Chapter - 51
Ever heard people saying or ever just felt that your heart and mind works differently, at one point you want to be what your heart desires the most but parallel to this your mind force you to be whatever he wants. These two working like two different person, the good one is heart and bad one is mind or vice a versa.
They dictate or ague and force you to do things in a way as if your are the third person, below them, you have to do whatever they want.
How does it feel to be controlled by your inner demons?
.....
A week passed in jiffy, I try to spend as much time as possible with Vihaa before she left the town to visit India because she will be coming back after fifteen or twenty days. Well, during this time one more thing that keeps going which was, day by day Asher's closeness increasing with Carissa, Michiko is not at all closed to us and Savannah is being very closed to me, don't know why. But whenever she or Carissa is out of sight then Asher will be close to me or Michiko and same goes for Michiko too.
As a part of my nature I observe everything and even their behaviours too but choose not to say anything because I am afraid about hurting their feelings, or what if they think I am being a complaint box by talking to them about all these things and for the sake of my peace I keep saying that, 'I am here to study and not to get involve with them.'
Siya (whisper)
Siya (a bit louder, a normal tone)
Siya Siya Siya (yelling my name and shaking my vigorously)
Hearing my name and feeling a shake on me, I come back to senses. I look at the person who put a stop on my train of thoughts with a raised eyebrows...
Asher: Hey are you okay?
Me: (Smiling widely) Yeah I am okay, it just I was thinking about something.
(This is the one of the most important three words which I yearned to listen every time but never got the chance to hear them)
Asher: Okay. By the way, look down at your notebook you have been drawing some weird kind of patterns while you were thinking about that thing.
Me: Ohh okay.
I look down at my notebook, where I had drawn many random spiral sketches. Seeing them I can feel how my thoughts are working in my mind like a complete spiral blog. I look back at her,
Me: (Rubbing the back of my nape) Hmmm yeah I guess, while I was busy in thinking, I unknowingly draw the patterns.
Asher: Chill its okay, I can understand it happens.
Me: Okay.
Suddenly Asher shift on her sit a beat to maintain distance between us and seeing it, I immediately got disappointed. Soon Carissa joined with a bright smile on her face, which I wanted to wipe out desperately. I pick up my phone and pretended to be busy in that but from the corner of my eyes I can see Carissa go and sit beside Asher. The moment she settled down there, Asher shift back to my side as if Carissa smells bad or she is not good.
Soon Savannah too joined us, just like Carissa she come and set beside me, due to her closeness I become a bit alert. I flinch a little then shift towards the Asher, don't know why but she make me feel comfortable and being close to her is something which I like to be. Well, the lecturer come to the room fifteen minutes late, during that waiting time we sit in complete awkward silence which stays till the lecture got over.
The moment lecture got over I move out of the room and Asher followed my steps too which is surprising because usually these two girls never leave us alone. Together, we walk towards the washroom, while doing our business I start talking to her...
Me: (Smiling) Both of them must be thinking that we ran away.
Asher: Huhh stop talking from inside, we will talk after coming out.
Me: (Smiling widely, because I know she must be frowning while speak those words) Okay boss.
Asher: Good and now stop smiling.
Me: (Shocked and surprised) What, how do you know that I was smiling? Wait I am hoping there are no camera's here?
Asher: (Laughed out loud) I don't have to see you my friend to know what are you doing, I actually know you that much.
Me: (Smiling, rolling my eyes) Great.
Once done we come out of the washroom, start walking walking towards the cafeteria as this is our lunch break and while doing so those two girls also joined us, walking beside us but none of us speaking. Reaching there we sit on our seats, take out our lunch boxes and start eating them, as usual Asher & Carissa eat from same lunch box, while me and Savannah eat our food. While they eating their food in food complete silence but not me because I am having a conversation with my mind...
Mind: Bro, I have this doubt, why Savannah speak so less?
Me: I don't know but I guess I am okay with it because at least there is some peace.
Mind: Don't you think you being so rude?
Me: No I don't think so.
Mind: Though, its been more than a week seeing them eating lunch together but I still don't like it.
Me: Me too but I don't know why because if Asher is happy then there is nothing to be worry about, still I can't ignore my feelings.
Mind: Yeah right.
Mind: You...
Savannah: Siya!
Hearing, my name out of sudden bring me back to reality, I look at her then speak up...
Me: Yes what happened?
Savannah: Come let's go to our next lecture as lunch time is almost over plus Carissa and Asher has already left for it.
Me: (Looking at where they were sitting I realized that for how long I had been lost inside my head) Yeah okay.
Together, we walk towards our next lecture's room, reaching there I go and sit beside Asher and Savannah sit beside me. Soon the lecture got started but rather then focusing on that lecture me and Asher started with our paper conversation...
Asher: Sorry, I left early without informing you. Actually I have to use the washroom.
Me: Its okay. I want to ask you something?
Asher: What?
Me: What's wrong with Savannah, I mean she speaks quite less.
Asher: She is selectively introvert, once she get comfortable then she speaks a lot.
Me: Okay, anything else?
Asher: O yeah she lost her mother when she was just nine year olds, she cooks food at home for family and try her level best to take care of her remaining family i.e. little brother, father and grand mother. Tolerating taunts etc.
Me: Ohh okay.
After this no more papers passed between us, my mind grab this opportunity and start talking...
Mind: (Mocking at me) Just a little while ago someone was saying someone was saying 'I don't care, I want peace' yet they go and asked about that girl.
Me: Umm yeah, actually I couldn't hold my curiosity back. Well, she has a very sad back story.
Mind: Now don't tell me, you want to be with her to give her happiness because of your so called goodness.
Me: Nahhh no way I am not interested but some part of her story reminds me my part of story related to not getting enough love, unnecessary taunts etc.
Mind: Yeah but you know how passionate you become while doing things for others.
Me: Yes I know so, I am not going to say anything or do anything.
Suddenly I felt a paper passed to me, I look at Asher then read the words written on that paper...
Asher: I told you about her so, I mean about your life plus your behaviour a bit and she told me that she wanted to be one of your friend.
Me: Ohh okay.
Mind: So, what are you going to do now?
Me: I don't know, I don't want to hurt Savannah by not accepting her friendship but I won't be able to be fully devotional towards this friendship thing.
Mind: What if we put up a drama of fake friendship?
Me: What? No. Are you mad because this will hurt her more, whenever she will got to know the truth.
Mind: O please it will be fine and one should not be so truthful and honest in this era. Being little clever is not that bad.
Me: Yeah you are right. Anyway is just a matter of two years, after that who cares.
Mind: Yeah so from now on, the drama will begin.
Though, I am not totally agreed with whatever my mind is saying but don't know why I am feeling it to be the right to do. A drama of fake friendship.
For the rest of the lectures I decided to be as normal as possible with Savannah too but the thing is we are not talking, it just our behaviour that has change from awkward to being friend. Soon our lectures got over we walk out of the university after bidding our byes to each other.
I reach back home with a decision in mind to play the drama of fake friendship with Savannah, for this I searched on google how to do so. My whole evening passed like this, though my heart is telling me not to do so but now I am determined to do it because of my mind and to be honest the idea of this is giving me some kind of adrenaline rush.
Later, getting tired I call it a night and fall asleep around one thirty in the morning, with a hope of having fun while playing drama of fake friendship.