My cruel past

Watanabe Yuuto's POV

I peeked my head out the window of my bedroom and raised my head. I smiled emphatically as if this was the last time I would see those stars in the dark sky.

"One, two, three, four, five, six and seven." I count the stars in the sky.

I held both my hands and then closed my eyes.

"I want to die." I whispered and then opened my eyes and smiled at the moon and star that peeked at me.

This is my only hope to escape this life. I don't hate the people who left me, nor do I blame my mother for what happened to me. This is just the way life really is, maybe I just suffered this time of my life but I still thank my mom because of her I kinda experienced living.

As I watched the sky I suddenly heard voices that I no longer wanted to hear.

"Everything was your fault."

I flinched and my past started to play in my mind.

[Flashback]

It all started when I was born. Mom died after she gave birth to me, I don't understand yet that time because I was only just a baby.

My grandparents on mom's side took care of me because when mom died when I was born dad didn't take me or take care of me.

When I was five years old that's the only time that dad came. He wanted to take me. At first I was scared of him because he didn't take care of me for the five years I stayed with my grandparents but still I was happy then because I could be with dad.

He knelt in front of me and then gently caressed and touched my face.

"Hi Yuu, it's me, your father. I'm here to take you with me." He said with sincerity.

Words that gave me the desire to be with him because I will finally experience having a real dad. That's the only thing that I thought back then because I was young. I wanted to have my own parents like everyone else.

"You can't do that." My grandmother suddenly said.

They don't want to give me to dad because they don't know if dad can take care of me. He left me for 5 yrs. so maybe that's how my grandpa and grandma thought.

Suddenly dad stood up and faced tmy grandparents.

"Yes I can, I have rights as his father." He said with authority.

Grandpa and grandma are silent because of what dad said. Dad is right, dad has more rights than them, because he is my father so they were forced to give me to him, even if they don't want to, they can't do anything.

I thought my life would be happy and ok because I was with dad, that was I thought. My life did change but not with good results but with a bad and very difficult life. That's where my hellish life began.

We got to a house when he took me, to the house you can call dad's house. I happily entered while I was holding his hand but I was just surprised when he dropped my belongings he was carrying and he suddenly let go of my hands.

"It's your fault." He repeatedly kept on saying as he lifts his head while looking at the ceiling as he covers his face.

"D-dad?" I asked nervously as I saw dad acting strange.

But I suddenly lost consciousness when dad suddenly did something to me without me realizing it.

I just woke up and suddenly felt severe pain in my stomach and my whole body. I could not even move those hours. The first time that happened I was never able to forget it all.

He continued to do these things until I grew up, which I later became accustomed to. He always blames me for losing his most precious wife, that is mom. And he always says that I shouldn't have been born if the replacement was mom's death.

I grew up hearing it over and over again that came to the point where I blamed myself too, that it was all my fault. I was angry with myself because my mom died. I ruined the lives of the people I love the most. Grandpa and grandma lost their daughter, and dad lost his wife, so everything was my fault.

My primary days have begun. Almost all the students teased me for not having a mother. They tease me and throw things at me just to make them happy and satisfied.

"Ohh he's the motherless kid." They murmured about me.

"blehh! no mother!" They tease me.

"He's like that because he doesn't have any mother." And even whispers about me.

"Oh! He's the kid with no mother, poor him. His mother died giving birth to him." Even their parents talk about me.

But one day someone defended me.

"Hey stop that, it's inappropriate to bully someone." She said to the bullies.

That was the result of our friendship.

I thought because of what she did they stopped bullying me but the situation turned upside down, she was the one they bullied. I hurt someone again. I defended her but they pushed me towards her which caused her to be a little hurt. I was knocked down for trying to avoid her so as not to hit her which caused them to hurt her. I was so angry because of what they were doing to her that I quickly got up and rushed at them. One by one I punched them because of the anger I was feeling, I kept doing that again until they lost consciousness.

I stood up and I turned to her and asked if she was ok but she didn't answer the only thing she showed me was the terrified face he had because of what I had done. When I grabbed her hand she ran away from me.

I did it again, I broke everything. I hurt someone again. I slowly raised my hands while shaking and then looked at it. Hands stained with blood appeared in front of me. I was filled with fear while trembling especially when I heard voices whispering to me.

"It's all your fault." Blaming me.

"You ruined everything." Teasing me.

"You're the one who hurt her." Condemning me.

"AHHHHHHHHH !!!!" I screamed in fear as I touched my head and shook repeatedly. One by one my tears dripped. Out of sheer fear I could only run away until I got to our house. I will never go back there again. I have moved to another school so that I can never go back there again.

After everything that happened, from then on I lived alone in class, in short I became an outcast until I got into my Lower Secondary School, I stayed that way because of the rumors that were spreading about me. That I am a delinquent who loves to fight because every day I have wounds and bruises on my face and other parts of my body. They didn't know that my father did that.

A few days passed just like that, they always avoided me while talking and whispering over and over again. I'm already used to it but why can't I be angry with them? Then suddenly a student approached me, he was a student who was good at socializing with everyone and everyone liked him. He always smiles and has fun with others. We became friends and became close to each other.

I thought our friendship would last, I thought he treated me the same way I treated him but I was wrong. He only befriended me because he wanted to do something bad to me.

He sent me to a place he texted me. When I got there, it was like an abandoned place where not many people passed by.Immediately felt different when I got there, as if something was wrong. I was slowly walking towards it when suddenly some students came out from there with baseball bats in their hands. I backed away and bumped someone behind me, I looked at it and then I saw the person I considered a friend.

He set me up.

"Is this the outcome when I longed to have someone?" I mumbled in my mind.

"Why?" I asked.

"I really didn't want you to be my friend, I just wanted to beat you up. Your looks pisses me off like you're superior to us. How I love to beat that f *** ing face of yours." He said with rage.

"Blame yourself, it's all your fault." He continued.

I don't know how he thinks of me. I know nothing, I don't know. Is it my fault again?

"It's all your fault." Blaming me.

"You ruined everything." Teasing me.

"You're the one who hurt everyone." Condemning me.

*sigh, looks like it's my fault again. I shouldn't have hoped anymore.

I just prepared myself as I cracked my hands.

"Since it's already my fault, it's fine to live in it right? Then I'll just mess them up now." I seriously said.

[End of Flashback]

Wherever I go everything is my fault and all the people I care about always get hurt, where should I go if everywhere I appear everything always gets messed up?