji no Burakoji Paipo Paipo Paipo no Shuringan Shuringan no Gurindai Gurindai no Ponpokopi no Ponpokona no Chokyumei no Chosuke」 hit Tora-chan's head.*"

"Then comes the father, our old friend Hachigoro."

Acting to be an angry father, I slide my sleeves up and say — "*What?!? Our son 「Jugemu Jugemu Goko no Surikire Kaijaru Suigyo no Suigyomatsu Unraimatsu Furaimatsu Kunnerutokoro no Sumutokoro Yaburakoji no Burakoji Paipo Paipo Paipo no Shuringan Shuringan no Gurindai Gurindai no Ponpokopi no Ponpokona no Chokyumei no Chosuke」 hit Tora-chan on the head?*"

And, the audience's laughter, which had just lightened, goes high again. Poor people. They seem out of breath. I hope I don't kill someone due to laughter.

Then, I turn towards my left and act like Jugemu's mother.

"*Oh, yes. He did.*"

"Then suddenly, the grandma comes. — *Oh Okaa-san, why are you here? Did you hear about Tora chan?* — Asks Jugemu's father, our good friend Hachigoro."

"*Oh, yesh, yes. Did my grandshon 「Juhemu Juhenu… Goho no Suikie Kaijayu… Kaijayu Suiyo no Suiyomatsu.. Unyaimatsu*」 — Jugemu's mother comes and gives grandma water. — *Here grandma, drink water.*"

"Then, grandma continues — *Furaimatsu Kunnerutokoro… no Sumutokoro Yaburakoji.. no Burakoji Paipo Paipo.. Paipo no Shuringan.. Shuringan no Gurindai Gurindai.. no Ponpokopi no Chosuke」 really hit Tora-chan on the head?*"

Then, I move my hands in front of me, as if searching for something in someone's head.

"*Oh Tora-chan, I'm shorry. But where is your lump?*"

Then, I act like Tora-chan just jumped and starts checking his head for the lump. I rub around my head, looking for a lump, but I act as if I don't find any.

"*Oh.. Your son's name is so long, that now it's gone.*"

"And ladies and gentlemen, this is it for today. Thank you for listening. Arigatou Gozaimasu."

As I finish, I give a bow of respect to my audience to signify the end of the story. But I'm sure they don't care to see, since almost all of them are laughing, and wheezing and are out of breath, and some children.. They are rolling on the floor.

I see. I really was able to prevent Kazemaru's legacy from embarrassment. Now that's a win for me.