Chapter 86

While Dean goes to talk some sense into Sam, Castiel stays back to talk to Gabriel. They decided it was best, leaving each of them to talk to their respective brothers. It seems to be the most convincing way of going about it.

The two angels have the war room to themselves, which rarely happens in a world with so many supernatural beings, and it's a nice change. Castiel knows Dean wanted him to talk to Gabriel about his relationship with Sam, but he's not quite sure how to approach the topic, so he awkwardly avoids eye contact as he tries to think of how to break the silence by bringing it up.

"So," Gabriel breaks the silence finally, leaning against the wall nonchalantly. "How's life?"

"Um... life-like," Castiel replies uncertainly.

Gabriel rolls his eyes. Only Cas would say that. When a silence falls over them again, he asks, "How are things with you and Dean?" mostly to just kill time.

"The same as always, it seems," Castiel replies. Not much has really changed since they started dating, other than the fact that they're spending so much more time together. Seeing his chance to start the conversation he should have started earlier, he asks, "And you and Sam?"

"Over," Gabriel reminds him. "I thought we made that pretty clear with Kali and Jess. I figured we didn't have to make an announcement about it."

"But now that Kali and Jess are gone, you —"

"Can avoid this discussion?" Gabriel fills in, interrupting him immediately. "Okay, sure, let's do that."

"Or we could have this discussion," Castiel suggests. "Why won't you and Sam... 'get back together'?" He's always thought that was a weird phrase, but it's the one Dean used when talking to him about this, so he decides to go with it.

"You wouldn't understand," Gabriel tells him.

He may understand the concept of love and loyalty, but he's still an angel, and he doesn't have the millennia of separation from heaven that Gabriel has had to really show him what it's like to be human, or as close to it as he can get. He doesn't understand the complexities of a relationship like Sam and Gabriel's. Dean and Castiel have a simple love, but if they're a straight line, Sam and Gabriel's relationship is a six year old's messy drawing of a dragon that has no real clarities at all.

"I think you underestimate me," Castiel tells him.

"I think you underestimate our relationship," Gabriel replies. The complexities of it are just too much for such a simple angel like Castiel to comprehend. "Trust me, Cas. This isn't something you'd understand. It'd be best if you just left it alone — if we left it alone."

"I think you're confusing 'easier' and 'better.'"

"I think you're confusing 'leave it alone' and 'continue to pester me about it,'" Gabriel shoots back, his voice sharp and final.

Castiel sighs. "Gabriel —"

"Look, Castiel," he interrupts. "I know you're trying to help, but right now, the best thing you can do is just leave it alone. Maybe Sam and I will get back together one day. I don't know. But right now, that's not in the cards, and nothing you say to me is going to change that, so don't bother, okay?"

Castiel just looks at him for a moment, judging the sincerity of this, then sighs in defeat. "Okay, I'm sorry I brought it up."

Gabriel lets out a long breath and looks up at the ceiling. He may have alluded to the possibility of getting back together with Sam, but he didn't really mean it. It still hurts, what Sam did to him. The thought of Sam Winchester, of all people, betraying him is a strange one, but that's what it was, really. He left Gabriel in an instant when Jess came back. So much for their promise of forever. He thought it hurt when Sam stabbed him in the back in that procedural cop show, but that's nothing compared to how this feels.

But maybe there still is a chance for them. The knife of his betrayal left a bad wound, but wounds heal, and memories fade. Maybe one day, time will have washed away the pain, and Sam will be an option again.

It's a comforting thought, but a scary one, too. One day, it will stop hurting, but it's the pain that reminds him that there's a problem at all. If he lets his guard down, he's not just letting Sam in again. He's risking going through this again. He wishes he could say he always learns from his mistakes, but with a temptation as strong as Sam Winchester, he's not sure he'll be able to resist.